The poems of George Huddesford ... now first collected. Including Salmagundi, Topsy-Turvy, Bubble and Squeak, and Crambe Repetita. With corrections, and original additions |
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TOPSY TURVY. |
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 | The poems of George Huddesford |  |
5
TOPSY TURVY.
Man is but a topsy-turvy animal, his head where his heels should be.
Swift.
Swift.
Old England is ill at her ease,
She a surfeit has got, I can tell ye;
And the cause of Old England's disease
Is the pudding and beef in her belly:
To the French for relief she applies,
And their Politic Doctors assure her,
That they know where her malady lies,
And their Grand Panacea shall cure her.
She a surfeit has got, I can tell ye;
And the cause of Old England's disease
Is the pudding and beef in her belly:
To the French for relief she applies,
And their Politic Doctors assure her,
That they know where her malady lies,
And their Grand Panacea shall cure her.
“Ah! what Panacéa so grand
“Can my old constitution repair?—
Why, dame! on your head you must stand,
And kick up your heels in the air:
Then your health will be equal and good,
Nothing else can from ruin preserve ye:
For Equality, well understood,
Means to turn all the world topsy-turvy.
“Can my old constitution repair?—
Why, dame! on your head you must stand,
And kick up your heels in the air:
6
Nothing else can from ruin preserve ye:
For Equality, well understood,
Means to turn all the world topsy-turvy.
Our counsel you never can say 'tis
Like that of your medical elves,
Since you find that we offer you gratis
The prescription we follow ourselves:
Its blest operation you 've seen,
So 'tis plain that it never miscarries;
And you long in the habit have been
Of adopting the fashions of Paris.
Like that of your medical elves,
Since you find that we offer you gratis
The prescription we follow ourselves:
Its blest operation you 've seen,
So 'tis plain that it never miscarries;
And you long in the habit have been
Of adopting the fashions of Paris.
Behold our Republican State
To perfection advancing apace,
Ever since, where the Head stood of late,
We 've erected the Tail in its place!
All distinctions we nobly despise,
Yet who views our Convention must own us
A groupe who all merits comprize,
And each member “rex et sutor bonus.”
To perfection advancing apace,
Ever since, where the Head stood of late,
We 've erected the Tail in its place!
7
Yet who views our Convention must own us
A groupe who all merits comprize,
And each member “rex et sutor bonus.”
There's Pethion first on the lists
Of Levellers stands with good reason:
He can shew you that wisdom consists
In burglary, outrage and treason;
His logic will make it out plain
That allegiance and duty a farce is;
And dignity none can retain
But rogues without rags to their ------.
Of Levellers stands with good reason:
He can shew you that wisdom consists
In burglary, outrage and treason;
His logic will make it out plain
That allegiance and duty a farce is;
And dignity none can retain
But rogues without rags to their ------.
8
Robespierre, most renown'd desperado,
Next claims your profound admiration;
Who empties the veins like Sangrado,
Phlebotomist chief of the nation:
He laments, while a weasand is whole,
That his blade should inactive remain;
And (like Macedon's lord o'er his bowl)
Swears that thrice he would slaughter the slain.
Next claims your profound admiration;
Who empties the veins like Sangrado,
Phlebotomist chief of the nation:
He laments, while a weasand is whole,
That his blade should inactive remain;
And (like Macedon's lord o'er his bowl)
Swears that thrice he would slaughter the slain.
In committing to Danton the seals
We have shewn ourselves wiser than you are;
For whenever the state 's out at heels
We 've a farrier provided to shoe her:
He was nurst in the shambles 'tis known,
And now practises slaughter afresh,
To prove “What is bred in the bone
“Will never be out of the flesh.”
We have shewn ourselves wiser than you are;
For whenever the state 's out at heels
We 've a farrier provided to shoe her:
9
And now practises slaughter afresh,
To prove “What is bred in the bone
“Will never be out of the flesh.”
There's Gorsas who well ascertains
Of relative rights the extent,
Since he beat out his old father's brains
Who begot him without his consent.
Escap'd from the Wheel heretofore,
At the gallies he serv'd his probation;
His proficiency prov'd at the oar,
He's advanc'd to the helm of the nation.
Of relative rights the extent,
Since he beat out his old father's brains
Who begot him without his consent.
10
At the gallies he serv'd his probation;
His proficiency prov'd at the oar,
He's advanc'd to the helm of the nation.
11
Marat, whom all ruffians applaud,
Will to slaughter or robbery lead 'em;
This tergiverse Champion of fraud
Shall extend the dominion of freedom:
Tho' our credit (with Cambon's good care)
As threadbare is worn as our coats,
Tho' with famine we groan, and despair,
Marát can soon alter our notes.
Will to slaughter or robbery lead 'em;
This tergiverse Champion of fraud
Shall extend the dominion of freedom:
Tho' our credit (with Cambon's good care)
As threadbare is worn as our coats,
Tho' with famine we groan, and despair,
Marát can soon alter our notes.
See Merlin, preceptor of youth,
Exemplify filial affection;
Bright pattern of honour and truth,
The cement of nuptial connection!
See rev'rend
Chabot too conspire
To accomplish our regeneration:
That adulterous capuchin friar
Shall teach us to flee fornication.
Exemplify filial affection;
Bright pattern of honour and truth,
The cement of nuptial connection!
12
To accomplish our regeneration:
That adulterous capuchin friar
Shall teach us to flee fornication.
Atheistic Dupont for his pains,
With honour 'tis fit we should mention;
This globe of the world, he maintains,
Made itself like our Gallic Convention:
So, to prove ourselves creatures of chance,
We determine, and none shall gainsay us,
By disorganization of France
To establish the empire of Chaos:
With honour 'tis fit we should mention;
13
Made itself like our Gallic Convention:
So, to prove ourselves creatures of chance,
We determine, and none shall gainsay us,
By disorganization of France
To establish the empire of Chaos:
What guerdon shall Carra reward
Whose fame self-acknowledg'd we dwell on?
Who, for burglary doom'd to the cord
A true philosophical felon,
Now prescribes to reformers a plan
Of morality new and uncommon;
And the rights imprescriptive of man
Ascertains by the pillage of woman.
Whose fame self-acknowledg'd we dwell on?
Who, for burglary doom'd to the cord
A true philosophical felon,
Now prescribes to reformers a plan
Of morality new and uncommon;
14
Ascertains by the pillage of woman.
Egalite's retrogade worth
Surpasses all praise or rehearsal,
By scoundrels of ocean and earth
Unrivall'd—poltroon universal!
All jacobin murderers own
His precedence, and hail him “Tu Brute!”
While nearness in blood to the throne
Makes regicide relative duty.
Surpasses all praise or rehearsal,
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Unrivall'd—poltroon universal!
All jacobin murderers own
His precedence, and hail him “Tu Brute!”
While nearness in blood to the throne
Makes regicide relative duty.
Thus you see in how striking a light
True merit we strive to exhibit,
When our Senators sage we invite
From the gallies, the forge, and the gibbet:
And of equal desert we can boast
Legislators, some hundreds or more,
Who with reason, you'll own, rule the roast;
They were, half of 'em, turnspits before.
True merit we strive to exhibit,
16
From the gallies, the forge, and the gibbet:
And of equal desert we can boast
Legislators, some hundreds or more,
Who with reason, you'll own, rule the roast;
They were, half of 'em, turnspits before.
At your folly mankind will exclaim
If you share not the fruit of our labours,
With the sparks of our patriot-flame
While we freely enlighten our neighbours.
From these sparks you may kindle a blaze,
If fann'd by some notable fellows,
And a grand conflagration you'll raise
Let but Priestley and Paine blow the bellows.
If you share not the fruit of our labours,
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While we freely enlighten our neighbours.
From these sparks you may kindle a blaze,
If fann'd by some notable fellows,
And a grand conflagration you'll raise
Let but Priestley and Paine blow the bellows.
18
Even now is your church undermin'd
With Priestley's polemical nitre:
Which, exploded, you'll presently find
The red night-cap take place of the mitre.
As sure as his regimen works,
From old orthodox leaven 'twill purge ye;
And of Hebrews, Dissenters, and Turks,
Make right apostolical clergy.
With Priestley's polemical nitre:
Which, exploded, you'll presently find
The red night-cap take place of the mitre.
19
From old orthodox leaven 'twill purge ye;
And of Hebrews, Dissenters, and Turks,
Make right apostolical clergy.
Strike the flint of his heart on the steel
Of freedom; lawn sleeves be the tinder:
Well brimstone your match with his zeal,
And again make St. Paul's a huge cinder:
Rare news for the Shade of good Price!
With joy he will sing like a throstle:
So let Perigord post with advice,
To exhilarate Freedom's Apostle.
Of freedom; lawn sleeves be the tinder:
Well brimstone your match with his zeal,
And again make St. Paul's a huge cinder:
Rare news for the Shade of good Price!
With joy he will sing like a throstle:
20
To exhilarate Freedom's Apostle.
Then serve up a dish piping hot
Of the calves heads that govern the nation;
And reviving Guy Vaux's old plot,
By murder effect reformation:
Lords and Commons exalt to the skies,
Taught by Priestley new flights of devotion,
When both Houses together shall rise,
And each member at once make a motion.
Of the calves heads that govern the nation;
And reviving Guy Vaux's old plot,
By murder effect reformation:
Lords and Commons exalt to the skies,
Taught by Priestley new flights of devotion,
When both Houses together shall rise,
And each member at once make a motion.
His Birmingham thunder shall 'wake
Those blind watchmen your bishops suffragan,
And the pillars of monarchy shake;
Paine calls it the Temple of Dagon:
Like a Sampson he lustily strains
To pull down that pile Antichristian,
Which shall tumble, and beat out the brains
Of each aristocratic Philistine.
Those blind watchmen your bishops suffragan,
21
Paine calls it the Temple of Dagon:
Like a Sampson he lustily strains
To pull down that pile Antichristian,
Which shall tumble, and beat out the brains
Of each aristocratic Philistine.
For instruction repair to Paine's school,
And observe what a picture he'll draw,
Of a Brother of Mahomet's Mule,
Call'd “The Church as establish'd by Law;”
By the Hierarchy 'got on the State
That with fishes and loaves loads his crupper,
While Sectaries squint at the bait,
And get nothing but kicks for their supper.
And observe what a picture he'll draw,
Of a Brother of Mahomet's Mule,
Call'd “The Church as establish'd by Law;”
By the Hierarchy 'got on the State
That with fishes and loaves loads his crupper,
22
And get nothing but kicks for their supper.
Nor believe the assertion that those
Who would level the altar and throne,
Who all faith and allegiance oppose,
No religion can have of their own:
For David describ'd long ago
Some lambs of this very same fold,
Whose religion was Rapine, I trow,
Since “their idols were silver and gold.”
Who would level the altar and throne,
Who all faith and allegiance oppose,
No religion can have of their own:
For David describ'd long ago
Some lambs of this very same fold,
Whose religion was Rapine, I trow,
Since “their idols were silver and gold.”
Some say that with coin to supply us,
The spoils of the church we engross,
And as for our churchmen so pious,
Neither pile we have left them, nor cross;
But 'tis false.—The true church we restore
By our confiscatorial process;
And her sons, like the Christians of yore,
We make them all take up their crosses.
The spoils of the church we engross,
And as for our churchmen so pious,
Neither pile we have left them, nor cross;
23
By our confiscatorial process;
And her sons, like the Christians of yore,
We make them all take up their crosses.
What! shall prelates or nobles forsooth
In fine cloaths shew their insolent riches,
And basely oppose naked truth
By Philosophers taught without breeches!
No!—Let us of raiment bereave
All aristocratical sots,
For our ancestors, Adam and Eve,
Were, at first, like ourselves, Sans-Culottes
In fine cloaths shew their insolent riches,
24
By Philosophers taught without breeches!
25
All aristocratical sots,
26
Were, at first, like ourselves, Sans-Culottes
But, no longer in Innocence dress'd,
When they courted the fig-leaf's protection,
And green breeches put on, 'tis confess'd
They were fall'n from their pristine perfection.
Then survey Us so dauntless and bare,
Nor dispute the perfection we claim,
Who rival the primitive pair,
Unincumber'd with Breeches or Shame.
When they courted the fig-leaf's protection,
And green breeches put on, 'tis confess'd
They were fall'n from their pristine perfection.
Then survey Us so dauntless and bare,
Nor dispute the perfection we claim,
Who rival the primitive pair,
Unincumber'd with Breeches or Shame.
If our counsel with scorn is repaid
We shall bring an old house o'er your ears;
At our bidding, to swallow your trade,
All Europe shall send privateers:
Tippoo Sultan your factors shall dread;
When back'd by French blades he shall fix a
Huge price on each Englishman's head
In Bengal, in Bahàr, and Orixa.
We shall bring an old house o'er your ears;
27
All Europe shall send privateers:
Tippoo Sultan your factors shall dread;
When back'd by French blades he shall fix a
Huge price on each Englishman's head
In Bengal, in Bahàr, and Orixa.
Our ordnance affright'ning the Tagus
Shall ring a Republican peal;
We'll make Lisbon one grand Sarcophágus
And plunder the mines of Brazil.
We'll nip the Dutch navy in Zealand,
On their demi-despotic Stadhólder
Set the Patriots, his guilders to steal and
The head that looks over his shoulder.
Shall ring a Republican peal;
We'll make Lisbon one grand Sarcophágus
And plunder the mines of Brazil.
28
On their demi-despotic Stadhólder
Set the Patriots, his guilders to steal and
The head that looks over his shoulder.
Batavia we next will attack,
To Ceylon we'll establish our claim:
Fed on spices wash'd down with arrack,
How fiercely French courage will flame!
Our Dráwcansirs none shall escape,
Fleets and armies we'll fit out by dozens,
Expel the Mynheers from the Cape,
And fratérnize our Hottentot Cousins.
To Ceylon we'll establish our claim:
Fed on spices wash'd down with arrack,
How fiercely French courage will flame!
29
Fleets and armies we'll fit out by dozens,
Expel the Mynheers from the Cape,
And fratérnize our Hottentot Cousins.
In the silks which Italians export
Shall our shirtless Philosophers shine;
While for Rome, that idolatrous court,
Our new priests have a tickler in brine:
We'll shew the poor fools, who confide in
Infallible brains that are addle,
Evangelic Democracy 'striding
Superstition's old Catholic saddle.
Shall our shirtless Philosophers shine;
While for Rome, that idolatrous court,
Our new priests have a tickler in brine:
30
Infallible brains that are addle,
Evangelic Democracy 'striding
Superstition's old Catholic saddle.
Should Spain to the Bourbons prove true
From the Dons their mustachios we'll crop,
Spoil Mexico, pillage Peru,
And spend all the gold in their shop;
All around us, east, west, north, and south,
Insurrection and anarchy foster,
Sail to Hell with the winds in our mouth,
Nor care three-pence for Libs, Notus, Auster.
From the Dons their mustachios we'll crop,
Spoil Mexico, pillage Peru,
And spend all the gold in their shop;
31
Insurrection and anarchy foster,
Sail to Hell with the winds in our mouth,
Nor care three-pence for Libs, Notus, Auster.
That the good of mankind we've in view
Our extreme moderation denotes:
Then French tenets embrace, or, morbleu!
We'll invade you and cut all your throats.
In the teeth of the tower of London
Hurl the Head of your King in defiance,
His beef-eaters knock ev'ry one down,
And enfranchise hyænas and lions.
Our extreme moderation denotes:
32
We'll invade you and cut all your throats.
In the teeth of the tower of London
Hurl the Head of your King in defiance,
His beef-eaters knock ev'ry one down,
And enfranchise hyænas and lions.
33
To perfection as yet never reach'd
The world 's in a state of progression,
Heretofore, like our patriots, unbreech'd,
Soon 'twill swagger at years of discretion;
While the nations, enlighten'd, agree
To propagate rapine and slaughter,
Blest scyons of Liberty's Tree,
Which We plant, and the Devil will water.
The world 's in a state of progression,
Heretofore, like our patriots, unbreech'd,
Soon 'twill swagger at years of discretion;
While the nations, enlighten'd, agree
To propagate rapine and slaughter,
Blest scyons of Liberty's Tree,
Which We plant, and the Devil will water.
| The poems of George Huddesford | |