University of Virginia Library


201

LOVE LETTERS TO MY WIFE;

Written in 1789.

LETTER I.

[Tho' to Thee 'tis nothing rare]

1788.

Dear Hannah,

Tho' to Thee 'tis nothing rare,
That I pronounce I'm fond, and Thou art fair—
That Love, attending Time, thro' many a round,
Unfluctuating still my Faith hath found—
And still my Mind, were every Fair-one free,
Would feel thy charm the same, and fix on Thee.
Should such positions meet the Public's eyes,
All would pronounce them mere poetic lies;
For each, while beastly lusts their bosom sway;
Would judge the rest were all as vile as they.
And it must needs appear exceeding strange,
In eight and twenty Years to feel no change!
Strange! in a foolish, fickle, World, like this,
Which boasts in change alone, its choicest bliss;
But, if a change in Us, unlike our Betters,
As facts will prove before I close these Letters.
A Letter to a Wife! the subject Love!—
This must seem stranger still to Folks above,
Whose wandering hearts in countless channels stray,
Ere Hymen hails their eight and twentieth day.
But 'tis not so with Us, in deed, or will,
As Heav'n hath witness'd and can witness still—
Thou ever lov'd, and ever loving Wife!
Substantial image in the dream of Life!
Chief sweetner of my Being's mawkish cup,
Which prompts me, maugre dregs, to drink it up!
Thou swell'st each joy, and soften'st every woe:
Heav'n's noblest bounty in my lot below!
Except that purer bliss, which still descends
On true Believers, from their best of Friends!
Twelve tedious weeks have, slowly, crawled along,
Since thy transporting presence made me young;
When my responsive, palpitating, heart,
In all thy raptures bore its ready part;
When each fond nerve in lesser joys would join,
And strike its tones in unison with thine!
If twittering Red-breast caught thy listening ear,
To me no Nightingale was half so dear!
But if thy tongue attun'd the vocal strain,
Whole woodland choirs might urge each song in vain!
The faintest flow'rs that sprigg'd the gloomy glades,
Or, void of scent, peep'd pale thro' sickly shades,
I found, when pluck'd, and on thy bosom plac'd,
All Flora's pride by Thee and them disgrac'd,
Tho' Summer-sweets from grove and field were fled,
Thy opening lips their essenc'd odours shed—
Tho' rose and lily long had left the year,

202

I view'd thy face and found both blooming there—
Tho' fogs, autumnal, shut out half the day,
Thy azure eyes could look that loss away;
And when discarded quite, with wintry shrowd,
Thy vernal charms still shone without a cloud.
If whistling winds were thy enamour'd theme,
I sigh'd no more for Summer's fanning stream;
Or shew'd'st affection for a show'ry sky,
I never wish'd a single hour of dry.
When grinding Gout convuls'd my tortur'd toe,
'Twas rapture, even then, with Thee to go;
For tho' each grating step provok'd a groan,
'Twas happier, far, than pining here, alone—
And oft, while here, when seated near thy side,
I dar'd the Despot's amplest pow'r deride;
For while my eye survey'd thy matchless charms,
My heart forgot, or spurn'd his dire alarms—
Or, where the Tyrant struck his ruffian fangs,
Thy hand's soft stroke asswag'd the sharpest pangs,
While each calm'd tendon took a quiet nap,
So sweetly lull'd within thy cradling lap!
The fell Fiend, now, with tenfold rage returns—
Deep-agonizing gnaws, and throbs, and burns.
Without controul dissects his destin'd prey,
Whilst Thou, Physician fair! art far away;
Anatomizing still with tenter'd claw,
He leaves each tender nerve to torment raw,
But while his talons tear each morbid part,
Thy absence wrings, much more, my wretched heart!
No soothing Friend, sweet antidote! is nigh,
While wintry horrors Nature's charms destroy;
December calling up tempestuous trains,
With warlike arms to persecute the plains—
Keen barbed blasts, with meteors dense at night,
The welkin chill, and chase the short-liv'd light!
No smiling leaf appears—no fragrant flow'r—
No song survives to glad the gloomy bow'r;
But tragic rooks bedim the dusky spray,
And caw, with clamorous plaint, for lingering day!
The pilfering frosts, and furious hostile floods,
Bedrench the dales, and pillage hills and woods;
Dark desolation shrowds the ghastly ground,
While storms, undenn'd, howl horrid mischiefs round,
And thou, my gentle Hannah! art not near,
Smiling again to Spring the pliant Year!
Imprison'd fast in dismal monkish cell,
With owls, and bats, and spectres, doom'd to dwell;
Coop'd like a recluse swine, in cloister'd stye,
Cut off from every sweet and social joy!
Or shackled savage, in sequestered den,
Expung'd from all the chearful haunts of men;
Except such haunts as beasts of prey approve,
Hermits affect, or sots and dullards love.
Such fate we servile Slaves must, frequent feel,
While scourg'd with scorpion whips of biting steel,
Which, proud of pow'r, all petty Tyrants wield,
Rejoic'd to make we sturdy Truants yield;
Yet Nature's common claims start, uncontroul'd,
Tho' Will and Sense are prodigally sold—
Sold to some selfish Arbiter of Earth,
To proud to estimate Man's genuine worth,
Whose Liberty and Time are truck'd for nought,
The Soul's fair commerce! merchandize of thought!
'Tis Esau's curse; who, like our abject troop,
His birthright bartered for a mess of soup!
Men, thus degraded, must assume new shapes,
As camels—asses—lap-dogs—pointers—apes.
Bear heavy burdens—learn to fetch and carry—
Play monkey tricks—but never, never marry!
For Wives will claim affection, thought, and time;
And Children aggravate the deadly crime—
Spontaneous impulse must be thrust aside,
The love of Offspring, and of tender Bride;
Friend—Husband—Father—all mere mock repute—
In bondage duteous; but, at home—a Brute—
A Despot's dupe! a Family's fell rod!
Fulfil his office, but forget his God!
His actions must be shap'd—his air, and mien—
A plain repeater! copying machine!
His words and looks conform to mimic laws,
Like puppets—magpies—parrots—jays, and daws.
Go back to pupillage; and, promptly, learn,
Head, eyes, and ears, and arms, and legs, to turn—
Soft sentiments and accents fitly form
To mould and tone, or meet perpetual storm.

203

The head, like barber's block, propp'd up by pride,
With freestone curl, or crape, on either side;
And lengthen'd cones of hair, which downward shoot
Like parsnip, radish, beet, or carrot root—
With store of stiffening filth to roll behind,
Like stuccoed tails of greasy, grunting, kind;
Forg'd full in lumps, and ballasted with lead,
Appendage fit for dolt's unfurnish'd head—
Or, plaited, powder'd, swell'd in antic taste,
Like twisted vermicelli, or puff-paste:
The rest with roasted frizz, and flow'r, bedight,
Like foppish furze-bush on hoar-frosty night—
I look, and look again, but scarcely can,
In conscience, call such mongrel creature, Man.
None suffers Nature, now, in genuine way,
To grizzle aged heads, alone, with grey—
Let Youth's and puberty's loose tresses flow,
With varied tinctures, and with vivid glow—
Lank, pencill'd locks, without a curve, descend,
Or curls, in endless combinations, bend;
To give Diversity her beauteous range,
And keep Identity from treacherous change;
But all from Heav'n's establish'd order start,
And spoil their charms by childish tricks of Art.
Were comeliness Mankind's conspiring aim
To fix fond Admiration's rambling flame—
With Beauty's blaze to kindle warm desire;
Fan transient Lust; or feed Love's lasting fire;
All would pursue pure Nature's simple plan,
Woman be Woman still, and Man be Man;
Age still appear as Age, and Youth as Youth,
With unaffected traits like rapturing Truth:
For Nature only shapes those magic charms,
That furnish Beauty's most resistless arms—
Those lines and colours, innocence and grace,
Which throw enchantment o'er Thy form and face;
Knit the sure knots with which those nets are wrought,
That fetter fancy, and entangle thought—
That spread the spell, and modulate the lure,
Which fascinate each eye, each heart secure.
Taste, wonderous Talisman! with perfect ease,
Preserves the sure, the happy, pow'r to please—
Variety, with wild, bewitching, air,
Tho' changeful, chaste; tho' fanciful yet, fair;
With pure Simplicity, sweet Sister-twins!
The one securing what the other wins;
Attending constant, in their Mother's train,
Still help her conquests and enlarge her reign—
But handmaid, Art, leads Nymphs and Swains astray,
Thro' many a devious, many an irksome, way—
By flattering prospect fluttering Hope's betray'd,
Whose visions vanish, and whose objects fade.
Art wantonly invents, with varied whim,
To tinge the features, and the form to trim;
Till by ambiguous care, and endless cost,
All Nature's hues, and lineaments, are lost—
While Love lies vexing o'er her vanquish'd charms,
And throws away, with tears, his useless arms;
Or, to the rural plain, impatient, hies,
To fix his reign, and feast on fadeless joys,
Where thy bright beauties, Hannah, long have blown,
To crown his altar, and confirm his throne.
To tell how heads, and arms, and legs, we train,
A well-known simile will best explain—
Hast Thou not seen, in March, or April, morns,
When buds and blooms begin to deck the thorns;
Behind the clean, colloquial, bird-cage walk,
Where beaux and belles recline, or strut and talk;
(Why call'd so Antiquaries may discuss,
Who o'er mere trifles make a tedious fuss)
Near that fam'd structure, whence the worshipp'd Pair,
Brought forth to view, made Ignorance gape and stare,
With reverential wonder, to behold,
Two Mortals glare with frippery and gold—
Or, to keep up the price of kingly pride,
Fools' empty tongues, and vulgar eyes, avoid;
Box'd up in close sedans, with curtain'd glasses,
To scape the peeps of twice ten hundred asses.
Which sacred Personages, when within,
By close economy shun beastly sin;
Abstemious eat and drink, while, free from fear,
They stock the Earth, like Us, each teeming year—
Near that said Mansion, on the grassy plain,
Expos'd to heat, and cold, and wind, and rain,
Spruce ranks of brick-dust-colour'd beaux are seen,
Like Statues stiffly stuck athwart the green;
While, full before their face, with martial wand,
And high majestic air, their Masters stand:

204

Whose churlish looks, by strong mysterious charm,
Move every jointless leg, and awkward arm;
Or oaths and threats, miraculous like blows,
New hinge the knees—articulate the toes—
Full shoulders flatten—bloat the hollow breast—
Till, like proud puppets, swivell'd, wir'd, and dress'd,
They fiercely look—whirl round—and roll their quids,
Just as the conjuring Shewman bluffly bids.
Thus we must manage heads, and hands, and feet,
As our sublime Commanders deem most meet.
Must skip like apes—like prudes look pure and prim,
To tickle haughty pride, or flatter whim;
And when harsh act, or speech, or look, reprove,
With patience listen, and with promptness move.
The tortur'd heart may swell—or burst—or break—
No trammell'd tongue those throbbing pangs must speak
But looks must fondly fawn, and lips must lie,
The supple back must bend, and feet must fly,
And hands, alert, perform their tasks, with speed,
Tho' eyes are drown'd, and bosom throb and bleed.
Should honest office, e'er so kindly meant,
In jot or tittle fail the full intent,
No virtuous views explain'd, or clearly known,
Can for such slips, or slight mistakes, atone;
But while on treacherous Memory's boggy ground,
No wholesome herb, or scented flow'r, be found,
Yet, like the trench the Grecian barber made,
And there fool Midas' fatal trust betray'd;
If ever dubious deed, or sentence quaint,
Or ought that scandal's blighting breath can taint;
Or just resentment, rationally stirr'd,
Produce one louring look, or waspish word,
Forth from the spongey soil, like pointed reed,
With dog-rose thorny smile, sharp sounds proceed,
In lie, or libel, two-edg'd taunt, or jeer,
At every change of sky throughout the year;
While Treachery cheats, or stabs, fair Friendship's trust,
Like Judas' devilish kiss, or Joab's jealous thrust.
Despots, tho' cruel, deem it monstrous queer,
Respectful duty should to dulness veer,
Then turn to strong dislike; while, weakly, they
Hope Tools, chastiz'd, more chearful will obey—
Think base Plebeians never know they're hurt,
But bear Pow'r's stripes, and still look more alert—
That beaten Slaves will fawn on Fools above,
And persecuted Louts, like Spaniels love—
As soon might Earth's antipodes unite,
As cruelty kind sentiments excite.
As soon an Angel from a Fiend be born,
As kindness flow from insolence and scorn:
Affection springs, alone, from tender ties—
Love only will from genuine love arise—
Benevolence must ever mutual be—
The Soul's delightful reciprocity!
Man, godlike Man! tho' sunk to servile state,
Feels not, like burden'd Beasts, the force of fate,
To tame obedience by keen lashes broke,
And go more freely, gall'd by bloody stroke—
Not like the mean domestic breed of Dogs,
That crouching, fawn, and lick the hand that flogs—
Nor like the Worm that slinks to sly retreat,
And scarcely turns when trampled under feet;
But basely twists while Tyrants bait their hook,
By which tom-culls or minnies may be took—
Still, tho' thro' Time by Providence depress'd,
He feels true dignity expand his breast;
And, knowing his descent, his heavenly birth,
Spurns Earth, and all that appertains to Earth!
Can arbitrary influence e'er controul
The in-born bias of Man's soaring Soul?
Can Mammon's votaries vainly hope to bind,
In shining shackles, his immortal Mind?
Put on some tinkling bells, and tinsel chains,
And hope he'll trudge with joy, 'mid griefs and pains?
Hope, tho' degraded to Man's meanest shape,
'Mid scoff and ridicule he'll act the ape?
That prison'd Minds will cease to pine, and mope,
'Tis Fools' absurd philosophism to hope.
Not bulls from Popes, or warrants back'd by Kings,
The Martyr's burning piles, or Miscreants' strings,
Can faithful Souls by fear, or force, subdue,
Who know their crimes are cross'd, and Heav'n is true—
For tho' imperious Popes, or Kings, may kill,
No earthly pow'r can bind the free-born Will:
'Tis like the thwarting elements at strife,
Or adverse interests torturing Man and Wife—
'Tis oil with water join'd, or fire with phlegm,
What Dolt would ever dream of mixing them?

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Sooner might foolish Coachman hope to force,
The kind esteem of beaten, batter'd, horse—
Or pert Postilion, mad with megrims, think,
By whips and wales to make the creature drink:
I may by dint of discipline, compel
The fear-struck animal to travel well,
But never can by any force, or fright,
Produce pure love, or prompt an appetite.
Search Laws, reveal'd, or Nature's system, through,
Heav'n works, in all, with order strict, and true.
No Reptile, Insect, Fish, Bird, Beast, or Man,
By fraudful force, or stratagem, e'er can
Produce each other; but in form and mien,
The parents' portrait's in the offspring seen.
No beauteous Couples of the northern race,
With tropic black their progeny disgrace;
Nor Sires of sable hue, and woolly hair,
Produce the flaxen, or the fresh and fair:
So human Minds beget on human Minds
Similitudes in colours, shapes, and kinds;
In fellow Souls producing mental tone,
Of lusts—affections—passions—like their own—
O'er the whole frame their tranquil traits diffuse,
Or force contortions, vile, and heighten'd hues;
Depicting lights and shades, in face and form,
The smiling sunshine, or the frowning storm.
If Reason, with her tutor'd pencil, trace
Mild lineaments and lights, o'er form and face,
The soft attraction each beholder feels,
While, to each heart, she makes her mute appeals;
O'er all, around, the living lustre breaks,
And each calm countenance approval speaks:
So the smooth surface of the tranquil stream,
Enlighten'd by the Sun's celestial beam,
To all things, near, a faithful mirror holds,
And each clear form in earth and sky unfolds;
Delighted, every eye the vision views,
Distinctly trac'd, in sizes, shapes, and hues;
But when a passing cloud obscures the light,
No more enchanting landscapes charm the sight—
Or, when the winds in ruffling breezes blow,
And break the surface of the lake below,
A wild confusion every object blends,
And all the fairy fascination ends;
So, when perturbing passion stirs the breast,
No more the troubled form and features rest,
But every eye perceives the alter'd frame,
And every sentient heart partakes the same.
If Anger's brushes draw the harden'd lines,
No more the heavenly portrait, placid, shines;
But, Necromancer like, o'er magic book,
The vengeful visage, the malignant look,
The quivering lip, pale cheek, and flaming eye,
Transfer infection to each stander by,
Till every face is like a fiend's impress'd,
By fire and fury gender'd thro' the breast—
Or when fierce Hatred fires the tortur'd soul,
While bosom roars, and burning eye-balls roll,
Each neighbouring breast will feel the imp inspire,
Each blazing eye betray infernal fire,
Till foes and friends with canine fury yelp,
Stab, to revenge, or fiercely curse to help—
But Love, celestial Love! sweet Grace, divine!
Makes all hearts melt; all angel-faces shine;
And looks—longs—labours; sighs, and weeps, and bleeds,
Less to supply her own than others needs.
Nor christian Providence, nor pagan Chance,
In loving-kindness, or in casual dance,
Nor blindfold pow'rs of Fortune, or of Fate,
Make Hate engender Friendship, Friendship Hate;
Nor all the pow'rs below, or pow'rs above,
Can make malignant Passions procreate Love,
Can devilish Spite, in her delirious pet,
Meekness, and modest Gentleness, beget?
Humility be natural child of Pride?
Or Vice or Virtue bring forth ought beside?
Base Lust may fondly bid, or foully bribe,
And gain gross favours from her sister-tribe;
But Love, pure Love! can ne'er be bought, or sold,
By thirst for fame, or hunger after gold—
She feels no force in pow'r, or pomp, or pelf,
But simply barters, blessed Self for Self!
Sometimes, mayhap, the smiling, artless, Maid,
May be by serpent wile, or wit, betray'd—
May be, a time, enclos'd in Treachery's trap—
Recline her harmless head in Cunning's lap—
But ne'er by frowns, or threats, or ravings, rude,
The independent Paragon's subdued:
If trapp'd by trick, or snar'd by subtle lies,

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She breaks her bonds, or ponders—pines—and dies—
She never cringes like a servile Slave,
But Freedom finds, or greets a welcome grave—
She seeks no service but her heavenly Sire's,
Who, kindles, fans, and feeds, her sacred fires;
His semblance bearing tho' in small degree,
And feels, tho' always serving, always free!
Ah Hannah! warn each inexperienc'd Youth,
Who knows the worth of probity and truth—
Who feels a generous, an expansive, heart,
Prompt to espouse, and help the honest part—
Who feels eternal Freedom's strong controul,
Pervade and poise his elevated Soul—
Who feels the genuine, just, and proper, pride,
To act as Reason, Grace, and Conscience, guide—
Who, raptur'd, feels Religion's fervid fire,
Exalt each virtuous view, and hope, still high'r,
To find the holy fount of endless joys,
Of all that's pure, benevolent, and wise!
Should lust of indolence, and proud parade,
Tempt him to leave an honest, humble Trade—
Should Foppery's cheating, unsubstantial, charm,
Entice to fly his friends, and healthful farm;
Or vicious gust for evanescent gold,
To quit the quiet plough, and peaceful fold—
Tell them, oh tell! from one who fully knows,
'Tis jilting joy! 'tis wedding countless woes!
'Tis courting pains, solicitudes, and troubles!
Pursuing baseless shadows! grasping bubbles!
'Tis the weak labour of the Wiltshire Loon,
Raking a pond to catch a mimic Moon!
What! useful, innocent, employments leave,
In sloth to sigh? in gaiety to grieve?
What! simple sense, and cleanly diet, quit,
For filthy mammocks, and blasphemous wit?
The harmless mirth of simple circles miss,
To mix with flirts, and meet but fancied bliss?
Abandon sober, and salubrious, art,
In frantic masquerade to frisk a part?
In misery loll one moiety of time,
And skip half t'other half in pantomime?
Forego plain habits—health—and conscience clear,
For vice—disease—and frippery once a year?
Shun team and whistle, madrigal and sheep,
For heart that throbs, and eyes that watch and weep?
Shall noise and nonsense, giddy pomp and glare,
The simple, systematic, Swain ensnare?
Falshood and flattery, turpitude and pain,
Cajole his judgment? rend his heart in twain?
Seduce from guileless chat with modest maid,
To seek some vile, corrupt, and jilting Jade?
Despise the graceful garb, and comely coif,
With all the pure felicities of life,
For false and vicious lust, and vulgar lore,
With twice-dy'd, cast-off, cloaths bedizen'd o'er;
Head puff'd like owl's, with pigeon's bloated breast,
In ribbons, lappets, wires, and gauzes dress'd?
Have patience, Hannah; while I truly trace
The crafty city-crowd, and rural race—
No highly pencill'd picture's my design,
But just to sketch the clear, and bold, outline;
It calls a veteran Cowper's tutor'd hand,
To make each figure strong, and fitly, stand,
In high and rich relief, distinct and true;
My Muse's aim's a far inferior view,
Wrought rough and rude, for fellow-Rustic's eye,
To hint some caution; urge my Peers to fly,
And shun that gulph, the sober Boor's disgrace,
Where hiss'd Religion hides her hated face—
Where pure Morality her laws conceals,
Still stifling what she knows, and what she feels—
Where modest Merit hangs her bashful head,
While whooted Truth, and Liberty, lie dead.
Great Pluto's progeny, who proudly, read
In lordly list, their domineering breed;
Look down with scoffs and scorns, or stern disdain,
On simple village Nymph, and rustic Swain;
Their speech despise—their countenance condemn—
Heav'n's image mocking, best maintain'd in them.
Their scutcheon'd shields how gladly would they grace
With countless quarters from a regal race;
But ah! no genealogic tree can shine,
With trunk antique, more clear than Thine and Mine!
Tho' no remaining documents record,
That Cain could be their Sire, or sovereign Lord,
They boast, no doubt, some drops of kindred blood,
From beastly Lamech long before the flood,
Yet grope, like Us, without a single spark,
To light enquiry back thro' Noah's ark,

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How proudly would they trace Titanian Sire,
In wrath destroy'd by Heav'n's electric fire;
Or prouder still from ant'deluvian birth,
Close-dated down from giant Sons of Earth:
But, sad to tell! what must such claim confound,
That impious, proud, pragmatic, brood was drown'd!
Their title's clear to Ham's obscene descent,
Who sham'd his Father, drunk within his tent—
But, maugre all! Dan Pryor's honest boast,
Must level down this huge gigantic host,
Whose riven hearts, with indignation, grieve,
That all, alike, descend from grandam Eve!
Ah! did they feel that far superior claim,
Thy nobler boast, and mine, my dove-ey'd Dame!
Deriv'd from that great Being, most sublime!
Who rules all Worlds! continues thro' all Time!
Unbounded fountain, whence all blessings flow;
All bliss above! all wealth and pow'r below!
By titles, names, and epithets, disgrac'd,
On highest Angels, or Archangels plac'd;
Degraded more, compar'd with earthly things,
Whether the Lord of Lords, or King of Kings!
Him, tho' the King of all created hosts,
Him! Friend, and Father, each true Christian boasts,
While Mammon's offspring, haughtily disclaim
The real substance, yet usurp the Name.
No longer, then, let Bodies, equal born,
In fellow-dust dissolv'd, alike forlorn;
Nor let Fame, Wealth, or Titles, Pomp, or Pow'r,
The shadowy pageants of a passing hour!
Tempt the mistaken Soul to swell with pride,
Or humble Want and Worth with scorn deride;
God's only Son, when He, in lowly guise,
To bless rebellious Creatures, left the skies,
To preach repentance; urge regenerate birth;
And shew fall'n Man his fullest hopes on Earth—
His Spirit calling, still, to quit the dust;
To mortify false pride, and banish lust—
He, guiltless of all guile, and free from sin,
With Love, while striving, sinful Souls to win,
Was persecuted still by cruel Pow'r,
And vengeful Envy, to life's latest hour;
Then crucify'd and kill'd, with devilish Hate,
By whom?—the worldly Wise, and worldly Great!
But what has Wealth to boast? or high Degree?
Fame—Honour—Names—or Influence—more than We?
If Fame be merited by Wit or Parts,
By Skill, or Courage; Sciences, or Arts;
No praise and glory can be call'd their own,
By God each talent's lent, and each seed sown;
And He the strength and influence bestows,
By which the interest's gain'd, and harvest grows.
Ev'n patrimonial Honours, Wealth, or Pow'r,
Or self-attain'd, are still His bounteous dow'r—
His Pow'r, and Providence, deal all Things here,
To those that drudge, and those that domineer;
While Goodness portions happiness to all,
That claim, or cultivate, this bustling Ball.
Vain, whistling Titles are but vapoury things,
Mere mortal edicts made by mortal Kings!
Soon, from Time's records, by Oblivion, scratch'd,
The hand that wrote, destroy'd, and head, that hatch'd!
Give God all honour! nor in Pride's full bloom,
Let Wealth the rights of Deity assume;
But, in the heights of Arrogance and State,
Remember haughty Herod's dreadful fate!
Perhaps, my Hannah! Fraud, or hostile Force,
In Law's chicane, or conquering Bastard's course,
Have stol'n from peaceful, pristine, Ancestry,
What should, in right, attach to Thee and Me:
Then be it so; our blessedness consists,
Not in a Norman Plunderer's pilfering lists—
To blaze in herald registers enroll'd—
In large domains, or magazines of gold—
But interests and honours, still far high'r,
Christ's riches ours! His Father for our Sire!
And, tho' of earthly pomp and pow'r devoid,
Of golden treasures, and dominions wide,
Still we've a title, with all christian Clowns,
To heavenly Kingdoms, and celestial Crowns,
Unbounded glory, in the World above,
And here, below, the noblest bliss of Love!
If Genius haply lie in Penury's lot,
'Tis faintly notic'd, or 'tis soon forgot;
For hungry Ostentation constant craves
Fresh treats of flattery from her feudal slaves—
Claims myrrh and frankincense as rightful dues,
From priestly censer of the servile Muse—

208

As meagre bitterns, ever-sateless, roar,
And, while with dainties gorg'd, still gape for more.
When Flattery's food from Vanity's withdrawn,
And Cooks and Scullions, o'er their office yawn;
Pride thinks their scanty wages never earn'd,
Their care's all scouted; prompt attention spurn'd;
Till, pinch'd with hunger, Petulance discards
Each frail purveyor, even it's household Bards.
The nicest dish ne'er long affords delight
To puling Pride's fastidious appetite;
But Fancy must thro' Art and Nature rove,
Drain every lake, and river; plain, and grove;
Then bring the boundless spoils, as deem'd most meet,
And lay them, humbly, at the Harpy's feet—
Fantastic Taste still want of change bewails,
And, as it loath'd the Manna, loaths the Quails.
To Pride's imperious, stiffneck'd, Jewish train,
Their Maker wills, commands, and works, in vain;
All Wealth's and Fashion's Children, Slaves of Art!
Push God and Nature out from head and heart;
Adoring Titles, Honours, Pow'r, and Pelf,
But chiefly worshipping the idol, Self:
Like Chaldee's King, or Hebrew Priest, of old,
Rearing gigantic Gods, or Calves of gold,
Till heavenly vengeance doom their Pride, and Lust,
To bite Earth's bitter herbs, and drink the golden dust.

LETTER II.

[Now I'll prosecute my theme]

Dear Hannah,

Now I'll prosecute my theme,
Suspending Heav'n's impartial Bible-beam,
And take its Cubit, clearly to decide
The worth of worldly Riches, Pomp, and Pride—
Those awful standards Deity decreed,
To weigh and measure all the human Seed.
Let's try this graceless, this Goliah-Race;
Its gravity, and size; hue, form, and face—
See whether Wisdom—Piety—and Sense,
Support its claims to proud Preeminence.
Whether the Leaders of Philistia's band,
Who strive to tyrannize o'er Israel's land,
Or Salem peaceful, honest, humble, host,
May hope for happiness, and Heaven, most—
Who labour best to work their Sovereign's will,
Poor Pilgrims, wandering on tow'rd Sion's hill,
Or that idolatrous and stubborn Train,
Who counteract their great Creator's reign.
Perchance a Christian Shepherd's sling, and stone,
May strike some stout blaspheming Pagan down;
And, when the Chiefs behold their Champion fall,
Dismay and terror may discomfit all.
'Tis God and Duty call me to the fight,
To vindicate His Law, and moral right;
Nor shall my Muse's courage quit the field,
Till Death, or Providence, compel to yield:
For tho' they swell and swagger, vaunt and puff,
They're all compos'd of vulnerable stuff;
And like us, hated Mortals! mark and hear,
And, struck by Truth and Justice, feel and fear—
But most intense when Subalterns assail,
And smite their foreheads, maugre helm and mail;
For vain's the spear of Pow'r and Wealth's wide shield,
When Fortitude and Strength their weapons wield;
Help'd by the pow'r of Art, and Skill profound,
Who know each part expos'd, and how to wound—
For Pride's iron breast-plate, Courtier's brazen crest,
Oft Ridicule has pierc'd, and Shame depress'd,
And Arrogance oft feels a fatal blow,

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Struck by satyric stroke of feebler Foe,
Who knows, by dint of thought, the undipp'd part,
And thro' the heel, or head, subdues the heart.
Can righteous Heav'n regard ungracious Elves,
Whose worship centers wholly in themselves;
Adoring face, or form, or gaudy trim?
While God proclaims, that all shall honour Him—
That He's a jealous God—nor will forego,
One jot or tittle of his rights below—
That He'll inflict on culprits every curse,
Who dare His Will withstand, His views reverse.
With what solemnity, to startle Sin,
His awful, holy, Law, comes usher'd in!
What Man can construe the terrific tale,
And feel not all the pow'rs of Nature fail!
Feel not his frame convuls'd, in very part,
And all his blood run curdling round his heart;
While stagnant Spirit stops his panting breath,
And longs to leave his frame, and fly from death!
When, thro' his Senses, to alarm his Soul,
'Mid thickest clouds and darkness, thunders roll!
And earthquakes, most tremendous! shake the ground,
While Heav'n's dread trumpet still augments the sound!
To heighten all, an awful voice is heard;
And, tho' to human eye no shape appear'd,
'Twas God that spake! for so His Book has shewn—
Then spake to Israel's separate race alone,
But, now, he speaks to every human Mind,
And claims the ears and hearts of all mankind!
Shall then frail Man imperious airs assume,
And spurn at Grace beneath this dreadful gloom?
Contemn all mercy from his Maker's hand,
And, independent, a bold rebel stand?
In every action, every word, and thought,
Set boundless Knowledge—Justice—Truth—at nought?
His Pow'r and Wisdom daringly defy,
Tho' conscious mortal Body soon must die,
And Soul, immortal, soon the sentence prove
Of endless wrath, or everlasting love!
God spake the words, and will the words enforce,
And Man must crave, or Justice take its course;
For tho' the Body must embrace the tomb,
The Soul may 'scape its sad disastrous doom.
'Tis Christ now speaks; and ought not all attend,
Their great Lawgiver, Advocate, and Friend?
Who gave them being, and still gives them breath,
And, any instant can reduce to death?
Who fashion'd all within the womb, at first,
And tho' by natural Parents watch'd and nurs'd,
His pow'r supplied those Friends; with all that fed,
Their daily blessings, and their daily bread;
With all that fences, clothes, or decks, their frames,
Whate'er their Wealth, their Stations, or their Names.
These things well ponder'd, and these truths believ'd,
The Rich and Great must find their All's receiv'd;
However varied, or however vast,
As well as Creatures of each humbler cast.
Who then hath made them differ from the rest,
With neither Knowledge, Pow'r, or Riches, blest,
But that Omnipotent who plac'd the lots,
Of Kings in palaces, and Clowns in cots;
With all the countless ranks which crowd between,
And governs all the complicated scene.
Which can the varied lots of Life reverse—
Make Want a crown, or Affluence a curse—
From vicious Wealth take property and pow'r,
On virtuous Need each Gift and Grace to show'r.
And are the Morals of the Rich so right,
The Gifts of God will never take their flight?
Or, is the Piety of Placemen such,
Their Minds will never feel Misfortune's touch?
Do all the domineering Great and Gay,
More pure than Penury His behests obey?
Or does the sycophantic Courtier-train
More frequently attend His holy Fane?
Do these regard His Grace, and Mercy, more
Than those His Providence has made so poor?
Do they more ardently His Bounty bless,
For every privilege their souls possess?
Or more His Love adore, their Lives adorn,
Than those to Poverty, and Ignorance born?
Do they prefer His Faith to Pow'r and Pelf?
His Love to Lust? His Services to Self?
Do they impugn their Pride—forego their Fame,
To give more honour to His glorious Name?
Or do they dedicate their Strength and Time,
To noblest Knowledge—Beauty most sublime?
Subject the Heart, and consecrate the Soul,
To His blest Will, and Wisdom's kind controul;

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While all the Spirit with its wonderous pow'rs,
Disclaims their temporal, for eternal, dow'rs?
Alas! their Bodies, and their pow'rs of Mind,
Are all to Self-idolatry confin'd;
Or every sacrifice and offering's found
Within their fickle Friendships' narrow round:
While with their endless drudgery, night and day,
They buy but shadows, and with shadows pay.
What wretched traffic for immortal Souls!
While round and round each crazey carcase rolls,
Forc'd on by Fancy's ardent whip and spur,
While all the mental pow'rs bow down to Her;
Submitting tamely to her clamorous calls,
Till strength all flies, and down the body falls!
Tho' real Pleasure be their restless aim,
They, luckless Hunters! never grasp their Game;
For genuine Joy no quest can ever yield,
Which beats about in carnal Nature's field;
Nor can such Sportsmen bear one blessing home,
While from the Fount of bliss they blindly roam.
Will such by sad experience ne'er be taught
No Ignis fatuus ever can be caught—
That Moths, when crush'd, ne'er recompense pursuit—
Nor Blossoms bruis'd e'er ripen into fruit—
That vivid Rainbows, tho' they charm the eye,
And, follow'd up with speed, as fast they fly;
Which, when Hope gains the spot where once they shone,
Gross Folly finds the vapoury vision's gone.
No baseless, air-built, edifice can stand—
No happiness rise up from Fashion's wand—
No vicious Custom virtuous Peace produce;
Nor Comforts flow from Power's, or Wealth's abuse—
While Conscience will complain how life is lost,
And prove such Pleasures caught ne'er pay the Cost.
In vain must Pride, and mad Ambition, seek,
The blessings of the humble, mild, and meek;
Nor can the Giddy, and the graceless Gay,
Feel glad like grateful Souls that praise, and pray.
In vain Pomp hopes for bliss from Prince's nod,
Which grows alone from Grace bestow'd by God—
Or finds those transports spring from courtly toils,
Which only rise, and ripen, when He smiles!
What Folly stamps their turbulent career!
With all their pinions spread—now here—now there—
Like Butterflies, that stray from flow'r, to flow'r,
Their shine soon spoil'd by time, or hapless show'r,
These Dupes indulging Vanity and Lust,
Find charms and strength soon fail, and drop to dust.
Their Minds all maddening with perpetual rout,
To bear their bubbles, and light froth, about;
Impatient panting, with more strong fatigue,
Than Porters, bearing ponderous loads, a league.
Still greater stir, and mightier efforts make,
Than if their Soul's salvation was at stake—
That stands a trifle in their false esteem,
Or flies reflection like a morning dream;
Till, all aghast! they spy approaching Fate,
Then, on their death-bed laid, reflect too late!
In pompous dress, and ornaments, array'd,
They urge, with energy, their Idol-trade;
And would on modern Missionary fall,
As fierce as those that persecuted Paul,
When he against Ephesian folly strove,
And spurn'd the Image that fell down from Jove,
Should such rude Preacher, now, presumptuous, dare
To mock their manners, and degrade their ware.
But who can think each gold, or silver, shrine,
Tho' fram'd by Jupiter becomes divine—
Or, that a Thing which wears the human shape,
As many a Monkey doth, and many an Ape;
Tho' form'd by bounteous Heaven's most perfect plan,
With outward hues, and lineaments, of Man;
While, all within, 'tis evidently known,
Is nought, but senseless metal, wood, or stone.
That such ought hope the curtsey, or the bow,
From honest mortal, such as I, or Thou,
None can suppose, that ever reason'd right,
Such Shrines as these, which simply win the sight,
To reverence or respect, can found no claim,
Who'er the Craftsman, or whate'er the Name.
Tho' some apt actions may convince the Mind,
The Creatures may be mix'd with human Kind;
Yet strange appendages to form and face,
Shew crudest copies of the biped Race;
While words and looks, and many a dubious deed,
Bear sorry semblance of the reasoning Breed—
Nor can their Conscience, more than Conduct, shew,
They sprung from any Parents but below,

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For them their Principles, and Practice, prove,
Too Frail for Friendship, and too lewd for Love.
Can kind Apollo be suppos'd to teach,
Male pow'rs of Mind which ne'er to Reason reach?
Who never seem one sentiment to find,
Or feel one warm emotion, soft and kind?
But all the intellectual pow'rs engage,
To strengthen Folly's reign, and Fashion's rage?
No Tutors, who among the Stars reside,
Would vend such Vanity, or prompt such Pride—
Would never send a pompous Pupil down,
To spurn at Poverty, or scorn a Clown—
Would ne'er instruct in hypocritic vows,
Designing curtsies, or dissembling bows—
Each pow'r of Body, and of Mind, display'd,
In practising their false and flattering, trade;
To fawn and feign, to promise and deceive,
Till none, each other, or themselves, believe.
'Twere better to be like the humble Boor—
Plain—artless—honest—even if as poor—
Or imitate my Hannah's modest mien,
In graceful garb, and simple beauty, seen;
Her wary actions, and her winning airs,
So widely differing both from them, and theirs;
Whose innocence and love, devoid of leav'n,
Prove her pure thoughts originate from Heav'n:
But all the apparatus of the Proud,
Their mimic airs, and manners, tell aloud,
With every word, and sentiment, they breathe,
They draw their education from beneath.
For, tho' they wrap their thoughts in deep disguise,
Their conduct clearly proves to prying eyes,
Each motive springs from Eve's implanted germ,
The Serpent's sentence striving to confirm;
While each, in Satan's occupation, plods,
All flattering all, Ye—Ye—shall be as Gods!
This is contempt of Heav'n's most holy Law,
When reasoning Creatures God's just dues withdraw—
'Tis base idolatry! 'tis gross disgrace!
Thus to assume their great Creator's place—
A conduct Saints and Angels all condemn
Knowing such honours ne'er belong to them!
What can such treasonable crimes atone,
Usurping, thus, their heavenly Sovereign's throne?
'Tis sacrilege; and Heav'n resents the wrongs,
When Creatures challenge what to Christ belongs!
'Tis Image-worship when a Mortal's shewn
The honours that pertain to God alone!
And are not such offences ever found,
In graceless Grandeur's fashionable round?
For is not all its glitter—all its gold—
Form'd into Images with Fancy's mould?
And tho' the Idol be a Knave or Fool,
When finish'd nice with Fashion's graving tool,
The reverence paid looks more or less divine,
In due proportion to the shew and shine.
All's calculated by the glow, and glare—
Frail, short-liv'd things their full affection share—
While Vanity unveils her whiffling flags,
Her glittering trinkets, and her tawdry rags—
Spreads spangled nets, and fills her philter'd bowl,
To fix each Sense, and fascinate the Soul—
Her birdlime twigs contrived with such sly Art,
That while they tangle thoughts, they trap the heart,
Thus to impair her strength, and spoil her wings,
No more to mount o'er temporary things,
But, drunk with spurious Pleasure—cag'd in State—
Forego true Freedom, and forget her Fate!
Thus God's disgrac'd, and thrust from thought, by stealth,
Thro' all the regions of unholy Wealth;
And each proud fabrick fill'd with Idols base,
By Pride's and Dissipation's impious Race—
But soon will Death arrive, and Time decay,
While Judgment sweeps these Works, and Them, away!

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LETTER III.

[In my last, Thou'lt fully find]

Dear Hannah,

In my last, Thou'lt fully find
How Creature-worship will degrade the Mind—
How Vanity and Riches, Pomp and Pow'r,
The small remains of Innocence devour;
While from such fate, We feel Ourselves exempt,
No Wealth to wilder, and no Pomp to tempt—
From Fashion's wild bewitching influence free,
And Customs which corrupt each high Degree.
Still, tho' our hearts experience inborn Pride,
Its insolent demands are all denied;
And still, let us, my Hannah; live such lives
As well may shame all Courtiers and their Wives—
Our strength of Mind to moral duties turn'd,
Which Heav'n has taught, or Love, and Reason, learn'd.
Our noble energies confin'd, alone,
To pay their due devoirs at Heaven's throne—
To waft each Wish, and wing each dull Desire;
To graft each Grace, and rear each Virtue high'r,
Till all our Souls, inflam'd with heavenly Love,
Spurn Earth's frail toys, and soar to bliss above!
All weedy growths with ghostly tools root out;
Not dung and dress, like Them, each poisonous sprout,
But lop off every Lust's luxuriant head,
By Pow'r and Riches, Pomp and Luxury, fed—
Deprive the parent, Pride, of fattening food,
And strive to banish all its bastard brood.
With Affluence pamper'd or supine with Ease,
Pride scouts the very first of God's Decrees—
Heedless, or ignorant, of the sacred text,
In countless views Pomp violates the next;
And, still revolting from Heav'n's holy word,
Blind Passion and Prophaneness, break the third.
When God in Love his gracious Law declares,
And stamps with guilt each graceless Soul that swears;
Did He intend His vengeance to confine,
To mere blasphemers of his Name divine;
Whose impious hearts, in jollity, or joke,
Contemn His Anger, and His Pow'r provoke?
Those who in Passion His fix'd will defy,
Or use His Name to seal a solemn Lie?
Did He not comprehend, in that command,
As well the careless, hypocritic Band;
And mean the punishment alike for all,
Who on that Name in sacred Temples call;
When thoughtless, thankless, Worshippers appear,
And oft repeat those awful accents there,
As inattentive, idle, heedless, loud,
As oaths and curses in a vulgar crowd?
Pure Appellation! which, when Seraphs sound,
They bow their heads with holy awe profound!
And when His praise the high'st Archangel sings,
He veils his visage with his shining wings!
Yes—shameless Hypocrites must share the curse,
Whose bold audacity's the vile reverse!
Whose folly, falshood, or indifference, dare
Profane that Name in thanks, or praise, or pray'r—
Worse than vain Wretches who in sport, or pet,
Swear by that God, and swell their damning debt!
Does Birth, on which sublimity is built,
Absolve the crime, or ne'er incur the guilt?
Does Wit ne'er wander in its devious race,
And deem such grovelling figures furnish grace?
Learning ne'er sink its elevated Sense,
By off'ring Deity this dire offence?
Are Imprecations and blaspheming Oaths,
The vulgar faults Pride's squeamish conscience loaths?
Do curses never stain the Courtier's style,
When wantonness prevails, or passions boil?
Or is a full-mouth'd curse, or oath, sublime?
Mere form—phrase—fun—at most a venial crime?
No Vice, tho' scattering every venom'd breath,
Infernal firebrands—arrows—darts—and death?

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Or are all banish'd from the titled Brood,
And only found among Plebeians, rude;
In shops, or garrets; cellars, stalls, or cells;
Where Ignorance, Poverty, or Penance, dwells?
Such crimes ne'er known among the haughty Band,
That Levees fill, and frolic round the Land?
That princely Epicures, or courtly Crews,
Which glut the gambling-house, and stuff the stews—
That push the pleasures of the ranting Race,
That chouse in Cockpits, or pursue the Chace—
For Wealth, or Wife, or sacred Cure, presume,
To risque the rigour of that dreadful Doom?
Are sacred Oaths ne'er prostituted sports,
Ev'n in the bosoms of rebellious Courts?
In Councils, and in Cabinets, well known
To 'stablish, or to overturn a Throne?
Do Potentates, themselves, thro' Lust, or Pride,
Ne'er make their vows and protestations void,
By basely breaking solemn-sanction'd Acts
Where all the Names of Heav'n confirm the pacts.

LETTER IV.

[Could thy artless eyes behold]

Dear Hannah,

Could thy artless eyes behold
For what mere toys immortal Souls are sold;
Or could my Muse, each item, here, relate,
Of grievous perjuries practis'd by the Great—
Compleatly limn those hypocritic Arts,
Become so common in Monarchial marts;
Thou'd'st dread to hear Heav'n's awful thunders roll,
Whilst lightnings dire dislodg'd each desperate Soul!
For not alone their impious oaths, and lies,
Would fill thy Soul with horror and surprize,
But more to mark them grieve God's sovereign Grace
By impudently spitting in His face;
Presuming to approach His heavenly throne,
With worship of unhallow'd lips, alone—
For when their voices join assembled throngs,
In feign'd confessions, pray'rs, and formal songs,
Each false petition, and affected strain,
Still takes the glorious Name of God in vain!
But Fancy seldom leads their fickle feet,
Before the footstool of his Mercy-seat,
To prostrate either Mind's, or Body's, pow'rs,
With such mere mockery, ev'n on Sunday's hours.
Conviction scarce compels one single Soul,
Among the Great, tho' God commands the Whole.
No dread of Judgment operates on their heart,
Thro' hope of bliss, or fear of future smart;
Nor Faith compels to put their follies by,
For Jesu's service, and sabbatic joy;
Tho' his Requirements are with Rest conjoin'd,
So seldom blessing their perturbed Mind!
Then if Conviction—Judgment—Hope, nor Fear,
Nor Faith, prevail to bring their Persons there,
To supplicate for sin, and look to Heav'n,
For pardon, thro' Christ's death, one day in sev'n;
Much less will Love, at intermediate times,
When humbler Christians, pray for pardon'd crimes,
Impel their Spirit to attend the place,
To bow in gratitude, or beg for Grace.
They spend their precious hours, both days and nights
In worthless deeds, or criminal delights,
Forgetting God; or feeling Him with phlegm;
Tho' Conscience clamour while their deeds condemn—
When every day they might a Sabbath keep,
To plant that seed their Souls in Heav'n would reap.
Thy sacred Sabbaths, gracious God! bless'd days!
Ordained by Thee for pray'r, and thanks, and praise!
To give their Bodies, and their Spirits, rest—
To make the Holy Ghost their only guest;

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And weigh Thy written word in sacred quiet—
All sunk in sloth, or overwhelm'd with riot!
For holy exercise, in mercy, meant,
To give the Graces, and the Virtues, vent;
And, that each servile Slave, and labouring Beast,
Might visit Heav'n's fair Fanes, or share the Feast,
To find refreshment on that happy Day,
And taste sweet liberty as well as They.
But different, far, behold the bustling crowd,
The gay, the giddy, idle, vain, and proud,
With Bond-slaves, and with Cattle, call'd abroad;
By Heav'n's commands, nor prohibitions, aw'd;
Tho' loudly press'd for purposes of Love,
With bless'd Memento from the Throne above;
While pure Believers, by examples, bright,
Shew the preposterous Pagans what is right.
Thus liveried Tools, and Steeds, are hurried out,
In morning Visit, or to evening Rout;
Where Sabbath-breaker Sabbath-breaker meets,
With endless rattle thundering thro' the streets,
Confounding, with their strong obstreperous bass,
Heav'n's holy worship every Fane they pass:
All wildly whirling round, with impious aim,
Their hearts all fever, and their eyes all flame!
Some their imagin'd beauties to display—
Attractive shape—fine air—or rich array—
Their funds of Learning, or their feats of Sense;
Unequall'd Wit, or wonderous Eloquence—
What depths of Knowledge industry had gain'd,
Or Genius, free from toil, at once attain'd.
To shew each other their superior Pow'rs,
And fill the hollow of those useless hours.
Some, heavy laden with important Tale,
To ease their burden every ear assail;
Or, big with Scandal, feel obstetric throes,
Till Sex and Names each listening circle knows.
To give the narrative a greater gust,
And spice each luscious part with peppery lust,
Each circumstance is ek'd with something new,
They care but little whether false or true.
Most, nearly famished for some fresh-cook'd lie,
From door to door, with starving stomachs, fly,
Like hungry dogs, to catch each crumb that drops,
Or cram, with filth and flummery, craving crops—
Like Paul's Athenian, to import, or find,
Some current fact, or falshood newly coin'd.
Some hunt for Health, or Pleasure, thro' the Spring,
To fly from Thought, or stern Reflection's sting;
Or, wild with mad Amusement, gape and stare,
To seize on sights, and breathe the balmy air—
Roll round the Park, thro' dust, in thickening clouds,
Encompass'd with like pert and curious, crowds—
Or flush'd with Vice, or Vanity, or Pride,
Perch'd on tall steeds, or puny palfreys, ride,
Displaying pomp, to see and seek for eyes,
Their health, and ease, and comfort, sacrifice;
To catch some particles of flying fame,
Or find, or follow, some beguiling game—
While multitudes of prompt Pedestrians round,
Create confusion, and each rank confound;
All, grown regardless of Heav'n's holy Laws,
Risque deathless Souls for Lust, or poor Applause!
Dear Hannah! could'st Thou see the silly throng,
By Fashion, or by Fancy, borne along—
Could'st Thou perceive, with clear poetic eye,
How all their visions, and vain phantasms, fly—
How they, to seize the things of Time and Sense,
Let slip eternal Hopes and Joys, immense—
And, eager grasping Life's delusive dreams,
Its blaze of sunshine, or its lunar beams,
Behold not, with their blear and dazzled sight,
How Pain and Sickness lurk at left and right;
Nor know, by Folly, and by Habit, blind,
Death and Destruction harbour close behind!
Whether the Rich, in Summer, seek the Shade,
Or still in Town, pursue the same parade—
Thro' Riot's round their pamper'd spirits run;
And, while Dependants bear the burning Sun,
They skulk, well-skreen'd from fierce solstitial heat,
In sheltering Chaise, or Coach's cool retreat;
Regardless how their Beasts, or Servants, broil,
And, quite forgetting God's Commands the while.
Thro' Winter's storms alike they loll at ease,
While Cattle toil, and Negros drip or freeze;
Selecting Sunday, still, as vacant time,
To urge some business, or commit some crime.
Confus'dly, then, they scour each crowded way,
While Saints sing praises, or Repentants pray;
With shameless scoff expressing hopes to share,
A portion in the fruits of pious pray'r;

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And only feel dissatisfied in Soul,
That Law compels to pay their double toll.
They fly from hated home and hapless spouse,
Not in the chearful Fanes of Heav'n to house,
But passing Priest and Ordinance divine,
To clasp a bottle, or a concubine:
Or drive, like Jehu, thro' each throngy road,
To reach, in time, some temporal abode;
To rest and strengthen for the morrow's Race,
Or chivalrous events of maddening Chace.
When cloister'd up at home, they live incog—
Not studying Sinai's damning Decalogue—
Not estimating time, and hopes, on Earth,
And honouring Him who gave their Being birth,
By exercising every pious Art
That strengthens Grace, and stirs the grateful Heart—
Not pondering how superior pow'r's of Soul,
Can conquer Pride, and Passions' strength controul;
Nor fixing fresh resolves, with Heav'n's support,
To vanquish Vice, and shun polluting Sport;
But oft, their future Health and Strength to fix,
And fit for sinful Follies t'other six,
They swallow purge, or disemboguing puke;
Both less oppressive than the Pentateuch;
But seek no seat with Moses, tête-à-tête,
His Modes and Manners grown so obsolete.
O'er all his mortal maxims look awry,
But relish wound for wound, and eye for eye;
And clear of striking clause, would well agree,
For single tooth, to set ten servants free.
All wish his laxest Law in fullest force,
To break the Wedding-bond, and then divorce—
Fond of the practice, feel their hearts rejoic'd,
And clap Man Moses, but hiss Master Christ!
Not, faithful Hannah! to my heart most dear!
The tie, like Ours', still tightening every year—
A knot, we wish, nor time, nor Death, to sever,
But beg it fix'd for ever and for ever!
That ancient Vice, by modern Doctrine, thrives;
Where countless Concubines are nicknam'd Wives—
But nature counteracts such selfish plans
While Woman's claims confront intriguing Man's;
For, putting both the weights in equal scales,
The female products prove less large than Males.
Such Brutes, from other Brutes, in Nature's school,
Find nothing to refute this general rule,
While, in each species, both the sexes, seem,
Balanc'd alike on Providence's beam:
Nor will one pure botanic Tribe supply,
An argument to give this law the lie,
But amplest, clearest, demonstration yield,
In every wild, and woodland, hill, and field;
Where almost every vegetable Breed
Shews how fond Hubands their fair Wives exceed.
From Revelation, Reason may deduce
More arguments against the gross abuse—
For Father Adam, form'd with taste most nice,
Boasts but one Eve to bless his Paradise.
Doth Heav'n indulge each base degenerate Son,
More than its Minion whence our Breed begun?
Moses might grant them more, yet grieve to part,
In mere compliance with their harden'd heart;
But God's own Son whose judgment could not err,
Admits no dispensation—no demur—
But fully closes up the slack Decree—
So say inspir'd Apostles; so say We;
But Bawds, and Debauchees, their inference draw
From vicious Lust, and not revealed Law.
While Hebrew Legislator fails to please
Such high and honourable Folks as these,
O'er Joshua's tales they lift their heads aloof;
Tho' pleas'd with jars, they spurn each just reproof,
Dreading destruction which no Pagan spares,
For cursed crimes, too much resembling theirs.
Their stubborn hearts would feel most grievous grudges
Should they peruse the sober book of Judges—
Nor would they relish much the serious truth
In short and simple tales of honest Ruth;
Yet highly like, in part, the cunning league,
So richly season'd with a sly intrigue.
But, reading Kings, and Chronicles of Kings,
Their Souls would sicken with a thousand things,
That shew the shocking lot of Lust and Pride—
Of Pomp degraded, and of Pow'r destroy'd—
Where Birth's and Titles' nothingness is taught—
And worldly Wealth and Honour's set at nought,
There they'd descry how Israel's cause was curs'd,
When Folly sought a Tyrant at the first;
Not only Samuel's prophesying soul,

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Their impious passion striving to controul,
With tender reas'ning, and with temper'd rage,
Rehears'd, explicit, in the sacred page;
What mighty mischiefs, palpably, would spring
From proud appointment of a crafty King;
But Deity, itself, dislike avow'd,
By rains untimely, and by thunderings loud,
Compelling every Soul, by sign sublime,
To feel their folly, and confess their crime.
Poor pleasure, Ezra, would to Fools afford,
Who hate God's Temple, and despise his Word—
Nor Nehemiah offers much delight,
To Lust's lewd Daughters, and the Sons of Spite.
Esther's pure history could not be enjoy'd
By murderous Pow'rs, or Ministers of Pride—
Deceit would suffer many a painful probe,
By conning o'er the keen remarks of Job;
And Conscience combat endless, awkward qualms,
From sentiments impress'd by David's Psalms—
Yet Pandars yearn to practise all his Vices,
In frequent change, and multiplying choices;
In Wives, seduc'd, or Mistresses, in mass,
Till every Haram might his Son's surpass.
The pious maxims Solomon imparts,
Would shock, with shame, and cut ev'n Courtier's hearts;
As much abhor his pure proverbial Rules,
Which brand all Debauchees, and Fops, as Fools.
Perhaps they'd skim his Song's sublime contents,
To cull fine phrases for foul compliments,
And fondly long to match his maddening Courts,
With endless Prostitutes, and Idol-sports;
But Reason's dead, and Understanding's blind,
To that bless'd theme the royal Bard design'd;
That pure, supreme, and intellectual Love,
Which bounds o'er earthly things to things above;
And leaves behind all base and selfish leav'n,
Looking to Christ, and holy joys in Heav'n!
Pomp, male or female, novice or adult;
The Hebrew Prophets never will consult,
For crabbed Bards, like those, are ne'er o'er nice
In stripping Vanity, or stabbing Vice—
They'd rather seek some Necromancer, now,
To stablish Fancy's view, or Folly's vow,
Than joyless jargon of unfeeling Jews,
Tho' Ignorance greets their Names, and gulps their News.
And seeing their dull Saws all crimes condemn,
They judge that each just sentence strikes at them.
Thus while that elder Code these Dupes despise,
Which kills their hopeless hopes, and joyless joys;
They feel much less affection for the New,
Still more unpleasant; and they fear as true.
They fain would bolster up their unbelief;
To damp regret, and dread of future grief—
Declare the Gospels monstrous tales relate,
Of temporal Frenzy, and eternal Fate;
And countless miracles, and signs recite,
No philosophic Soul e'er fancies right.
To check their course, and frustrate their effect,
They scorn their Preachers—all their rules neglect—
Call doctrines dubious—precepts far too strict—
Their style, but more their matter, interdict—
Reject all statements shewing Faith's true shape—
All laws that let no carnal action 'scape;
And threats, which urge each wicked word and thought,
Must to Messiah's Judgment-seat be brought.
No dear indulgence of strong Appetite—
No licence left for Perfidy and Spite—
Hate—Malice—Envy—Vanity—or Pride—
Each selfish Work, and sinful Wish denied—
No Pomp, or Self-idolatry allow'd,
But shocking hints of Coffin—Screws—and Shrowd!
Of Hearses—yawning Graves—and funeral Knell!
Eternal Retribution! Heav'n and Hell!
Where filthy Beggar finds the Tables turn'd,
Enjoying bliss, while banish'd Luxury's burn'd.
Attending such recitals Riches shrink,
And Pomp, and Pow'r feel their full Spirits sink;
While Pride and Lust in grossest darkness grope,
And Infidels behold no ray of Hope!
The hated History call'd Apostle's acts,
Reciting grating tales, and frightful facts,
With rights and rules their Reason can't receive;
Their Wit e'er brook; or Learning e'er believe—
All running counter to their liberal schools,
And only fit for Clowns, and Christian Fools.
The cramp Epistles are more staggering still,
They puzzle Judgment, while they jostle Will.

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Condemning every Soul since Adam's fall,
And make Man nothing, but his Master all.
This with their candour never can accord,
By headstrong Appetites, and Pride abhorr'd;
Still checking Passion, and controuling Lust,
And bringing down Ambition to the dust—
While all ideal Merit must retire,
And Pomp, and Self-complacency, expire:
But, if Self-righteous Pride should dream of claims,
To glory, justly, arguing from James,
Let them dispute the point with Paul and Peter,
And then they'll find no claim for any Creature—
Nor will they meet with language much less rude
From loving John, or stigmatizing Jude.
At last the strange Apocalypse appears—
Unfit for fashionable eyes, or ears—
Prophetic tropes, so dismal, and so dark,
Each Prelate's nonpluss'd, and more knowing Clerk—
With maxims so mysterious, interspers'd,
Pomp ne'er can relish—Honour hear rehears'd—
The startling stories, and assertions, such,
They make wild Wealth amaz'd, and Greatness grutch;
And Courts, where boldest Hypocrites are bred,
Must see much danger, and must feel some dread.
But haughty Courtiers, and imperious Kings,
Ne'er think it needful to attend such things—
Things which the proud, the pompous, and polite,
Ne'er wish to know; or known, acknowledge right.
Must Birth to problematic Codes submit?
The bane of Fashion, Flattery, Mirth and Wit!
To stupid paradoxes humbly bow,
Which Craft, nor Cant, nor Compliment allow?
Which all, in sober sadness, urge belief,
That gratifying Self's a source of grief—
That Passion, Pride, and Appetite uncheck'd,
The Spirit's ruin'd, and the Body's wreck'd,
And each indulg'd, till Death in sordid sloth,
Eternal misery must o'ertake them both?
It cannot be that Heav'n so aims to fright,
And curb its Creatures in each dear delight!
Such inconsistencies can never be,
Thus to controul each dominant Degree!
Who can believe an arbitrary, God,
Supplies with Riches, to provoke his Rod!
For peccadillos can contrition urge,
To plague the Conscience, and apply the Scourge!
That such high-favour'd Folk must all repent,
When Sundays in mere sprightliness are spent!
That We, so priviledg'd, incur a crime,
Enjoying so our talents, wealth and, time!
That liberal bounties were by Heav'n bestow'd
As stumbling-blocks in Life's encumber'd road!
If such Conditions ever can be so,
They bind, alone, the Ignorant, Poor, and Low,
Who only are endow'd, by Providence,
With little Knowledge, Learning, Wit, or Sense—
They can't belong to Creatures, bless'd like Us,
With Wealth—and Pow'r—and Pomp—and Honours—thus!
Why, Hannah! if this argument will hold,
What lies have Moses, and the Prophets, told!
And all for what? To lose all hopes on Earth?
All Piety expects? All moral Worth?
All this World's comforts, of which Nature's fond,
And all that Faith foresees of bliss beyond!
Then Moses and the Prophets all were Fools,
The butt of Tyrants, their own Fancy's tools—
The maddest Madmen, who could thus disclaim,
All carnal Pleasure, and all courtly Fame;
In Pomp to riot, and in Pow'r to reign;
And suffer Sorrow, Poverty, and Pain.
To leave all Jollity and Joys of Men,
For howling Wilderness, and Lions' den—
Rather dark Dungeon, fiery Furnace choose,
Than Heav'n's fair Promises, and Prospects, lose.
These must be Maniacs in the last extreme,
Of Crowns and Kingdoms, idly, thus to dream,
Debarr'd from every hope of bliss below,
Amidst Afflictions—Miseries—Want—and Woe!
Christians, if possible, are madder still,
Who counteract the World's coercive Will;
And, scorning Crosses—daring Death—withstand
The Vice and Villainy of every Land.
Then We, my Hannah, must be mad indeed,
Thus boldly to embrace the Christian's Creed,
When One, on whom our interests, here, depend,
No more to Faith, and Charity, a Friend;
But, persecuting pure Religion's cause,
All Hope withholds, all Confidence withdraws.
Then be it so—we'll ne'er our Faith forsake,
For fear of Trials, or the flaming Stake;
But with the strength our Saviour will afford,

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In full dependence on his faithful Word,
We'll hold the sacred clue of Scripture fast,
Till all Temptations—Trials—Pains—are past—
Still, with our warmest promptitude pursue
The narrow pathway of the patient Few—
Tracing the footsteps of the faithful Flock,
While tasting waters from the stricken Rock,
And picking scatter'd crumbs of blessed Bread,
Till with full feasts, of both, in Heaven, fed!
But if, with Eloquence, and Rhetoric strong,
They urge Their plan proves right, and Our's as wrong—
Think Moses and the Prophets Rogues, or Dupes—
Apostles brand, and all obedient Troops—
Deem each Evangelist a Knave, or Dunce;
Why, let them burn their Bibles all at once—
We'll still read ours; still on their truths depend;
And labour on to gain their glorious end!
Still with our lov'd Redeemer meet our lot,
Whether we're counted Novices, or not!
We ne'er can lose while such a perfect Plan,
Embraces all the interests of Man—
Which not a Truth declares, or Task enjoins,
But temporal, and eternal Good combines;
Nor issues Prohibition, or Behest,
But, for the blessedness of Both, is best!

LETTER V.

[Do not Thou begin to think]

Dear Hannah,

Do not Thou begin to think,
That Fear, or Shame, hath made thy Husband shrink;
Or hopes of Wealth, or Fame, from wicked Men,
Will hinder free Remark, or stop his Pen—
No! still I'll prosecute my moral plan,
The World's Mistakes and Wickedness to scan;
But chiefly theirs that perch on higher ground,
And publish samples to the Rabble round;
Who, not alone, with eagerness behold
Grandeur's deck'd Daughters, and gay Sons of Gold,
But imitate in Conduct, Dress, and Speech,
All that Finance, and Ignorance, can reach.
They see them boldly, every Sabbath break,
And waste, in idle habits, all the Week,
Tho' Heav'n enjoins the one for holy joy,
The rest for useful secular employ—
Not wasting, wantonly sabbatic time,
In coursing Pleasure, or committing Crime,
Nor lazily in couch, or closet, lurk,
And squandering all the rest in worse than Work.
Those that consume their Sunday-hours at home,
Trust to the Priesthood, like the Church of Rome,
Who pump foul water for each poison'd Flock,
From turbid brains, and not the written Rock;
While Gospel's preach'd, as 'twas in times of yore,
Not to the Rich and Pow'rful, but the Poor.
Should Wealth attend the Church, in Woman's form,
With head ne'er cool, and bosom never warm,
In works like that, when Melancholy's prey,
Or spiteful Spleen's, 'twere better be away.
Beside, such fondly deem 'twould weakly waste
Time happier spent in powder—paint—and paste.
Or, while a French frisseur adorns the head,
New Play, or luscious Novel, might be read.
Perhaps the sports and joys of Evening past,
With lov'd remembrance might thro' Morning last;
Or closely hid from every Creature's sight,
Absorb'd in dreams of future dear delight!
Still, on their couch reclin'd, indulge repose,
Till matin Pray'rs, and Psalms, and Sermon, close.
Perchance may stir by Two; get breakfast o'er

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In time to dress, for all the Day, by Four:
Their irksome hours soon hoping to relieve,
By motley troops, in rabble-rout, at Eve;
For Fashion, when it entertains its Friends,
Begins its work when sober People's ends.
When dulling Dinner's past, without a Throng,
Which, on their sullen Sabbaths, lasts not long;
And every needful preparation made
To carry on their lov'd colloquial Trade;
Vociferous congregations soon arrive,
And, as the mobs enlarge, grow more alive;
While, spite of Piety, and maugre Peace,
Confused noise and nonsense quick increase.
With rapturous extacy the crowds exclaim,
O'er every peerless Peer, and matchless Dame!
Those stalk—strut—caper—frisk—and figure in,
And leer all round, each easy heart to win;
While Ladies curtsey—whisper—flaunt and flirt—
And, seem not suffering harm, or offering hurt,
But, as Beaus compliment, and smirk, and smile,
They knit a knot, or pinch a plait, the while.
Celestial Creatures! how sublime they walk!
How sweet they simper! how enchanting talk!
All exercising all their courtly airs,
Engag'd in groups; or, better pleas'd, in pairs;
While some; on circled seats, all earnest seem,
Discussing, warmly, some important theme;
Doubtless on Morals, or Religion—list!
No—squabbling o'er disputed tricks at Whist;
Or, growing hot, instead of growing cool,
By dips too frequent, in the tempting Pool.
Some, to amuse those melancholic hours,
Summon soft Music's fascinating pow'rs;
And they, who neither think of praise, or pray'rs;
Hear, tweedled out, some consecrated airs;
As if tones struck before to sacred strain,
Could please the ear of Heav'n from throngs profane—
That notes once sung with solemn Hymn, or Psalm,
Might trick their Maker, and his anger calm;
Or, that such sets of hypocritic sounds,
Might heal the holy Law's unnumber'd wounds.
To stifle whispers, when their Conscience calls,
Some close the Evening with their bustling Balls—
And, to make better Days more swift advance,
Push Time's dull footsteps faster with a Dance—
While others, when some Play or Novel's read,
Without one qualm slink silently to bed,
Nor heed that righteous Ordinance of Heav'n
Which claims, from every Soul, one day in Sev'n!
The High and Affluent think they stand excus'd,
Howe'er neglected, or howe'er abus'd,
On milder terms than those of mean Degree—
But christian Penury scorns so poor a plea!
Surely this can be no such monstrous crime,
To smoothe the front, and stop the threats, of Time—
To make His tardy steps more rapid pass,
Who takes two hours each turn of Sunday's glass—
To clear their heads from fog, their hearts from phlegm,
They must kill Him, or He will soon kill them—
Yet, while they whip him on, they dread his speed,
Aware which way his frightful footsteps lead;
That, whether fast or slow, they sadly fear,
They close their Hopes, and Consolations, here!
But how can Sunday-parties Heav'n offend,
When Priests, so priviledg'd, the rites attend!
Blythe Bishops too, sometimes, with smirking face,
Confirm the Crowd, and consecrate the Place!
Ev'n Y---k, most reverend, full of Grace, I ween,
Can, on occasion, sanctify the scene.
Tho' simply-reverend Priests should join the rout,
We, superstitious Christians! still might doubt,
Whether the practice were profane, or not—
Whether poor Parsons had not part forgot
Their Oath—Subscription—Catechism—and Creed—
Or mark—learn—well digest them, when they read—
Or They, or We, poor Ignorants! understand
The properest meaning of the clear Command:
But, when right-reverend, and most-reverend, Folk,
Promote the mirth, and justify the joke,
We Bigots must abandon Common-sense
Ere Prejudice can prompt such dull defence—
Or Fancy throw enthusiastic light,
To blind, or dazzle, our plebeian sight,
Tho' back'd by all Religion's unlearn'd throng,
To think Archbishop, or ev'n Bishop, wrong!
On such dull Days what can such Creatures do,
While nothing offers fanciful, or new!
For, tho' to Us delightful Days of Rest,
And alway deem'd the happiest, and the best,

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By those call'd Great, who rarely look to God,
To seek his favour, or avert his rod;
Who feel no graceless Fault, or godly Fear,
They're deem'd the very vilest through the Year.
The courtly Levees, then, so very thin,
They scarcely recompense the risque of Sin!
And tho' thro' every street, they, starving, fly;
No recreation greets their eager eye!
No Morning lounge at Auctions, or at Sales!
The pleasant sport of teazing Tradesmen fails!
Their Table's never chearful—seldom full—
This makes their Afternoon “so devilish dull!
No Exhibition on sad Sabbath-Days!
No Circus!—Astleys!—Operas!—or Plays!
Could Texier entertain th' assembled throng
The evenings would not seem so “hellish long!
Better submit, once more, to Popish rites,
Than feel such horrors thro' whole Sunday-Nights!
Then might the Mind suspend its reasoning pow'rs;
'Twould much relieve them in those restless hours!
Then would they ne'er experience crimes increas'd—
Their Wealth would buy them pardons from the Priest!
Then might the Sock and Buskin purge the Spleen;
Or splendid Operas conquer sharp Chagrin—
Might then with Routs—Cards—Concerts—Balls make bold,
While darkness lasts so long, and “cursed cold!
Think not, dear Hannah! my abandon'd Muse
Would such indecent, vulgar, language use—
Would wildly publish phrases so prophane,
And so contaminate her moral strain—
Or judge such speeches can, alone, be learn'd,
Among the Poor, by Wealth and Grandeur spurn'd—
Alas!—such phraseology, is found,
Not only in unlearn'd, and rustic, Round;
Not only with the Wealthy, Young, and Gay,
In clamorous Circles, or in sportive Play,
But silly Lordlings—and blaspheming Peers,
Thus hurt the troubled heart, thro' tingling ears—
And, sometimes may be mark'd a swearing Prince,
That wounds the ears, and makes the bosom wince;
Yea; and while Priests will make such impious trips,
Full oft they 'scape from polish'd Lady's lips.
Can they, who thus, by black, rebellious, Pride,
Spurn Pow'r almighty! boundless Love deride!
Despise pure Goodness! scout all heav'nly Grace!
Blaspheme all Mercy! spit in Heaven's face!
Can such vile Culprits, who that God defy
Which form'd the Earth they claim, and fram'd the Sky;
And might, each moment, when their Hearts rebel,
Withdraw his Hand and drop them down to Hell!
Can they the pow'r of earthly Parents fear,
Their Frowns or Smiles respect; their Love revere;
Who dare their heavenly Father's Pow'r oppose?
Reject his favours? join his hellish Foes?
Those Parents who can only punish crime
With pains and troubles thro' the course of Time;
But cannot wound the reins, and wield the rod,
Thro' endless Ages, like an angry God!
Can punish Spirit, and still torture Sense,
With ceaseless Misery, and with Woes immense!
No—Wretches who in thought, and word, and deed,
Have broke those high Behests that God decreed—
Those Bounds have burst; those kind Commandments spurn'd;
Where his eternal Honour stands concern'd!
To keep his Sabbaths! and revere his Name!
Will they not scorn their temporal Parents' claim,
And fracture that strong Chain with fatal flaw,
That constitutes God's good—just—holy—Law!
That pious link which joins the twofold plan,
Glory to God, and pure good-will to Man!
Partaking strongly the bless'd pow'r of both,
In all who feel Heav'n's Grace, and Duty's growth.
This middle precept Monsters disobey
Who make their Parents' peace their Folly's prey;
While, by the breach of this divine Command,
Their Days are seldom lengthen'd in the Land.
That is the Child which honours Parents best,
Who seeks their temporal, and eternal, Rest—
Who, by a prudent, pious, Conduct, shews
From whence that Piety, and Prudence rose—
Returning gratitude to God, the first,
And then to them by whom that Mind was nurs'd.
Not they whose tutor'd tongue's mere speech, polite,
All kind instruction, toil, and care, requite,
But oft, by foul behaviour, fully prove,
Bold want of reverence, and base lack of love—
Not they who all the Laws of Heav'n reverse,
Their Spirit's ruin, and their Parents' curse—
Who, in the hours of frolic, fraud, or strife,

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Infringe all rules of dear domestic life;
Or, to indulge mere animal desires,
Disgust their Mothers, and disgrace their Sires!
Do those that constitute this impious Band,
Religiously obey God's great Command?
Leave mad Amusement's vile collected Crews
At Gaming-tables—Taverns—Clubs—and Stews—
Relinquish wanton Lust, licentious Whim,
All Vice, and Vanity, to honour Him?
Frequent his Temples—reverence all his Rites—
And in his Service find their first delights?
Or do they honour those that gave them birth?
Mark'd as most excellent of all the Earth?
Or, still indulging devilish Sports, and Play,
Their Parents' honourable hopes betray?
Their anxious Cares, and Labours, all, beguile?
And thus become the vilest of the Vile?
And are not Man's most execrable Hords,
The broods of 'Squires—Knights—Baronets and Lords?
Or shameless Progeny of proudest Rates,
Viscounts—Earls—Marquisses—Dukes—Potentates?
Who seem best priviledg'd the palm to win,
Of every devilish Vice, and sordid Sin!

LETTER VI.

[Do not Thou too fondly deem]

Dear Hannah,

Do not Thou too fondly deem
My Muse is running to a rash extreme;
Or, led by Fancy's fascinating lure,
Is painting courtly Pictures too impure.
Didst Thou behold, with thy discerning Eye,
What oft, in Me, provokes the groan and sigh—
Perceive, obtruded on Thy tender Ear,
What sometimes prompts, in Me, the pitying tear—
Or find Thy heart, like Mine; from pains exempt;
When listening tales exciting stern contempt;
Then, Thou'dst no longer feel the faintest ruth,
Or blame my Muse for telling hateful truth.
Those high Behests, in that first Table, broke,
The next becomes their jest—their standing joke.
Look at licentious Camps—corrupted Courts—
Voluptuous scenes of Spoil, and wicked Sports!
Look at their Exhibitions—Operas—Plays—
And scrutinize their Looks—and Words—and Ways.
In Lent, at sacred Oratorios, look,
Whose words are drawn from Heaven's most holy Book;
And see on every face the forms express'd,
Of thoughts, impure, which spring in every breast.
Observe the humours of this mighty Race,
Clearly declar'd, in every public Place—
All but the Domes devoted to their God,
By their unhallow'd steps but seldom trod—
Ev'n where they stare, and strut, in public Streets,
Where gross Deceiver gross Deceiver greets,
And, with false flattery, or with vicious vows,
With crafty curtsies, or beguiling bows,
The Beaux and Belles, polite; or meet, or part,
Without one honest sentiment in heart.
In private Houses, 'mong the Grand and Great,
Is nothing seen but proud Hauteur, and State—
And, where the Wealth, and Influence, is less,
They follow hard in Furniture, and Dress—
While, in the lists of Fashion, ev'n the Least,
Will ape the High'st, in Gala, Ball, or Feast;
Nor feel for miserable Need's mishaps,
Which, gratefully, would glean their scatter'd scraps!
In all these regions of contentious Taste,
Of wild Extravagance, and wilful Waste,

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No trait of true Simplicity is seen—
No airs of Innocence—no modest mien—
Nor any sounds are heard, or actions known,
But Compliments, bombast, in Treachery's tone,
And Affectation, shap'd by Folly's voice,
Affords no charm to court the Christian's choice!
Do thus these Great-Ones, and their Offspring, shew
More merit than the Crowds that class below?
Are their convivial meetings free from strife?
No vengeance levell'd at a Neighbour's Life?
Doth Wisdom regulate so well their Will,
That Passion feels no promptitude to kill?
Doth Shame, that softer term bestow'd on Pride,
Ne'er stimulate their Souls to Suicide?
Ennobled Profligates, ne'er, void of Hope,
Seek water—poison—pistol—razor—rope?
Ne'er like the maddest, meanest, Reprobate,
With frantic fury rush upon their fate?
Do they in desperate Duels ne'er contend,
Resolving on their Own, or Others' end;
When Madness rises to its fullest flood,
With base design to spill a Neighbour's blood?
This is a crime, if crime that may be nam'd,
By Riches foster'd, and for Honours fam'd;
The crime of Lust, and Arrogance alone,
Among Us, humble Christians, never known!
And, that this is a crime of deepest dye,
Tho' Birth may bolster, Impudence deny,
Tho' countenanced by courtly Perfidy, and Pride,
Let Conscience, and the laws of Christ, decide—
For heavenly Justice brands all blood with guilt,
By Cruelty—Revenge—or Treachery spilt.
But, tho' no Passion prompt, to kill, what then?
All murder'd Characters are murder'd Men!
These are not all the forms that Murder takes,
Among immoral Reprobates, and Rakes,
Who, with mere Lust, on base indulgence bent,
Attempt to frustrate Nature's right intent;
Those pow'rs perverting Heav'n, in Love, design'd,
To form fit lodgments for immortal Mind!
Are Wealth, and formal Greatness never found
Stretching their limbs along forbidden ground?
Ne'er badg'd with double crime, who break that clause,
Plac'd next black Murder, in Heav'n's blameless Laws;
While Perjury's two-edg'd blade cuts all the ties
Of doubly-plighted vows, and sanction'd joys?
How oft those Bands against that Rule rebel,
Let Doctors-Commons' blushing Records tell—
And, when the wedded Pair, with foul intrigue,
By legal process break the solemn league,
And put new Partners in the former's place,
Whether that's deem'd a crime, or no disgrace,
The ticklish proof let Mark and Matthew plead,
Excuse the conduct, or condemn the deed.
Is there no danger strong temptation may,
To pilfer or to plunder, Birth betray?
Did Riches never entertain a thought,
Of subtly seizing that which ne'er was bought?
Did Milliner, or Draper, ne'er complain,
Of cunning tricks, among the courtly Train?
Did Haberdasher never once disgrace
One treacherous Lady of the titled Race?
Did never Tradesman grumble at the Gay,
Who purchas'd wares, without intent to pay?
Or Farmer ne'er unload his labouring breast,
By whispering how proud Peers, and Priests, oppress'd?
Nay, do not every order of the Rich,
Who raise Expence above its proper pitch,
By that just, good, and holy Law unaw'd,
Cheat by chicane, or complicated fraud?
And sure when any are of rights bereft,
Such dirty action stamps it downright Theft.
But should no charge be brought against the Great,
Of such oppression—fraud—chicane—or cheat—
Yet pleas may be produc'd of different kind,
For mental property may be purloin'd;
The moral goods and chattels of the Soul,
By Affluence—Pow'r—or Grandeur—may be stole:
And they that take Man's happiness by stealth,
Are wickeder than those who pilfer Wealth—
Economy and Toil may Wealth restore,
But Wretches robb'd of Peace are ever poor!
This may, perhaps, be brought a serious charge,
And laid against these liberties at large—
Be deem'd presumption for my doggrel Pen,
To mark with gall and smut the greatest Men—
But, Hannah; should they growl, and grumble, thus,
Why let them use their black in badging Us:
For they are not without their smut and gall,
And often smear it both on Great and Small:
And tho' We Christians, should restrain our tongues,

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And stop our Pens from propagating wrongs,
Yet ought We tell the numerous truths we know,
Which tend to warn a Friend, or wake a Foe.
Do such proud Spirits ne'er false witness bear
In ought they hint, or say; assert, or swear?
From graceless disregard, or deep design,
Make no disruption of Ninth rule divine?
Never from Envy—Hate—or selfish view,
Aver things doubtful—vouch things deem'd untrue?
Among the mighty troops of haughty Ton,
Is neither obloquy, or scandal known?
Injurious calumny, or cruel joke,
Never for vain, or vicious purpose spoke?
Does their bless'd breeding pow'rfully prevent
Deluding lie? deceiving sentiment?
From Spite, or Malice, never once repeat
A dirty Tale, to propagate Deceit?
One scarcely can conceive such restless lips
From wantonness, or weakness, take no trips—
That such deceitful, wicked, Hearts, eschew
All flattering falshood, and each villain view;
Nor prompt that pow'rful instrument, the tongue,
To ramble, heedless of another's wrong;
While scattering round from base, infectious, breath,
Reports, or foul Opinions, fraught with death.
But, when the tongue its dangerous trade declines,
Much mischief may ensue from tacit signs;
While the corporeal frame, in every part,
May speak the workings of the wiley heart.
Tho' check'd by Conscience, or o'er-aw'd by Shame,
Should speech, impure, ne'er blot a neighbour's Name,
Yet shameless shoulders—arms—and hands—and eyes—
And fibbing feet—may tell ten thousand lies.
A toe may tread a Reputation down—
A face may murder with a smile or frown—
A nod or toss, from Knave's intriguing head,
May aim at Characters and strike them dead—
A waving arm, or pointing finger, spurn;
Or shrugging shoulder strictest truth o'erturn—
The fairest Fame designing look may sink—
Eye put it out with sly, insidious wink—
Each separate feature of the speaking face,
May publish falshood, or promote disgrace;
Yea, simple silence may confirm offence,
As strong as oratorial eloquence.
But were their tongues so train'd, their speech so pure,
No lie to launch, no scandal to endure—
And tho' apt opportunity ne'er led
To take a Neighbour's Life, or foul his Bed;
Yet do their bosoms breed no base desire—
No wish—no will—to feed unlawful fire?
Tho' Understanding furnish no pretence
That Heav'n refuses food for every Sense,
But gives much more than Wisdom e'er employs
To feast the feeling—taste—nose—ears—and eyes—
Yet ostentatious Pomp, and devilish Pride,
Amidst indulgence ne'er feel satisfied—
And peacock Vanity, with all its plumes,
And shining ornaments, still more assumes—
While Lust, like greedy Swine's, or letcherous Goat's,
When past enjoyment, still more fondly doats;
And, in proportion as the pow'r's possess'd,
More multiplied Desires inflame the breast.
Father of all that's good! is this the way
Thy greatest Debtors their vast debts repay!
The way their Heart, well-humbled, ne'er withstands
Thy bless'd Forbiddings, and thy kind Commands!
Is this their duteous thankfulness, that owns
Thy bounty, in ten thousand, thousand, loans!
In Life—in Friends—in Nurture—Strength, and Health!
In Education—Honour—Pow'r—and Wealth!
Not sprinkled down in dews, but constant show'rs,
Which Avarice hoards, or Vanity devours.
Are these the Rules thy Love on Man bestow'd,
To form fair Habits on his earthly road;
In time to purge off pride, and fleshly leav'n,
And learn the temper, and the talk of Heav'n?
Is this the Language—Learning—Order—Knowledge—
To train up Pupils fit for Jesus' College?
The holy Harmony—the Love—the Joy—
That fill thy Courts, with extacy, on high?
Can they, who, thus, their humble Brethren spurn,
Partake thy Peace and heavenly tempers learn?
They, who, on Earth, thy Temple so detest,
Enjoy, in Heav'n, with Thee, eternal Rest?
Where every Creature, thro' the countless Hosts,
Thy Wisdom worships, and thy Bounty boasts?
While wonders of redeeming Love inspire,
The songs of Saints; and flaming Seraphs' fire!

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Thy fathomless perfections never need,
Created help, in thought, or word, or deed—
Ev'n Angels, from all sin, and error, free,
With all their efforts, nothing add to Thee;
Nor can fall'n Spirits' most infernal act,
From Thy unbounded happiness detract;
Much less can feeble, foolish, sinful, Man,
Whose pow'r's a vapour, and whose time's a span;
Whether he love, or hate; or die, or live;
In nothing can diminish—nothing give—
Yet may, by Grace, with diligence, obtain
Eternal bliss, and 'scape eternal pain;
For Thou, in boundless Mercy, hast bestow'd
A gracious Gospel, and a legal Code;
To mark the Object, point the path below,
Whence Man may share the weal, and shun the woe.

LETTER VII.

[I no proud exemption plead]

Dear Hannah,

I no proud exemption plead
From folly, or from fault; in word or deed—
Aim not to stand aloof, distinct from others,
My sinful Sisters, or debased Brothers;
For, whether more, or less, my Body's found,
Tall, active, graceful, fair, strong, sweet, or sound—
Mind, witty, more, or less, or learn'd, or wise,
In Heav'n's endowments all the difference lies.
Yet still I wish, with Thee, to stand the test,
Which of the twain are best, and blessedest:
Whether Wealth, Pow'r, and Pomp, can counterpoise
Our moral pleasures, and religious joys—
Whether our station, and unnotic'd Name,
Secure not comfort more than public Fame—
Whether we find not fuller happiness
In simple Diet, and in simple Dress,
Devoid of foolish, and affected, airs,
Than they, in all the Luxury of theirs;
Or, whether our simplicity of Speech
May not Man's heart, and Heav'n's kind audience, reach,
As much, or more, than their exalted Sense,
With all the tropes of tutor'd Eloquence!
How gladly would my sympathetic Soul,
Their follies counteract! their faults controul!
Then should the Tyrants of our sentenc'd Earth,
Lay by the pride of Pow'r, of Wealth, and Birth,
And, warm with chearful zeal, at Church, or Home,
Hear—read—and ponder, Heav'n's instructive Tome—
To understand the Truths—the Rules apply—
To live with lustre—free from doubtings die—
And, full of Faith, and Hope, and fellow-Love,
Direct their looks and steps tow'rds bliss above,
While marking, accurate, and copying, fair,
One well-depicted, full-length, Portrait, there;
The Portrait of a Personage, so supreme,
He shines its Author, and its chiefest Theme!
Not hoping lights so strong, or tints so pure;
But faintly sketch'd in humble miniature.
Then God, complacent, from his gracious Throne,
Would view all Worshippers, in Love alone;
And ne'er with vengeance, or with wrath, review
A careless Crowd, or bold rebellious Crew.
Then Lust would ne'er attempt a Neighbour's wrong—
No speech, impure, contaminate the tongue—
But every phrase profane, and falshood, then,
Give place, in peace, to yea, and nay—Amen!
Then blissful Love would each fond bosom fill—
All subject Wills obey His sovereign Will—
By that blest Book, and Exemplar sublime,
All hearts be happy thro' the reign of Time!

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And, when they feel their Foe's last, cruel, call,
With Hope, and Faith, in full assurance fall!
Obeying still, thro' Life, his righteous Laws,
With Conscience clear, yet void of Self-applause.
And hath not He a right, who form'd the Whole,
To stablish Laws His Creatures to controul?
And may not He, with Justice, punish those
Who quit His Kingdom, and become his Foes?
And hath not He sufficient Pow'r to quell
All Rebels' malice, both in Earth and Hell;
As well as Love, all Creatures to requite,
That learn His Law, and in His Name delight?
Oh! dearest Hannah! that the World were wise,
To dig that field where boundless Treasure lies!
That Wealth and Title would His Word attend,
Their first, best, Father! their most bounteous Friend!
Would with their Lust, and Pride, and Riches, part,
And buy the Pearl in that celestial Mart;
So freely offer'd to all Souls alive,
Without a price, who ask, and seek, and strive!
Then would no Parents on their Offspring draw
The dreadful sentences of Sinai's Law!
With subtle wiles, no Serpent would deceive,
By vile insidious lies, a listening Eve;
Nor Eve, when fall'n, her Adam's faith betray,
From duty tempting his fond heart astray!
No flattering Courtiers, foolish Kings, advise,
With whips and scorpions Subjects to chastise;
Or Subjects, to escape such cruel curse,
With weak and wicked choice to chuse a worse!
No King would covet—Queen pervert the Law—
No brib'd Professors find illegal flaw;
Nor Witnesses, corrupted, falsely swear,
To charge—convict—and kill, a rightful Heir!
In borrow'd shape, no Vice thro' vizor seen,
Would mimic Virtue's godlike look and mien;
Or, with deception, of a darker shade,
Presume to purchase Heav'n by vain parade;
But let Religion act her honest part,
And clear each head of hypocritic Art,
While Heav'n's pure Word would prompt Affection win,
And purge the Soul from all polluting Sin;
Till, like a faithful mirror Man would shine,
By Wisdom polish'd, and by Grace, divine;
Reflecting that bless'd Pattern, plac'd above,
In perfect Peace—Goodwill—and holy Love!
Alas! what Sampson's wonderous strength can boast
Such ample conquest o'er Philistia's host?
With ass's jaw, what Warrior, in these times,
Knocks down, at once, a thousand scarlet crimes?
And should some Hero smite them, hip and thigh,
They'd rise again—and swagger—swear—and lie—
While hearts were puff'd with proud, and fleshly, leav'n,
As tho' they'd never heard of Hell, or Heav'n.
Some casual cooling streams such jaws bestow,
From pulpits pour'd, on famish'd flocks, below,
Yet small refreshment by those flocks is found,
For, when such watery streamlets murmur round,
Like Summer flood, foul—noisey—rapid—short—
The sheep and lambs are little better for't.
They lay not, long, Wealth's whirling, driving, dust,
Or put Pride's wild-fire out; or flames of Lust—
Nor, sprinkled, lightly, o'er the burning breast,
Soothe Passion's raving paroxysms to rest—
No barren Lands to better state restore,
But leave them light, and fruitless, as before—
Not damping feverish Pride's delirious flames,
But strengthening Lust's, and Passion's, natural claims.
Would every One begin Heav'n's work at home,
And sweep, and scrub, and scour, their dirty Dome—
Hunt out the subtle spider's poisonous race,
And biting bugs, from every hiding place,
With my dear Hannah's duteous diligence,
Expelling all that gives their God offence;
All private rooms would soon be pure, and sweet—
And peace—content—and comfort—more complete—
More home-bred happiness—more general joy—
Without fond wish to live—or fear to die!
That is a task for Us, and such as Us;
The World of Fashion would not bear such fuss—
Yet, all the elevated Folk will find
A class of Toils and Cares of different kind;
For Pow'r and Grandeur, Riches, Rank, and Birth,
Procure, with Care, their momentary Mirth—
Magnificent Amusements cost much Toil,
To raise and rectify their vast turmoil—
Mysterious Raptures, hatch'd at midnight hour—
Expensive Pleasures, not in Negros' pow'r—

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All brilliant glitter, and bright glare, at first;
But, like Boys' Crackers, sparkle—blaze—and burst—
Surrounding multitudes to burn or blind,
Then sink in smoke, and leave a stench behind!
Their courtly manners, when among Us, Clowns,
Tho' full of cold contempt, or flouts and frowns,
To shine superior make a mighty pother;
But when their Honours mix among each other,
Their airs, how gentle! and their smiles, how sleek!
With what soft accent, polish'd phrase, they speak!
Thou'dst deem, dear Hannah! from their looks, and lore,
That Seraphs scarcely could sublimer soar—
With tongues so dainty, faces so demure,
Their heads were perfect—and their hearts were pure!
But, ah! my Hannah! all's but specious Art;
For, when these friendly, courteous Creatures, part,
Their vile inventions, and base memories, broach,
But mutual spite, and mischievous reproach.
But was their language simple, and sincere,
None but themselves their panegyrics hear;
And bright examples, sober preachers say,
Much more than wit, or moral precepts, weigh—
Then ought high Birth, like Luminaries bright,
Lead Mankind's copying crowds both Day and Night;
And not like twinkling Stars, that scarce appear,
Nor scatter any useful influence here;
Nor like foul lamp's, or fetid candle's fire,
Which light a little space, and soon expire:
But o'er each woodland, plain, and mountain, shine,
Displaying proofs of origin divine;
That all their light may mark—their influence feel—
We, make-weights, beds and bushels must conceal—
At most, extend to drive domestic glooms,
From friendly circles, in our narrow rooms;
Diffusing trembling beams, from tiney wicks,
Just flickering round our earthen-candlesticks.

LETTER VIII.

[Let's again, distinctly, try]

Dear Hannah,

Let's again, distinctly, try
What makes Wealth differ so from Thee, and Me.
Search what's the true, discriminating mark
That proves their splendour drowns our misty spark.
How glittering Demigoddesses, and Gods,
Eclipse Us, poor, opaque, and vulgar, Clods.
Whether on Make, or Mind, is built the boast
Of every country Squire, or courtly Toast;
Or any other wealth-distinguish'd Wight,
Who stands beneath proud Peers, or Peeress', height.
What lifts so high the Ladies, and the Lords,
O'er scatter'd Cottagers, and hamlet-Hords—
What makes these wonderous Orders differ, so,
With Priests, and High-priests, from our Breeds below—
Or what in all the Royal Ranks we find
Above farm Family, or humble Hind.
Are these proud Ranks, thus priviledg'd, more pure
Than Crowds which cares and drudgeries endure?
Archbishop, Duke, and Duchess, call'd “your Grace,”
From Character, Complexion, Form, or Face?
Or other Orders, titled “Excellence,”
For Beauty—Virtue—Piety—or Sense?
In Height, and Strength, few Peers compare with Me;
No Ladies, Hannah, half so fair as Thee!
To vie in apish airs we ne'er presume,
Ne'er school'd at Court, or royal Drawing-room—

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Nor boast we Purity, or blameless Birth—
Or spotless Piety, or moral Worth—
Or Wit, or Learning—or of this World's Wealth—
Yet we can talk of Temperance, yielding Health;
Of Faith—Hope—Love—and pure religious Joy,
Which more than Titles, Pow'r and Wealth supply—
As for our Hearts, they only can be known
By Him who occupies the heavenly Throne,
With all the thoughts of theirs; their true intent,
Whether for good, or graceless mischief, meant.
By whom our motives will be all unfurl'd,
In future hour, before the assembled World—
The lots, then, peradventure, all revers'd—
The Poor be bless'd; the cruel Rich be curs'd!
Thy lot, and Mine, at present, Heav'n well knows!
Is far inferior to our haughty Foes!
They in a palace dwell, or princely dome—
Thou, temporal tenant in a rented home;
And I, a lodger, in a lonely cell,
Whence, any day, a Despot may expel.
With dainties, They, in proud profusion, fed—
Thou, on ounce chops, and stinted chips of bread;
With simple beverage, both to dine, and sup,
While cordial draughts still crown their daily cup—
Thy Mate, on milk, and vegetables, lives,
Which Tyranny may stop; now, grudging, gives.
Their clothing all compos'd, in every part,
With richest things, by rarest rules of Art:
Nor for mere coverings, or to keep them warm,
But so contriv'd, in fashion, and in form,
In dyes and deckings, till the brilliant blaze,
Makes them grow giddy, while assemblies gaze:
Our garb ungraceful, both in shape, and hue—
In texture never neat, and seldom new—
Materials paltry—manufacture plain—
Which never tends to make our spirits vain;
And if they catch these Courtiers' haughty eyes,
They pass with scorn, and them, and Us, despise.
But not on things like these our bliss depends,
We wait the time when every trial ends;
When infinite perfection will decide
The lot of Want's obedience, and Wealth's pride.
Wealth cannot make its winners happy, here—
They burn with Envy, or they freeze with Fear;
Nor mines and manors, gems and pearls, possess'd,
Can shut out Care, and still the troubled breast—
Insure a longer term to vital breath,
Or calm the Conscience in the hour of Death:
Nor can Earth's highest Pow'rs protect the heart,
Against the force of his terrific dart;
Nor all the pomp and grandeur of the Great,
Put off, one moment, fast-approaching fate.
Nay, Heav'n, to humble Arrogance, conspires
With earthquakes—storms—and atmospheric fires—
By shattering shake, or, instantaneous strokes,
To batter haughty Tow'rs, or sturdy Oaks;
While Shrub, or bending Reed, no danger dreads,
From storm or tempest raging o'er their heads—
Nor fears the humble Cot the earthquake's crash,
The whirlwind's fury, or the lightning's flash,
But stands, like lowly Tenant's faithful Soul,
When earthquakes threaten, and when thunders roll.
Wealth cannot make its votaries wits, or wise—
Oft Sense, or Prudence, Providence denies—
Nor envied Rank, nor Honours can procure
Respect from Sufferers who their stripes endure.
We, Rustics, while we feel their iron rods,
Cannot suppose them Goddesses, or Gods;
Nor think them Creatures of superior cast,
Ev'n when our pain and tribulation's past.
Can Wretches, who with persecution pine,
E'er deem such Despots glow with grace divine?
Their Persons—Virtues—Piety—revere,
Where nought but Passions—Lusts—and Lies appear?
Their mimic Charity, or Truth respect,
Who treat each duteous claim with cold neglect?
Can we in their Humanity confide
Who mock at misery with imperious Pride?
In Courtiers' dangling characters delight
Who spurn their Dupes with diabolic Spite?
On those for pure Integrity depend
Who, causelessly, deceive each humble Friend?
For Flattering Affectation feel esteem,
Where Self-applause appears the secret scheme?
That Knowledge—Learning—Courtesy—regard,
Which flout at Faith—and Honesty discard—
Or that, Religion, or true Morals, call,
Which God forgets, and vaunts a Rival's fall.
Some specious Prudes my injur'd Muse might name,
Who'd sacrifice their very Souls for Fame—

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Would any toil, or trouble, undergo,
That even Abjects might their Merits know—
Would combat any care, or any cost,
That not one scruple of Applause be lost;
While striving hard with labouring lips, or pen,
To chouse their God, and cheat the minds of Men.
Nor only female Prudes, but male,
In which these Passions mightily prevail,
Partaking all expences, toils and pains,
For such mere negatives, or airy gains;
While all their private conduct ill accords
With what should be a Lady's—or a Lords.
Such Ladies, oft, will smuggle—fib—and plot—
Whisper—and wink—and wheedle—and—what not—
Such Lords o'er Slaves, and Vassals, domineer,
And practice countless tricks beneath a Peer—
Yet both will bend to proud Superior's nod,
And worship Kings, as Christians worship God.
Ev'n troops whose titles swell with loftier sound,
Will stoop to Tyrants, awfully profound—
To mortal Monarchs reverently bow—
Vent loving elogies—allegiance vow—
But ne'er on God, with gratitude, attend,
Or neck, or knee, to Christ, e'er bow, or bend.
Nor are those numbers of exalted Name,
Devoid of tyranny, or moral blame—
Viscounts and Earls oft sink beneath such Ranks—
Sometimes their Spouses play strange faux-pas pranks—
While Marquisses and Dukes degrade their places;
And prudish Duchesses forget their Graces—
Prelatic Priests, to glory, gold prefer,
Deceive and swear—with some few foibles more—
Kings may be caught in Faults, or Folly's snare—
Some Queens, in selfishness, resemblance bear;
And, like the Ladies, and their Lordships, shew
Most fondness for the fleeting things below.
Thus Rich and Great, the most Sublime, sometimes,
Grieve God, and Conscience, and forget their Crimes—
Pervert their talents, and their time destroy;
Refuse all Grace, and flout all genuine Joy!
Among mere Mortals, then, what can we trace
Distinguishing the Clown's, and Courtier's Race?
What, that can satisfy a reasoning Mind,
Among the various Ranks of human Kind?
Princes and Princesses, or Queens and Kings,
From Us, uncouth, and despicable, Things!
If Toys, and Trinkets, form the mighty claim,
Money, for Thee, and Me, might do the same,
Were able Artists properly employ'd,
Our bodily defects, like Theirs, to hide.
If Titles can produce such wonderous pother,
Rustics might add the like to one another—
Might call this Clown a Lord; and that a Duke;
Nor care a fig for Court's, or King's rebuke—
Yea, oft we hear, when Nature has been slack,
And plac'd a hump on poor Plebian's back,
Whether his furniture be fair, or foul—
His features form an Angel, or an Owl—
Whether he proves a Genius, or a Dunce,
His Title's clear—He's dubb'd a Lord at once.
Then what are Titles, if such dregs of Man,
Nature's worst refuse! thus can join the Clan?
They're but a set of noisey, silly, sounds,
Bereft of weight, where Worth, or Wit, abounds!
What are blue Ribbands, drawn across the breast,
With which a Dunce, or Monkey, may be dress'd?
Brighter, at Balls, on School-girls, oft are seen,
Or Morris-dancer's on the daisied Green;
And, when conjoin'd with glittering, tinsel, Star,
The May-day Chimney-sweeper's finer far:
While all the Shew, with which the Ladies shine,
Is mostly dug from dark, and dirty mine;
Or filthy worms, and sordid shells, supply,
To deck the body, and delight the eye!
Be but their trinkets, and their trim put off,
How Louts would laugh! and Common-sense would scoff!
And when Religion's deep-discerning view
Looks all their close-conceal'd recesses through;
Sees them, when every avenue is stopp'd,
And all their proud appendages are dropp'd,
She looks with langour, and with pity grieves,
To see fall'n Adams, and frail naked Eves!
Tho' dress'd, and deck'd, they make such mighty fuss,
How chang'd in puris naturalibus!
Laid, low-reclining, on their listless couch,

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No Cants to flatter, and no Fools to crouch—
Stripp'd of their gawdy garb, and tawdry toys,
When sleep has clos'd their supercilious eyes—
Has stol'n their stately airs, and haughty strut,
And every limb's relax'd from head to foot;
What but mere common Women can be seen,
In Lady—Countess—Duchess—Princess—Queen?
All rates of Peers—Princes—and Sovereigns—then,
Appear, to Common-sense, as common Men!
Perchance, the Rich, on down may drop their heads—
The Poor, on pads of straw, or chaff-stuff'd beds—
Those hid in holland, and embroidery, bright—
These, rags, and tatters, just conceal from sight;
Yet, wrapp'd in peace, can clasp their squalid nest,
While those, 'mid gorgeous grandeur, find no rest,
But sleepless, painful, dreary, nights deplore,
While these, their miseries mocking, soundly snore,
Clear conscience, temperance, toil, yield Penury health,
While Guilt appals, and Luxury poisons Wealth.
Pomp seeks provision from its Pimps and Spies—
But Need, for every help, to Heav'n applies.
Pow'r seeks protection from its armed bands—
But Poverty looks up to heavenly hands;
In Faith, and Hope, on Providence depends,
Tho' destitute of force, or temporal Friends.
The Rich still fearful of each humbler Brother,
Nor can they quite confide in one another.
No robbers, mobs, or murderers, Penury fears,
But Wealth unnumber'd, groundless horrors hears—
Ev'n Kings, while compass'd with their warlike hosts,
Fear Foes, accustom'd, may attack their coasts,
Or Treason snatch their lives, or storm their throne—
We, Rustics, trust our guardian God alone!
And when the Tyrant of all Tyrants, Death,
Hath laid them low, and summon'd back their breath,
Tho' Wisdom's voice a full decision gives
Betwixt the Lion dead, and Dog that lives,
Yet, when at both, that Warrior's thrown his pike,
The Lion and the Dog are just alike.
Where is the difference, when the Spirit's fled,
Betwixt the little, and the lordly, Dead?
When stretch'd out, naked, none distinction trace,
Betwixt the meanest Gossip, and her Grace—
Between the proudest Duke, or Potentate,
And Misery's Wretch, that meets untimely fate;
Save that a shrowd the Mighty may adorn,
The Poor be buried just as they were born.
Haply rude elmen coffins may enclose,
And bear them, humbly, to their long repose—
Haply their Spirits may be borne above,
On Angels' pinions to the realms of Love!
The Rich, tho' here, by Friends, and Courts, caress'd,
Their breathless Bodies, tho' most richly dress'd,
And all inclos'd with curious envelope,
Yet may their Souls, devoid of Faith and Hope,
Be hurried off, by Fiends, to regions drear,
To feel the Horrors they inflicted here.
Their Heirs, resolv'd to keep them down, when dead,
Press each loath'd corpse with ponderous loads of lead,
And, when once hous'd within their narrow hole,
No further care for Body, or for Soul.
But not alone, by oak, or cedar, planks,
Proud Ostentation proves its different Ranks;
Sublime devices ornament the lid,
By richest velvet's raven coverings hid—
A central Sun displays its dazzling charms,
Beset with Titles—Crowns—and scutcheon'd Arms;
Each badge of State and Dignity to shew;
While gilded nails, in many a glittering row,
Like radiant Stars, their burnish'd beams dispense,
To superadd their scraps of Consequence.
These proud appendages of Wealth and Birth,
Soon, with Possessors, plung'd in Parent Earth!
Meantime each blazon'd shield, suspended high,
Bedeck their Domes to catch each curious eye;
Whose common Mottos, daringly, protest,
Their impious Spirits find eternal rest;
Or, that each ruin'd Frame shall surely rise,
To join their Souls in beatific Skies.
What was their Faith so stablish'd, and so strong,
And Hope so clear, such writings can't be wrong?
And was their Love so perfect—Life so pure,
That Happiness was certain—Heav'n secure?
Alas! my Mind, foreboding, feels dismay,
Lest such wild Mortals had mistook their way

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For, when well tried by Heav'n's unerring Rules,
They seem like wilful Madmen, Dupes, or Fools!
Here, gentle Hannah! just one moment stop,
To mark the difference, when these Mortals drop,
And leave, alike, their Cells, or sumptuous Domes,
When borne to dark, and small, and irksome, Homes.
The Poor, encompass'd by a puny Band,
With ropes, or ragged napkins, borne by hand;
Exhibiting, to each inspecting eye,
Their vulgar garments, dipp'd in every dye;
When weary, chang'd about, to Brother-slaves,
Till quite relinquish'd in forgotten graves—
Unless the gather'd earth, with little swells,
Enwrapp'd in turf, their dormitory tells;
Or stones, unchissell'd, at their heads, and feet,
A little time may mark their mean retreat—
Rear'd, just to warn the wandering Poor, that pass,
To greet their tombs, nor tread the sacred grass,
But, as they journey on their joyless way,
To moisten with a tear their mouldering clay:
While offering wholesome hints, that, soon, or late,
They must submit to share their Fellow's fate.
The Rich, in Hearses, proudly trail along,
Mid crowding coaches, and equestrian throng;
With pompous plumage nodding o'er their head,
To tell the World some wonderous Creature's dead!
And oft attended by pedestrian train,
Astonish'd at a sight both vague, and vain!
Flags boasting feats their fellows ne'er believ'd,
The vast achievements which they ne'er achiev'd!
And when, at length, the proud procession halts,
A sable band conveys them to their vaults,
Which, more capacious than the Poor's, may hold
More lordly dust, but not less dark and cold.
The sweepy pall, hung o'er the burden'd bier,
Proclaims another proof some Great-one's there,
Till stripp'd, and in close cavern left alone,
Without a parting tear—or sigh—or groan!
But who compose the troop that thus attends?
The Parents? Brethren? Children? Wives? and Friends?
No! mercenary bands! which, cloth'd in black,
Bear all their signs of sorrow on their back.
These, when the task of loathsome labour's done,
And each indifferent Drudge his wage has won,
All hasten, in return, to calm abode,
Rejoicing when they've left their wearying load.
Do blubbering Relatives all stay behind,
Lest briney floods might scalded eye-balls blind?
Lest they should weakness to the World disclose,
By maddening miseries, and bewildering woes?
'Tis more their mourning mockery to hide—
Perfidious Fashion! customary Pride!
They are too haughty, arrogant, and proud
To mingle with a motley, casual Crowd!
Too supercilious humbly to attend,
Amidst Domestics, a departed Friend!
And too fastidious, and profane to join
In Church, or Church-yard, any rites divine—
For Fashionable Heathen would condemn
Joining Observances, and Brutes, like them.
They are too wealthy—wise—and great—to go
With vulgar gangs, whose foolish eyes o'erflow—
Who vent their gross involuntary groans,
And vex their minds with silly sighs, and moans.
Their eyes too tender, thus to spoil their lids,
As such a coarse, plebian custom bids.
Their faces far too delicate to stain,
Like auburn brawny cheeks of sorry grain.
Their nerves too tremblingly alive all o'er,
To bear such sorrows, like the brutish Poor.
They are too high, too noble, to submit,
Like low-bred folks, to such a bedlam fit.
Too well-instructed to pursue the bent
Of ignorant Nature, in dull discontent.
Too philosophic to permit the sway
Of weeping Passions, in that puling way.
These grand connexions, close at home, remain;
Not feeling loss, but calculating gain—
Not to reflect on the Deceased's fate,
But measuring the extent of each Estate—
Not personal charms, or merits, to deplore,
But estimating chattels; counting store.
Not that their heads, or hearts, are quite serene;
And free from envy, hatred, spite, or spleen—
Such sad occasion offers ample scope
For sorrow—joy—surmise—and fear—and hope—
For, as Executors their trust fulfil,
In weighing every clause that crowds the Will;
And read, distinctly, every rich bequest,
The selfish feelings trouble every breast—

231

For, as Adventurers, gambling passions feel,
While boys, deliberate, turn the Lottery-wheel,
All Friends expect some fascinating prize,
To crown their wishes, or augment their joys;
Each hoping large residuum left, as theirs,
While Tickets rise to Relatives, and Heirs.
If happy expectation rose too high,
Like bladders, burst, deep sinking with a sigh,
The heart contracts; and, fix'd in shrivell'd state,
No airy hope can furthermore inflate.
If Fancy form'd the hope not high enough,
Their bosoms, tho' so brave; their hearts so tough;
Yet all their courage scarcely can sustain
The torturing pleasure! The transporting pain!
Wealth, still, by both, must suffer hapless lot,
By those, detested; soon, by these, forgot—
They, whose imaginary joys are fled,
Drive from their minds all memory of the Dead;
While, 'midst the tumult of ungenerous joys,
From the more favour'd all remembrance flies.
One feels his pow'rs, and faculties all fir'd,
O'er honour—influence—fame—and wealth—acquir'd—
The other feels his unreplenish'd purse,
And o'er the Culprit pours some cruel curse;
For, tho' his mouth may not pronounce the sin,
Ten thousand latent curses lurk within.
Not so the Poor; they feel no troubled breast,
For nought's expected where there's nought possess'd—
Ne'er dream of large domains or golden dirt,
So when one falls the rest ne'er feel they're hurt—
O'er trifles, that remain, ne'er storm or strive,
But honour all their virtues while alive,
And when their humble Spirits flee from Earth,
Survivors aim to imitate their worth.
Then what can Wealth avail, or Pomp, or Pride?
For Solomon fell sick; and Julian died;
And Chaldee's haughty King, like Ox, or Ass,
Was doom'd, by anger'd Heaven, to feed on grass!
Stupendous Palaces exclude not Care;
Nor yield a safe asylum from Despair—
Nor long with Pow'r, or Honour, banish Strife—
Pomp's golden springs impel the wheels of Life—
Or proud Possessions, worth ten times a plumb,
Long regulate the pulse's pendulum.
Will pain, will sickness, never dare approach
Embroidered bed or coroneted coach?
Will Death, o'er-aw'd by Rank, and, Titles, high,
Hold fast his dart, and bow, and pass them by?
Should that bless'd Being, who first gave them breath,
Withhold awhile the threatening dart of Death;
Bestowing temporal Life, both long and hale,
The body will decay; and spirits fail;
And He, o'er all, in time, his conquest boast—
Methuselah, at length, gave up the ghost.
When They are dead will Wealth secure their clay?
Pomp chase corruption, and the worm, away?
When form'd, again, will Greatness feel no grudge
That Rank and Titles influence not the Judge?
And will that Judge whose Providence so bless'd,
With ample store, to succour the distress'd;
And gave them Kings, to make them Lords and Dukes,
Relax their sentence, and his just rebukes?
Or let the rocks and hills, tho' late their own,
Fall down and hide them from his awful throne?
No!—wicked Wealth, like wicked Want, must go
To endless lamentation, pain and woe!
Can Birth, or Pageantry, confer the pow'r
To shape their Bodies in their natal hour?
Can they stretch out each member straight, or tight,
Or ever add one cubit to their height?
Make all their features fine? complexions fair?
Or change the hue of any chosen hair?
Nay, were their Monies, or Domains, immense,
They would not purchase Genius—furnish Sense—
Or buy true Wit, or Wisdom, with their Gold;
The merchandise of Heav'n's ne'er bought or sold!

232

LETTER IX.

[My dearest Hannah; Let me now, once more]

My dearest Hannah; Let me now, once more,
The conduct of the Rich, and Proud, explore.
From full experience, or clear knowledge, state,
The Arts, and Habits, of the Gay and Great.
Line out a little more this mighty Race,
Whate'er their Titles—Property—or Place.
Inspect each Frame—scan all their Conduct o'er,
While Reason rummages their mental Store,
And well infers, from every Act, and Word,
What Common-sense deems wicked, or absurd—
Mark well the traits, and tones, with ears, and eyes,
While Judgment weighs as Understanding pries—
Examine all their Language—every look—
Long figur'd down in Memory's faithful Book—
Endeavouring every step to trace some proof,
Why thus they hold their heads so far aloof,
O'er Us, and others; poor Plebians born!
And, if they look at all, look down with scorn;
Tho', maugre all their malice—Pomp—and Pride—
From Clowns and Artists are all wants supplied—
Still daily Debtors to the boorish Brood,
For toys and trinkets—covering—clothing—food—
As I, with more precision, hope to prove,
Ere Providence to Heav'n my Soul remove.
Meantime I'll labour at my moral plan,
To state the common Character of Man;
And sketch each Gift and Grace, that, clearly, shew
The Courtier and the Clown; the High and Low.
Deem not, my Muse, dear Hannah, idly halts,
Describing Courtiers' foibles, Grandeur's faults;
Or, while she registers Wealth's righteous Debts,
Devoid of gratitude, Our own forgets;
Or thinks the boons bestow'd on Boors, the while,
The just reward of temperance, care, and toil—
No! Heaven, to all, gives all they are, or have,
From first conception till they reach the grave!
Nor was it mere unconsciousness of mind,
That made me leave that humbling thought behind,
But, knowing well, if e'er the Rich should read,
They'd thank me to omit the Christian's Creed;
For any subject yields them more delight,
Than bringing that bless'd object so to sight;
And why? It makes their Self-complacence less,
Exhibiting full proofs of nothingness—
And Honours, Titles, Pomp, and Pride, must fall,
Confronted, thus, with Heav'n's Great All in All!
Who can the most minute advantage find,
In Measure, Form, or Face, or Mien, or, Mind?
Disinterested Act, or virtuous Deed,
Beyond the boundaries of our abject Breed?
Imperfect Animals, like Us, 'tis plain,
In Instincts, Appetites, and Passion's train.
Nor Sense discriminates, nor Fancy tow'rs,
With keener ken, or happier plume, than Ours.
Their Piety, and pure Benevolence,
Not more extensive, and not more intense;
But while our Hearts indulge each generous wish
In wisdom Heav'n withholds the Loaves and Fish.
Their Charity, 'tis true, appears to sight,
Thro' Providence's bounty, much more bright;
But should Heav'n show'r on Us as ample shares,
Perhaps our boons might bless Man more than theirs—
For We, who oft have felt Want's cruel claim,
Best sympathize with those that feel the same;
While they that richly clothe, and rankly feed,
But little care for Nakedness, or Need!
That Love, like Piety, is prompt and true,
Which glads the heart, not glares in public view—
In this they differ, and in this, alone,
That warms the hearts of others—this our own.
No Passion's bright, and permanently burns,
But Christ has kindled, and to Heav'n returns;

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How then can theirs, whose objects claim their birth,
From nothing high'r than dust and dregs of Earth;
Which never soar, or seek for ought above,
But food for Vanity, or vicious Love.
In Vanity and Vice the Rich excel,
In all that tastes of Earth, or stinks of Hell!
In follies, fashions, and in crafty cant,
Our simple, unlearn'd, progeny of Want—
In all the Arts that minister delights
To both their beastly, rampant, Appetites—
In every curious Science, that supplies
Rich feasts to feed insatiate Ears and Eyes—
In all that pampers ostentatious Pride,
And artful Cunning each vain view to hide—
In idle ingenuity of Dress,
And skill in complicated Politesse—
In counteracting Heav'n's, and Nature's, laws,
By Customs, covering Vice with veils of gauze;
While Wisdom's eye darts thro' the thin disguise,
And feels her Spirit pity, and despise—
Things neither honest—useful—great—or good—
Things we would never copy if we cou'd—
Like Bedlam's tenant's rambling weak and wild;
Or sillier than the simplest puling Child—
Preposterous both in hope and habitude;
While we are open—honest—rough—and rude
We, like the pristine Altars, built with sods;
The architecture—rules—rites—offerings—Gods!
They, Baal's altars; rear'd for idol shew,
By Art and Whim—their objects all below—
The worship—incense—institutes—their own—
Tho' richly carv'd, and polish'd, still of stone!
As Nature's complicated wants impress
They swill and swallow down the motley mess;
And, when replenish'd, their impulsive pow'rs
Throw off all fog and feculence like ours.
Like us pure atmospheric air inspire—
Like our's their foul mephitic streams retire—
Like our's their moist, and musty matter, all,
That filters from the skin, or skirts let fall;
Unless their richer food, at every vent,
May happily improve each higher scent.
Her more delicious impulse we obey,
In general usage, just the self-same way,
Except with such supreme enjoyment cloy'd,
The pure beatitude of hallow'd Bride;
The concubine embrace; and harlot range;
Fastidious grown with cheapness, choice, and change,
Their bosoms burn with fierce, unnatural fires,
Committing crimes beyond ev'n Brute's desires—
Tho' mark'd in males, with females own no name,
Sodom's destruction! Corinth's noted shame!
Nor let this well-known simple truth surprise,
We boast as many ears—as many eyes—
A nose, like theirs; whose accuracy tells,
As nicely, fetid, and all fragrant, smells—
A tongue, which dainty tastes as well discerns—
But not so apt untruths, and flattery, learns.
Two limbs, like theirs, as upright frames support;
More fit for toil; not so to cringe at Court—
Not laid at length, indulging dangerous ease,
Till fulsome indolence brings forth disease,
But hourly filling up some useful plan,
For honouring God, or benefiting Man.
Two arms, and hands, more active—hardy—strong—
Not all unskill'd in penning prose, or song,
To tell corporeal wants, or mental woe,
Which, from their tyrant conduct, frequent, flow;
But more in culturing or mechanic skill,
To aid their wants, or gratify their will;
Or, skill'd in curious Arts, each pow'rs employ'd
To prompt their Vanity, and puff their Pride.
We feel as tremblingly alive as them—
More free from insipidity and phlegm—
Are conscious what is courteous, true, and just—
More faithful to our promise, troth, and trust—
Our sense of Justice much more finely feels;
Our injur'd Honour makes more pure appeals—
Their's, still to vengeful arms, or art, applies;
Our's to that Will which governs Earth and Skies.
Like them we sometimes laugh, more frequent weep—
Like their's our Souls and Bodies sink in Sleep—
But, unlike Gentlemen and Ladies, We,
In hours, and times, and manners, disagree.
Night, sober Matron! dreams, and wakes, and starts;
As moon-struck Maniacs fill their frantic parts;
While gamblers, players, pimps, from routs, and balls;

234

And concerts, noisey squeaks, and opera squalls,
With prancing steeds, and coaches constant rattle,
Soothe not to sleep, but rouze, like days of battle.
With downcast eye, and bashful, reddening, cheek,
Aurora, modest Vestal! mild and meek!
Views herds of Apes, and Swine, and Goats, releas'd
From filthy bagnio-bed, or beastly feast,
While shame-fac'd Phœbus, blushing thro' the shade,
Beholds the yet-unfinish'd Masquerade.
His bloated face, at first, intensely glows,
As o'er that gulph of Vice his glance he throws—
Till, mounting high'r, he marks each hill and dale,
While mix'd emotions turn his features pale,
To see the contrast 'twixt the Nymphs and Swains,
And London's idle, loathsome, letch'rous, trains;
For, looking down from his meridian steep,
He sees his deepest debtors fast asleep!
Their listless limbs in sickly slumbers lie,
Till he hath travell'd more than half the sky;
And Hinds have half perform'd their daily toil,
Procuring comforts which they spend and spoil;
And yet their haughty hearts those Hinds despise,
Whose labours yield their Luxury's best supplies!
Some female few, at eight, begin to yawn—
At nine the pucker'd curtains calmly drawn—
For tinkling bells proclaim they're not quite dead,
While calling help to breakfast, first, in bed.
With fervour pure do then their Spirits rise
To greet the Sovereign of the Earth and Skies?
First raise their Souls in simple praise, and thanks,
Like us, poor creatures of inferior ranks?
And then, with persevering ardour, pray,
For kind protection thro' remaining day?
No! prompt Imagination's plastic pow'rs,
First forms their plans for day-light's lingering hours;
While Memory, opening wide her folding-doors,
Exhibits all her wonderous, warehouse-stores,
Such sundry stores, as, group'd in all their glories,
Would quite confound all auction inventories!
Such countless articles, expos'd to sale,
Ev'n Christie's pedant cant, and phrase, must fail!
To give crude specimen of what's contain'd
All Bond-street's tawdry toy-shops must be drain'd—
Perfumery must exhaust its utmost arts,
Cosmetics, and pure colours, fill their parts—
Foreign Frisseurs their puffs and powders lend,
And Drapery, Mercery, Millin'ry, attend.
Watches, their aid supply, in glittering pairs—
Bright buckles, shoes, and hose, contribute their's—
While endless Haberdash'ry helps, the rout,
With plumes, and ribbands, flying all about—
Lockets, and rings, and pendants, gorgeous glow,
With pearls and precious stones, in many a row
And bracelets deck'd with Lover's blessed faces,
Supplying Fathers—Brothers—Husbands—places.
Lascivous songs—romances—novels—plays—
To fill up idle hours, and Sabbath-days—
Boxes of gold, and canisters, for snuff—
And plenteous stores of like important stuff;
While millions more respective corners claim,
No muse has ever honour'd with a Name.
Then, the Ladies who ne'er forgot their cates,
That throng their larders, or their procreant pates;
With many a solid, and substantial, dish,
Yclep'd, in common, Game—Fowl—Flesh—or Fish—
Roots—Herbs—and Fruits—but so by skill compounded,
Poor Taste and Language, both, become confounded!
No Auther names them on the kitchen shelves,
Nor Cooks can scarcely stammer out themselves!
Choice wines of every flavour—every clime—
Whose titles puzzle thought, and baffle rhyme;
Class'd, and consider'd, which, and when, most meet
For pompous Peers, and Diplomatique's treat—
Or else reflecting on inferior sorts,
Which, well arrang'd, and added to the orts
Of all the manag'd meats that then remain,
May humbler Friends, and Authors, entertain.
Now view their various debts, and stock in trade—
Visits to be return'd—and visits paid—
Some, principals must pay—some, Servant's blanks—
Cards of condoleance; or, returning thanks—
Billets, polite, irrelevant, or vague—
A moment's pleasure, or a moment's plague.
These Understanding needs must set to rights,
With vast events that pass'd preceding nights—
What bows and curtsies, compliments and smiles,
Made ample recompence for pains and toils;

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What careless looks, nods, dips, or hints unkind,
Stirr'd Anger up, and urged Revenge behind,
Forming her plan to point keen Hatred's glance,
Or meditating speech for Spite's advance:
Sweet billet-doux in some snug corner sleep;
And assignations, near, just, slily, peep;
While deep-laid schemes, and intrigues, huddled by,
Shun all but Her's, and—one all-seeing Eye!
While sylphic Fancy runs these objects o'er,
They hurry up, and sip one breakfast more—
Then order dinner—dress, for Morn, by Twelve,
That Fashion in her farm may dig and delve,
And call her Servants, and her Cattle, out,
To push her pressing businesses about.
Her daily labour's much; and must be done;
Her Team is, therefore, order'd out by One:
But, for convenience, and to 'scape reproach,
Custom has made her Cart become a Coach.
Two Beaux, behind, of spruce, pragmatic, look,
With live-long list, prepar'd from Porter's book,
Of names, on cards, or strips of cards, in store,
They rattle round, and fly from door to door.
With milk-white hose, and heads full fraught with meal,
On tiptoe standing, with high-lifted heel,
Dancing on cushions, or on solid planks,
With little comfort, and as little thanks;
The pair of Macaronies, propp'd on high,
Encounter all the storms of Earth and Sky—
Descending show'rs of rain—hail—sleet—or snow—
Or whirling winds, and clouds of dust below.
One, while the other stands erect, and pert,
Is often forc'd to foot it through the dirt;
And, ere the clamorous carriage turns, and stops,
Down from his elevated perch he drops;
Compell'd by duty, maugre spot, or splash,
Across the muddy street, half-way, to dash,
That no demur, such urgent matter stay,
Or precious time, like theirs, be thrown away.
Before the steeds are stay'd, and harness eas'd,
The steps are climb'd, and noisey knocker seiz'd,
When, instant, sounds the thundering, tonish, rap,
Disturbing, oft, a modern morning's nap.
The name's announc'd—and, if the plan's well laid,
And Sir; or Madam; understands the trade,
The Porter's well-instructed how to lie;
And, “not at home's” the impudent reply.
A card's presented, current as bank-note,
To clear off some afflicting debt afloat;
A bill, momentous! Politesse must pay,
Lest such important Commerce might decay:
Then, having open'd, or thus clos'd, Accounts,
The Visit's paid—the Footman flies and mounts—
His post regain'd, and plac'd beside his brother,
They fly again and finish such another.
Surmise may sometimes make the Members doubt
Whether the wonderous Head be in or out,
And, tho' 'tis usual, when the Head demurs,
That not a tongue, or toe, or finger, stirs;
In this dilemma, all talk, stretch, and flee,
Because the Head has issued no decree;
And while the Members thus each other shove,
Till each obtains its order from above,
It seems as if they foolishly forgot
Whether they had a Head at home, or not:
The Porter stares—the smirking, grinning Groom,
Hops treble steps to gain the dressing-room,
And, there arriv'd, it's not completely clear
Whether the Person seen, and heard, be there—
For, tho' the Vision's obvious to the Eye,
And Ear notes, “Not at home!” in sharp reply,
Still who'd conceive their Senses did not joke,
And, thus, an airy Apparition spoke—
Yet skilful Scholars soon prove so expert,
They heed not what their Eyes and Ears assert;
But will, when cross-examin'd, clearly find
Their perfect Ears and Eyes are deaf and blind!
When, thus, the Oracle this lie declares,
The eager Groom runs tabbering down the stairs;
And, when his flying feet attain the door,
His tongue maintains the lie it learnt before:
A meet Academy for deathless Man,
To ply his lessons on the Devil's plan!
Perhaps Reflection, in a moment, may
Turn Resolution quite a different way;
And, ere the Coachman half a street has driv'n,
A sudden, peevish, countermand be giv'n;
For frail Caprice has this peculiar claim,
Never to rest one second just the same.

236

When Pride experiences some little pique,
With such high Spirits it may last a Week—
If injur'd Etiquette brings up the rear,
It often feels a festering all the Year—
But if it irritates to open strife,
It's mean and low to let it end with Life.
Thus, while such precious moment's idly spent,
Pride wakes Impatience—rouzes Discontent—
Gives arbitrary orders to Chagrin
To call her crabbed Sister peevish Spleen;
And, while this Mob of Passions makes a stir,
Which seldom will admit of much demur,
The baffled Visitor begins to pout,
At Consequence so shamelessly shut out.
Like ebullition shakes Phaeton's frame,
For great and little Souls are form'd the same;
The odd's, this, only; Great-ones ne'er forget,
But o'er the meanest trifles fume, and fret;
The Little make a moment's fiery rout,
But soon the fickle glaring flame goes out.
The Coachman's fire the apparatus feels—
The whip—the springs—axles, and whirling wheels!
But most the Coursers suffer for the crime,
Flogg'd, without mercy, to redeem the time.
Inveterate vengeance, while this pet prevails,
Impels the high Pacha of two horse-tails;
And tho' Mercurial messenger's dispatch'd,
To try if Mr. Coachman can be catch'd;
Order'd, with energy, as fast to follow
As foot could fall, and loud as lungs could halloo,
Nor let endeavours full exertion slack,
Till he should overtake, and bring him back;
That such a rude affront be rectified,
And some concession made to pompous Pride—
For, if the pannels bore a Baron's arms,
Conflicting passions work'd up wild alarms,
Lest some great Character should form offence,
With such vile degradation driven thence—
But, if a Duke's rich coronet they held,
Beyond all bounds the agitation swell'd—
'Tis all in vain! the furious Driver flies,
Cracks the keen thong, and drowns the deafening cries!
But what mere Man would hope the goal to gain,
When twice four legs contended thus with twain?
Did ever Athens, with ambitious aims,
When she appointed her Olympic games,
Such hopeless emulation e'er excite,
That Man should strive with Charioteers in flight?
Once, tho' my Father tried at half the feat,
A paltry Steed the rapid Racer beat.
Pedestrian biped pow'rs must vainly urge
To match a Coachman with an angry scourge;
Much less could common Mortal's quickest pace
Hope to o'ertake when long begun the race.
Besides, it stands a well-established fact,
That, when a Footman aims with force to act,
Inflated lungs are clos'd their utmost length,
To help his speed, and fortify his strength—
Then who would think His swiftness could excel,
Whose breath was wasted with outrageous yell,
In constant clamour, hallooing “Coachman! hoy!”
As long as breath could bawl, or feet could fly—
So this Embassador still flies behind
Till legs lose all their wings, and lungs their wind,
But sees himself still farther in the rear,
For Coachman scorns to stop, and hates to hear.
While beating breast, and limbs relax'd, and slow,
The Pursuivant bears back his tale of woe,
And melancholy message, pale, imparts;
While arrogant Employer storms and starts—
His best attempts as dull, and stupid, blames,
Perhaps bestows some unbecoming names;
While his mean Soul, to meek dependence wrought,
Fawns, as if conscious of some serious fault—
Then quits the presence, with his body curv'd,
As tho' the infamy was all deserv'd;
Leaving his Principal amidst abuse,
To frame some Falshood, aptly call'd Excuse.
Sometimes by Vassals visits are perform'd,
And, under spurious colours, Castles storm'd;
While gate-bell cries with loud and lasting din,
As tho' to let some feudal Baron in—
Or bolted outer doors are batter'd hard,
To claim admission for fictitious Card;
For, tho' they rattle like the Folks of Rank,
The obstreporous bustle proves a paltry blank.
Aristocratic Pride must surely wake,
When thus deluded, doubly, by mistake,

237

'Tis as if Parish-officer should send
A Pauper, badg'd, as Wealth's familiar Friend,
And occupy his place, upon a par
With Rank and State, a Ribband or a Star.
But at such craft they mutually connive
To keep their languid consequence alive—
That end obtain'd they ne'er the means despise
But bless the constant stir, and clamorous noise:
And how can any such deception blame;
All hypocritic Courtiers act the same.
Some People's more polite occasions call
That doors, like day-light, should be free for all—
But, chiefly, on the Sabbath's hated hours,
When cruel Custom dearer joys devours;
That Fashion, Rank, and Riches, then may find,
A common market for each trading Mind;
When every stamp of Merchants may attend,
By barter, all their various wares, to vend.
On equal terms all individuals treat,
Whether their articles be small, or great.
'Twould introduce confusion to refuse
Their stock of Knowledge, or their stock of News.
Their traffic's not like merchandise at large,
Commercial People cast up cost and charge;
And, with maturest Wisdom—judgment—sense—
Compare the profits with the whole expence:
But profits and expence they scorn to learn,
Such low pursuits are never their concern.
They only wish to teach, or strive to hear,
What to their hankering hearts is doubly dear,
News, which in each gazette of Fashion's found,
And grows, like weeds, on Scandal's dungy ground—
Knowledge, which serious Christians never sought;
The follies of their Friends, or Neighbour's fault—
But, while they make these faults and follies known,
They cautiously contrive to hide their own.
I never bore an honourable part,
In trade, or commerce, at such curious Mart,
But have been told of matters, mighty strange,
Transacted on such fashionable 'Change—
When parties met, and could not well agree,
On trading terms, in common Coterie,
They've hinted assignations, tête-à-tête,
To make a private bargain quite complete.
Disinterested Souls! so pleas'd with play
They mutually would give Themselves away.
Like little Children; doubling all their joys,
By chaffering trifles, or exchanging toys.
Sordid Self-love so foreign from their heart,
None courts increase, but labours to impart,
All but such copies of each other's face
As carry scandal, or produce disgrace;
Or characters, in gross caricature,
Of other's sought, but none of Self endure.
No simple action, sentiment, or thought,
In such Bazaars is ever sold or bought—
Nor are Truth, Innocence, or Love, sincere;
Or Piety, or Morals, ever there.
In such commodities they never deal;
These they affect not, those they never feel.
Flattery, and Falshood; Vanity and Vice;
Are the main objects of their Merchandise—
While feathers, tinsel, toys, are bought and sold,
Dearer than diamonds, pearls, or purest gold.
Spite's credulous reports, and Envy's tales,
Are current, cent per cent, at all their Sales;
And every Dealer's eager as a Jew
Catching old clothes, to seize on something new.
At every high exchange each other hustle,
And, o'er their bargains make such mighty bustle,
In full confusion, Women mixt with Men,
It looks like antient Chaos come agen—
Like jostling Jonathan's loud hue and cry,
Where every One has Stocks to sell, or buy—
Or like St. Luke's, or Bedlam's, wild abuse,
When every frantic Patient's just broke loose.
Is this the properest plan for spending time,
To quiet Conscience, and escape from Crime?
The path a Christian Spirit should pursue,
To help a Neighbour, or give God his due?
Is this a course to keep the Soul aloft,
Above all sin, and make a sick-bed soft?
The conduct that will ease the dying breath,
And glad the bosom in the grasp of Death?
Assist firm Faith to look, with lifted head,
When Jesus comes to judge the Quick and Dead?
Is this devoting Soul's and Body's pow'rs
To Him who gave them all their gracious dow'rs?

238

Do Spirit's energies, and fleshly Frame,
Thus laud and magnify their Maker's name?
Are these the best returns their Hearts can pay,
For providential blessings, Night and Day?
For all His bounteous boons of Ease, and Health?
Each privilege of Reason, Pow'r and Wealth?
To Him, for stronger obligations still,
Subordinating Sense, and Time, and Will?
To Him subjecting Passions—Pride—and Lust—
Who, for the love of them, embrac'd the Dust?
For love of them resign'd his heavenly Crown?
From boundless bliss to scorn and death came down
And bore all sufferings, for their sakes, below,
To save their Souls from endless pain and woe?
Alas! their Lives but little proof afford,
They love his Person, or respect his Word;
But all their shameless Conduct clearly shews
They loathe his Lovers, and affect his Foes!