 | A collection of historical and state poems |  |
A Rustical Description OF THE UNIVERSITY OF OXFORD, Lately Reform'd, IN A Fanatical Visitation
Upon the 6th of October, &c. in the Year of our Lord 1648. with the same Committees in the following Year. And other Things not unworthy to be noted.
1
I
Whilst out of Town, strange News allarm'dMy Ears, which founded odly,
That Oxford was to be reform'd
By Dunces, call'd, the Godly.
II
I soon resolv'd, if no ill ChanceShould cross my Inclination,
To make my Eyes the Evidence
Of this New Reformation.
III
Entring the City to inspectThese blessed Regulators,
There only found a meagre Sect
Of formal ugly Creatures.
2
IV
Those who had slept in Decius's DenAn Age, and then awaking,
Sure never saw such ill-look'd Men,
Or Monsters of GOD's making.
V
Crosses and Temples [they] beheld,In early Days erected,
Which Pious Guides took care to build
When Virtue was respected.
VI
But, in these Holier Times, our SaintsHold Temples in derision,
And pull down Crosses with pretence,
They're Signs of Superstition.
VII
First drawn toth' Schools b'Assemblies Rules,I found 'em much polluted,
Where Scholars once, instead of Fools,
In solemn Form disputed.
3
VIII
[illeg.] Kings Professors did expect,As usual, but I found none,
Nor young Inceptors, but th'Elect,
With neither Hood nor Gown on.
IX
Then cross the Quadrangle I pass,Where Youth were wont to prattle;
But found the same o'errun with Grass,
Enough to fat lean Cattle.
X
Toth' Musick-School I next repair'd,By Ladies once frequented;
But saw no Sports, no Musick heard,
The Place seem'd quite absented.
XI
Mounting the Bod'leian Pile, I step'dTo view the Kingdom's Glory,
There only found the Knave that kept
That fam'd Repository.
4
XII
Where Piles of Books, in woful Case,Neglected lay at random,
Because the Saints had not the Grace,
Or Wit, to understand 'em.
XIII
Next Sunday I to Mary's went,To hear the Text Expounded;
Plain Mary's, for the Style of Saint
Was plunder'd by the Roundhead.
XIV
Be'ng over-careful, first I fear'dA dangerous Introduction,
But finding no great Flock appear'd,
I pass'd without Obstruction.
XV
And entring where the Seniors us'd,To loll, and hear the Sermon,
Saw Cooks and Scullions sit confus'd,
With Botchers, and such Vermin.
5
XVI
In Pomp appear'd the new moroseBook-learn'd Procancellarius,
Hated by all Good Men, because
His Conscience was nefarious.
XVII
Next, what I ne'er observ'd before,Saw Proctors sine Clavibus,
And that which made me laugh the more,
New Beadles sine Stavibus.
XVIII
At length, a little Mushroom, stuff'dWith Nonsence, climb'd the Pulpit,
Sure Cusheon ne'er before was cuff'd
By such an empty Dulpate.
XIX
Who bawl'd aloud whate'er came next,'Thout rub or hesitation,
With dexter Fist drove on his Text,
And threaten'd his Congregation.
6
XX
Tir'd with dull Cant, much Tongue, no Brains,And Looks enough to fright ye,
I mov'd to see my Rev'rend Friends,
Not yet expell'd the City.
XXI
To All-Souls College first I steer'd,Whose Name was well adapted,
For few Corporeal Things appear'd,
The House itself excepted.
XXII
I sought the Ward'n, that sweet good Man,Polite in e'ery Knowledge,
But heard, with Grief, my Friend was ta'en
To Prison, from the College.
XXIII
I then to Corpus Christi went,S'oppress'd with Malediction,
That you'd have sworn, 'twixt Thieves they meant
Its second Crucifixion.
7
XXIV
Christ-Church was tumbl'd up and down,By sanctify'd Ill-nature,
And all her Children of the Gown,
Were forc'd abroad to scatter.
XXV
I Hammond sought, divine his Sence,But found Incarceration
Eclips'd that Sun of Eloquence
And Glory of the Nation.
XXVI
Hence to St. John's, who'd undergoneOne sad Decapitation,
There found Tormentors carrying on
A second Decollation
XXVII
Their Holy President b'ing lost,The Scholars quit their College,
And whilst a Hell-born rul'd the Roast,
Were barr'd of Food and Knowledge.
8
XXVIII
Alas! fair House, delightful once,Where pleasant Streams abounded,
Now poyson'd by a dirty Dunce,
Foul Channel, and a Roundhead.
XXIX
Old Trinity, tho' near I came,I pass'd, for her Impiety,
Because 'twas dang'rous to condemn
That Heretick Society.
XXX
For in these wicked Times, so blindWere Youth, and those that taught 'em,
That no where could a Churchman find
Three Persons, had he sought 'em.
XXXI
Then musing on the wretched Case,And miserable Omen
O'th' College, from whose Nose of Brass,
The House derives its Nomen.
9
XXXII
Here their harsh Rulers plac'd a dullDamn'd Principal, t'enslave 'em,
Whose Eyes distorted in his Skull,
Made Nature start that gave 'em.
XXXIII
Entring New-College, by and by,Where Age can find no Quarter,
Amaz'd! I heard the horrid Cry
Of one that suffer'd Torture.
XXXIV
A pleasant House, built with intent,Our freeborn Youth to cherish,
But now a Bridewel to torment
The Loyal, till they perish.
XXXV
To weeping Magdalen I strole,My self a weeping Brother,
There sighing find, that College full
As empty as each other.
10
XXXVI
Which happy Place was once adorn'dWith young attentive Scholars,
And well supported by a learn'd
Supply of worthy Pillars.
XXXVII
But those fair Props are tumbl'd down,In which her Strength consisted,
Herself a-ground, her Offspring flown,
Of all her Joys divested.
XXXVIII
These Walls, where once the Muses smil'd,And us'd to dwell and thrive-there,
Are now with dolesome dulness fill'd,
And Bats and Howlets live-there.
XXXIX
In room o'th' President, a ManNo Age produc'd a greater,
A Hum-drum Dotard leads the Van,
And Reigns as Gubernator.
11
XL
These direful Omens made me ev'nDread all those Devils together,
Driv'n out by Heav'n, in number sev'n,
Were now returning hither.
XLI
Wheree'er I stroll'd, or whatsoe'erI thought worth looking after,
Induc'd me still to shed a Tear,
Or else provok'd my Laughter.
XLII
I wept to see the Learn'd deny'dTh'enjoyment of their Places,
But smil'd to see the same supply'd,
By dull unthinking Asses.
XLIII
O rare! O fine Reforming Art!Whose Med'cines are so fatal,
They cure, as Emp'ricks cure, a Part,
When they destroy the Total.
12
XLIV
Square Heads they plague and persecute,Till Learning's quite confounded,
And in their Places constitute
Each canting Rebel Roundhead.
XLV
Survey the Colleges, you'll findHard Laws, but nothing rightful,
Except the Buildings now resign'd
By th'Scholars, to the spightful.
XLVI
Cold Kitchens, where no Meat they dress,Chappels without Devotion,
Dry Cellars, Halls without a Mess
To keep their Jaws in motion.
XLVII
No Sermons in their Churches heard,From decent Rites they vary,
For Hums and Haws of picked Beard,
And Pray'rs extemporary.
13
XLVIII
Mean while, what is't the Townsmen do,Amidst these Reformations?
But madly wish the Saints pursue
Their sanctify'd Mutations.
XLIX
Thus whilst the Mountain's bringing forth,Th'exalt their Horns with Gladness,
But soon disdain the foolish Birth,
And bite their Thumbs for Madness.
L
The World's great Ornament, alas!The Age's Pride and Honour:
O tell me! how it comes to pass,
The same's the same no longer.
LI
For, as 'tis said, 'twas once made known,By some old dreaming Author,
Oxford should not in Oxford Town,
Be found by those that sought her.
| A collection of historical and state poems | |