University of Virginia Library

THE Epistle Dedicatory.

To all Master Vintners residing in London,
And Westminster, both to the Rich and the Undone.
VVho when Wines are grown sick, and have Workings amain,
Can with Caudle of Eggs to Life fetch 'em again;
And when with a Flying Lee troubled, with Allum,
Bay-Salt, and White-Starch, to their Sense can recall 'em;
VVho when Clarets are Ropy, and apt to be Muddy,
Can with Spirit of Wine make 'em leave their brown Study;
VVho when French Wines are Eager and just about Pricking,
VVith Allumand Flanders-Tile make 'em leave Kicking.
VVho with Racking, Infusing, and Clarification,
Play some delicate Tricks with the Wine in this Nation.
To all Female Bar-keepers, Young, Airy and Pretty,
VVhether Widows, Wives, Maids, Pert, Brisk Merry and VVitty,
VVho can Banter young Fops, of their Mony and Reason,
VVith a Wit, which like Beauty is ne're out of Season.
To those Riddles of Men, whom we VVine-Coopers call,
Neither Merchants nor Vintners, and yet they are all;
Who with Peggs, Peircers, Addice, and large pair of Bellows,
In their Vaules would be thought to be very good Fellows.
To all the choice Lads who are Cellar-men known,
Who visit the Hogsheads when Company's gone.
To all Dealers in Wine, of what Figure or Fashion,
Is Humbly Presented
This new Visitation.

A Farther Search AFTER CLARET, &c.

How hard of pleas'd Custom we take our farwel!
For next morning, no sooner I got from my Cell,
But a Friend to the Bottle who never knew sorrow,
With a look undisguis'd, kindly bid me good-morrow,
And told me, that since we so luckily met,
Would I lend him my company down to Thames-street,
He'd at Billingsgate give me a Glass of such VVine,
As should make even Envy for get to repine:
But tho I under strong prejudice lay,
Yet was willing to make one more daring essay.
Tho two days disappointed, accepted his motion,
So yeilding my Person up to his Devotion,
Went with him.—As Girls who the Sport once have seen,
Think ev'ry day ten, till they'r at it agen.

I.

His Business dispatch'd, we first went to the Vine,
To see from those Grapes we could press Claret VVine,
But the Master it seems was an arch pickl'd Youth,
And assur'd us his Vine was of Portugal growth,
Withal that the Spies were so Termegant grown,
He hardly could say that his Soul was own.

II.

At the Dog, when we thought to have tasted a Pint,
VVe perceiv'd that its Owners were fled to the Mint.

III.

VVe'd have call'd at the Swan, but the Pious good Master,
VVho was half Mad with Rage by a foolish Disaster,
For receiving a Message from Fumblers Hall,
Did in Passion the Fishwomen loudly out-baul.

IV.

VVhen at the Kings-head we observ'd loaded Spits,
Full of Beef, Veal and Mutton, and such kind of Bits;
VVe concluded good Claret to find not a drop,
In a Tavern, when alter'd into a Cooks-shop.

V.

When we entred the Gun, and arriv'd at the Bar,
More confusion of Tongues did old Babel ne're hear;
Some Singing, some Dancing, some Swearing, some Roaring,
Some Ranting, some Drinking, some Gaming, some VVhoring,
Such a Medly of Noises, like strings out of Tune,
Made both of us quickly afraid of the Gun.

VI.

Half stun'd with the noise, and opprest with dull thinking,
Came to Mannerly Tavern kept by brisk Mr. J---kin,
As active a Lad as e're lay by the side
Of a Woman, if this be not true, Ask his Bride.
When we saw pretty Females come up to the Bar,
With pray Madam, is Mr. such a one here?
Has any one been here to ask Number Four?
VVe thought it most safe for to go out of Door,
For the sight of these Petticotes spoyl'd our design,
VVe then having more fancy for VVomen than VVine.

VII.

At the Fleece when for Claret we askt the young Spark,
He assur'd us 't had long been at Low-water-Mark.

VIII.

At the Mermaid we found Six fat Oyster-wives sitting,
Who over cool Quarterns were smoaking and spitting,
And loudly discoursing the price of Old-Ling,
And so nauseously talk'd of another old Thing,
That our Stomachs quite turn'd, valued Wine not a farthing,
And so bid good morrow to Mr. Churchwarden.

IX.

To the Sign of the Golden round O, when we came,
And for Claret inquir'd of a stately fine Dame;
We found her so busie in dressing of Fish,
That her very looks seem'd to answer us, Pish;
But to her proud humour not willing to stoop,
Like Juglers, we cleaverly jumpt through the Hoop.

X.

When for Claret at Cl---fftons we askt at the Swan,
We were star'd at as if we came just from Japan.

XI.

At the Monument when we for VVine made pretence,
VVe found it was fallen in the literal Sense.

XII.

The Vintner who kept the bright Sun but of late,
Had for Phaeton's Fancy, met Phaeton's Fate.

XIII.

From the Bear at Bridg-foot, to the Bear on the Hill,
Captain S---th is arriv'd, and is Captain S---th still;
When from Burrough he came to reside in the City,
Thus made his loud Brags, and I'faith very witty:
“The Bear shall bite the Bull, and make the Half-moon cry,
“Sink the Ship, and Drink the three Tuns dry.
But when of his Claret an essay we had made,
Like his boastings, we found they were Rhotomantade.

XIV.

How splendid soever the Sign may appear
Of the Guilded three Tuns, yet we found it as clear;
Bad Wine in fine Hogshheads; as often may lurch,
As a falsified Faith in a fine painted Church.

XV.

To the Ship then we steer'd with a steddy brisk Gale,
Where of good Old dry Claret we thought not to fail;
And I'faith Jolly, Tom. to thy praise we must own,
Thou hast it, if that there be any in Town;
For no Copy did nearer th'Original appear,
Than was like to Claret the Wine we drank there:
But Opinion and Fancy Rules all things below,
If we thought the Wine good, it was certainly so.

XVI.

The returns both of good and of evil Success,
Make life still appear like a Game plaid at Chess:
How well at Tom. F---ders we thought we were sped,
Yet found we as meanly were us'd at Bull head.

XVII.

How vainly so e're the Red-Lyon may crack,
Of the once mighty friendship he had with Puntack;
Yet we found all his Favours were come to an end,
Since the Contracts he made with a Portugal Friend.

XVIII.

At A---ys the Tip-cat who lives at Great James,
Is a Tavern has always been in the extreams;
One while his Wine's poor, at another time rich,
Let my very good Reader go Tast and try which.

XIX.

At the sign of Old Bess has no Parrot been seen
For this several Months, and so God save the Queen.

XX.

Passing then through the Gate, we soon reacht the White-hart,
Where there once liv'd a Landlord who never would start
From his Bottle, but still with the latest would stay,
And did sometimes perform his three Stages a day;
But since H---lock is dead, and his head under-ground,
In his Vaults is a strange lawless Government found;
Had he now been alive he'd have blusht with disgrace,
T'have seen his Wines pimpled as once was his Face.

XXI.

It was now near Exchange time, so posting along
Through the Gate back again, when we came by the throng,
My freind would have had me to stept in at G---ys,
But I told him I had an aversion to noise;
Why then (says he) we to the Angel and Crown,
Just in Thred-needle-Street, for a while will sit down.
But when I attempted to take in the Drench,
I perceiv'd that the Wine had forgot to speak French.

XXII.

At the Antwerp what ever is Eu---ter's pretension,
His Tavern is famous for nothing but Gentian;
What is one Mans delight is another Mans loathing,
So all Men are Famous for something or nothing.

XXIII.

Not the Houses invented by Lilly's and Coley's,
Or the Pallace of Ovid he calls Regia Solis,
Were Structures so noble, as if the new Dwelling
Of C---k at the Sun, who pretends to Wine-selling;
With him we'd have spoke, but were told by a Servant,
To a Horse-race he went with a Zeal very Fervent;
We wisht him good luck, but well knew by such Courses,
Some as well have run Tuns out of breath, as their Horses.

XXIV.

At the VVidows we thought some old Claret t'have found,
But alas! we perceiv'd that the Ship was Wind-bound.

XXV.

At B---y's since Claret's forgotten and gone,
They have lost the best Ruby belong'd to the Crown.
For Bl---ve his sober good true Predecessor,
To the Intrest of France was a Zealous Confessor;
And 'tis thought that the Clergy and Laity both,
At his Funeral Drank it all up by my troth.

XXVI.

Crossing Gornhill, we presently took an occasion,
To pay a short Visit at the Salutation;
But when we attempted to Tast the French Wine,
We found 'twas meer Complement, just like the Sign.

XXVII.

At the King's-Arms, before the young Man took a Wife,
He had try'd several various conditions of Life;
But as D---den, in choice of Religions was curst,
So he of Employments at last chose the worst.

XXVIII.

At Puntacks the famous French Ord'nary, where
Luxurious Eating is never thought dear,
We expected to meet with a Glass of that same
Wine, which properly carries the Masters own Name;
But his Vaults could not lend us a drop of that Tipple,
So we wish him well—for a Crooked Disciple.

XXIX.

To the Stocks-Market hastning we stept to the Fountain,
But in Æsop we read of a Big-belly'd Mountain,
Who after strong pangs at last brought forth a Mouse,
Just so our Ambition was serv'd in the House;
Yet we need not at last to have feard a Disaster,
Had the Claret been half but so good as its Master.

XXX.

To go to the Rummer my Friend was not willing,
Since for Dressing a Codshead he pay'd Thirty Shilling.

XXXI.

To the Taverns in King street we'd small Invitation,
For since late Elections are made reprobation,
Their Houses have suffer'd a yearly Vacation.

XXXII.

At the St. John's Head when we observ'd the pale Sign,
We feard we should find the same Symptoms in's Wine.

XXXIII.

To no Tavern in VVood-street my Friend would be led,
Not to Castle, Three-Tuns, nor to Jolly Bull head,
Tho he feard no Arrest, yet for Reasons best known
To himself, he resolv'd for to enter in none.

XXXIV.

Through Allies and Lanes we in small time Arriv'd,
To the Dog full of spots where night Walkers are—
By St. Patrick (says Symon) how has it been wi' thee?
Dee'l tauke me now Joy, if I joy not to see thee.
By my Shoul—of good VVine thou shalt have a brauve Glash,
For by my Shoulvation thou hast a sweet Faush.
We declin'd his Teague-cant, and to keep free from harms,
Left his House, and directly went to the Queens-Arms.

XXXV.

But such Thundring and Lightning we heard at the Bar,
That to ask there for Wine we thought fit to forbear,
So leaving the Noise of this furious Madam—

XXXVI.

To the Castle crost o're and inquir'd for Old Adam,
But we found him disorder'd upon his Sons Gaming,
For losing a triffling Sum scarcely worth naming,
From which we concluded, 'twas not hard to gather,
That the Child was the true begot Son of the Father.

XXXVII.

Faith Sedg---k has set all his Trade an Example,
Scorning bad Wines to sell, now's a Student i'th' Temple;

XXXVIII.

For old Claret in vain we should ask at the Sun,
If Mat. F---r's quite dry, sure his man can have none.

XXXIX.

At the Widows of Ditto we were sure to fall short,
For her three Tuns have long since bled the last Quart.

XL.

'Mongst Mercers and Lacemen of mighty Renown,
To Jolly Tom. Th---ds at the sign of the Crown,
We advanc'd, and to speak with the Master desir'd;
But whether with Wine or with Truth was inspir'd:
Look you (says the young Bacchus) I've not Claret a drop,
When my Wife lay in last, the Rogues drank it all up.

XLI.

At the Dog just by Newgate, (a hopeful New-Colledg,)
We askt, but old Claret was quite out of Knowledg.

XLII.

The Fountain through Newgate expects some new comer,
For now 'tis as dry as the Desarts in Summer.

XLIII.

At the Taverns in Smithfield we were sure to despair,
For both good and bad's drank in time of the Fair,
When each House is a Brothel, and delicate work,
Is produc'd by bad VVine, Cully, Punk, Pig and Pork.

XLIV.

On Snow Hill at the Castle, two Fellows in Halters,
Just going to Tyburn, and reading their Psalters,
Made the Cart stop, and Drank off a Pint of Canary,
To attend their sad Fate with a Countenance Merry.
To find no Claret there, tho we had a suspicion,
Yet declin'd we to enter, by odd superstition,
That if we drank there, it would follow of course,
That in a few Sessions their Turn would be ours.

XLV.

At the Bull-head we lookt, and were told that the Master,
'Cause Trading was low, and no other disaster,
Did modestly keeping a Tavern decline,
Thinking 't better to Deal in good Cyder than Wine.

XLVI.

At the Three Tuns, in his Kitchin we found Mr. W---dron,
Complaining that Coals were to dear by the Chaldron,
We told him our business, he bid us be quiet,
For if he had Claret he would not deny it.

XLVII.

At Tavern with Sign of the Angel and Mary,
Good Claret expected, but found the contrary;
But at our ill Fortune forgot to repine,
Since the Master knew Oyl far better than Wine.

XLVIII.

Poor Jockey, what made thee to run such a Course,
To break both thy Back, and the Back of the Horse?

XLIX.

At the Devil, however his brags may be many,
Dee'l take make me if Claret we there could find any;
For tho to his Trade to sell Tuns he pretends,
Yet he had not a Bottle to pleasure his Friends.

L.

At the Globe in the middle of a Garden call'd Hatten,
Fe---ld has for a long time himself learnt to Fatten;
Yet now a Dejection appears in his Face,
Since the Sherif's Court is remov'd to another new place.

LI.

Like a Cardinals Pallace did Ha---nds appear,
And by the Cross-Keys thought the Pope might live there;
But we found that how e're to French Intrest inclin'd,
To the Faction of Spain he would not be unkind;
For he Swears that of Claret he'll not sell a Drop,
Till the Union's concerted 'twixt Lewis and Pope.

LII.

Through an Entry as dark as is fancied by Story,
By which Souls to be stew'd pass into Purgatory.
At the Castle we entred to see our Friend Bee---ly:
Ah! could we have found out his Claret as easily;
But at Tasting we found that the Wine was but so, so,
Unfit for the Palate of a nice Virtuoso.

LIII.

To the Globe then advancing, near Furnivals-Inn,
At the Bar we demanded if Free--- were within;
We were sure by his absence, to miss our design,
If the Drawer's my Friend, so be sure is my Wine.

LIV.

At the Door of the Sun, we there askt Mrs. Rose,
If some good Claret there we to find might suppose;
But she told us, tho Oysters and Claret might chime,
Yet their goodness and price rais'd and fell at one time.

LV.

At the Three-Tuns, whereof Isaac Cl---k is the Master,
Who lately had like by Informers been cast Sir;
When of him we did Bottles of Claret desire,
He return'd, No, No, No, the Burnt Child dreads the Fire.

LVI.

At Old Harry's great Head we observ'd such Distraction,
The Master was in by a new setled Auction
Was there, that by several words he did use,
We thought it most safe to be out of the House.

LVII.

If all be not lyes which Philosophers tell us,
(For History paints 'em as honest brave fellows)
That in all kind of Species there's not such a Creature,
As Griffin e're yet was produc'd by Old Nature:
So the Master assures, who lives at that Sign,
He believes that in London there's no Claret-Wine.

LVIII.

When we entred the Sun, and saw one tamely stand,
With his Hat on his Head, and a Bottle in's Hand;
With a Passive Obedience endure all the Scolding
Of a VVoman at Bar, who was loudly forth-holding,
VVith Sirrah, you Raskal, I'le thump your old Noddle:
You, I'le warrant below by your self drank your Bottle;
VVent forth, and believ'd a kind Wife was all Riches,
But Heaven defend us from one wears the Breeches.

LIX.

Thinking all other Taverns were much of the kind,
VVhich in Holbourn we so very lately did find.
Crossing Lincolns-Inn Fields, and passing by all
The Retailers of Wine, at the Rose we first call,
Where the Beau's and the Sparks with their Mistresses Feast,
Laugh at at all sober Sense, and think Life but a Jest:
They had Burgundy-Wine, but no Claret at all;
So there our pretences were quickly let fall.

LX.

Crossing o're Covent Garden, we came to J. An---lls,
VVho pretends to have Wines full as good as man can sell;
But when he would shew us a Glass of his Fine,
VVe found his skill lay much more in VVomen than VVine.

LXI.

Taking Coach, then we came to the Harrow and Bear,
An Eating House famous without Temple-Bar;
VVhen for Claret we askt, were told they had none,
But of Florence we might have Half-Flask for Half Crown.
My Friend was so Mad with so lewd a Demand,
That had I not timely prevented his Hand,
Their Bar had a much greater sufferer been,
Than the Bar in the Play, call'd the Scowerers, was seen.

LXII.

Through Temple-Bar passing to Chancery Lane,
(VVhere Clients with Bills and with Answers are slain)
VVe found the Old Pope grown decrepid and stale;
VVas now pleas'd to sell Darby and Nottingham-Ale.
VVe both laught at the Label affixt to the Sign,
And suppos'd that their Ale was such stuff as their Wine.

LXIII.

To the Commons then hastning, where Sober Civilians
Hear Causes between Cuckolds, Bauds, Whores and Villains.
To the Feathers first went, and desir'd Mr. Sh---w
To let's have a Bottle, and wink at the Law:
He smil'd, and reply'd, yes, yes, Gentlemen once,
Good Claret I had, and to sell't made no Bones;
But since I shook hands with my Wine Coopers Trade,
That Plaguy VVhore Fortune has prov'd but a Jade.

LXIV.

At the Castle, when coming in sight of the Bar,
S---mth gave us his VVelcome with such a fine Air;
So well skill'd in Language is the sly Dott'rell,
As if he design'd for a second Sir. C---rell.
To Splutter out Spanish, French, Dutch, can't forbear it,
And alike understands 'em, as much as his Claret.
And o're the Frail Sex has such an absolute sway,
That his Servants can hardly be sent Maids away;
Besides, should the Trade of the Vintners fail,
He has got a most Modern Receipt for Broom-Ale;
Nay, before he'l be guilty of Poverties Crime,
VVill Let out's Sweating Closet for twelve Pence a time.

LXV.

To the Horn then we went, and inquir'd for the Master,
And askt him how's Trade went, since the Rocket Disaster,
He reply'd for our Joke he would be in Arrear'a,
And askt if we'd drink any sparkling Medera?
VVe askt him what 'twas? He kindly then bid us
A VVelcome to's Celler, where once with 2---
He Drank,—but Horns take me, if through the whole Cell,
VVe such Claret could find to please Appetite well.

LXVI.

VVhen to King's-Head we came, our Delight was not small,
To see Posture Betty out-do Posture Mall.

LXVII.

At the Swan the fam'd Tavern for well Dress'd Fish Dinners.
VVe found the young Couple were early beginners:
Good Breeding in Vintners may cost 'em but little;
Nay, 'faith 'tis the very chief String to their Fiddle.
For want of good Manners I challenge no Man,
But good Claret was ones understood in the Swan.

LXVIII.

If we there could find none that would stick to our Ribs,
VVe shall pass by your Feathers good dear Mr. G---bs.

LXIX.

LXX.