The Dominie Depos'd or Some Reflections On his Intrigue with a young Lass, and what happened thereupon. Intermix'd with Advice to all Precentors, and Dominies [by William Forbes] |
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| I. |
| II. | PART II. |
| III. |
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 | The Dominie Depos'd |  |
II. PART II.
A' Maid's, therefore, I do bemoan,
Betwixt the rivers Dee and Don,
If anes they get a lick o' yon,
Tho' by the laird,
The toy-mutch maun then gae on,
Nae mair bare hair'd.
Betwixt the rivers Dee and Don,
If anes they get a lick o' yon,
Tho' by the laird,
The toy-mutch maun then gae on,
Nae mair bare hair'd.
Yet wanton Venus, that she bitch,
Does a' our senses sae bewitch,
An' fires our blood wi' sic an itch,
That aftentimes,
There is nae help but to commit
Some ill-far'd crimes.
Does a' our senses sae bewitch,
An' fires our blood wi' sic an itch,
That aftentimes,
There is nae help but to commit
Some ill-far'd crimes.
9
Yet some they are sae very willing,
At ony time they'll tak a shilling,
But he that learnt them first that spelling,
Or Meg or Nell,
Be sure, to him they'll lay an egg in;
This some can tell.
At ony time they'll tak a shilling,
But he that learnt them first that spelling,
Or Meg or Nell,
Be sure, to him they'll lay an egg in;
This some can tell.
Unthinking things! it is their creed,
If some sic things be done wi' speed,
They're safe, 'tis help in time o' need,
Nae after-claps:
Tho' nine months aft brings quick or dead
Into their laps.
If some sic things be done wi' speed,
They're safe, 'tis help in time o' need,
Nae after-claps:
Tho' nine months aft brings quick or dead
Into their laps.
Experience thus makes me to speak,
I anes was hooked wi' the cleek,
I almost had beshit my breek,
When Maggy told,
That, by her saul, not e'en a week
Young Jack wou'd hold.
I anes was hooked wi' the cleek,
I almost had beshit my breek,
When Maggy told,
That, by her saul, not e'en a week
Young Jack wou'd hold.
She was sae stiff she cou'd not lout;
Your pranks, she says, are now found out,
The Kirk an' you maun hae a bout;
Ill mat ye fare,
'Tis a' your ain, ye need na doubt,
Ilk hilt an' hair.
Your pranks, she says, are now found out,
The Kirk an' you maun hae a bout;
Ill mat ye fare,
'Tis a' your ain, ye need na doubt,
Ilk hilt an' hair.
Alas! that e'er I saw your face,
I can nae langer hide the case;
Had I foreseen this sad disgrace,
Nae man nor you
Shou'd e'er hae touch'd my fie a place
Or kiss'd my mou'.
I can nae langer hide the case;
Had I foreseen this sad disgrace,
Nae man nor you
Shou'd e'er hae touch'd my fie a place
Or kiss'd my mou'.
10
O Dominie, you're dispossest,
Ye hae beshit your holy nest,
The warld sees ye hae transgrest;
I'm at my time,
Ye dare nae mair now do your best,
Let gae the rhime.
Ye hae beshit your holy nest,
The warld sees ye hae transgrest;
I'm at my time,
Ye dare nae mair now do your best,
Let gae the rhime.
Ohon! how weel I might hae kent,
When first to you I gae consent,
Wi' me to mak your merriment,
How a' wou'd be:
Alas! that e'er my loom I lent
That day to thee.
When first to you I gae consent,
Wi' me to mak your merriment,
How a' wou'd be:
Alas! that e'er my loom I lent
That day to thee.
Wae to the night I first began
To mix my moggans wi' thee, man;
'Tis needless now to curse or ban,
But deil hae me,
Ye'll pay and sit, for sit ye can,
An' that ye'll see.
To mix my moggans wi' thee, man;
'Tis needless now to curse or ban,
But deil hae me,
Ye'll pay and sit, for sit ye can,
An' that ye'll see.
I heard her as I heard her not,
But time and place had quite forgot,
I guess'd my piece was in the pot;
For I could tell,
It was too short her petticoat,
By haff an ell.
But time and place had quite forgot,
I guess'd my piece was in the pot;
For I could tell,
It was too short her petticoat,
By haff an ell.
Wi' blubber'd cheeks, and watry nose,
Her weary story she did close:
I said the best, and aff I goes
Just like a thief,
An' took a glass to interpose
'Twixt mirth an' grief.
Her weary story she did close:
I said the best, and aff I goes
Just like a thief,
An' took a glass to interpose
'Twixt mirth an' grief.
11
Yet wou'd hae gien my ha'f year's fee,
Had Maggy then been jesting me,
Had tartan-purry, meal an' bree,
Or butt'ry brose,
Been kilting up her petticoats
Aboon her hose.
Had Maggy then been jesting me,
Had tartan-purry, meal an' bree,
Or butt'ry brose,
Been kilting up her petticoats
Aboon her hose.
But time that tries such proticks past,
Brought me out o'er the coals fu' fast;
Poor Maggy took a sudden blast,
An' o'er did tumble,
For something in her wame at last
Began to rumble.
Brought me out o'er the coals fu' fast;
Poor Maggy took a sudden blast,
An' o'er did tumble,
For something in her wame at last
Began to rumble.
Our fowk caud it the windy gravel,
That grips the guts beneath the navel,
But laith she was for to unravel
Their gross mistake,
Weel kend she, that she was in travel
Wi' little Jack.
That grips the guts beneath the navel,
But laith she was for to unravel
Their gross mistake,
Weel kend she, that she was in travel
Wi' little Jack.
But, to put matters out of doubt,
Young John within wou'd fain been out,
An' but an' ben made sic a rout
Wi' hands an' feet,
That she began twa-fald about
The house to creep.
Young John within wou'd fain been out,
An' but an' ben made sic a rout
Wi' hands an' feet,
That she began twa-fald about
The house to creep.
Then dool an' sorrow interveen'd;
For Jack nae langer cou'd be screen'd;
My lass upon her brest she lean'd,
An' gae a skirl;
The canny wives came there conveen'd
A' in a whirl.
For Jack nae langer cou'd be screen'd;
My lass upon her brest she lean'd,
An' gae a skirl;
The canny wives came there conveen'd
A' in a whirl.
12
They wrought together in a croud;
By this time I was under cloud;
Yet bye an' bye I understood,
They made one more,
For Jack he tun'd his pipe, an' loud
Wi' cries did roar.
By this time I was under cloud;
Yet bye an' bye I understood,
They made one more,
For Jack he tun'd his pipe, an' loud
Wi' cries did roar.
Wi' that they blam'd the Session-Clark;
Where is the lown hid in the dark?
For he's the father o' this wark:
Swear to his mither,
He's just as like him as ae lark
Is like anither.
Where is the lown hid in the dark?
For he's the father o' this wark:
Swear to his mither,
He's just as like him as ae lark
Is like anither.
About me then there was a din,
They sought me out thro' thick an' thin,
Wi' deil hae her, an' deil hae him,
He's o'er the dyke;
Our Dominie has now dung in
His arse a pike.
They sought me out thro' thick an' thin,
Wi' deil hae her, an' deil hae him,
He's o'er the dyke;
Our Dominie has now dung in
His arse a pike.
Ye may weel judge I was right sweer,
This uncouth meeting to draw near,
Yet forc'd I was then to appear,
Altho' perplex'd;
But listen how, an' ye shall hear,
The hags me vex'd.
This uncouth meeting to draw near,
Yet forc'd I was then to appear,
Altho' perplex'd;
But listen how, an' ye shall hear,
The hags me vex'd.
The carlings Maggy had so cleuked
Before young Jack was rightly hooked,
They made her twice as little booked;
But to gae on;
O then! how like a fool I looked,
Whan I saw John.
Before young Jack was rightly hooked,
They made her twice as little booked;
But to gae on;
O then! how like a fool I looked,
Whan I saw John.
13
The Cummer then came to me bent,
An' gravely did my Son present;
She bade me kiss him, be content,
Then wish'd me joy;
An' tald it was—what luck had sent,
A waly boy.
An' gravely did my Son present;
She bade me kiss him, be content,
Then wish'd me joy;
An' tald it was—what luck had sent,
A waly boy.
In ilka member, lith an' lim',
Its mouth, its nose, its cheek, its chin,
'Tis a like dady, just like him,
His very self,
Tho' it look'd canker'd, sour an' grim,
Like ony elf.
Its mouth, its nose, its cheek, its chin,
'Tis a like dady, just like him,
His very self,
Tho' it look'd canker'd, sour an' grim,
Like ony elf.
Then whisp'ring low to me she harked,
Indeed your hips they shou'd be yarked,
Nae mair Mess John, nor dare ye clarkit,
Faith ye hae ca'd
Your hogs unto a bonny market
Indeed, my lad;
Indeed your hips they shou'd be yarked,
Nae mair Mess John, nor dare ye clarkit,
Faith ye hae ca'd
Your hogs unto a bonny market
Indeed, my lad;
But tell me, man, I shou'd say master,
What muckle deil in your way chas'd her?
Lowns baith! but I think I hae plac'd her,
Now on her side,
My coming here has not disgrac'd her,
At the Yule tide.
What muckle deil in your way chas'd her?
Lowns baith! but I think I hae plac'd her,
Now on her side,
My coming here has not disgrac'd her,
At the Yule tide.
An' for yoursell, ye dare na look
Hereafter ever on a book,
Your mou' about the psa'ms to crook;
Ye've play'd the fool,
Anither now your post maun bruik,
An' you the stool.
Hereafter ever on a book,
Your mou' about the psa'ms to crook;
Ye've play'd the fool,
Anither now your post maun bruik,
An' you the stool.
14
She bann'd her saul, and then she blest it,
In the Kirk-books it would be listed,
An' thus the weary wife insisted,
Our Lettergae
Will sit whar he will not be pisht at
By dogs some day.
In the Kirk-books it would be listed,
An' thus the weary wife insisted,
Our Lettergae
Will sit whar he will not be pisht at
By dogs some day.
She wrung her hands, until they cracked,
An' sadly me she sham'd an' lacked—
Ah man! the Priest, how will he tak it,
Whan he hears tell,
How Maggy's mitten ye hae glacket,
Ye ken yoursell.
An' sadly me she sham'd an' lacked—
Ah man! the Priest, how will he tak it,
Whan he hears tell,
How Maggy's mitten ye hae glacket,
Ye ken yoursell.
The Session-Clark to play sic prankies,
Ye'll stan', I fear, upo' your shankies,
An' may be slaver in the brankies;
It cou'd na miss,
But lifting Maggy's killimankies,
Wou'd turn to this.
Ye'll stan', I fear, upo' your shankies,
An' may be slaver in the brankies;
It cou'd na miss,
But lifting Maggy's killimankies,
Wou'd turn to this.
A toothless Houdy, auld and teugh,
Says, Cummer, husht, we hae aneugh,
Thirsh mony ane has touch't the pleugh,
As gude ash he,
An' yetch gane backlench o'er the heugh,
Shae let him be.
Says, Cummer, husht, we hae aneugh,
Thirsh mony ane has touch't the pleugh,
As gude ash he,
An' yetch gane backlench o'er the heugh,
Shae let him be.
Hesh no, quoth she, tho' he'sh be lear'd,
That ye ken what, they hae crept near't,
For you an' I hash aft-times heard
O' nine or ten,
Wha thush the Clergy hath beshmear'd
Wi' their own Pen.
That ye ken what, they hae crept near't,
For you an' I hash aft-times heard
O' nine or ten,
Wha thush the Clergy hath beshmear'd
Wi' their own Pen.
15
The auld mou'd wives thus did me taunt,
Tho' a' was true, I must needs grant,
But ae thing maistly made me faint,
Poor Meg lay still,
An' look'd as loesome as a saint
That kend nae ill.
Tho' a' was true, I must needs grant,
But ae thing maistly made me faint,
Poor Meg lay still,
An' look'd as loesome as a saint
That kend nae ill.
Then a' the giglets young and gaudy,
Sware by their sauls, I might be wady,
For getting sic a lusty laddy,
Sae like mysell;
An' made me blush wi' speaking baudy,
'Bout what befel.
Sware by their sauls, I might be wady,
For getting sic a lusty laddy,
Sae like mysell;
An' made me blush wi' speaking baudy,
'Bout what befel.
Thus auld and young their verdict had,
'Bout Maggy's being brought to bed,
I thought my fill, yet little said,
Or had to say,
To reap the fruit o' sic a trade
On guide Yule-day.
'Bout Maggy's being brought to bed,
I thought my fill, yet little said,
Or had to say,
To reap the fruit o' sic a trade
On guide Yule-day.
What sometimes in the mou' is sweet,
Turns bitter in the wame;
I grumbl'd sair to get the geet,
At sic a merry time.
Turns bitter in the wame;
I grumbl'd sair to get the geet,
At sic a merry time.
| The Dominie Depos'd | |