The Man with the twa Wives.
In antient Tales, there is a Story,
Of ane had twa Wives, Whig and Tory.
The Carlie's Head, was now attir'd
With Hair, in equal Mixture, lyart.
His Wives (Faith an might well suffic'd)
Alternately was ay ill pleas'd;
They being reverse to ane another
In Age and Faith, made a curs'd Pother
Whilk of the twa shou'd bear the Bell,
And make their Man maist like themsell.
Auld Meg, the Tory, took great Care,
To weed out ilka Sable Hair,
Plucking out all that look'd like Youth,
Frae Crown of Head, to Weeks of Mouth;
Saying, That baith in Head and Face
Antiquity was Mark of Grace.
But Bess, the Whig, a Raving Rump,
Took Figmaliries, and wald jump,
With Sword and Pistol, by her Side,
And Cock-a-stride arowing ride,
On the Hag-riden Sumph, and grapple
Him hard and fast about the Thraple;
And with her furious Fingers whirle,
Frae youthfu' Black ilk Silver Curle.
Thus was he serv'd between the twa,
'Till no ae Hair he had ava.
MORAL
The Moral of this Fable's easy,
But I sall speak it out to please ye.
'Tis and auld Saying and a trow,
Between twa Stools the Arse fa's throw.
Thus Britain's Morals are much plucked,
While by two opposites instructed:
Who still contending have the Trick,
The strongest Truths to contradict;
Tho' Orthodox, they'll Error make it,
If Party opposite has spake it.
Thus are we keytch'd between the twa,
Like to turn Deists, ane and a'.
