University of Virginia Library


41

Dr. Last, Sole and Body Mender.

Behold Dr. Last, known for ages past,
I'm the man, as sure as a gun, sir;
Your pulses to feel, or mend a shoe heel,
I'm the son of the seventh son, sir:
Bleed and blister—gargle and glister,
Patients buried under the soddy;
Scarify, dilute—or make a new boot—
I can mend both your sole and your body.
When seated in my stall, shou'd a patient chance to call,
Myself I always fresh rig, sir;
For, a doctor's sense, and consequence,
Lies in his cane and wig, sir:
With latin word a fuss—cook a saucepanabus—
I can break your teeth with words very oddy;
Paris come, paribend—lapstone and wax-end,
I can mend both your sole and your body.
At inoculation I'm the best in the nation,
And, by fees, I am scraping up the pelf, sir;
Tho' the physic that I give, the patient may outlive,
I shou'dn't like to take it myself, sir:
Make a mortar of the stew-tub—mix sal salpolyrrist and rhubarb,
As a medicine for the palsy, niddy noddy;
Damag'd welt and upper leather, I can always put together,
For I mend both the sole and the body.

42

Betwixt you and me, the college all agree,
However I might bolus and have pill'd him;
If a patient chance to die, he mustn't say 'twas I,
He must not say 'twas I that kill'd him:
An ague I can charm—knock a tooth out without harm,
But, zounds! how you'd caper, diddy doddy;
The ladies cry, in haste, “Let us fly to Dr. Last,”
He cures both the sole and the body.