The Canterbury Tales of Chaucer modernis'd by several hands. Publsh'd by Mr. Oggle |
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THE Sumner and the Devil:
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 | The Canterbury Tales of Chaucer |  |
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THE Sumner and the Devil:
OR, THE FRYAR's TALE.
By Mr. MARKLAND.
A rigorous Arch-Deacon whilom liv'd,
From whom severest Justice Guilt receiv'd;
Him no Evasions ever could elude;
Offending Sinners strictly he pursu'd.
But Fornicators were in greatest Awe:
On them he always put the Penal Law.
And they whose Tythes were slow of Coming-in,
(To cheat the Clergy is a crying Sin!)
Them oft with Mulcts pecun'ary he fin'd,
Nor let them cheat the Church, howe'er inclin'd.
For e're the Bishop caught them with his Hook,
They were first enter'd in th' Arch-Deacon's Book.
From whom severest Justice Guilt receiv'd;
Him no Evasions ever could elude;
Offending Sinners strictly he pursu'd.
But Fornicators were in greatest Awe:
On them he always put the Penal Law.
And they whose Tythes were slow of Coming-in,
(To cheat the Clergy is a crying Sin!)
Them oft with Mulcts pecun'ary he fin'd,
Nor let them cheat the Church, howe'er inclin'd.
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They were first enter'd in th' Arch-Deacon's Book.
He had a Sumner, bred to pious Guiles,
To Fraud, and true Ecclesiastick Wiles;
To none in Craft inferior; none so fit
To burlesque Virtue, by defending it.
Immoral Actions slily could he trace
Thro' ev'ry Path of the Dissembler's Maze.
One or two Leachers He would gently use,
If they as many Dozen would accuse:
Whene'er a Criminal impeach'd did stand,
Pimps, Bawds, and sly Informers were at hand:
Whate'er was urg'd, or Right, or Wrong, they swore,
And, Conscience-proof, false Witness gladly bore.
They gave him Informations, not a few,
Some of imaginary Crimes, some true.
And new-reviv'd the Devil's Part of old,
First tempted Wretches to offend, then sold.
For his Advantage they took mighty Pains,
And shar'd some little Portion of his Gains.
His Master thought he most uprightly liv'd,
Nor ever found wherein he was deceiv'd.
Oft' would he issue Summons without Leave,
And ample Bribes, to drop the Cause, receive.
For when Men stand in danger of a Curse,
Who, to preserve his Soul, would grudge his Purse?
Thus run he on, intrepid in Deceit,
Nor fear'd to be detected of the Cheat.
He was (to give him his undoubted Laud)
A downright Thief, a Sumner, and a Bawd.
To Fraud, and true Ecclesiastick Wiles;
To none in Craft inferior; none so fit
To burlesque Virtue, by defending it.
Immoral Actions slily could he trace
Thro' ev'ry Path of the Dissembler's Maze.
One or two Leachers He would gently use,
If they as many Dozen would accuse:
Whene'er a Criminal impeach'd did stand,
Pimps, Bawds, and sly Informers were at hand:
Whate'er was urg'd, or Right, or Wrong, they swore,
And, Conscience-proof, false Witness gladly bore.
They gave him Informations, not a few,
Some of imaginary Crimes, some true.
And new-reviv'd the Devil's Part of old,
First tempted Wretches to offend, then sold.
For his Advantage they took mighty Pains,
And shar'd some little Portion of his Gains.
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Nor ever found wherein he was deceiv'd.
Oft' would he issue Summons without Leave,
And ample Bribes, to drop the Cause, receive.
For when Men stand in danger of a Curse,
Who, to preserve his Soul, would grudge his Purse?
Thus run he on, intrepid in Deceit,
Nor fear'd to be detected of the Cheat.
He was (to give him his undoubted Laud)
A downright Thief, a Sumner, and a Bawd.
Right true-bred Whores he always kept in Pay,
Who slily told if any went astray.
No sooner did he know th' Offender's Name,
But out a forg'd Mandamus quickly came:
For diff'rent Ends the guilty Two appear;
Her, her own Profit brings; Him, conscious Fear.
Th' Event, as he design'd, was still the same,
The Man to pill, but to excuse the Dame.
Then smoothly would he cry, “Your honest Look
“Prevails; I'll cross you in th' Arch-deacon's Book,
“Henceforth beware, and never more offend;
“Believe me, much I hazard for my Friend.”
Thus gravely poor Delinquent would he fright,
Till a sufficient Bribe set all things right.
Thus did his Whores his heedless Neighbours treat,
Giving sour Sauce—whatever was the Meat.
Who slily told if any went astray.
No sooner did he know th' Offender's Name,
But out a forg'd Mandamus quickly came:
For diff'rent Ends the guilty Two appear;
Her, her own Profit brings; Him, conscious Fear.
Th' Event, as he design'd, was still the same,
The Man to pill, but to excuse the Dame.
Then smoothly would he cry, “Your honest Look
“Prevails; I'll cross you in th' Arch-deacon's Book,
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“Believe me, much I hazard for my Friend.”
Thus gravely poor Delinquent would he fright,
Till a sufficient Bribe set all things right.
Thus did his Whores his heedless Neighbours treat,
Giving sour Sauce—whatever was the Meat.
It so befel, that on a certain Day,
This Sumner, ever waiting for his Prey,
Tow'rds a poor Widow's, with a Summons went;
Whate'er the Cause, a Bribe was the Intent.
And riding gently by a Forest-side,
A jolly Yeoman he before him spy'd,
Whose dapple Grey in haughty manner pranc'd,
And to the Musick of his own Hoofs danc'd.
The Sumner kindly hail'd; He gently smil'd,
And greeted him with Salutation mild.
The Yeoman ask'd, “Proceed you far to day?”
‘No, said the Sumner, but a little Way:
‘At a small Distance hence, is my Intent,
‘To gather for my Lord a little Rent.’
“Are you a Steward then?” the Yeoman said:
He answ'ring, ‘Yes,’ conceal'd his proper Trade:
He was a little modest; and, for Shame,
Would not profess th' unreputable Name.
“A Steward! said the Yeoman; Let us greet,
“I'm over-joy'd a Brother here to meet:
“For I'm a Steward too, no less than Thou,
“Tho' in this Country unacquainted now.
“Howe'er, I hope, we shall familiar grow,
“When we each other somewhat better know.
“Then, prithee, mutual Friendship let us swear,
“Silver and Gold I have enough to spare.
“And if you hap to come within our Shire,
“All shall be thine, right as thou wilt desire.”
This Sumner, ever waiting for his Prey,
Tow'rds a poor Widow's, with a Summons went;
Whate'er the Cause, a Bribe was the Intent.
And riding gently by a Forest-side,
A jolly Yeoman he before him spy'd,
Whose dapple Grey in haughty manner pranc'd,
And to the Musick of his own Hoofs danc'd.
The Sumner kindly hail'd; He gently smil'd,
And greeted him with Salutation mild.
The Yeoman ask'd, “Proceed you far to day?”
‘No, said the Sumner, but a little Way:
‘At a small Distance hence, is my Intent,
‘To gather for my Lord a little Rent.’
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He answ'ring, ‘Yes,’ conceal'd his proper Trade:
He was a little modest; and, for Shame,
Would not profess th' unreputable Name.
“A Steward! said the Yeoman; Let us greet,
“I'm over-joy'd a Brother here to meet:
“For I'm a Steward too, no less than Thou,
“Tho' in this Country unacquainted now.
“Howe'er, I hope, we shall familiar grow,
“When we each other somewhat better know.
“Then, prithee, mutual Friendship let us swear,
“Silver and Gold I have enough to spare.
“And if you hap to come within our Shire,
“All shall be thine, right as thou wilt desire.”
‘Done, quoth the Sumner, Brotherhood I swear;
‘Henceforth a mutual Friendship let us bear.
‘And whosoe'er in Love is first remiss,
‘Partake he nought of Heav'n's eternal Bliss.’
‘Henceforth a mutual Friendship let us bear.
‘And whosoe'er in Love is first remiss,
‘Partake he nought of Heav'n's eternal Bliss.’
Thus travell'd they together, Side by Side,
The Sumner pleas'd, the Yeoman satisfy'd.
The Sumner pleas'd, the Yeoman satisfy'd.
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The Sumner next began t'inquire his Name,
‘Whither his Journey tended? Whence he came?
‘And where, said he, may I a Visit pay,
‘If e'er my kinder Fortune lead that way?’
‘Whither his Journey tended? Whence he came?
‘And where, said he, may I a Visit pay,
‘If e'er my kinder Fortune lead that way?’
He answer'd, “Brother, hence, far low, I live,
“Where I to Friends no cold Reception give.
“But of the Road I'll draw you such a Chart,
“You shall not miss the Way—e'er we depart.
“Where I to Friends no cold Reception give.
“But of the Road I'll draw you such a Chart,
“You shall not miss the Way—e'er we depart.
‘Now, Brother, quoth the Sumner, as we ride,
‘Since in your Honesty I may confide,
‘(Since you're a Steward too) I do beseech,
‘That you some fraudful Arts of Gain would teach.
‘Instruct me to make Profits of my Place,
‘Without unseasonable Checks of Grace.
‘Tell, in mine Office, how I most may win,
‘And spare not, or for Conscience, or for Sin.’
‘Since in your Honesty I may confide,
‘(Since you're a Steward too) I do beseech,
‘That you some fraudful Arts of Gain would teach.
‘Instruct me to make Profits of my Place,
‘Without unseasonable Checks of Grace.
‘Tell, in mine Office, how I most may win,
‘And spare not, or for Conscience, or for Sin.’
“Troth, Brother dear, I'll tell a faithful Tale;
“My Wages, I confess, are strait and small:
“My Lord is Careful, Vigilant, and Close;
“And Avarice in all his Actions shows;
“Therefore I study first for his Content;
“Then levy supernumerary Rent.
“In short, I chiefly by Extortion live,
“And gladly pocket what the Tenants give:
“From Year to Year I win all my Expence,
“Sometimes by Slight, sometimes by Violence.
“I plainly tell my Mind, and nothing spare.”
“My Wages, I confess, are strait and small:
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“And Avarice in all his Actions shows;
“Therefore I study first for his Content;
“Then levy supernumerary Rent.
“In short, I chiefly by Extortion live,
“And gladly pocket what the Tenants give:
“From Year to Year I win all my Expence,
“Sometimes by Slight, sometimes by Violence.
“I plainly tell my Mind, and nothing spare.”
‘Right so, the Sumner answer'd, I do fare:
‘My Conscience ne'er prohibits me to get;
‘But, Right or Wrong—All's Fish that comes to Net.
‘But for Extortion, I should surely starve,
‘And they deserve no Meat, who cannot carve.
‘Let squeamish Stomachs fly ill-gotten Feasts;
‘Give me the Man, that, what he eats, digests.
‘In short, a thousand Reasons I could give;
‘The mighty Law of Nature bids us live,
‘And all our Means are honest, if we thrive.
‘But little Need requires that I should preach
‘To One, much better qualify'd to teach.’
‘Well are we met, by holy sweet St. Jame;
‘And, Brother, by your Leave, I crave your Name.
‘My Conscience ne'er prohibits me to get;
‘But, Right or Wrong—All's Fish that comes to Net.
‘But for Extortion, I should surely starve,
‘And they deserve no Meat, who cannot carve.
‘Let squeamish Stomachs fly ill-gotten Feasts;
‘Give me the Man, that, what he eats, digests.
‘In short, a thousand Reasons I could give;
‘The mighty Law of Nature bids us live,
‘And all our Means are honest, if we thrive.
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‘To One, much better qualify'd to teach.’
‘Well are we met, by holy sweet St. Jame;
‘And, Brother, by your Leave, I crave your Name.
“My Name, the Yeoman, smiling, said, I'll tell;
“I am a Fiend, my Dwelling is in Hell.
“And here I ride about, like you, in Quest,
“As you yourself not long ago confess'd.
“My Purchase is th' Effect of all my Rent:
“And ride not you upon the same Intent?
“You seek for Lucre, never caring how:
“Just so, with such Design, I travel now.”
“I am a Fiend, my Dwelling is in Hell.
“And here I ride about, like you, in Quest,
“As you yourself not long ago confess'd.
“My Purchase is th' Effect of all my Rent:
“And ride not you upon the same Intent?
“You seek for Lucre, never caring how:
“Just so, with such Design, I travel now.”
‘Ah! bless us! the affrighted Sumner cries,
‘How has your Cloven Foot escap'd my Eyes?
‘Can you thus shrewdly Mortal Actions ape?
‘For You, as well as I, have Human Shape.
‘Or serve you any Form determinate,
‘Whilst you remain in your Infernal State?
‘How has your Cloven Foot escap'd my Eyes?
‘Can you thus shrewdly Mortal Actions ape?
‘For You, as well as I, have Human Shape.
‘Or serve you any Form determinate,
‘Whilst you remain in your Infernal State?
“No, certainly, he answer'd, we have none;
“But at our Pleasure we can take us one.
“Or come an Immaterial, seeming Shape;
“Appear a Boar, a Lyon, Man, or Ape.
“Or like an Angel we can sometimes go:
“Nor is it wond'rous if we can do so;
“When paltry Jugglers can Mankind deceive,
“By Cant assisted, and an open Sleeve.
“What Pow'r is his, who, Master of Hell's Tricks,
“Can form, on whate'er Shape his Fancy fix?”
“But at our Pleasure we can take us one.
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“Appear a Boar, a Lyon, Man, or Ape.
“Or like an Angel we can sometimes go:
“Nor is it wond'rous if we can do so;
“When paltry Jugglers can Mankind deceive,
“By Cant assisted, and an open Sleeve.
“What Pow'r is his, who, Master of Hell's Tricks,
“Can form, on whate'er Shape his Fancy fix?”
‘But, said the Sumner, why do you thus frame
‘So various Forms, nor always use the same?’
‘So various Forms, nor always use the same?’
“Because, quoth he, our Forms we always make
“The ready'st our intended Preys to take.
“Nor are we troubled much: The Hope of Gains
“Takes off the Weight of our industr'ous Pains.
“Sometimes a Glutton-Belly does confine,
“Guzzling us up, instead of Vintners Wine;
“Till, by excessive Drinking over-charg'd,
“The Gorge o'erflows, and we're again enlarg'd.
“Those who enjoy us, We by turns entrap,
“And many a Drunkard proves the Devil's Chap.
“Sometimes, like Ivory, with number'd Spots,
“We breed loud Strife amongst contentious Sots;
“Or at Groom-Porter's (rattling all the Night)
“Brawls, Oaths, and deep-mouth'd Blasphemies excite;
“Ruine young 'Squires and Tradesmen in a trice:
“Hence Men exclaim, The Devil's in the Dice!
“Oft' rule we Statesmen's, oft' Director's Dreams;
“Hence Plots, Conspiracies, and South-Sea Schemes.
“When hatch'd Rebellions first are set on foot,
“And Discontent in Subjects Hearts takes Root,
“The Chief, by us beguil'd, destroys their Lives,
“And he betrays it first, who first contrives.
“Thus we concerted Projects often state,
“And spoil a Nation's Views of growing Great.
“The greedy Kingdom hugs the airy Cheat,
“And the Directors thrive by the Deceit;
“Till, having lost the entertaining Hope,
“We leave them to the Mercy of a Rope.
“Some, not unwisely, have th' Occasion guess'd,
“Who, but the Devil, could these Things suggest?
“Sometimes expresly Pow'r to us is giv'n,
“And we are made the Instruments of Heav'n.
“The Body of Afflictions oft' we tempt;
“But the immortal Soul is still exempt.
“Sometimes by black Despair we try the Soul,
“But leave the untouch'd Body healthy, whole.
“Then, if our Arts are vig'rously withstood,
“Man's former Evils turn to future Good.
“The Slaves to Man we oftentimes are made,
“As when the great Apostle I obey'd:
“Nor dare we their superior Pow'r oppose;
“Thus Dunstan took the Devil by the Nose.”
“The ready'st our intended Preys to take.
“Nor are we troubled much: The Hope of Gains
“Takes off the Weight of our industr'ous Pains.
“Sometimes a Glutton-Belly does confine,
“Guzzling us up, instead of Vintners Wine;
“Till, by excessive Drinking over-charg'd,
“The Gorge o'erflows, and we're again enlarg'd.
“Those who enjoy us, We by turns entrap,
“And many a Drunkard proves the Devil's Chap.
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“We breed loud Strife amongst contentious Sots;
“Or at Groom-Porter's (rattling all the Night)
“Brawls, Oaths, and deep-mouth'd Blasphemies excite;
“Ruine young 'Squires and Tradesmen in a trice:
“Hence Men exclaim, The Devil's in the Dice!
“Oft' rule we Statesmen's, oft' Director's Dreams;
“Hence Plots, Conspiracies, and South-Sea Schemes.
“When hatch'd Rebellions first are set on foot,
“And Discontent in Subjects Hearts takes Root,
“The Chief, by us beguil'd, destroys their Lives,
“And he betrays it first, who first contrives.
“Thus we concerted Projects often state,
“And spoil a Nation's Views of growing Great.
“The greedy Kingdom hugs the airy Cheat,
“And the Directors thrive by the Deceit;
“Till, having lost the entertaining Hope,
“We leave them to the Mercy of a Rope.
“Some, not unwisely, have th' Occasion guess'd,
“Who, but the Devil, could these Things suggest?
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“And we are made the Instruments of Heav'n.
“The Body of Afflictions oft' we tempt;
“But the immortal Soul is still exempt.
“Sometimes by black Despair we try the Soul,
“But leave the untouch'd Body healthy, whole.
“Then, if our Arts are vig'rously withstood,
“Man's former Evils turn to future Good.
“The Slaves to Man we oftentimes are made,
“As when the great Apostle I obey'd:
“Nor dare we their superior Pow'r oppose;
“Thus Dunstan took the Devil by the Nose.”
‘But, said the Sumner, do you always thus
‘Make Forms substantial when you visit us?’
‘Make Forms substantial when you visit us?’
“No, no, the Fiend reply'd, sometimes we feign,
“And but appear imaginary Men.
“As, when thro' clefted Floorings we arise,
“And, vanishing, beguile poor Mortals Eyes.
“Sometimes from Graves dead Carcasses we hire,
“To answer what our Votaries require;
“And dark Futurity with Truth foretel,
“As formerly the Witch rais'd Samuel;
“Yet boldly some aver, it was not He;
“But I'll not here enforce Divinity.
“Yet Thee with sober Seriousness I warn,
“Thou wilt e'er-while have little Cause to learn;
“For I have Hopes, my dearest Friend to see,
“Where 'twill be needless to inquire of Me.
“But let us on: I've travell'd all the Day,
“Without the smallest Hopes of any Prey:
“If now my Company you will receive,
“Forward I'll ride, until your Friend you leave.”
“And but appear imaginary Men.
“As, when thro' clefted Floorings we arise,
“And, vanishing, beguile poor Mortals Eyes.
“Sometimes from Graves dead Carcasses we hire,
“To answer what our Votaries require;
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“As formerly the Witch rais'd Samuel;
“Yet boldly some aver, it was not He;
“But I'll not here enforce Divinity.
“Yet Thee with sober Seriousness I warn,
“Thou wilt e'er-while have little Cause to learn;
“For I have Hopes, my dearest Friend to see,
“Where 'twill be needless to inquire of Me.
“But let us on: I've travell'd all the Day,
“Without the smallest Hopes of any Prey:
“If now my Company you will receive,
“Forward I'll ride, until your Friend you leave.”
‘Nay, said the Sumner, that shall ne'er betide,
‘My well-try'd Honesty is known full wide:
‘I will preserve my faithful Promise well,
‘Altho' thou wert the Emperor of Hell.
‘Friends we'll continue, as we lately sware,
‘And by Accord our Booty thus we'll share:
‘Content yourself with whatsoe'er you gain,
‘And I'll receive the Product of my Brain.
‘But if one of us should have more than t'other,
‘Let him be true, and part it with his Brother.’
‘My well-try'd Honesty is known full wide:
‘I will preserve my faithful Promise well,
‘Altho' thou wert the Emperor of Hell.
‘Friends we'll continue, as we lately sware,
‘And by Accord our Booty thus we'll share:
‘Content yourself with whatsoe'er you gain,
‘And I'll receive the Product of my Brain.
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‘Let him be true, and part it with his Brother.’
“With all my Heart, the Devil answer'd straight,
“Hence quickly; let's pursue our better Fate.”
“Hence quickly; let's pursue our better Fate.”
Thus they proceed, till coming near a Town
(Plac'd in a miry Valley deeply down)
They met a Cart, full heavy charg'd with Hay,
The Carter driving thro' a dirty Way.
Deep were the Tracks, uneven was the Road,
And the tir'd Horses droop'd beneath the Load:
The Carter strove, and plentifully smote,
‘What, are you jaded? Stir you not a Foot?
‘The Dev'l himself e'en carry you away;
‘I freely give him Horses, Cart and Hay.’
The Sumner list'ning, to his Friend drew near,
And, smiling, told him softly in his Ear,
‘Hearken, my Brother, you have got a Prey;
‘Did you not hear th' unthinking Carter say,
‘He gave 'em you?—Prevent a second Word;
‘No better Prey your Fortune will afford.’
“Nay, quoth the Devil, 'tis not his Intent;
“Whate'er he said, far otherwise he meant.
“Ask him yourself, if you believe not me;
“Or stay a little longer here, and see.”
(Plac'd in a miry Valley deeply down)
They met a Cart, full heavy charg'd with Hay,
The Carter driving thro' a dirty Way.
Deep were the Tracks, uneven was the Road,
And the tir'd Horses droop'd beneath the Load:
The Carter strove, and plentifully smote,
‘What, are you jaded? Stir you not a Foot?
‘The Dev'l himself e'en carry you away;
‘I freely give him Horses, Cart and Hay.’
The Sumner list'ning, to his Friend drew near,
And, smiling, told him softly in his Ear,
‘Hearken, my Brother, you have got a Prey;
‘Did you not hear th' unthinking Carter say,
‘He gave 'em you?—Prevent a second Word;
‘No better Prey your Fortune will afford.’
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“Whate'er he said, far otherwise he meant.
“Ask him yourself, if you believe not me;
“Or stay a little longer here, and see.”
Th' impatient Carter, joining all his Force,
With utmost Fury whipp'd the foremost Horse.
He stoop'd, and stretch'd, and quickly freed the Cart:
‘Heit! said the Carter, Blessings on thy Heart!
‘Well hast thou drawn, and freed us at a Jerk;
‘Jesu, preserve thee, for thy helpful Work.
With utmost Fury whipp'd the foremost Horse.
He stoop'd, and stretch'd, and quickly freed the Cart:
‘Heit! said the Carter, Blessings on thy Heart!
‘Well hast thou drawn, and freed us at a Jerk;
‘Jesu, preserve thee, for thy helpful Work.
“Now, said the Devil, credit what I told;
“I knew his Words, their Purport would not hold:
“Whate'er he spake, he never did design:
“Thus Words and Actions very seldom join.
“But let us forward towards yonder Plains;
“Here we but get our Labour for our Pains.”
“I knew his Words, their Purport would not hold:
“Whate'er he spake, he never did design:
“Thus Words and Actions very seldom join.
“But let us forward towards yonder Plains;
“Here we but get our Labour for our Pains.”
No sooner past the Town a little Way,
The Sumner call'd, ‘My dearest Brother, stay;
‘Here lives a Widow in this little House,
‘Would sooner dye, than give away a Souse.
‘Observe how furiously she'll rant and swear;
‘I'll extort Twelve-pence, tho' I leave her bare.
‘That I've th' Arch-deacon's Summons I'll pretend,
‘Altho' I never knew her once offend:
‘Perhaps you know not how we Sumners thrive;
‘So take Example here how well we live.’
The Sumner call'd, ‘My dearest Brother, stay;
‘Here lives a Widow in this little House,
‘Would sooner dye, than give away a Souse.
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‘I'll extort Twelve-pence, tho' I leave her bare.
‘That I've th' Arch-deacon's Summons I'll pretend,
‘Altho' I never knew her once offend:
‘Perhaps you know not how we Sumners thrive;
‘So take Example here how well we live.’
The Sumner loudly rattled at the Door;
‘Come out, old Double-Devil, Bawd and Whore;
‘Come forth, and show yourself, you filthy Beast!
‘What! you're solacing with some pamper'd Priest!
‘Come out, old Double-Devil, Bawd and Whore;
‘Come forth, and show yourself, you filthy Beast!
‘What! you're solacing with some pamper'd Priest!
“Sweet Sir, reply'd the Widow, what's your Will?”
‘I summon you, he answer'd, by this Bill;
‘On pain of 'curring, for your Disrespect,
‘You must your Sentence of my Lord expect;
‘No fine Excuse will palliate this Neglect.
‘At Nine, to-morrow Morn, precisely come.’
“Now, Lord! (said she) I cannot stir from Home,
“Long Sickness has confin'd me to my Room;
“I cannot walk, and less indure to ride,
“I have such Pains and Pricking in my Side.
“May I not ask a Libel in this Case,
“And let my Proctor answer in my Place?
“It won't be represented as Neglect,
“If he may answer what my Foes object.”
‘I summon you, he answer'd, by this Bill;
‘On pain of 'curring, for your Disrespect,
‘You must your Sentence of my Lord expect;
‘No fine Excuse will palliate this Neglect.
‘At Nine, to-morrow Morn, precisely come.’
“Now, Lord! (said she) I cannot stir from Home,
“Long Sickness has confin'd me to my Room;
“I cannot walk, and less indure to ride,
“I have such Pains and Pricking in my Side.
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“And let my Proctor answer in my Place?
“It won't be represented as Neglect,
“If he may answer what my Foes object.”
‘My Friendship, he reply'd, I'll let you use;
‘For Twelve-pence your Appearance I'll excuse:
‘I would not your Expences should be large,
‘Or let your Fees run up a needless Charge:
‘For Proctors, when they get a Client in,
‘Fleece him to Nakedness, to Bones and Skin:
‘And thro' all Ages this has been confess'd,
‘That Lawyers are but Villains at the best.
‘Therefore, that this Affair no Noise may breed,
‘And save your Money 'gainst the Time of Need,
‘You, for the Sum I mention'd I'll acquit;
‘'Tis more indeed, than e'er I ventur'd yet;
‘And I no more than half the Profit get:
‘One Moiety th' Arch-deacon has for Fees;
‘Disbursing therefore Twelve-pence, be at Ease.’
‘For Twelve-pence your Appearance I'll excuse:
‘I would not your Expences should be large,
‘Or let your Fees run up a needless Charge:
‘For Proctors, when they get a Client in,
‘Fleece him to Nakedness, to Bones and Skin:
‘And thro' all Ages this has been confess'd,
‘That Lawyers are but Villains at the best.
‘Therefore, that this Affair no Noise may breed,
‘And save your Money 'gainst the Time of Need,
‘You, for the Sum I mention'd I'll acquit;
‘'Tis more indeed, than e'er I ventur'd yet;
‘And I no more than half the Profit get:
‘One Moiety th' Arch-deacon has for Fees;
‘Disbursing therefore Twelve-pence, be at Ease.’
124
“Heav'n so protect me from all future Sin,
“Said she, if I the Universe should win,
“I have not Twelve-pence I can call my own:
“Alas! I'm needy, and past Labour grown.
“Bestow your Charity on me poor Wretch.”
‘Fruitless, he answer'd, is this thy idle Fetch?
‘I've noted thee, thou old contriving Jilt!’
“Yet, she reply'd, I'm ignorant of Guilt.”
“Said she, if I the Universe should win,
“I have not Twelve-pence I can call my own:
“Alas! I'm needy, and past Labour grown.
“Bestow your Charity on me poor Wretch.”
‘Fruitless, he answer'd, is this thy idle Fetch?
‘I've noted thee, thou old contriving Jilt!’
“Yet, she reply'd, I'm ignorant of Guilt.”
‘Pay me, he loudly cry'd, or by St. Anne,
‘I'll carry off by downright Force your Pan.
‘You were indebted to me long before,
‘For being cited when you play'd the Whore.
‘I kindly paid your Fees, ungrateful Thrash,
‘Or you had smartly undergone the Lash.’
‘I'll carry off by downright Force your Pan.
‘You were indebted to me long before,
‘For being cited when you play'd the Whore.
‘I kindly paid your Fees, ungrateful Thrash,
‘Or you had smartly undergone the Lash.’
“Thou ly'st (said she) and 'tis a sorry Trick,
“To chouse an honest Woman, poor, and sick.
“Never was I, whilst Widow, Maid, or Wife,
“Summon'd before your Master in my Life.
“Nor was I ever known to have the Way
“Of using filthy Tricks in filthier Play.
“And he that ev'ry Thing doth timely send,
“Take thee—and give thee to the foulest Fiend.”
“To chouse an honest Woman, poor, and sick.
“Never was I, whilst Widow, Maid, or Wife,
“Summon'd before your Master in my Life.
“Nor was I ever known to have the Way
“Of using filthy Tricks in filthier Play.
125
“Take thee—and give thee to the foulest Fiend.”
Soon as the Fiend her hearty Curses heard,
He nearer drew, and asking, thus conferr'd;
“Tell me, my dearest Mother, do you joke,
“Or is this kindly Wish in earnest spoke?”
He nearer drew, and asking, thus conferr'd;
“Tell me, my dearest Mother, do you joke,
“Or is this kindly Wish in earnest spoke?”
‘I speak, said she, with Bitterness of Heart,
‘The Devil take him hence before we part,
‘My Fan and all, except he doth repent.’
‘The Devil take him hence before we part,
‘My Fan and all, except he doth repent.’
‘Nay, quoth the Sumner, that's not my Intent.
‘This Pan I'll never part with; 'tis my own:
‘Would I possess'd each Rag that thou hast on.
‘Not but, if e'er I apprehended Harm,
‘I would remit your Smock—to keep you warm.’
‘This Pan I'll never part with; 'tis my own:
‘Would I possess'd each Rag that thou hast on.
‘Not but, if e'er I apprehended Harm,
‘I would remit your Smock—to keep you warm.’
“Now, said the Devil, Brother, you shall hear;
“This Bus'ness I am able best to clear.
“Our Bargain was, Each freely should possess
“Whate'er was giv'n him; I expect no less:
“Your Title to this Pan you must resign;
“For by the Owner's Gift 'tis fairly mine.
“You'll never part with it;—Your Word's of Force;
“Your Body therefore is my own of course.
“Besides, I think you equally my Claim,
“As being giv'n me by this injur'd Dame.
“Her pow'rful Wishes critically fell:
“So, faith, Sir Sumner, you may go to Hell.”
“This Bus'ness I am able best to clear.
“Our Bargain was, Each freely should possess
“Whate'er was giv'n him; I expect no less:
“Your Title to this Pan you must resign;
“For by the Owner's Gift 'tis fairly mine.
126
“Your Body therefore is my own of course.
“Besides, I think you equally my Claim,
“As being giv'n me by this injur'd Dame.
“Her pow'rful Wishes critically fell:
“So, faith, Sir Sumner, you may go to Hell.”
END of the FRYAR's TALE.
| The Canterbury Tales of Chaucer | |