University of Virginia Library

Advicd to my self on being threatned to be expell'd

Prithee, dear Nick, thy wicked Life amend,
And take the Counsel of thy nearest Friend:
No more, presumptuous Boy, with impious airs,
Prefer the tempting Bottle to thy Prayers;
No more at Newnham, nor at Woodstock dine;
Abandon Finmore's Ale and Richmond's Wine;
No more by Water, nor on Horseback rove,
Nor Mind the gadding Girls in Maudlin Grove;
Cease with repeated Crimes to urge the Spleen
Of the grave Vice and Silver-button'd Dean;
Ah! that with them alone thou hadst to strive,
For they are candid both, and will forgive;
But Crowds of ev'ry Species are thy Foes,
Fops, Ladies, Critics, Parsons, Wits, and Beaux;
All these united with revengeful Hate,
Vow thy Destruction, and conspire thy Fate.
Crassus on thee contracts his wrathful Brows,
And Semivir thy speedy Ruin Vows:
Whither, expell'd, for Succour wilt thou run?
Thy Fortune squander'd, and thy Fame undone?
A dark blind Room in Grub-street wilt thou take,
And venial Ditties, for thy living, make?
Wilt thou in Love-odes, or in Satire deal,
Translate old Authors, or from modern steal?
In mournful elegiac Rhimes complain,
Or try thy Fate in the dramatick Strain?
These all are Arts in which but few prevail,
For one that gets a Dinner, twenty fail.
Or wilt thou rather, studious of Success,
Lay Schemes with C**l, and ply the spurious Press.
By Fraud and Artifice obtain Renown,
And with decoying Titles cheat the Town;
While he shall grant thee, to reward thy Flight,
At Noon a Dinner, and a Whore at Night?
No, this to Want and Infamy will lead,
Soon will he turn thee off, when none will read.
Think then betimes, thy former Course forsake,
Espouse the Church at last, and quit the Rake;
Check thy free-thinking Vein, thy Sins acknowledge,
And grow a dull, old Fellow of a College.