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Follies Anatomie

or Satyres and Satyricall Epigrams. With a compendious History of Ixion's Wheele. Compiled by Henry Hutton

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IXIONS UUheele.



IXIONS UUheele.

Fortune empaling Ioue with honors crowne,
Making him victor in the Titans fight:
Mars hauing trod perforce proud Saturne down,
Depriuing Titan of's vsurped right:
These cosupremes, which ouer-rule the fate,
Enthronize him in Saturn's regall state.
Which gratefull God, in honor of his name,
To Mars did dedicate the crownes of Bay;
And in Olympus did a feast ordayne,
To solemnize the glory of this day.
Each sacred Deity, had free accesse
To be partaker of such happinesse.


Hermes did trudge, a iolly foote-mans pase,
T'inuite the Rectors of the Spheres sublime.
He nimbly trips the sun-Gods circled race,
Commands each power, of the Olympick clime,
To celebrate this festiuall, in lieu
Of all the triumphs, which to Mars were due.
Which thankefull Guests, their ioynt consents all gaue,
To gratulate their kinde affecting Host;
And, of the store which they in promptu haue
(As a requitall of his profuse cost)
Do, plena manu, regall bounties send,
Whiles to exceede in giuing they contend.
Pan did the first fruites of his fold present.
Neptune sent Quailes; and Bacchus foming vines.
Ceres did immolate, with like intent,
Autumn's rich Prime, and Terra's golden mines.
No God there was but sent, for loue or feare,
Condigne presents to augment their cheere.


At length, in vestures nitid, and facete,
To Ioues high court, Heauens Synod did repaire:
Whose braines were busied how to be compleat
To place themselues in method, formall, square
Whiles maior powers, affect new forged shapes,
The minors æmulate like Æsops Apes.
Warres austere God, with stout Achilles Lance,
And wrinkled browes, doth Thrasouize it, rage:
Cornuted Phœbe, in her coach, doth prance:
Bacchus, with Grapes, doth stretch it on the stage,
Whiles this cup-saint, too lauish and profuse,
Embrew's his Temples in their liquid iuice.
Apollo, Venus, Cupid God of loue,
And chast Aurora Goddesse of the Morne,
With all the remnant of the powers aboue,
In royall vestures did their corps adorne.
Thus they contend (if eminent in place)
T' exceede in gesture, vesture, decent grace.


Vulcan except, who from his Anuile hies,
Lymping vnto the Trough, to scoure his face,
And colly fists; then, with his apron dries
The same, thinking them fit for such a place:
He, hating pride, vaine-glory, did not striue,
Or æmulate, to be superlatiue.
The Smith of Lemnos, malecontent, did grudge
That Dis should loyter for his shackling chaines:
Yet, being iealous, he 's constrain'd to trudge,
Lest, whiles he toyle, some other reape the gains.
Curling his locks, he therefore, halfe a mort,
Doth halting vsher Venus to the Court.
Swift winged Hermes, did Ixion cite,
The last, to dance attendance at this feast:
Who, swolne with pride of his puissance, might,
Sate with the Gods as a coequal guest:
And though vnworthy to assume such place,
Yet did his thoughts aspire for greater grace.


Earths Mortall, with Immortalls being plac't,
Tooke Dedalls flight; with Icarus would climbe;
With Phaeton the deities disgrac't,
Deposing him, for his vndecent crime.
Princes, in pride, attempt those vaine designes,
VVhich often times their vmpires vndermines.
While mighty Ioue, with Orpheus sweetest hymns,
Aptly concording to Arions Lute,
With boauls of Nectar, crowned to the brims,
His noble guests doth gratulate, salute,
This lusting king endeauours in despite
To wrong his Host, to casheer Hymen's right.
Bacchus moyst vapours, which doe sursum fume,
Ixions braine so much intoxicate,
That in his cup he did (too rash) presume
T' attempt the act: which he repents too late.
So potent are Don Bacchus nociue charmes,
That they intrude into apparent harmes.


Rapt with Queene Iunoes loue, whiles he did fix
So princely obiect in an abiect eye,
His ioyes with sorrowes he doth intermix:
For, sanctum sinnes doe often soare too hie.
VVhich grand default, few Amorists can finde;
Because the naked God of loue is blinde.
He languisht long, abhorring to reueale,
T'expresse his dolours in externall shew:
Yet they, more vrgent whiles he would conceale,
Like Hydra's heads, did pullulate, renew.
For, shrowded embers, which cannot aspire,
Assuming force, become the greatest fire.
With chast Adonis blush, at length in art
He did vncase those griefs which were represt,
And did the tenor of his cares impart:
For words yeeld solace to distempred brests,
Asswage the deluge of eternall woe,
Which (Sea-like) alternatim, ebbe and flowe.


The prime allurement, which Ixion vs'd
To rob this Matron of her prizelesse fame,
Were Māmons gifts; which women seld refuse,
Although in obloquie they drowne their name.
For Fates decreed, each womans weaker power
Should not resist faire Danae's golden showre.
His crowne of Thessalie, with Tagus sand,
And mineralls of Ganges golden shore,
He gratis did preferre into her hand,
Wishing such Oratours might loue implore.
T'enioy base lust he would his life condemne,
Hazard his state, and princely Diadem.
The modest queen (which waxed red with shame)
Like one that's planet-strooke, remayned mute:
Collecting strength (t' auoid succeeding fame)
She did repell his base, immodest sute:
Yet, more importunate, though she despise,
He non-plust once, againe will rethorize.


Lady (quoth he) behold my harmelesse heart,
Which doth, captiu'd, in Sibyls durance liue.
Like to Achilles Lance, my endlesse smart
You must recure, which did the anguish giue:
Or I, poore Tymon, must my date expire,
Whiles Furies torture me in Cupid's fire.
Sometimes, in the Abysse of Loue I freeze,
Like frigid places of the Artick clime:
Againe, excessiue heate those stormes appease,
Scorching like Phœbus in her fiery prime
Thus I, whom Titan fram'd of brittle mold,
Both at one instant, burn, and am key-cold.
My passiue humors, and distemperd thoughts,
Do stimulate proud Sillas Ire: debates
Vaine-hopes, which hote desires doe bring to nought,
Fiercely pursues with Theoninus hates;
Waging such warre within my soule diuine,
That Troian fraies, were plays, cōpar'd with mine.


No Artists skill, nor deity aboue,
Can mee restore to my desired blisse.
The Energia sole is fixt in loue,
Which may recure my cares remedilesse.
At Loue I ayme; yet haue no crosser foe:
Whose peruerse wrath, my state would ouerthrow
Thus doth he Syllogize, halfe malecontent,
With fallacies sophisticating teares;
And thus discourse, vnkindnesse to preuent,
Whilst sighs vnrip his melancholy feares:
Yet vaine the king pursues a bootelesse chase,
His Deere doth tappasse in a priuate place.
Whiles he acutely argu'd this hard text,
VVith writs of errour trauersing his sute;
Ioues constant Daphne, timorous, perplext,
His fucall arguments doth still confute:
Yet forward loue, which in extreames will erre,
Vniting force, doth wage a second warre.


Now by authentick reasons he doth pleade,
Vrging examples to confirm his case;
Corroborating his vndecent deede,
With Corinth's strumpets, which their sex debase;
A subtle shift to curry-fauour's truce:
For, old examples women most seduce.
The Nymphs, to Vesta consecrated pure,
VVhich did (quoth he) their youthfull daies confine,
Like Ancors in in a Caue, to liue secure,
Only deuoted to the vestall Shrine:
These trode their shooes awry, & did transgresse,
Reputing it a frailty of the flesh.
The Sun-god Phœbus, subiect, bow'd to loue;
Though he were crowned with a willow-with.
Faire Cythered had (as records proue)
A leash of loues, beside black Lemnos smith.
And Uulcan spi'd false carding. What of it?
He was adiudg'd but Iealous, wanting wit.


Sole Monarch of the sky, whom Cupid's charms,
And fatall Quiuer, did incite to lust,
In louely Arethusa's azure armes
Did oft repose; although it were vniust.
Latmus can witnesse, and Parnassus Plaine,
She plaid the wanton with a shepheards-swaine.
Examine Hermes, if he lou'd, or no,
Whiles he with Herse priuate did conferre,
Hee'l not disclaime his wenching acts, I trowe,
Or that with Venus he did wilfull erre.
Thus lou'd the churlish starres. Then why shold I
Poore Saturnist, a distract louer die.
Nor wert thou chast, great Ioue: the wedlock band
In Hebe's, and Alcmena's armes thou broke:
Tindar's proud bride thou vsed at command;
Captiu'd Calisto in a lustfull yoke;
And with these Paramours hast led thy life,
Wronging the pleasures of a iealous wife.


What if great Iupiter, with Lynx his eyes,
Should censure, that chast Hera were too kinde
With Hermes spells, I would coniure his spies,
Till I enioy'd the solace of my minde.
Admit, you should disclose in outward shew
Apparent loue, it were but quid pro quo.
Suppose, that Earth impanneld a grand Quest,
And that the Barre of Law should rack this act:
It would be thought a Quære at the best;
Sith affi-dauit of our conceal'd fact
Could not be made; whiles of each Gods know shame
A sempiternall probate shall remaine.
Hee vrg'd the Queene too farre: yet she excus'd
Fearing malignant times the fame would broach
And doth obiect, that beautie 's oft abus'd,
Oft scandaliz'd with vulgar tongues reproach.
For, slander set on foote, though false, will run,
And currant passe, in eu'ry Momists tongue.


Beautie 's a common marke, apt to offence
(Quoth she) when roysters roue, or Court vnwise
Bad fame will blab, & forge some lewd pretence
Be amours nere so secret, or precise:
No fond suspect her iealous eare can scape,
For, she will colour 't in a liuely shape.
Should I, vpon such tearmes, ere condiscend,
I double, treble, should mine honour staine.
What essence then my error durst defend,
If true accusers should my vice arraigne?
In vaine it were to fly from Argus watch,
If in the net, Ioue, Mars with Venus catch.
The vnchast king, now silent, all a mort,
Abruptly interrupts her subtile speech;
And, vi & armis, must enioy his sport,
Moue her perforce to cuckoldry, spouse-breach.
He begd before; but now commands his lust:
And she consents, lest Ioue their talke mistrust.


Who whilest they, pro & contra, argued thus,
Suspected misdemeanor in his Guest;
Yet did conceale, because he sate non plus,
Drowning despaire in his disquiet brest.
Ioue feared guile (Mendozas well can gloze)
And therefore vrged Iuno to disclose.
Who, putting finger in the eye, declares
This large discourse; which Ioue vnkindely takes,
The lust seem'd vile, such impudence was rare:
Which to defraude, he of a cloude did make
Chast Iunoes like; a formall shape inuents,
Which, graphicè, her stature represent.
Apollo's wagon, hauing left his sphere,
Drawing the starry curtaine of the night,
This false Idea did in state appeare,
To pay lusts king his long desir'd delight:
Whom he embrac't (yet was deceiud God wot)
And of a cloude the massy Centaures got.


Obtained lust his brest could not containe:
In Thrasoe's tearmes he vants this act obscene,
Falsely accusing Hera in disdaine,
Making lusts Queane, corriuall with the Queene.
Such are mens faults; they cannot onely horne,
But must divulge, & laugh the wrongd to scorne.
The Irefull God, which was supposed, wrong,
To weare a cuckolds badge, an armed head,
All court affaires adiourneth, doth prolong,
And coram nobis, scans this shamefull deede.
Lest by delay truth should be staind, forgot,
He wisely strikes now whilst the Iron 's hot;
And of high treason doth the king indite
(For faults are great which touch a mighty foe)
VVho by a quest of Quære which iudge right
(Too strictly sentenc't to eternall woe)
Was, by that Synod in Olympus held,
Condemn'd, contemn'd, and from his Throne expeld.


To pleade, or to recant, it was too late:
Th' arraigned king condemned stands, conuict;
Whom the three lusticers of Limbos state,
With new deuised penalties inflict.
Hell's fatall iudgement, is a iust reward,
For such as Hymenæus rites discard.
Fixt to the rigour of a tumbling wheele,
Which Furies moue, and euer restlesse turnes,
This type of lust, hells terrour amply feeles,
Whiles Serpents sting, and Hecats furnace burnes.
Thus, by iust doome, to Styx his soule did diue,
Being enrold amongst the damned fiue.
Great mirth did Dis, and Proserpina keepe,
To giue a welcome to this leane-chapt Ghost.
The triple-headed Cur awoke from sleepe.
Caron, in hast, his flaming Ferry crost;
Who with the Furies, which then leasure found,
Salutes this guest, and hopt a merry round.


Tantal had lap enough: each ayry sprite,
And starued Ghost, had plenty of good-cheere.
Alecto skipt, with Bacchus being light,
And plaid the diuell, voide of loue or feare;
Whiles grim Megæra tore th' inuectiue scroles,
Chasing the fiends with euer-burning coles.
A greater racket was not kept in Hell,
When Hecat got the Diuells leaue to play.
So far this Chaos doth the wont excell,
That former tortures are a ciuill day.
Stones, tubs, & wheeles, do tumble vp & down,
So that no Ghost escap't a broken crowne.
And all this time, Ixion, in a maze,
Spectator like, beheld the Furies sport;
At length, asham'd to stand still mute at gaze,
Doth spend his mouth, and reuellin like sort;
Till leuell coyle, which issued from the Pot,
Made hell, still hell, their quarrels were so hot.


Minos was shreudly checkt because the Ghosts
Disturb'd the Gods with their unruly coile
Which Quorum Iustice warrants sent by poast,
To chaine each Furie to his former toile
And eke the stranger which in clanks did lurke
By strict command, was set vnto his worke
Whose restlesse paines my poore Appelles art,
With Agamemnon's vaile, must rudely maske,
By Herc'les Foote, conjecture euery part;
And from this briefe, the totall aske.
Depriu'd by iust in Limbos doth he dwell:
Lust was his life; his death, both Heauen, & Hell.
Henry Hutton. Dunelmensis