A New Droll or, The Counter-Scuffle: The Second Part. Acted in the Middle of High-Lent, between the goalers and the prisoners. Very pleasant and delightful. By T. Jordan |
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 | A New Droll |  |
A new Drol.
Let that Majestick Pen that writes,
Of brave K---Arthur and his Knights,
And of their Noble feats and fights
Be silent.
Of brave K---Arthur and his Knights,
And of their Noble feats and fights
Be silent.
And now let each one listen well,
While I the Famous battel tel,
In Woodstreet-Counter that befel,
In high Lent.
While I the Famous battel tel,
In Woodstreet-Counter that befel,
In high Lent.
In which great Scuffle only twan,
Without much hurt, or being slain,
Immortal Honor did obtain,
by Merit.
Without much hurt, or being slain,
Immortal Honor did obtain,
by Merit.
One was a Captain in degree,
A strong and lufty man was he,
T'ther a Trades-man bold and free,
Of Spirit.
A strong and lufty man was he,
T'ther a Trades-man bold and free,
Of Spirit.
And though he was no man of force,
He had a stomack like a Horse,
And in his Rage had no Remose,
Or pitty.
He had a stomack like a Horse,
And in his Rage had no Remose,
Or pitty.
Full nimbly could he cuff and clout,
And was accounted without doubt,
One of the prettiest Sparks about,
The City.
And was accounted without doubt,
One of the prettiest Sparks about,
The City.
And at his Weapon any way,
He could perform a single Fray,
Even from the Long Pike, to the TAY-
LOR'S Bodkin.
He could perform a single Fray,
Even from the Long Pike, to the TAY-
LOR'S Bodkin.
He reckt not for his flesh a jot,
He far'd not Englishman nor Scot,
For Man or Monster, car'd he not
A Dodkin.
He far'd not Englishman nor Scot,
For Man or Monster, car'd he not
A Dodkin.
For fighting was his Recreation,
And like a man in Desperation,
For Law, Edict, or Proclamation,
He car'd not.
And like a man in Desperation,
For Law, Edict, or Proclamation,
He car'd not.
And in his anger (cause being given)
To lift his hand 'gainst good Sir Steven,
Or any Justice under Heaven,
He fear'd not.
To lift his hand 'gainst good Sir Steven,
Or any Justice under Heaven,
He fear'd not.
He durst his Enemy withstand,
Or at Tergoos or Calis Sand,
And bravely there with Sword in hand
Would greet him.
Or at Tergoos or Calis Sand,
And bravely there with Sword in hand
Would greet him.
And Noble Ellis was his name,
VVho amongst his foes to purchase fame,
Nor car'd though the Devil came
To meet him.
VVho amongst his foes to purchase fame,
Nor car'd though the Devil came
To meet him.
And this brave Gold-smith was the man,
VVho first this worthy brawl began,
Which after ended in a Can
Of mild Beer.
VVho first this worthy brawl began,
Which after ended in a Can
Of mild Beer.
But had you seen him when you fought,
How eagerly for blood he sought,
There's no man but would have him thought
a wilde Bear.
How eagerly for blood he sought,
There's no man but would have him thought
a wilde Bear.
Imagine now yon see a score
Of Mad-cap Gentlemen or more,
Boyes that did use to Royst and Rore,
and swagger.
Of Mad-cap Gentlemen or more,
Boyes that did use to Royst and Rore,
and swagger.
Among the which were three or foure,
That Rul'd themselves by Wisdoms Lore,
Whose very Gransires scarcely wore.
a Dagger.
That Rul'd themselves by Wisdoms Lore,
Whose very Gransires scarcely wore.
a Dagger.
A Priest and a Lawyer, men well read,
In wiping Spoons, and chipping bread,
And falling too, a short Grace being sed,
Fill roundly.
In wiping Spoons, and chipping bread,
And falling too, a short Grace being sed,
Fill roundly.
Whose hungry Mawes no Sallets need,
Good appetites therein to breed,
Their Stomacks without Sauce could feed,
Profoundly.
Good appetites therein to breed,
Their Stomacks without Sauce could feed,
Profoundly.
'Twas ill that men of sober Diet,
Who lov'd to fill their Guts in quiet,
VVere plac'd with Ruffins that to Royot
Were given.
Who lov'd to fill their Guts in quiet,
VVere plac'd with Ruffins that to Royot
Were given.
And (O great grief!) even from their Food,
(Their Stomacks too, being strong and good)
And that sweet place whereon it stood,
be driven.
(Their Stomacks too, being strong and good)
And that sweet place whereon it stood,
be driven.
But here 'tis sitting I repeat,
VVhat Food our dainty Prisoners eat,
But if in placing of the Meat,
and Dishes.
VVhat Food our dainty Prisoners eat,
But if in placing of the Meat,
and Dishes.
From curious Order I do swerve,
'Tis that themselves did none observe,
For which no flesh they did deserve,
nor Fishes.
'Tis that themselves did none observe,
For which no flesh they did deserve,
nor Fishes.
But some (perhaps) will say, that Lent
Affords them not what here is ment,
So much, so good, and that they went
Without it.
Affords them not what here is ment,
So much, so good, and that they went
Without it.
'Tis like, but if I add a Dish
Or twain, or three, of Flesh, or Fish,
They either had, or did it wish,
Ne're doubt it.
Or twain, or three, of Flesh, or Fish,
They either had, or did it wish,
Ne're doubt it.
Then wipe your Mouthes, while I declare,
The goodness of this Lenten fare,
Which is in Prison very, Rare,
I tell ye.
The goodness of this Lenten fare,
Which is in Prison very, Rare,
I tell ye.
Furmity as sweet as any Nut,
As good as ever swil'd a Gut,
And Butter sweet as ere was put
In belly.
As good as ever swil'd a Gut,
And Butter sweet as ere was put
In belly.
Eggs by the dozen, new and good,
VVhich in white Salt upright stood,
And meats which heat and stir the blood.
To action.
VVhich in white Salt upright stood,
And meats which heat and stir the blood.
To action.
As butter'd Crabs, and Lobsters Red,
VVhich send the Married pair to bed,
And in loose bloods have often bred,
a Faction.
VVhich send the Married pair to bed,
And in loose bloods have often bred,
a Faction.
Fish buttered to the Platters brim,
And Parsnips did in butter swim,
Strew'd ore with Pepper neat and trim,
Salt Salmon.
And Parsnips did in butter swim,
Strew'd ore with Pepper neat and trim,
Salt Salmon.
Smelts cride, come eat me, do not stay,
Fresh Cod, and Maids full nearly lay,
And next to these a lusty Ba---
con Gammon.
Fresh Cod, and Maids full nearly lay,
And next to these a lusty Ba---
con Gammon.
Stuck thick with Cloves upon the back,
VVell stuft with Sage, and for the Smack,
Daintily strew'd with Pepper black,
Saused Gurnet.
VVell stuft with Sage, and for the Smack,
Daintily strew'd with Pepper black,
Saused Gurnet.
Picktel, Sturgeon, Tench, and Trout,
Meat far too good for such a Rout,
To tumble, toss, and throw about,
and spurn it.
Meat far too good for such a Rout,
To tumble, toss, and throw about,
and spurn it.
The next a Neats-tongue neatly dryde,
Mustard and Suger by his side,
Rochets butter'd, Flounders fryde,
Hot Custard.
Mustard and Suger by his side,
Rochets butter'd, Flounders fryde,
Hot Custard.
Eeles boyl'd and broyled; and next they bring
Herring that is the Fishes King,
And then a Courtly Poll of Ling,
and Mustard.
Herring that is the Fishes King,
And then a Courtly Poll of Ling,
and Mustard.
But stay, I had almost forgot,
The flesh that still stands piping hot,
Some from the Spit, some from the Pot
New taken.
The flesh that still stands piping hot,
Some from the Spit, some from the Pot
New taken.
A shoulder, and a Leg of Mutton,
As good as ever Knife was put on,
VVhich never were by a true Glutton,
Forsaken.
As good as ever Knife was put on,
VVhich never were by a true Glutton,
Forsaken.
A Loyn of Veal, that would have dar'd
One of the hungriest of the Guard,
And they sometimes will feed full hard,
Like tall men.
One of the hungriest of the Guard,
And they sometimes will feed full hard,
Like tall men.
And such as love the lusty Chine,
But when that I shall sup or dine,
God grant they be no Guests of mine,
Of all men.
But when that I shall sup or dine,
God grant they be no Guests of mine,
Of all men.
Thus the descriptions are compleat,
Which I have made of Men and Meat,
Mars aid me now, while I repeat
The battle.
Which I have made of Men and Meat,
Mars aid me now, while I repeat
The battle.
VVhere pots and stools were us'd as Gins,
To break each others Heads and Shins,
Where blows did make bones in their skins
To rattle.
To break each others Heads and Shins,
Where blows did make bones in their skins
To rattle.
VVhere men to madness never ceast;
Till each (furious as a beast)
Had spoild the fashion of a Feast,
Full dainty.
Till each (furious as a beast)
Had spoild the fashion of a Feast,
Full dainty.
VVhereon had they not been accurst,
They might have fed, till bellies burst,
But Ellis shew'd himself the worst,
Of twenty.
They might have fed, till bellies burst,
But Ellis shew'd himself the worst,
Of twenty.
For he began this monstrous brall,
VVhich afterward incens'd them all,
To throw the meat about the Hall,
That Even.
VVhich afterward incens'd them all,
To throw the meat about the Hall,
That Even.
And now give ear unto the Jar,
That fell between these men of VVar,,
VVherein so many a harmless Scar
Was given
That fell between these men of VVar,,
VVherein so many a harmless Scar
Was given
The board thus furnisht, each man sate,
Some fell to feeding, some to prate,
'Mong whom a jarring Question strait
Was risen.
Some fell to feeding, some to prate,
'Mong whom a jarring Question strait
Was risen.
For they grew hotly in dispute,
VVhat Calling was of most Repute,
'Twas well their VVits were so accute
In prison.
VVhat Calling was of most Repute,
'Twas well their VVits were so accute
In prison.
But after a deliberate pause,
The Lawyer spoke, as he had cause,
In commendation of the Laws
Profession.
The Lawyer spoke, as he had cause,
In commendation of the Laws
Profession.
The Law, quoth he, by a just doom,
Doth censure all that to it come,
And still defends the innocent from
Oppression.
Doth censure all that to it come,
And still defends the innocent from
Oppression.
It favours Truth; it curbs the hope
Of Vice; it gives Allegiance scope;
Provides a Gallows and a Rope
For Treason.
Of Vice; it gives Allegiance scope;
Provides a Gallows and a Rope
For Treason.
This doth the Law, and this is it
Which makes us here in Prison sit,
Which grounded is on holy VVrit
And Reason,
Which makes us here in Prison sit,
Which grounded is on holy VVrit
And Reason,
To which all men must subject be,
As we by daily proof do see,
From highest to lowest degree,
The Schollar,
As we by daily proof do see,
From highest to lowest degree,
The Schollar,
Noble, and Rich: It doth subdue
The Souldier, and his Swaggering crew,
But at that word the Captain grew
In Choller.
The Souldier, and his Swaggering crew,
But at that word the Captain grew
In Choller.
He look't ful grim, and at first word
Rapt out an Oath, that shook the board,
And struck his fist, that the Sound roar'd
Like thunder.
Rapt out an Oath, that shook the board,
And struck his fist, that the Sound roar'd
Like thunder.
It made all skip that stood him near,
The frighted Custard quak'd for fear,
And those that heard it striken were
With Wonder.
The frighted Custard quak'd for fear,
And those that heard it striken were
With Wonder.
Nought did he now but frown and puff
And having star'd and swore enough,
Thus he began in Language rough.
Thou cogging,
And having star'd and swore enough,
Thus he began in Language rough.
Thou cogging,
Base foisting Lawyer, that dost set
Thy minde on nothing, but to get
Thy living by thy damned pet-
[illeg.]
Thy minde on nothing, but to get
Thy living by thy damned pet-
[illeg.]
A Slave that shall for half a Crown,
With Buckram-bag, and daggled-Gowne,
Wait like my Dog obout the Town,
And follow
With Buckram-bag, and daggled-Gowne,
Wait like my Dog obout the Town,
And follow
A business of the Devils part,
For Fees though not with Law nor Art,
But head as empty as thy heart,
Is hollow,
For Fees though not with Law nor Art,
But head as empty as thy heart,
Is hollow,
You stay at home and pocket fees,
While we abroad our bloods do leese,
And then with such base terms as these,
You wrong us:
While we abroad our bloods do leese,
And then with such base terms as these,
You wrong us:
But Lawyer, it is safer far
For thee to prattle at a Bar,
Than once to shew thy face i'th VVar,
Among us.
For thee to prattle at a Bar,
Than once to shew thy face i'th VVar,
Among us.
VVhere to defend such thankless Hinds,
The Souldier little quiet finds,
But is expos'd to stormy winds,
and Weather.
The Souldier little quiet finds,
But is expos'd to stormy winds,
and Weather.
And oft in blood he wades full deep,
Your throats from forraign Swords to keep,
And wakes when you securely sleep
In feathers.
Your throats from forraign Swords to keep,
And wakes when you securely sleep
In feathers.
VVhat could your Laws, or Statutes do,
Against invasions of the foe,
Did not the valient Souldier go
To quell 'em!
Did not the valient Souldier go
To quell 'em!
And to prevent your further harms,
With Ensign, Fife, and loud Alarms
Of Warlike Drum, by force of Arms
Repell 'em.
With Ensign, Fife, and loud Alarms
Of Warlike Drum, by force of Arms
Repell 'em.
Wer't not for us thou Swade, quoth he,
Where would'st thou fog to get a Fee?
But to defend such things as thee,
'Tis pitty.
Where would'st thou fog to get a Fee?
But to defend such things as thee,
'Tis pitty.
For such as thou, esteem us least,
Who ever have been ready prest,
To guard you, and the Cuckowes nest,
Your City.
Who ever have been ready prest,
To guard you, and the Cuckowes nest,
Your City.
That very word made Ellis start
And all his blood ran to his heare,
He shook, and quak'd in every part
With hunger.
And all his blood ran to his heare,
He shook, and quak'd in every part
With hunger.
He lookt as if nought might asswage
The heat of his enflamed rage,
His very countenance did presage
Some danger.
The heat of his enflamed rage,
His very countenance did presage
Some danger.
A Cuckowes nest, quoth he: and so,
He hum'd, and held his head full low,
As if distracted thoughts did
overpress him.
He hum'd, and held his head full low,
As if distracted thoughts did
overpress him.
At length, quoth he, my Mother sed,
At Bristow she was brought to bed,
And there was Ellis born and bred,
(God bless him.)
At Bristow she was brought to bed,
And there was Ellis born and bred,
(God bless him.)
Of London City I am free,
And there I first my Wife did see,
And for that very cause, quoth he,
I love it.
And there I first my Wife did see,
And for that very cause, quoth he,
I love it.
And he that calls it Cuckowes nest,
Except he sayes, he speaks in jest,
He is a Villain, and a Beast,
He prove it.
Except he sayes, he speaks in jest,
He is a Villain, and a Beast,
He prove it.
For though I am a man of Trade,
And free of London City made,
Yet can I use Gun, Bill, and blade
In battle,
And free of London City made,
Yet can I use Gun, Bill, and blade
In battle,
And Citizens, if need require,
Themselves can force the Foe retire,
VVhatever this Low-Country Squire
do prattle
Themselves can force the Foe retire,
VVhatever this Low-Country Squire
do prattle
For we have Souldiers of our own,
able enough to guard the Town,
And Captains of most fair renown,
about it.
able enough to guard the Town,
And Captains of most fair renown,
about it.
If any Foe should fight amain,
and set on us with all his Train,
VVee'l make him to Retire again,—
Nere doubt it.
and set on us with all his Train,
Nere doubt it.
We have fought well in Dangers past,
And will do while our Lives do last,
Without the help of any Cast—
Commanders
And will do while our Lives do last,
Without the help of any Cast—
Commanders
That thither come, compel'd by want,
With Rusty Swords, and Suits Provant,
From Utrich, Numigen, or Gant—
In Flanders.
With Rusty Swords, and Suits Provant,
From Utrich, Numigen, or Gant—
In Flanders.
The Captain could no longer hold,
But looking fiercely, plainly told
The Citizen, he was too bold,—
and called him
But looking fiercely, plainly told
The Citizen, he was too bold,—
and called him
Proud Boy, and for his sawcy Speech,
Did shortly vow to whip his Breech:
Then Ellis snatcht the pot, with which—
He mall'd him.
Did shortly vow to whip his Breech:
Then Ellis snatcht the pot, with which—
He mall'd him.
He threw the Jugge, and therewith-all
He gave the Captain such a mall,
As made him thump against the wall—
His Crooper,
He gave the Captain such a mall,
As made him thump against the wall—
His Crooper,
With that the Captain took a Dish
That stood brim ful of butter'd fish,
As good as any heart could wish—
To Supper.
That stood brim ful of butter'd fish,
As good as any heart could wish—
To Supper.
And as he threw, his foot did slide,
Which turn'd his arm and dish aside,
And all be-butter-fishiside—
Nic Ballat.
Which turn'd his arm and dish aside,
And all be-butter-fishiside—
Nic Ballat.
and he good man, did none disease,
But sitting quiet: and at ease,
With buttered Rochets, sought to please—
His Pallat.
But sitting quiet: and at ease,
With buttered Rochets, sought to please—
His Pallat.
but when he felt the wrong he had,
He Rag'd, and swore, and grew stark mad,
Some in the Room been better had—
without him;
He Rag'd, and swore, and grew stark mad,
Some in the Room been better had—
without him;
For he took hold of any thing,
And first he caught the Poll of Ling,
Which he couragiously did fling—
aboat him.
And first he caught the Poll of Ling,
Which he couragiously did fling—
aboat him.
Out of his Hand it flew a pace,
And hit the Lawyer in the face,
Who at the Board in highest place—
was seated.
And hit the Lawyer in the face,
Who at the Board in highest place—
was seated.
and as the Lawyer thought to rise,
The Salt was thrown into his Eyes,
Which him of Sight in woful wise—
defeated.
The Salt was thrown into his Eyes,
Which him of Sight in woful wise—
defeated.
all things nere Hand, Ne Ballat threw:
At length his butter'd Rochets flew,
And hit by chance, amongst the Crew,—
The Parson.
At length his butter'd Rochets flew,
And hit by chance, amongst the Crew,—
The Parson.
The Sauce his Coat did all be-wet,
The Priest began to fume and fret,
The Seat was butter'd which he set,
His—on,
The Priest began to fume and fret,
The Seat was butter'd which he set,
His—on,
He knew not what to do or say,
It was in vain to preach or pray,
Or cry you are all gone astray,
Good people.
It was in vain to preach or pray,
Or cry you are all gone astray,
Good people.
He might as well go strive to teach
Divinity beyond his reach,
Or when the Bells ring out, go preach
I'th Steeple.
Divinity beyond his reach,
Or when the Bells ring out, go preach
I'th Steeple.
At this mischance the silly man,
Out of the room would fain have ran,
and very angerly began
To mutter.
Out of the room would fain have ran,
and very angerly began
To mutter.
Ill luck had he, for after that,
One threw the Parsneps full of fat,
VVhich stuck like Brooches in his Hat
with Butter.
One threw the Parsneps full of fat,
VVhich stuck like Brooches in his Hat
with Butter.
Out of the place he soon repairs,
And ran half headlong down the stairs,
and made complaint to Master Ayres
With crying.
And ran half headlong down the stairs,
and made complaint to Master Ayres
With crying.
Up ran he to know the matter,
and found-how they the things did scatter,
Here a Trencher, there a Platter,
Were lying.
and found-how they the things did scatter,
Here a Trencher, there a Platter,
Were lying.
I dare not say he stunck for wo,
Not will, unless I did it know,
But some there be that dares say so
that smelt him.
Not will, unless I did it know,
But some there be that dares say so
that smelt him.
Nor could ye blame him, if he did,
For they threw dishes at his head,
and did with Eggs and Loaves of bread
bepelt him,
For they threw dishes at his head,
and did with Eggs and Loaves of bread
bepelt him,
He thrust himself into the throng,
and us'd the vertue of his tongue,
But what could one man word among
So many?
and us'd the vertue of his tongue,
But what could one man word among
So many?
The Candles all were shuffled out,
The Victuals flew afresh about;
VVas never such a Combat fought
by any.
The Victuals flew afresh about;
VVas never such a Combat fought
by any.
Now in the dark was all the coyl,
Some were bloody in the broyl,
and some lay steept in Sailet-Oyl
and Mustard.
Some were bloody in the broyl,
and some lay steept in Sailet-Oyl
and Mustard.
The fight would make a man a feard:
another had a buttered Beard,
Anothers face was all besmeard
with Custard.
another had a buttered Beard,
Anothers face was all besmeard
with Custard.
Others were dawb'd up to the knee,
VVith buttered Fish and Furmitee;
and some the men could scarcely see—
that beat 'em.
VVith buttered Fish and Furmitee;
and some the men could scarcely see—
that beat 'em.
Under the board {Eluellen} lay,
Being sore frighted with the fray,
and as the vveapons flew that way,—
be eat 'em.
Being sore frighted with the fray,
and as the vveapons flew that way,—
be eat 'em.
The bread stuck in the vvindows all,
Like bullets in a Castle-wall,
VVhich furious foes do seek to scale—
In battle.
Like bullets in a Castle-wall,
VVhich furious foes do seek to scale—
In battle.
Shoulders of Mutton, and Loyns of Veal,
Appointed for to serve the meal,
about their eares full many a peal—
did rattle.
Appointed for to serve the meal,
about their eares full many a peal—
did rattle.
The which when Mr. Blany spide,
Oh, take away their arms he cryde,
Lest some great hurt do them betide,—
Prevent it.
Oh, take away their arms he cryde,
Lest some great hurt do them betide,—
Prevent it.
And then the knave away did steal,
Or food that fell, no little deal,
and in his house at many a meal—
He spent it.
Or food that fell, no little deal,
and in his house at many a meal—
He spent it.
The Captain ran the rest among,
as eager to revenge the wrong
Done by the Plot which Ellis flung—
So stoutly.
as eager to revenge the wrong
Done by the Plot which Ellis flung—
So stoutly.
And angry Ellis sought about,
To finde the furious Captain out,
at length they met, and then they fought—
devoutly.
To finde the furious Captain out,
at length they met, and then they fought—
devoutly.
Now being met, they never lin,
Till with their loud robustuous din,
The room and all that was therein—
did rumble.
Till with their loud robustuous din,
The room and all that was therein—
did rumble.
Instead of VVeapons made of Steel,
The Captain took a salted Eele,
and at each blow made Ellis reel,—
and tumble.
The Captain took a salted Eele,
and at each blow made Ellis reel,—
and tumble.
Ellis a pippin-pye had got,
A sorer vveapon than the Pot:
For lo, the apples being hot,—
did scald him.
A sorer vveapon than the Pot:
For lo, the apples being hot,—
did scald him.
The Captain laid about him still,
As if he would poor Ellls kill,
and with his Eele with a good will—
He mall'd him
As if he would poor Ellls kill,
and with his Eele with a good will—
He mall'd him
At length quoth he, Ellis thou art
a fellow of couragious heart,
Yield now, and I will take thy part—
hereafter.
a fellow of couragious heart,
Yield now, and I will take thy part—
hereafter.
Quoth Ellis, much I scorn to hear,
Thy words of threats, being free from fear,
VVith which he hardly could forbear—
from laughture.
Thy words of threats, being free from fear,
VVith which he hardly could forbear—
from laughture.
Together then afresh they flie,
The Eele against the Pippin pye.
But Blany stood there purposely—
To watch them.
The Eele against the Pippin pye.
But Blany stood there purposely—
To watch them.
The vveapons wherewithall they fought,
VVere those for which he chiefly sought,
and with an eager stomack thought—
To catch 'em.
VVere those for which he chiefly sought,
and with an eager stomack thought—
To catch 'em.
But scap't not now so well away,
as that the Veal and Mutton-fray:
He thought to have with such a prey—
His jawes fed.
as that the Veal and Mutton-fray:
He thought to have with such a prey—
His jawes fed.
But all his hope did turn aside,
He lookt for that which luck deny'd,
For Ellis all be-pippin-pyde—
His Calves head.
He lookt for that which luck deny'd,
For Ellis all be-pippin-pyde—
His Calves head.
Wo was the case he now was in,
The apples hot, did scald the skin,
His Skull, as it had rotten bin,—
did coddle.
The apples hot, did scald the skin,
His Skull, as it had rotten bin,—
did coddle.
VVith that one fool among the rout,
Made out-cry all the house about,
That Blany's brains were beaten out—.
his noddle.
Made out-cry all the house about,
That Blany's brains were beaten out—.
his noddle.
VVhich Lockwood hearing needs would see,
vvhat all-this coyl and stir might bee,
and up the stairs his Guts and he—
went wadling.
vvhat all-this coyl and stir might bee,
and up the stairs his Guts and he—
went wadling.
But when he came the Chamber near,
Behind the door he stood to hear,
but in he durst not come for fear—
of swadling.
Behind the door he stood to hear,
but in he durst not come for fear—
of swadling.
There stood he in a frightful case,
and as by chance he stir'd his face,
Full in the mouth a butter'd Playce—
did hit him.
and as by chance he stir'd his face,
Full in the mouth a butter'd Playce—
did hit him.
Away he sneakt, and with his tongue,
He lick'd and swallowed up the wrong,
and as he went the room along—
Be—him.
He lick'd and swallowed up the wrong,
and as he went the room along—
Be—him.
For help now doth poor Lockwood cry,
O! bring a Surgeon, or I die,
My Guts out of my Belly fly:—
Come quickly.
O! bring a Surgeon, or I die,
My Guts out of my Belly fly:—
Come quickly.
Blany with open mouth likewise,
For present help of Surgeon cryes,
Pitty a man, quoth he that lies—
So sickly.
For present help of Surgeon cryes,
Pitty a man, quoth he that lies—
So sickly.
Philips, the kilful Surgeon then,
vvas cal'd, and cal'd, and cal'd agen,
If he had skill to cure these men,—
To shew it.
vvas cal'd, and cal'd, and cal'd agen,
If he had skill to cure these men,—
To shew it.
At length he comes, and first he puts
His hands, to feel for Lockwoods Guts
vvhich came not forth so sweet as Nuts,—
all know it.
His hands, to feel for Lockwoods Guts
vvhich came not forth so sweet as Nuts,—
all know it.
He cries for water. In the mean
One calls up Madge the Kitchin-quean,
To take and make the Baby clean—
and clout 'it.
One calls up Madge the Kitchin-quean,
To take and make the Baby clean—
and clout 'it.
Fast by the Nose she took the Squall,
and led him softly through the Hall,
Least the perfume through knees should fall—
about it.
and led him softly through the Hall,
Least the perfume through knees should fall—
about it.
She turn'd his Hose beneath the knee,
Nor could she chuse but laugh to see,
That yellow which was wont to be—
a white-breech.
Nor could she chuse but laugh to see,
That yellow which was wont to be—
a white-breech.
She took a Dish-clout off the shelf,
and with it wipt the dirty Elf,
vvhich had not wit to help it self—
Poor—breech,
and with it wipt the dirty Elf,
vvhich had not wit to help it self—
Poor—breech,
Thus leaving Lockwood all be-raid,
Unto the mercy of the Maid
vvho well deserved to be payd—
for taking.
Unto the mercy of the Maid
vvho well deserved to be payd—
for taking.
Such homely pains, Now let us cast,
Our thoughts back on the stir that's past,
and them whose bones could not in hast—
leave aking.
Our thoughts back on the stir that's past,
and them whose bones could not in hast—
leave aking.
And like the Candles, shall my Pen
Shew you these Gallants once agen,
vvhich now like Furies, not like men—
appeared.
Shew you these Gallants once agen,
vvhich now like Furies, not like men—
appeared.
Fresh Lights being brought t'appease the braul,
Shew twenty mad men in the Hall,
vvith Blood and Sauce their faces all—
besmeared.
Shew twenty mad men in the Hall,
vvith Blood and Sauce their faces all—
besmeared.
Their Cloaths rent and sows'd in drink,
Oyl, Mustard, Butter, and the stinck,
vvhich Lockwood left, would make one think—
in sadness.
Oyl, Mustard, Butter, and the stinck,
vvhich Lockwood left, would make one think—
in sadness.
That these so monstrous creatures dwell,
Either in Bedlam, or in Hell,
Or that no tongue or Pen can tell—
their madness.
Either in Bedlam, or in Hell,
Or that no tongue or Pen can tell—
their madness.
They were indeed disfigured so,
Friend knew not friend, nor foe-man foe,
And each man scarce himself did know:—
But after.
Friend knew not friend, nor foe-man foe,
And each man scarce himself did know:—
But after.
A frantick staring round about,
They suddenly did quit their doubt,
And loudly all at once brake out
in Laughter.
They suddenly did quit their doubt,
And loudly all at once brake out
in Laughter.
The heat of all is now alaid,
The Keepers gently do perswade;
And (a before) all friends are made
full frankly.
The Keepers gently do perswade;
And (a before) all friends are made
full frankly.
Ellis, the Captain doth imbrace,
The Captain doth return the grace,
And so do all the men in the place,
as friendly.
The Captain doth return the grace,
And so do all the men in the place,
as friendly.
By Jove I love thee, Ellis cry'd,
The Captain soon as much replyed,
Thou art, quoth he, a man well try'd,
and Vulcan
The Captain soon as much replyed,
Thou art, quoth he, a man well try'd,
and Vulcan
With Mars at ods again shall be,
E're any Jars 'twixt thee and me:
And there upon I drink to thee
a full Can.
E're any Jars 'twixt thee and me:
And there upon I drink to thee
a full Can.
And then he kneel'd upon the ground,
Drink't off (quoth Ellis) for this Round
For ever shall beheld Renown:
and never.
Drink't off (quoth Ellis) for this Round
For ever shall beheld Renown:
and never.
May any quarrel twixt us twain
Arise, or this renew again,
But may we loving friends remain
for ever
Arise, or this renew again,
But may we loving friends remain
for ever
Amen, cry'd Captain so did all,
And so the health went through the Hall,
And thus the Noble Counter-brall
was ended.
And so the health went through the Hall,
And thus the Noble Counter-brall
was ended.
But hunger now did vex 'em more,
Then all their anger did before:
They searcht i'th Room how far their Store
extended,
Then all their anger did before:
They searcht i'th Room how far their Store
extended,
They want the Meat which Blany stole,
One finds a HERRING in a hole.
With durt and dust, black as a Cole,
and trodden
One finds a HERRING in a hole.
With durt and dust, black as a Cole,
and trodden
All under feet; The next in post
Snaps up, and feed on what was lost,
And looks not whether it be Rost,
or Soddon.
Snaps up, and feed on what was lost,
And looks not whether it be Rost,
or Soddon.
A third finds in another place,
A piece of LING in durty case,
And Mustard in his fellows face;
Another
A piece of LING in durty case,
And Mustard in his fellows face;
Another
Espies, that finds a Loaf of bread:
A dish of Butter all bespread.
And stuck upon anothers Head
I'th Poother.
A dish of Butter all bespread.
And stuck upon anothers Head
I'th Poother.
Thus what they found, contented some,
At length the Keeper brings a Broom,
Meaning therewith to cleanse the Room
with Sweeping.
At length the Keeper brings a Broom,
Meaning therewith to cleanse the Room
with Sweeping.
But under Table, on the ground,
Looking to sweep, by chance he found
Luellin, faining to be sound-
ly sleeping.
Looking to sweep, by chance he found
Luellin, faining to be sound-
ly sleeping.
He pull'd him out so swift by the heels,
As if his Arse had ran on wheeles.
And found his pockets stuft with Eeles:
His Codpiece
As if his Arse had ran on wheeles.
And found his pockets stuft with Eeles:
His Codpiece
Did plenty of provision bring,
Somewhat is held of every thing,
Smelts, Flounders, Rochets, and of Ling
a broad piece.
Somewhat is held of every thing,
Smelts, Flounders, Rochets, and of Ling
a broad piece.
at this discovery, each man Round;
Took equal share of what was found,
VVhich afterwards they freely drown'd
In good Drink;
Took equal share of what was found,
VVhich afterwards they freely drown'd
In good Drink;
For of good Beer there was good store,
Till all was glad to give it or'e,
For each man had enough, and more
That would drink.
Till all was glad to give it or'e,
For each man had enough, and more
That would drink.
And when they thus had drunk and fed,
(As if no quarrel had been bred)
They all shook hands, and to bed
did shuffle.
(As if no quarrel had been bred)
They all shook hands, and to bed
did shuffle.
Ellis, the glory of this Town,
VVith that brave Captain of Renown,
And thus I end this Famous COVN-
TER-SCUFFLE.
VVith that brave Captain of Renown,
And thus I end this Famous COVN-
TER-SCUFFLE.
FINIS.
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