University of Virginia Library

5. SATYRE.

[Tis a bad world, the common speach doth go]

Tis a bad world, the common speach doth go,
And he complaines, that helpes to make it so:
Yet euery man th'imputed crime would shunne,
Hipocrisie with a fine threed is spunne.
Each striues to shew the very best in seeming,
Honest enough, if honest in esteeming.
Praise waites vpon him now with much renowne
That wrappes vp Uices vnder Uertues gowne:
Commending with good wordes, religious deedes
To helpe the poore, supply our neighbours needs:
Do no man wrong, giue euery man his owne,
Be friend to all, and enemie to none;
Haue charitie, auoyde contentious strife,
Oft he speakes thus, that nere did good in's life,
Derision hath an ore in euery Boate,
In's Neighbours eie he quickly spies a moate,
But the great beame that's noted in his owne,
He lets remaine, and neuer thinkes thereon.
Some do report he beares about a sacke,
Halfe hanging forwards, halfe behind at's backe:
And his owne faultes (quight out of sight & minde)
He casles into the part that hanges behinde:
But other mens, he putteth in before,
And into them, he looketh euermore.
Contempt comes very neere to th'others vaine,
He hates all good deserts with proud disdaine:
Rashnesse is his continuall walking mate,
Costly apparreld, loftie in his gate:
Vp to the eares in double ruffes and startch,
God blesse your eiesight when you see him march:
Statutes, and lawes, he dare presume to breake,
Against superiors cares not what he speake.
It is his humours recreation fittes,
To beate Counstables, and resist all writtes,
Swearing the ripest wits are childish young;
Vnlesse they gaine instructions from his tongue.
Thers nothing done amongst the very best,
But he'le deride it with some bitter iest.
It's meate and drinke vnto him alwayes, when
He may be censuring of other men.
If a man do but toward a Tauerne looke,
He is a drunkard heele sweare on a Booke:
Or if one part a fray of good intention,
He is a quarreller, and loues dissention.
Those that with silence vaine discourses breake,
Are proud fantasticks, that disdaine to speake.
Such as speake soberly with wisedomes leasure,
Are fooles, that in affected speach take pleasure,
If he heare any that reproueth vice,
He sayes, thers none but hipocrites so nice.
No honest woman that can passe along,
But must endure some scandall from his tongue.
She, deales crosse blowes her husband neuer feeles:
This Gentle woman, weareth capering heeles.
There minces Mall, to see what youth wil like her,
Her eyes do beare her witnesse she's a striker.
Yonders a wench, new dipt in beauties blaze,
She, is a Maide as Maides go now adayes.
And thus Contempt makes choisest recreation,
In holding euery one in detestation:
His common gate is of the ietting size,
He hath a paire of euer-staring eyes.
And lookes a man so hungry in the face,
As he would eate him vp, and neare say grace.
A little low cround Hatte he alwayes weares,
And Fore-horse-like therein a Feather beares.
Goodly curld lockes; but surely tis great pitty,
For want of kembing, they are beastly nitty.
His doublet is a cut cast Satten one,
He scornes to buy new now, that nere bought none
Spotted in diuers places with pure fat,
Knowne for a right tall trencher man by that.
His Breeches that came to him by befrending,
Are desperate like himselfe, & quite past mending
He takes a common course to goe vntrust,
Except his Shirt's a washing; then he must
Goe woollward for the time: hee scornes it hee,
That worth two Shirts his Laundresse should him see.
The weapons that his humors do efford,
Is Bum-dagger, and basket hilted Sword.
And these in euery Bawdie house are drawne
Twice in a day, vnlesse they be at pawne.
If any fall together by the eares,
To field cries he; why? zownes (to field) he sweares
Shew your selues men: hey, slash it out with blowes
Let won make tothers guts garter his hose,
Make Steele and lion vmpiers to the Fray,
You shall haue me goe with, to see faire play:
Let mee alone, for I will haue a care
To see that one do kill the to ther faire.
This is Contempt, that's euery ones disdayner,
The strife pursuer, and the peace refrayner:
Hates thunderbolt, damn'd Murders larum-bell,
A neare deare Kinsman to the Diuell of hell:
And he whom Sathan to this humor bringes,
Is th'only man for all detested thinges.