University of Virginia Library

On the Apothecary's Filing my Bills amongst the Doctors.

I hope I shan't be blam'd if I am proud,
That I'm admitted 'mongst this Learned Croud;
To be proud of a Fortune so sublime,
Methinks is rather Duty, than a Crime:
Were not my thoughts exalted in this state,
I should not make thereof due estimate:
And sure one cause of Adam's fall was this,
He knew not the just worth of Paradise;
But with this honour I'm so satisfy'd,
The Antients were not more when Deify'd:
For this transcends all common happiness,
And is a Glory that exceeds excess.
This 'tis, makes me a fam'd Physician grow,
As Saul 'mongst Prophets turn'd a Prophet too.
The sturdy Gout, which all Male power withstands,
Is overcome by my soft Female hands:
Not Deb'ra, Judith, or Semiramis
Could boast of Conquests half so great as this;
More than they slew, I save in this Disease.
Mankind our Sex for Cures do celebrate,
Of Pains, which fancy only doth create:
Now more we shall be magnified sure,
Who for this real torment find a Cure.
Some Women-haters may be so uncivil,
To say the Devil's cast out by the Devil;
But so the good are pleas'd, no matter for the evil
Such ease to States-men this our Skill imparts,
I hope they'll force all Women to learn Arts.
Then Blessings on ye all ye learned Crew,
Who teach me that which you your selves ne'er knew.
Thus Gold, which by th' Sun's influence do's grow,
Do's that i'th' Market Phœbus cannot doe.
Bless'd be the time, and bless'd my pains and fate,
Which introduc'd me to a place so great.
False Strephon too I now could almost bless,
Whose crimes conduc'd to this my happiness.
Had he been true, I'd liv'd in sottish ease;
Ne'er study'd ought, but how to love and please:
No other flame my Virgin Breast had fir'd,
But Love and Life together had expir'd.
But when, false wretch, he his forc'd kindness paid,
With less Devotion than e'er Sexton pray'd.
Fool that I was to sigh, weep, almost dye,
Little fore-thinking of this present joy:
Thus happy Brides shed tears they know not why.
Vainly we blame this Cause, or laugh at that,
Whilst the Effect with its how, where and what,
Is an Embryo i'th' Womb of Time or Fate.
Of future things we very little know,
And 'tis Heav'ns kindness too that it is so.
Were not our Souls with Ignorance so buoy'd,
They'd sink with fear, or over-set with pride.
So much for Ignorance there may be said,
That large Encomiums might thereof be made.
But I've digress'd too far, so must return,
And make the Medick Art my whole concern;
Since by its Aid I've gain'd this mighty place
Amongst th' immortal Æsculapian Race;
That if my Muse will needs officious be,
She too to this must be a Votary.
In all our Songs its Attributes reherse,
Write Recipes (as Ovid Law) in Verse;
To measure we'll reduce Febrifick heat,
And make the Pulses in true measure beat:
Asthma and Phthisick shall chant lays most sweet,
The Gout and Rickets too shall run on feet:
In fine, my Muse, such Wonders we will doe,
That to our Art Mankind their ease shall owe;
Then praise and please our selves in doing so:
For since the Learn'd exalt and own our Fame,
It is no Arrogance to do the same,
But due respects and complaisance to them.