University of Virginia Library

This Hydra of uncertain birth,
If sprung from hell, or sprung from earth,
If Lethe's or Geneva's spawn,
An enemy to Gown and Lawn,
And all that superstition fosters,
As Canons, Creeds, and Pater-nosters,
Doxologies, and Days festival,
And every other thing that's civil,
All laws divine and human scorns,
And with more heads, by far, and horns,
Than Beasts describ'd in Revelation,
Push'd on a godly Reformation.
First on the pleasant banks of Clyde,
Fruitful of Treason, Lust and Pride,
And farther to the setting sun,
Where Saints do live, and Saints alone;
As some affirm, in Irish ground
No Viper lives, nor can be found,
No Spider there, no Frog, nor Toad,
So none live here but men of God.
At Pentland-hills and Bothwel-brigs,
Where once the covenanted Whigs,
Inspir'd with zealous fury, fought
Against their King, and gained nought:
The Saints affirm'd that Windle-straws
Would that day fight for the Old Cause,
And so it prov'd, as those who saw,
Told that they fought like Men of Straw.

Here, first, that Beast with many Heads
Began to shew his mighty Deeds,
And furiously, with Sword in hand,
From Superstition purg'd the land;
With Pitchforks, Scythes, and such like tools,
Reform'd Kirks, Colleges and Schools;
With Dagger, Sword, and Musket-shot,
Did Gospel-purity promote;
Kilmarnocks-knives, and Forks, and Bodkins,
Pick-axes, and a thousand odd things,
With Flails, and Cudgels made of Birk,
Most proper tools to plant the Kirk,
And thoroughly to purge the nation,
By blood, or some Evacuation,
From noxious humours, and the Devil,
Of myter'd heads, and the King's Evil.
Thus Mountsbanks and Urine gazers,
Armed with Pincers, Launcets, Razors,
With Spatulas and Clyster-pipes,
Close siege lay to their patients tripes,
Till they have turned out what's in,
And then to stuff them do begin,
With such sophistic Drugs and Pills,
Which leaves them sicker, or else kills;
Or cunningly their teeth he draws,
And so depopulates their jaws,
Yet very gravely does assure them,
There is no other way to cure them,
And then expects right ample Fees,
For cures far worse than the disease.

Still more and more the Mob advanced,
And, as the Devil pip'd, it danced,
With agile motion crossed Forth,
To plant the gospel in the North,
Sack'd every Kirk, storm'd every steeple,
Dragoon'd all the opposing people;
And, being by the Bench assisted,
Seldom and faintly was resisted:
Some of them had escap'd the Gallows,
And therefore patroniz'd their fellows,
To make their own case seem the fairer,
They still would vindicate a sharer.
Thus Success did attend the Rabble,
In each attempt, and every Squabble,
And still the Reformation
By Fraud or Force was carried on,
And o'er the Grampian-hills it glided,
Which Scots from Picts of old divided.
Here I my wearied bones will rest,
And, when I am again refresht,
The Mob I'll meet in place more proper,
And trigg it too, till then let's stop here.