University of Virginia Library

To the Right noble Lord the Earle of Buckingham,

be much mirth, permanent Pleasure, and endlesse happinesse, here, and else where.

To the Printer.

Againe, of my Selfe.

Some (not a few) who long to raise their Name
In Proems to their Bookes, seeme foes to Fame:
Nay, more than seeme; who vow (to grace their
They publish Books for profit, not for praise: (daies)
And, hate all friendship held with pride or fame,
Though to their Bookes, they vse to put their name.
But I am none of those (dissembling so)
Ile speake the truth; And, therfore All shall know,
That FAME and I haue beene too long in loue,
Now to be foes: Nay, still Ile striue to prooue
The vt'most of mine Ut'most for her sake;
Yea life forgoe, ere She should me forsake.
And if She haue mee, through my Fortunes wrack,
Ile fly her; so, to binde her to my Backe:
For Men by Nature, rather then thei'le be
Nothing, of Something; they desire to flee
Vpon the Winges of euiternall FAME
Beyond Decay; and Bee, though but in Name.
And be it that vnsanctified Wit
With hellish Flashes may soone kindle it,
And make it burne in glory still; yet lust
I more for That, than all that turnes to dust.
Say, tis a burning feauer of the Soule
To long for that which hurts, not makes her whole
And, that that Aire is too too pestilent,
That makes the Sicknes much more violent:
Yea, Water (though from Castaly it came)
Is best forborne if it but oyles the Flame;
Yet can I not but say yea, lowdly cry,
I loue, nay doate on all Eternity,
Saue that which hath relation so to ill
As makes Eternity abhord: Yet fill
My Muse a Bowle of Nectar drawne from thence
Whence all Gods Stellifide haue influence,
And Ile carouse so freely of the same,
That paine Ile beare, as pleasure 'twere, for Fame.
And though I reele beneath the Wheele of Fate,
Yet Fame shall follow me through loue or hate:
That if to higher Stiles I cannot climbe,
All Times shall Stile mee Taxer of my Time.

It's a mad world my Maisters.
And a merry world my Mistrisses.

Bitter zeale, is lesse than Loue.

Fame , gathering out of her own motiō strength,
And liuely grown by laboure in her flight,
I seeke to hold; yet draw her out at length
With this my mirry Muse: But, here's the spight:
To follow Mirth, as maym'd, she euer vses;
For, Bolts from Dolts still cripple mirry-Muses.

A Caueat.

To bite is but a dogged part; to sting
Is but a Snakes, Wasps, Hornets, or a Bees;
These Men do shun, sith, Dole, or Death they bring;
Yet some haue, oft, a Medcine made of These;
So, though I byting, barke; and stinging, hisse;
Yet make of all a Medcine for thy Misse.

To Martiall.

Martiall , th' art still renownd for thy Free-wit;
But, oft reproached for thy Looser-pen:
Yet, Wise-men (longing for a merry-Fit)
Reade thee with Praise & Pleasure, now and then:
Then I (too proudly humble) thinke not scorne,
They Wit-all call my name for thy Fames horne.

The BOOKE to Grauitie.

Sterne Grauity auert thy face from me;
Or, looke not saddly on me: for, I am
Too light, somewhere, for Eyes too sad to see;
And yet such lightnesse shews but Uice her shame:
But, to reproue Uice viciously, is more
Amisse, I feare: the salu's worse than the Sore:
Yet, Grace it selfe can hardly Wit perswade
That it is sin to call a Spade a Spade.

The BOOKE to the Reader.

Look'st thou for Wit well relish'd? here, each Letter
Yeelds fresh-Wit season'd well with Salt and Pepper:
Then, if they last not, or do proue vnsaury,
It's through thy Foolry, rather than my Knau'ry.

Againe.

[Art good; and bad thy wit? then, touch me not]

Art good; and bad thy wit? then, touch me not:
For, I doe often ierke the honest Sot.
Art bad, and thy wit good? Forbeare, much more,
To touch mee: for, I lash such till they roare.
Or, art thou good, and great thy Wits extent?
Th' wilt loue me, tho thou loathe mine Excrement.
But be thou good or bad: for Six-pence, I
Will glad and grieue thee, make thee laugh & cry
O! take my money,
For this Sowre-Honey.

Why Poets of the present times, be not so well esteem'd as those of former.

It's Enuy that doth make vs better deeme
Of men erst breathing, thā now drawing breath:
So, Poets, that now liue; we dis esteeme,
And read them not, with pleasure, till their death.

Of the worth of wittiest Workes, or Bookes.

Rare Bookes are Of-springs of Wits most compleate,
Distill'd from purest Braines refined Spirits,
Which thereby are consum'd: then, such rare merits
Transcend all Patrons Guifts how euer great.

Mercy with Iustice.

Should I, with ierkes of wit, whip euery Vice,
That now are wādring: I should make my booke
Swell as it had the worst of Poysons tooke;
And, make men swell as poison'd, with the price:
But, some Ile whip; the rest Ile spare for some
Of more Wit, and lesse grace in time to come.

Those Lines which all, or none do vnderstand,
Do neither with Wit, Art, nor Iudgment stand.

Those Rimes are best (though least of most esteem'd)
That (like sage Platoes Suppers) best do please
When they diiested be; how er'e mis-deem'd
They be at first: And, so I would haue these.

Of My selfe; and, this Bable, my Booke.

Some lothe to be laught at for what they write;
But, I do hold that wrong these Writings right:
Then, iudge of these too Foolish Writings state,
That onely aime but to be laughed at.

[Epigrams.]

Against Pseucus the too cunning Palmister, and Poet.

Epigram. 1.

Pseucus is perfect in Chirosophy:
That is; hee's hand-wise, stealing coningly:
But, oft he's well laugh'd at for stealing Rimes;
So hee's Hand-wise, & Head-foole too, somtimes.

Upon one named R: Holland, who kept one Nell Cotton.

Epigram. 2.

A light yong-man, who lou'd the like yong-woman
Desir'd their Things to either might be common:
So, gaue her, whē her good wil he had gottē,
A Yard of Holland, for a N-ell of Cotton.

Against the nobly-desended Muscus, who wedded a Butchers fat Daughter.

Epigram. 3.

The well-borne Muscus wedded hath, of late,
A Butchers Daughter Fat, for Pounds & Plate:
Which Match is like a Pudding; sith in That
He puts the Bloud; her Father all the Fat.

Against Faber, the Eartlesse forger.

Epigram. 4.

Faber , the Forger, would himself bestow,
In marr'age faine; and sweares he nought doth owe
True: for, hee's Earelesse, and hyres all he weares:
So, oweth not so much as Clothes, or Eares!

Against Dromus, the Borrowing barraine, or bankroupt Discourcer.

Epigram. 5.

Dromus , in talke, repeates but old-said Sawes
Of other Mēs; & then Discourse with-draws:
So, (like a rotten Naile) he cannot bore
Through rotten wood without a way before.

Of Leœna, and her two friends; Spot, and Fuller.

Epigram. 6.

Leœna , hath two friends, that still maintain her;
The one, hight Fuller; the other called Spot:
Hauing a Fuller, she should haue no Spot;
And yet the Fuller with that Spot doth staine her:
Then, if thou canst not put away her Spot,
Fuller, thou and thy Mill, are ouer-shot.

Of a poore Curate that wold haue pawn'd his Bible to a rich Precisians for a Crowne.

Epigram. 7.

A Curat, poore, a rich Precisian, praide
To lend him but a Crowne but for a Day;
But his request (precisely) he denaide:
Then on his Bible, he the same did pray;
But he (like a precise illiberall Clowne)
Would take nor his, nor Gods-Word for a Crown.

Against selfe-conceited wine-bibbing-Phagus.

Epigram. 8.

Phagus , is wise in his owne Eyes (they say)
Then hee's a Foole to drinke them so away.

Against Gaulus the writing-country Schole-master.

Epigram. 9.

Gaulus , thou writ'st thy selfe my scholer; and
Thou saist thou dost it Scholers so to get:
But, for thine owne, thou still dost shew my hand:
So, thou deal'st plaine, thou canst not Counterfet.

Of Mutius, and Phormius bloudles single-Combate.

Epigram. 10.

Mvtius , in Field, hath fought with Phormius,
(Sith he thought Phormius oft his wife did smack)
where, of the Surgeon, was but little vse;
Yet, after, Mutius ran him through the Back:
But, Mutius ran him in behind so sore
Sith Phormius oft so vsd his Wife before.

Against Mollius, that is a most religious Turner. Probatum est.

Epig. 22.

Mollius is most religious; but, the spight is,
He, like a Topp, set vp, still turnes: then he
Must still bee whipt, to runne the way that right is,
Els, like a Topp, hee'l rather turne then flee.

Of the poore, Lady Minthes frugality in taking a faire Howse.

Epi. 23.

Minthe , hath tane an House (with little pelfe)
As faire, as highly rented: but shee setts
Her fore-roomes out; and backward lies her selfe;
And so she liues vppon the Roomes she lets:
Then, if by lying Back-ward she doth liue,
She ne're goes Back-ward, but she stil doth thriue.

Of the French Fencer that challenged Church the Fencer at all weapons.

Epi. 24.

The fencing-Gaule (in pride and gallant vant,
Challengd the English at the fencing-skill;
The Fencer Church, or the Church Militant,
His Errors soone reproou'd, and knockt him still:
But sith our Church him disciplind so sore,
He (ranck Recusant) comes to Church no more.

Of Galla'es true lying.

Epi. 25.

Galla still sweares she is a maid: but then
If true she swears, she is vnknowne of Men:
But all men know her commonly (it's said)
Then she doth lie, or is their seruing-maid.

Of Caylus his rest in motion.

Epi. 26.

All Motion ceaseth when it hath its end;
(So say Philosophers) Then, how is it
That Caylus louing long old Kate (his friend)
(Loue being a Motion) now in mar*age knit)
Doth beat her euery day: what rest is this?
Why, Rest of Loue, while Hate in Motion is.

Against the freenesse of Franks Loue.

Epi. 27.

How ist that Franke so many doth be foole?
Beare all in hand; and loue protest to all?
Faith her Hearts like her Soule: whole in the whole
And whole in euery part, bee't nere so small:
So, had she hundreds, she might be alone,
Among them One; yet whole to euery One.

Of Caius his loosing his Game by missing to take a Blott.

Epi. 28.

Caius his Loue, came to his Chamber late;
But, hee that grace did not congratulate,
But with too bashfull chat; who, for the same,
(missing to take her Blot) quite lost her Game.

Of Flaccus his two Shadowes to his one body.

Epi. 29.

Flaccus is follow'd with a paire of men,
That (good for nought) do nought but do him ill,
And yet he shaddowes it: what maruell then
One Body should haue two such Shadowes still?

Againe.

Epi. 30.

Flaccus is almost sunke: of that I muse;
Hauing two Bladders which he still doth vse.

Of one that lost a great Stomacke.

Epigram. 31.

Marc swears he'hath lost his Stomack; then if one
that's poore hath found it, he is quite vndon.

Of old Lixus his young choyce.

Epi. 32.

Lixus the weake old Dotherd married late,
a Maid, whom friends enforced to that match
So she, perforce, made him her wedded Mate,
But he, sans force, doth marriage Rites dispatch.

Of Maurus his Orpheus-like melody.

Epi. 33.

Maurus , last morne, at's Mistris window plaid
An Hunts-vp on his Lute: But she (it's said)
Threw Stones at him: So, he, like Orpheus, there,
Made Stones come flying, his sweet notes to heare.

Of Womens Maskes.

Epi. 34.

It seems that Masks do Women much disgrace,
Sith when they weare them they doe hide their face.

Of their Mantles.

Epi. 35.

I muse that Mantles, which were made to hide,
Should but discouer Uanity and Pride.

Of the Precedency of Lawyers or Phisitions.

Epi. 36.

Oft Lawyers and Phisitions striue for place;
But well ye wot the Fellons go before
The Hangman to the Gallowes: Then the case
Is cleare; the Lawyer should go first therefore.

Of Crispus mistaking things.

Epi. 37.

Crispus tooke Phryna vp ere downe shee was,
He takes things ill: it's not alone her Case.

Of old Linus his young seruice to Women.

Epi. 39.

Old Linus brags, hee's such a womans man,
As neuer yet was tir'de in seruing them:
The old Slaue lies: for aske his young Maid Nan,
And she will sweare (and yet doth not blaspheme)
Hee's like a leaden Tuck, at Foynes, or Blowes,
Whose Pomt & Pommel streight together goes.
Then what a shamelesse beast is this to vant
Of that foule sin which he, in Deed, doth want.

Of Glaucus his mirth and madnes.

Epi. 40.

Glaucus , his mirth doth cheere, his rage doth teare,
And so by both he gets both loue and feare:
Then he (like Cheese) doth help (when he's at best)
Digestion well; himselfe hard to digest.

Of Dauus his selling his great horse, for a small fault.

Epi. 41.

Dauus hath sold his Steed for starting back
At sight of Armor, or the sound of Drum.
I muse he sold him then, that knew his knacke:
And bought him backward still, to fight to come:
But comming on so, late, his Lord lay vnder,
Then though a Iade a Iade sold 'tis no wonder.

Of Fuluiaes feather.

Epi. 42.

Fuluia still in her haire a feather weares:
So, still the lighter farre, the heauier beares.

Of Wolfangus his great Nose and thin beard.

Epi. 42.

I muse Wolfangus Beard so thinly growes;
Yet 'tis no maruell hauing such a Nose:
For being huge, it yeelds such shade and breath,
That nought can prosper growing vnderneath.

Of one called Hoopes, his late embailment from Newgate for filching.

Epi. 43.

One Hoopes, for filching, late being in the Iayl
Two greazye Guts, ere tryall, were his Bayle:
So out is he, and they are in for him,
Where now they fret while they in swet do swim:
But Ile be bound the ile neuer close their loops,
If such great Barrells get no better Hoopes.

To the most fortunate M. Robert Rooke, who married a most faire and vertuous wife.

Epi. 44.

Rooke thou art treble blessed in thy fate,
That without check, giues Beauties Queen the Mate.

Of Ianus the Iustice, his imprisoning Angels comming from the hands of sinners.

Epi. 45.

Ianus (they say) the Iustice, lately had
Some Angels for a Bribe: But damned he,
That put such Creatures (that our hearts do glad)
Into the hands of Iustice, for a Fee!

Against Libiduis common protestations to his Dabbe.

Epi. 46.

Sweet-lipt Libiduis to his whore doth sweare,
He loues her as his Soule: But better 'twere
He lou'd her as his Body; for, he doth
Please that with whatsoere likes Taile or Tooth,
As for his Soule, I thinke he truely sweares,
for he cares least for that, as well appeares.

Of Sir Grobolus his valiant Stomacke.

Epi. 47.

Chiron the Centaure young Achilles fed,
With Bloud & Lions marrow (meat, & drinke)
To make his Stomack great; Then so was bred
Sir Grobolus the greazie Guts, I thinke,
Whose stomack is so great (where his good wil is)
That at the Trencher, hee puts downe Achilles.

Honor, is Uertues Shadow.

Epi. 48.

If Uertue make not Lords as well as Birth,
The Stiles but Honors Stampe vpon base Earth.

Againe,

Epigram. 49.

Yet some base Lords are Nobles (right) of blood
but, if they were right gold, they were as good.

Of the prodigall begger Plasmus his great charity.

Epi. 50.

Plasmus , is vtterly vndone by play,
And for his liuing, now, doth fast and pray:
But though he fast and pray thus, still he breeds,
A Multitude, which, with his flesh he feeds.

Against Plutus his being penny-wise and pound foolish.

Epi. 51.

Plutus doth giue him that his horses breaks
Full fifty pounds a yeare: But to him giues
That breaks his Sonnes but fiue, with fifty Gleeks:
Thus his Sons breaker breaketh while he grieues:
So, Plutus Beast's well broken: but his Child
Will (like a Beast vnbroken) still be wilde.

Against the iniudicious deprauers of men of Art.

Epi. 52.

Some empty heads, with too ful enuious hearts,
Depraue what comes frō heads stil full of Arts:
So, those obscuring Clouds with black reproches,
Thunder against bright Art like empty Coaches.

A Couplet or two fastned to Sir Io: Harrington his Epigramme, to doe his Ladies Knight, Yeomans Seruice.

Epigram. 53.

Against wiues that will not worship Baal.

Epigram. 54.

Baal the Hebrue Word doth signifie
Husband & Lord (as Linguists haue vs taught)
But many wiues (t'avoide Idolatry)
Refuse to worship Baal; yet are naught!

How bad Husbands recompence a good House-wife.

Epigram. 55.

A good wife's (like a Snaile) nere out of doore
(Except her Head) to shun, and let abuse:
That makes bad husbands goe abroad the more
To horne their wiues (poore Snales) for keeping house

A good Wife should be vnlike the Moone.

Epigram. 66.

A good-wife should vnlike the Moone appeare,
(Which most appeares whē most she's from the Sun)
Not once appere but when her Sun is neere:
But some, like Lunaticks, abroad doe runne,
Most when their Sunnes are furthest from their vewes,
So, multiply the Beames on their Sunnes Browes!

Of Nell that was married to some Thing, her selfe hauing Nothing.

Epigram. 68.

Nell , no Thing hath; which breeds her husband lothing:
Then this he onely knowes, that he knowes nothing.

Of a Wanton Paires marriage in the night.

Epigram. 69.

Claro , for hast, was married in the night:
That was because his wife and he were light.

Of Witty Stophus that married a faire Foole.

Epigram. 70.

Stophus , with his great wit, a foole hath wed;
Strange death the liuing's boūd so to the dead.

Of Spongius, ouerthrowne by the Kings Armes.

Epigram. 60.

The Kings-armes-Tauerne, Spongius brings full low:
No maruell: Kings-armes Subiects ouerthrow.

Against Beastias his filthy Tongue.

Epigram. 61.

Beastias foule Tongue still talkes, and's Taile among,
Which shews more wit & grace then his foule Tongue.

Of some Merchants Wiues coniuring.

Epigram. 62.

Some Merchants Wiues coniure their Maids, in stormes,
With Wands inchanting, working wonders so:
But on their husbands heads some coniure hornes,
By their Familliers stil, with them below!

Against perfum'd fellows.

Epigram, 63.

They that smel least, smel best; which intimates,
They smell like Beasts that smell like Cyuet-cats.

Of the trauelling Eboracian Casus his strange fortune.

Epigram. 64.

Casus , the Eboracian, made aboade,
Two yeares in Palestine, and one at Stoade:
Whose wife, at his returne, he found with Child;
Whereat when she perceau'd him to grow wild
She sai'd he got it; 'tis his owne (she sweares)
But then (if it be true) it well appeares
His Organ of begetting longer is
Than the Turks Arme, that falls far short of this:
Then that must needs be propt vp with a Forke,
That reaches from Ierusalem to Yorke!

Of Friscus his secret iesting with a too earnest Lady.

Epigram. 65.

Friscus in secret, iested with a Lady,
(Which iesting Chaucer far more broadly stiles)
Who, fearing fainting, call'd him Foole and Baby;
But he with iesting plide her all the whiles:
Then, if she call'd him foole, she did not fable:
For, fooles are euer iesting with their Bable.

Of Hipocrites, pretending to haue the Spirits Unction.

Epigram. 66.

The Unction of the Spirit some seeme to haue;
So, seeme they pure whom vices most depraue:
Yet with that Unction sleeke them selues about,
Too like leane Kidneies, onely fat without.

Against selfe-flattery.

Epigram. 67.

That flattery merits most contempt and blame,
Where flatterer, and the flattered is the same.

Of a most Honorable Error.

Epigram. 68.

Caliusius Sabine thought his Learning deepe,
Sith he about him Clarks profound did keepe:
O! that our Nobles would so nobly erre,
They ne're should liue their glory to interre!

Of a Flatterer.

Epigram. 69.

A flatterer (like a Wrastler) stoupeth low
To him he flatters; so, to ouerthrow:
God blesse good Princes from such stoupers; and,
Place such about them as doe vpright stand.

Of a Free-man made too fast.

Epigram. 80.

The whore Lenæa wiues a Knight at last;
So she, being loose, makes this free Knight too fast!

Of no fish call'd Salmon.

Epigram. 81.

A man, call'd Salmon, Siuern bancks dwelt vnder
That his wife Salmons spawn'd then, was no wonder!

Of Curtius open-handednesse.

Epigram. 82.

Curtius , doth vse his money as his slaue;
But better t'were he vs'd it as his Friend:
For, otherwise twill leaue him by his leaue;
So will his friends without leaue, in the end:
Then vse it Curtius as thy slaue; yet so,
That thou make much of it, before it goe.

Of Bestius hate.

Epigram. 73.

Bestius doth hate, not enuy good men: why?
A Beast doth hate, but neuer can enuy.

Against Faustus, the prophane swearing Swaggerer his hate.

Epigram. 74.

Faustus still sweares he lothes the married state:
But it must needs be good which she doth hate.

Against Metra her deafnesse.

Epigram. 75.

When Metra is solicited to Do,
She seemes as if she gaue no Eare thereto;
But (dallying) vseth strange diuerticles
Vntill she heares th' agreements Articles:
And then ioynes issue with the Suters streight,
Who lightly ends the matter with some weight.

Of Cleobulinas darke Discourse.

Epigram. 76.

Cleobulina , speakes by Parrables,
In Riddles (darke) her sence she doth insold:
No Eagles eye (though holpe with Spectacles)
Can see the way her meaning to vnfold:
But aske her for a Gowne, what she will do?
Those words shee'le eccho plainly, She will doo.

What Lawyers are like.

Epi. 92.

Lawyers are like the Tongues of Ballances,
Foes to th' oreweighd with Coyne & Countnances,
Who still encline vnto the weightiest side;
And there while weight remaines, they do abide.

Lawes were better to be like Hunters Toyles, which they be not: Than like Cob-webs, which they be.

Epi. 93.

Like Cob-webs, Lawes still take the little flyes,
When as the Waspe & Hornet scapes with ease
But Hunters Toyles the great Beasts do surprise;
And let the little scape: were Lawes like these,
The great should haue less power the small to hurt
Or, if they did, they should be hamperd fort.

Of the vnbloudy warres of Poets.

Epi. 79.

The Banquet of the Centaures made (it's sed)
The Cups to flye at one anothers head:
And oft such Banquets are with Mars his Mates,
Where Boles let out and take in blood of Pates:
But Poets are more wise and merry men,
That freely drinke and war but with the Pen.

Of Blaynus the Beggers cunning counterfetting.

Epigram. 80.

Blaynus the Begger, and sly Counterfet,
With Birdlime, Meale, & Bloud with ease, doth set
Sores on his Limbes; so, Crusted cunningly,
That Hearts of Steele melt at his misery.
Thus, he being whole doth breake; yea thus breake out,
To moue mens mercy, as he sits without:
But if your Birdlime (Blayne) so take men sitting,
You make Men Dottrells, caught with Counterfetting.

Against Phanus his Modesty.

Epigram. 81.

Phanus , the bashfull Leacher, dares not name
those Parts which to abuse he coūts no shame:
O monstrous modesty! that shames to say
That which to Doe he holds but sport, or play.

Of Fluxus his constant change.

Epigram. 82.

In euery Month eu'n as the Moone doth change;
So Fluxus state a change doth still sustaine;
Now fills, thē falls (with Course vnstaid, as strange)
Like a stronge Felt, soone downe, then vp againe:
Were he starke Lunatick t'would not do so:
Yet like his Braines, his state doth ebbe and flow!

Against Phannius sad lookes, linde with lightnesse.

Epigram. 82.

Phannius , doth sēd his Conscience to the Stews;
Yet vp his Countenance demurely Mewes,
Like an Italians wife: the worse for that;
For so it more deceaues in I know what.

Of Nichus good fortune, being robd.

Epigram. 83.

Copper-nos'd Nichus swears that rob'd he was:
But I suppose the Theefe was but an Asse;
For that he left behinde him, and did lose,
The precioust Thing he had; which was his Nose!

Against Curtezans that colour their whoredome with a catholike pretence.

Epi. 84.

Nais , Lais, & Thais, were not so neere in name
As in their Trade, 3 whores past grace & sham
So whore, whore, whore come not in sound more neere
Then som pure fasters, to that Belly-cheere.

Of a Knight, that did a worke of darkenesse in the Light, and my sight.

Epi. 85.

Of late, I chanc'd to see a Lady, light
(Light I may wel say) from her bright Caroch
Wher hous'd she was; wherin soone went a Knight,
Which I obserued sitting in a Porch.
The Knight gon vp the waiting-maid came down;
And left them in a Chamber next the Street:
The Maide, at doore, conuerst; while (as his owne,
Though nothing lesse) the Knight his Loue doth greet.
“But Loue is blind; & so saw neither louer
that through the glass they might be seen by day:
So in my sight, he did Knights-seruice to her
Against the Window, this light Ladies Stay:
For, sith the Deed was darke, this vertuous Knight,
(With a free spirit) still pusht it into Light.

Of my Selfe.

Epigram. 86.

Cornelius , Gallus, Sappho, Pindarus,
Anacreontes, Alceon, Orpheus,
Propertius, Uirgill, Ouid, Iuuenall
Callimachus, Philotes, Martiall,
Catullus and Tibullus; These haue sung
In seu'rall Straines of Loue and whores among:
Then, haue, I Precedents for what I do
Against o're doing Drabbs that men vndo;
But if the Bridwell Lash them nothing irks,
They will but laugh at these poore paper-Iirks.

Of Frontus his Formosity and Deformity.

Epi. 87.

Frontus , the Gallant, is both faire, and foule;
Which Contradiction, faith can hardly win:
Yet being braue in Body, soild in Soule,
Maks good hee's faire without, and foule within:
And though his Suits be silks of seuerall formes,
He's but inuolud with Excrements of Wormes;
For which he's sued both within, and out;
And so his onely beauty is in Sute.

Of Phormus his gelded Purse.

Epigram. 88.

Phormus , had in his Purse two Rubies (rich)
When with his Turkesse (damned drab) he lay:
To find which Purse & Stones she sought his brich
While he found sport for which he deere did pay:
For, when she found his Purse, she made no Bones
To geld it, 'ere he found it, of the Stones.

Of Rufus his mirry-sory night.

Epigram. 89.

Rvfus hath found a Thousand pound (they say)
In but one merry night; and that in play
Which some call Game: but so much lost, in brief,
Was won in Game, but lost in deadly griefe.

Against the false suruey of one W: Pearch (a foule deformed Lowt) who, with his mathematicall Instrument, measur'd one Kate Acre amisse; yet made it full e're be had done.

Epi. 90.

A Pearch, that wanted mans proportion,
Measur'd an Acre standing, in a Vale:
Who found it full when he the Worke had done;
Yet it refus'd sith false he found the Dale:
Then thus, in Sum; This Pearch, that did forsake her,
Vniustly measured this fullest Acre.

One Kingman dwelt at the signe of the White Horse in Islington; wearing out there 2. leases of 21. yeares a peece: the Landlord, at last, being bid more rent by another, vnkindly vnhorst him when he was least able to goe on foote. A lirke for that.

Epi. 91.

The White-horse (Kingman) like a beastly friend
Bare thee so long in this lifes Pilgrimage,
That he hath brought thee neere thy Iorneies end;
But left thee there to creepe the rest through age:
Twice twenty yeares and two, thou him didst tire,
Which like a lade now leaues thee nere the Mire:
But, did the Horse or Hirer leaue thee there?
Faith both; for, both now Iades (at least) appeare.

Of the Nose-wise Leacher, Uolgus.

Epigram. 92.

It's said the Vulture hath a smell so quick
That any Carcase (dead) where euer hid,
Hee'l soone find out: Then, Volgus hath this Trick:
For, he'l find out a Rig (though ouer rid,
And rotten ripe) where euer hid she bee;
Then, he's a Vulture at his Leachery.

Of Deere-stealing.

Epigram. 93.

Some Colts (wild younsters) that nere broken were
Hold it a doughty deed to steale a Deere:
If cleanly they come off, they feast anon;
And say their Prey is good fat Venison:
If otherwise, by them it doth appeare
That that which they haue stollen then, is Deare!

Of Fidlers cheape good cheare.

Epigram. 94.

Fidlers still fill their Eares with cheapest Notes;
And fill their Bellyes seld, at their owne Cost:
That makes the Wag-strings haue such greedy throts
Whē they (shotfree) do feed on sod & rost:
For when they come to that, to them its Nuts
To stretch their great, & grate their smaller Guts.

Of poore Cynna the precisians deadly hatred of the Crosse.

Epigram. 95.

Cynna , is pure, and scornes, nay hates the Crosse;
Yea, lothes his Front sith at the Font it tooke it:
And saith, it is the Soules eternall Losse
To marke but with it: so, he cannot brooke it:
I wot not Cynna why you it dispise
Vnlesse that Crosses be your enemies.

Of Ladies silke-stocks emboss'd vpon the Tops, and Seames with gold.

Epigram. 96.

Ladies , ist not enough Silke-stocks to weare,
But they on Seames, and Tops must be embost,
With gold, or siluer, though it ne're appeare?
Nere? That were hard, & all that Charge were lost.
Who knowes not, beauty still vnseene, is vayne
As is our brauery? but, who brauest be;
Or fair'st, desire to haue it seene, to gaine
Some notice or respect; then, surely, she
That weares such Stocks, her knees discloseth oft,
That some may see the Charge that is a loft.

Of two Gallants that agreed to fight, went out, were hurt, and return'd without bleeding

Epigram. 97.

Two Gallants needs would fight; Sword, Time, & Place,
Appointed were, & all agreed vpon:
Then both rode out, and ran a Wild-goose-chase;
But both mistooke the place: so, both, alone,
Returnd againe, both swearing they were there;
True: there where both were hurt a like with feare:
Then sith their fearefull hurts so equall were;
Let them shake hands to heale their hurts of Feare.

Of Iuliaes bookishnesse.

Epigram. 98.

Iulia , is Bookish; and, doth study still
To fashion Natures fauoures to her will:
Her Mirrour is her Booke, her time to passe;
And so she euer studies on her Glasse.

Of Zenius his taking Tobacco with a whiffe.

Epigram. 99.

Zenius stil takes Tobacco, with a Whiff;
Which (so) doth make him drunk, that, whē he speaks,
His Tongue doth faulter in his Mouth, as if
He parting were: yet, when to part he seeks,
He falls; so, cannot part: and, so, he dies
In Shew at least, but yet, in Deed, he lies!

Of the small respect had of learned men in generall.

Epigram. 100.

Caligula , enuying the bright fames
Of Homer, Uirgill, and graue Liuius,
Or'ethrew their statuaes, to or'ethrow their Names
But would these times had none more barbarous,
For, in this age, Caligulaes we find
That let them starue, that shine in either kind.

Of Blanius losing his Game by ouer-shooting.

Epigram. 101.

Blanius , they say, doth kisse his Dayrie Maide,
For which meere fame he hath already paid
Fees in the Consistory: but since (saith Fame)
He hath kist her home, and shot beyond his ayme:
For, fith the Maide, by him, with Child is got,
A full Shafts length he hath himselfe or'eshot.

Of one that would haue an Epitaph to ermoue the King in a Suite.

Epigram. 102.

One searse like One, came to me when I was
Extremely busie in mine idlenesse,
Beseeching me to help him in a Case
Of too ill hap, which he did worse expresse.
He said he had Petitioned the King
For help therein; who gratiously did grant it;
But for (poore man) it lack't remembring,
He (sighing) said; that he as yet, did want it.
Therefore (with killing words, vrg'd mortally)
An Epitaph he begg'd as t'were for Bread)
To moue the King, God blesse him man (quoth I)
Amen (quoth he) but this will strike it dead.
Then thus (the best I could) I made him one:
Here lies a Suite that lately was a foote;
Yet weakly passed (wel-neere all alone)
Unto a Royal Hand that strength put too't,
But falling from that warme Hand caught such cold,
That it (alas) dide sooner than it should:
So, if that sacred high Hand raise it not,
The Suitor with the Suit below must rot.
Then all good People that in Court are mute,
Pray for the rising of this simple Sute.

Of Curius and Phrynees careles dancing.

Epig. 103.

Curius , doth carelesly the Measures tread;
and Phryne, dancing with him, like doth moue
But while they doo't the ioyneth head to head,
And moues her to the measure of his loue:
So, in a dance, when Phryn' with Curius meets,
She's won to dance The shaking of the sheets.

How Dol's a Drab and yet no Curtezan.

Epi. 104.

A Punck's call'd Courtesan of courtesie:
Then Doll's a Drab and yet no Courtezan:
For with her friends she deales most cruelly,
And in Loues skyrmish spoyleth many a man:
Yet is she kind and courteous where she takes,
And plaies with them, But seld' they saue their Stakes.

Against Lucar the Lawyers damning an innocent Fee to hell.

Epi. 105.

Lvcar , the Lawyer tooke a Fiue-pound Fee,
Of one whose Cause was finally at hearing,
Whereof he heard: but it did heare nor see:
The Client, wrongd came after to him, swearing
He should restore his Fee: quoth he, not so:
In Hell is no Redemption, as you know:
But, Lucar, if your Purse and Conscience bee
Your Hell: from thence the wise wil keep their Fee.

Of Stasicrates his great offer to great Alexander.

Epi. 106.

Stasicrates (an Architect) of yore,
To Alexander came, and fault did finde
With all his Statuaes; saying they were poore,
And too too small for one of so great mind.
But I (quoth he, if you thereto agree)
Of Athoes Mount will make your Statua;
The Feet whereof shall reach vnto the Sea:
And both Hands hold the pride of Thracia.
The right shall hold the hugest Citty there,
Along the left-hand-Palme (as it were sweat)
Shall run her fairest Riuer, which doth beare
The royal'st Ships: These Greats are like thee, great
These will be sempiternall, worthy thee:
But, vading thinges thy glory will deceiue:
All other Artists are but Shades to me;
On Earth alone I endlesse glory giue:
But, with one drop of inck, some Poets Pen
Can make him longer liue, a God, with Men!

Against Cornius the witti{s} Common Cornuter,

Epigram. 107.

The Stoicks held, it's better be a foole
In humane shape; then to be ne're so wise
In brutish Forme: but, Cornius hates their schoole:
For, hee's a Man-beast in his Luxuries:
Yet is his Bash, of Braines, exceeding full;
But, makes himselfe (damn'd Beast) a common Bull!

Against the Prodigall Brutes excessiue riotousnesse.

Epigram. 108.

VVhen Brute (the Waster) to accompt must come
For his Expences, at the day of doome;
Inprimis (he must say) for Phesant-Poults,
For Fidlers, Singers, Plaiers, Buffoxs, Dolts,
For rich Perfumes, Confections, Suger, Sack,
For Fashions, & New-fangles for the Back;
For Hankes, for Hounds, for Trulls, and such like Toies,
For Suppers still, to still but roring Boyes;
For Cards and Dice, and what by them was lost
By Cheaters Craft, and such-like other cost:
Which seu'rall Items, hauing surely Summes
Tide, with a dismall Black-line, to their Bummes:
Making the totall, thousands to surmount
Twenty times doubled: how will this account
Passe with the Iudge whose doome is strict & pure?
Faith, then these Items, Ite will procure:
But this Quietus est, will little boote,
Sith this cold Reckoning hath a burning Foote.

Of Cælestines performing Lycurgus his Law.

Epig. 109.

Licurgus made a Law, (which youth approues)
That if an old man, cold in loues desire,
Had matcht a wife as young as youngest Loues,
She might a young-man choose to get his Heyre.
Then English Cælestine this Law obserues:
Who wiuing late an old man, she doth take
A lusty youth (his man) that for him serues
To keepe a coyle; so, saues his Maisters Stake:

Whether meat or drinke be most desired or may bee best foreborne.

Epi. 110.

Whether we meate or drinke may best forbeare
some make a doubt although the case be cleer,
For some, through age, do loose their eating quite;
But to the last, theyle drinke with rare delight:
Many their mawes to meat by sicknesse lose;
But, drinke is euer meat and drinke to those:
And as Lifes latest refuge is the Heart,
So drink's the harts; which drinks, & then doth part
This makes so many health it, as they doe,
Till they be heart-sicke; and then drinke they too:
So drinke is theirs in Sicknesse and in Health,
And loue, like Man and Wife in wo, and wealth:
But (Healthers) though this health stil like you so,
Yet do but kisse it and so let it go.

Of my selfe.

Epi. 111.

Somtimes a man, with wealth and wit endow'd,
Offerd his Soueraigne largely, but for this;
That in his eare he might bee, oft, allow'd
In sight, to say, God speed, with voyce submisse:
But (Lord!) were I in this mans coat or case,
I scarce should saue my selfe with so much grace.

Against Drunkards.

Epi. 112.

A man (they say) surmounts all Creatures far,
Yet Dogs, than some men, are more regular:
For after-noone they goe alone from feasts:
But some men cannot; they are worse than beasts.

The quality of diuers Nations.

Epi. 113.

The Portugall both seemes and is a foole:
The Spaniard's not too wise; yet seems not so:
The French seemes fond but learnes in wisedomes: schoole,
The English wise; but it he cannot shew:
Th' Italian wise each way (the World doth wot)
And so the Douch would be, but for the Pot.

Against the fantasticall Attire that many Ladies weare now a daies.

Epi. 114.

If Ladies Maners with their Gands agree;
Then they Seeme such, they would not seeme to Bee;
But if they would not Bee as th' are in sight,
Let them not weare what makes them seeme so light

Of the strange dareing of yong gallants of these familiar times.

Epi. 115.

Vertumnus was a God the Romans seru'd,
That gouernd Mindes & could all shapes assume;
Oh! if that Quality were yet reseru'd
For some audacious Lads that would presume:
What Ladies Locks, nay what Queenes Clossets shold
Be left vnlockt the Wags would be so bold!

Of Dawlus his vnkind kindnesse.

Epi. 116.

Crowes will not feed their yong til 9. daies old,
Because their vnkind colour makes thē doubt
Them to be theirs; which makes thē to with-hold
Their helpe, till Time the truth by proofe brings out,
If Dawlus then were witty as a Daw,
Hauing a Child so farre vnlike him selfe,
He would from him his helping-hand with-draw,
And let th' vndoubted father keepe the Elfe:
But (Nat'rall) he, is kinder than a Crow,
To keepe the Brat, whose Sire he doth not know.

Against D. Tangus his swelling phisick.

Epi. 117.

Tangus , the Phisick-doctor, loues a VVhoore
Better then giuing phisick to the poore.
He hath the arte of Bawdry better farre
Than Phisick: yet, in both doth make and Marre:
He makes a Maide a VVhoore; so, mares her quite:
And makes a sound man sick, or dead out-right.
What Virgin can resist, when he doth boast
He can restore her Mayden head, if lost:
VVhich at her marriage shalbe found as strict
As any Girles that Loue did ne're aflict.
When he doth promise, by a phisick-feate,
To let the Wombe & Pappes from growing great.
To giue her Vnguents and Complexions store
To make her Beauties rare Reflexions more:
To keepe her Body still, in healthfull state;
And make her mirry in despight of Fats.
VVhich hauing VVill to promise, Skill, to do;
VVhat VVench can choose but loue & please him too?
Tangus, your Arte your Nature truly hits.
That helpes or hinders Loues stil-burning sits.
But take heed (Tangus) how you empty still
The VVombes which you with working-phisick fill,
Least some repentant wench which vsde you haue
Say at her end you vsde her like a Knaue:
Then, let mee thee admonish (without stripes)
Giue no more Phisick with such Glister-pipes.

Of the Phisitions meanes and opportunity to be baudy.

Epi. 118.

No Craft, like that of Phisick, hath such times,
For baudy-matches, & such carnall crimes:
No houses are so close, nor walls so strong,
No Prisons nor no Monastries, among,
Which may or can the Emperick shut out:
Nay, more, he maketh iealous husbands pout:
For, sole he must be with their Loue sicke wiues,
To minister what they loue as their liues.
Eudemus so did Phisicke Liuia, (sicke)
And Uectius Valentinus did the like
To Messalina: So, they nere do faile
Of time to giue close Phisicke at the ( )

Of Leuis his Colours.

Epi. 119.

Leuis goes al in coluors, light, as bright;
And stalkes, speaks bigge: so that a man would sweare
That he some Peacock were at the first sight:
For, he more colours hath, and much more deare:
Yet he no colour hath, or small (at most)
To keepe a Lords wife at the Bare ones cost.

Of Curius his courage neuer cooled.

Epi. 120.

By Conquest Proculus, the Emperour,
Took, of Sarmatiam Maids, an hundred, which
In fifteene dayes and nights he did deflowre;
But, Herc'les in a night did hafe as much.
And Theophrastus tells in India growes
An Hearb so rare, whereof when one hath eaten,
He threescore times and ten, at once, did close,
In the Venetian fight; yet scapt vnbeaten.
Well; these are Prodigies, and are beleeu'd
No further than their tellers credit goes:
But Curius sweares he ne're was yet depriu'd
Of force for that: so, all his time bestowes
In Venus seruice; But, at last, some knocks
He needs must haue; els scapes well with a Poxe.

Against Glossus immoderate desire of glory.

Epi. 121.

Glossus will doe no good without you praise him,
So, in his goodnes stil vaineglory stayes him:
Like a full pierced vessell in his bent,
That will not run vnlesse you giue it vent.

Of false Prophets.

122.

If Prophets were deriu'd of profitting,
Then Lawyers Prophets be, still Prophesying.

Of couetons Patrons.

Epi. 123.

Patrons are Latrons: then, by this,
Th' are worst of greedy People:
Whose Cognizance a Wolfes-head is;
And in his Mouth a Steeple.

Of Fluscus the proud Miser, and his more proud and miserable wifes making their Tombe before their death.

Epig. 124.

Fluscus , & his grim wife their Tomb haue made
Before their death; and in the Church it pight;
As some do make a Deaths-head and a Spade
To mortifie them with that mortall sight:
Yet These are humble made by This they make;
But Those do make That only for Prides sake:
Then how their thoughts should there entombed be,
Yet here liue proud and harde, I hardly see.

Againe.

Epi. 125.

To make that which bereaues vaine Pride of breath,
Prides life in life, is pride in life and death.

Of Caylus getting by giuing ground to his enemies.

Epi. 126.

Caylus , doth thriue in giuing ground t'his foes;
So he in going backward, foreward goes:
Much like a Wyer-drawer, who hath the knack,
To draw the more, the more he draweth backe.

How a Man more then Woman is shrewd.

Epigram. 127.

A false speech, Custome hath for true, alow'd
In calling curst Wiues shrewed: when in truth,
The Husbands of such wiues are truely shrew'd;
For, of th' ensuing Sayings, it ensuth:
Who gets a Wife (we say) he wiued is;
Or, if apparrell; hee's apparrelled:
If Riches; hee's enritched: So, by this,
When he hath got a Shrew, he is Shrewed,
For, names of Sheepe or Shrews all woemen keep;
Then men are Shrew'd whose womē ar not Sheep.

That which is farre fetcht and deere bought is good for Ladies.

Epi. 128.

My Lady calls for Wine; yet ere shee drinkes,
She curiously demands what cost the Tun?
If it be said Ten-pound; she from it shrinkes;
And, mewing sayes shee'le none: But, let it run
Into another Bowle; then, bring it her,
And say it cost much more; shee drinks it straight,
And sweares it's much more delicate, than deere:
So, wine she measures by the prices weight;
This is a feauer of the Minde; then, she
Should still, be kept from drink; so, cur'de to be.

Of my venturing in the Lottery.

Epigram. 129.

I long'd to venture in the Lottery
An Angell; but was loth to part with that:
Did I both long, and loath? yes, that did I;
Long for a Prize, yet loath to be laught at.
But yet I ventur'd; and for that I haue
That which I had; No hope my selfe to saue.
If what I had I haue, I'me as I was:
True: for I am, and was for this, an Asse.

My Rimes that ran before my reason into the Lottery.

Epi. 130.

Crownes are inestimable: yet if I
With halfe one get 4000. Crownes I lye:
Yet that this lying Sin I should eschue;
Fortune (I find) hath made me speak too true.

Of Leuis his heauines and lightnes.

Epigram. 131.

Leuis , is light and heauy both at once;
Strange Paradox! for, he is euer drunke:
And therefore drinkes he freely (for the nonce)
Vntill he other sinkes, or quite is sunke:
And then (as Drunkard know) himselfe he feeles
Light in the Head and heauy in the Heeles.

Against those that taxe this present Age for blind ignorance, sith it sees not how to commend their pretended knowledge.

Epi. 132.

To taxe the Age wherein we liue for want
Of Learning, Wit, or Grace, is but to vant
Our priuate glory in the Ages shame:
Which is (alas!) too deerely purcha'st Fame:
Sith hee that seeks to rise by all mens fall,
His fame is, like himselfe, still loth'd of all:
For, be it that most men, (meere lead) doe sincke
Ore-head, that seeke to swim in learned Inke;
And, quite are drown'd when they do seek to gage
The ground of Arts full Sea, that swells with rage
Of heauenly Windes high raptures: yet there bee
Some, that with diuing, can the bottome see;
And each least thing that in it mooues or lyes,
Sith, skilfully, they diue with open eyes.
Now, if this Some be not the greater heape
Of men: t'was so when Learning was most cheape:
Men of all Ages were none otherwise;
Fooles still surpast the number of the wise.
Then, let this Age that (on the Brow of Time)
Sees writ the former best of Prose and Rime;
And well can adde (as former Times haue done)
To all Arts that were formerly begun,
With heauy Taxes not be so opprest;
“The Bird's too bad that fileth her owne Neast.

Againe.

Epigram. 133.

The Wits (though wilde in this) haue now a Straine
VVhen they applaud each others versing Veine
To say, they write three Ages, if not more,
From being well conceiu'd. Lord! this lies sore
Vpon the Stomack of the present Age
VVhich saith; It knowes such Poets write in rage
VVhich still blinds Reason; so, they maddly write:
Then would they haue the Age, but at first sight,
So mad to know that Language; which (perchāce)
Themselues, in that, must oft plead ignorance
VVere they examined throughly to the quick?
God shield the Age should be so Lunatick:
As all Arts grow with Age; so, Wit hath growth:
Then, th' Age wants no Discretion, but the Youth.

Epigram. 134.

Great Alexander, Aristotle Will'd
To end his Booke, of Beasts, which he begā;
For which his paines he so his Cofers fill'd
As might suffize to make a Beast a Man!
It was eight hundred Talents mounting to
Foure hundred, foure score, thousand Crowns (at least)
And all for writing but of Beasts; which do
Make men no wiser than to know a Beast.
But though some moderne VVriters write of Men
And of their better Parts (the Soule and Minde)
Yet of our moderne Keysars (now, and then)
They get a Gird (perhaps) or els but Winde:
Belike to saue their Arte they guird them so;
And giue no vent, lest it abrode should slow.

Of the vnutterable idlenesse of our She-gallants (vngentle-gentlewomen) of these times.

Epigram. 135.

Against the no lesse vaine discourses of our as idle He-Gallants.

Epigram. 136.

Bvt do vaine Women herein onely sinne?
I would they did for Mens sakes; but (alas!)
It is too true that Men offend herein
No lesse than Women: for, each golden Asse,
Or gaudy Cocks-cembe whole Meal-times engrose
In talke of Plaies (that's now a Common-place)
And Censuring of Plaiers; which is drosse
Of Wit; and thus they question, too, the Case.
What Quarrells (stil'd the Bysnesse) now depend?
Anh who about the same haue crost the Seas?
Who seconds are, and who besids intend
The like? and when we shall heare more of these?
Who must call such and such t'accompt? for what?
Nay, that's no matter, sith there's notice tane
Now of that Bissnesse, (so, ingag'd by That)
For, sowre lookes past in Powls or Milford-lane.
Who are behind hand for the Foole or Lye?
Who for a smarting iest, or bruizing knock?
Who for a Sta{ke} miss-taken on the Bye?
Who for a {wryh}ooke, or directer mock?
Who do our London fine-Wiues Husbands horne?
What Punks are extant? where they may be found?
What Feather's best? what Colour most is worne?
What Gallants flote? and which are now a Ground?
What Fashion's in request? what Tailors go
Oftest to France for new? Who makes a Hose,
Or Doublet best? who steales most stuff? and who
By Taylors Bills and filchings most do lose?
Who's most fantastick? and who weares his Weeds
After the newest Garbe? what Lords we haue
Like, or vnlike themselues? who are but Weeds?
And who but empty heads held high and braue?
Whose Hawk slew best? what hoūd most glory wō?
What Matches, late, wer bowld? by whō, & where?
What rule was at the Race? what Race was run?
Who won or lost at either; here, or there?
How many Train-sents run were in a Day?
What Lords were at them? whose Horse got the Bell?
Who most did brag? and who most Bets did Lay?
Who odds did giue? who giue, and take aswell?
These are the Common-places which they vse
That be our brightest Gallants, in discourse;
And oft among Relate they flying Newes
(How euer false) which is as bad, or worse.
Then, our She-gallants, foolish with excesse,
Still come beneath like Hees for foolishnesse!

The Miseries of Marriage.

Epigram. 137.

Continuall Care; tormenting Ielousie;
Domestick Iarrs; vnbraidings with the Dowr
Comparisons of eithers liberty;
The doubtfull end of Children; lookes too sow'r;
Wiues Parents powrings; strang heires; death of right;
Traitor & Theef, in Bozome, house, & Bed;
These miseries on most men married, light;
Yet thinke they liue no life till they are Wed:
Its true indeed, they liue no life till then;
That is; they liue no life of wretch men.

Of Manes his obsession.

Epigram. 138.

Er'e he was married, Manes saith that he
Was tempted by the Deuill; but, ere since,
The Deuill hath him in sate-Custody
Whose fell tormentings passe his patience:
Then better tempted still, than so to marry;
Yet some had rather damned be than tarry.

On the death of Henry the fourth French King murdered.

Epigram. 139.

Though Kings are Gods, yet shal they die like men:
(What shalbe, shalbe) but, most christian Kings
Haue dide like Beasts; nay, like Beasts most vnclean,
Sought but for slaughter, like pernitious Things!
Two Henries, Kings, most Christiē Kings of France,
(Now drown'd in their own bloud) this truth defend;
And though the last had eu'n predominance
Of Fates and Men, yet both haue wrought his end.
Once dryv'n to Diepe, by Fate (in deepe distresse)
He was; and thence by Fate brought back againe.
Warre making way) to reigne in quietnesse:
So, when he fled, his Fates bid Neptune reigne,
His Flight, that so he might both liue and die
In Purple; fatall, to French-Maiesty!

Of the force of Beauty, ioyn'd with pompe, and Maiesty.

Epi. 140.

Marcus Antonius (as Plutarch shoes)
Commanding Cleopatra to appeare
Before him (sith she succored his foes)
She came in pompe (as one that had no Peere)
Along the Riuer Cydnus in a Gallion,
The Poope whereof was all of masty Gold;
And vnderneath the like most rich Pauillion
She lay her selfe, more rich a thousand fold.
Surrounded with sweet Singers; and, with all,
The heau'nlist Instruments that Songs could grace;
Her Seruants clad in Robes maiesticall
Brodred with Pearle, t'wixt richest Golden-lace,
Thus came she gliding, on the Siluer Streame,
Forced with siluer Oares, and silken Sailes;
(Crowned her selfe with deerest Diadem)
Towards Anthony; with whom she so preuailes
That she Captiu'd him, being Conquerour;
For, she on Beauties Priuiledge did stand
(Consorted with this Wealth, Port, Pompe & Pow'r)
That She Commands him, that did her Command.
But though she made this Pagan much transgesse;
Some Saints in shew, do oft much worse with lesse!

Against Marcus his insatiablenesse, and basenesse in his leachery.

Epi. 141.

So deerely did Darius still esteeme
Of his night-pleasures, that his Bed was spred
Like a Pauillion; ouer which did seeme
A Vine to grow, all Gold enamelled!
Which as an Arbour, did the Bed inuolue;
The Grapes whereof were Pearl as big as Plumbes;
Whose price was more than Algrim can resolue;
His Pillowes value worth vnualued Summes!
Yet Marc had rather lie with's Drab (thogh sūck)
In Straw, than in this State, without his Punck.

Of making Aurum potabile.

Epi. 142.

Lapis Phylosophorum, nor (as yet)
Quinta-essentia could e're well be made:
But Aurumpot-abile (being wet)
Many drie Wags do make; and then doth vade;
For, in proiecting Tauernes (night, and day)
Gold oft to liquer runnes, to run away.

Of Florus his holsome Tongue.

Epi. 143.

Florus , did once affect the name of Man;
And then he fought a Virgin-fray; since when
Hee hath fresh-ayr'd it so, with his Tongues Fan,
That it is now as fresh as it was then.
But since that priuat fights so fatall grew,
That one, or both must die, or lye by it;
(As Hell and vengance) he doth such eschue;
And, on his Manhoods old-Store, liues by Wit.
But yet his Tongue is potent, full of spight,
That all Affections (tame or wild) commands;
And therein now consists his greatest might:
So, hath his Tongue the valour of his blands:
A good and gratious Tongue hath Florus then,
Sith it will rather make, than marr good-men.

On the gaging of Fumus his Iewell by his man.

Epigram. 144.

Fvmus , looks vp his wife, as is the guize
Of the Italian; and, doth put a Lock
Vpon her Iewell; sith he deere doth prize
What, being abused, base doth make his Stock:
But his Mans Key still opes it, who can do well;
So, opes the Lock to gage his Masters Iewell.

On Light bright Lucilla her white going.

Epigram. 145.

Lvcilla , lightly all in white doth goe,
To lay her Chastity a whiting so.

Of one speaking ill of me before many.

Epig. 149.

One, before many, spake but ill of mee.
Yet rather I had one spake ill (alone)
Of mee, to many, that indifferent be,
Then many so should speake, before but One.

On Fugus his cooling his flaming fury with discretion.

Epi.. 150.

That Fugus, in a Duell, hotly fought,
Is no great wonder, being so well wrought
By his too busie foe: but, that he flew
(Without wings) from the field, is scarsely true:
It was no flight from fighting with his foe;
He did but walke to coole his fury so.

That the men of these new times, are much wiser then those of the old.

Epi. 151.

In old time, men were much less wise than now;
For, but with good they then could hinder ill:
But now, men (wiser growne) doe well know how
To let one Mischiefe with another still.

From more great, then good men, good Lord deliuer me.

Epigram. 152.

Of our great-men Ile speake nor good nor bad,
For, speak I good, thats' more than wel I know
If ill I speake; perchange I may be made
To rue it; Then, go by Ieronimo.

How Fortune fauourd ill fauour'd Marcus,

Epigram. 153.

As Marc beneath his Maiesties Window past,
She spitting out, by chance, it trickt him trym:
When, had she seen his lookes, she would haue cast
They were so foule: so, Fortune fauour'd him!

Dicers are worse than Userers: and why.

Epigram. 154.

Dicers are worse than Vserers: for, these
But ten get with an hundred: Dicers cast
An hundred in with ten: But some do leese
Thousands to One: whose Bones make Dice at last!

Where Rollus his late rich widow (now his proud wifes) eares grew.

Epigram, 155.

Rollus a Widow woo'd; but, t'would not be;
She still held out, to keepe him lowly in:
Then downe at last he fell vpon his knee
For grace vniting, which he (so) did win:
So then, he well perceau'd, (which now he feeles)
His haughty Widdowes Eares were at her Heeles!

Beares baited loose is, the worst of loose sports: and why.

Epigram.

I like not (of loose sports) Beare baitings play;
Sith Beares, broke loose, teach men to run away.

On Parnus, Borrowing and Paying.

Epigram.

Parnus (in debt) workes out the Saboth day:
So owes, and borrowes of the Lord, to pay.

On much-promising hopefull (yet vnhelpfull Lords,

Epigram.

Lords , promise soone; but, to performe, are long;
Then, would their Purse-stringes tyd were to their Tongue.

On Cosmus great want in great wealth and wasting in sparing.

Epigram.

There needs no Cesterne where a Fountaine is;
Yet Cosmus hoords vp wealth, although hee knows
No end therof: so much the worse for this:
For, though his Fount, & Cesterne still or'eflowes,
Nought runs to wast: yet all he wasts, with scath,
That he pounds vp, who wanteth what he hath!

Iests, and iibing Answeares.

Epigram. 97.

A mastife, in a Frosty morn did, run
At witty gamesome Gallus; but he bowd
Some stones to take, but (frozen) tooke vp none:
Then (being Crost) thus Gallus curst alow'd;
Pox on't (quoth he) while that dog tare his hose,
Where Stones are tyde, and Ban-dogs be so loose.

Of one that refused to lend friend 20. nobles, when he sent to him for it with, and without a sure Token.

Epigram. 157.

A gamster borrow'd fiue pound of a Friend;
which lost, he sent to him for fiue pound more
By'th' Token he fiue pounds before did lend:
But he refused vtterly; and swore
That not a Mite, of him should more begotten
Vntill he truely had receau'd that Token.

Of a Crook-back that desir'd an vpright Iudge to right his wrong.

Epi. 158.

A crook-back praid a Iudge to right his wrong
Where to the Iudge replid, I would I could:
But (O!) you haue been wrong your selfe so long,
That now I cannot right you, though I would.

Of Luce, and her Leuity.

Epigram. 159.

Of faire light Luce, a Thing was sought, by one:
But she withstood him; and, withall, she said,
Had she a hundred Things she should haue none.
But I haue known (quoth he) since you were Maid
When hauing but one onely Thing in store,
You let an hundred vse the same end more.

Of a Single ey'd Fencer his blind match.

Epigram. 160.

A Fencer, with one Eye, desir'd to play
For th' other: which another would not do;
(As he had reason:) for, though it were day,
He could not stake, and see to play well too.

Of Tullus his disprouing a Tailors Will.

Epigram. 161.

Braue Tullus made a Suite of trym Attire;
For which his Tailor brought him in his Bill
Who therein so did Crosse his due desire,
That he did quite disproue the Taylors Will:
Who, in a fume, thus said, he neuer knew
Any braue Gentile deale so like a Iew!

Of Drusus his guift in reuersion taken too soone in possession.

Epigram. 102.

When I leaue off this Sute which now I weare,
(quoth Drusus to his Man) Ile giue it thee:
But when, at night, he vncasd him (without feare,
Of his Sutes losse) his man, that promis'd Fee,
Soone seis'd vpon; and, wore the same: but, lo,
His Master chast he was so sawcy growne;
And askt him, what he meant to serue him so?
Why Sir (quoth he) I do but weare mine owne:
For, when you left them off, you promis'd me
They should be mine: and so they are you see.

Of the Sacrifice of Lent.

Epi. 163.

A country-parrish (Westward-ho) call'd Lent,
By chance was set on fire, and burnd amayne;
One askd the name thereof, as by he went;
T'was told him Lent: who streight replide againe,
Fridaies and Saturdaies (that make vs wither)
Pray'ye put in too, and burne them altogether.

Against fighting in fashion.

Epi. 164.

If thou wouldst fight in fash'on, now, thou must
Scorne all defence as Valors onely shame;
And come vp close, that Brest to Best may iust,
Vpon no guards, but at the Heart to ame.
This is the fashon'd fight this Time affords,
For (Switzer-like) we fight for (senelesse) spoile:
Then all as good to fight with Kniues as Swords,
Sith all Defence doth but our honor foile!
Then Fencers, wherto serues your fencing-skill
Which you stile Noble science? you (I thinke)
Should, to the Parliament, prefer a Bill
T'repeale this Act of Custome, least it sinck:
For, Custome, and the Deuill, do men perswade
To damne thēselues, by fight, to spoile your trade.

Of mis-reading the lines of Crustus his face.

Epigram. 165.

Crustus , the Roarer, getting in his face
A slash of late, an old friend did embrace
That knew him not till he himselfe bewraide,
Which don; his gamesome friend to him thus said;
“Pardon me, Sir, your faces Lines, by spight,
“So blotted be, I could not read them right.

In Medio consistit Uertus.

Epigram. 166.

A gallant, Courting of a gamesome Maide,
Said; Sweete, Oh let me kisse your Hands and Feet
In signe of humblest loue! Good Sir (she said)
Both those for your sweet Lips are most vnmeete;
But Vertue's in the middst; than, (Vertue) there,
“If you will kisse, you may: if not, forbeare!

Epigram. 167.

Madge once set Hodge to watch when Puddings plaid
That on the fire were seething in a Pan:
Boy, play they now (quoth she?) not yet (he said)
At last they, boyling, brake, and all-out ran.
Lad, play they yet (qd she) quoth he yong (Goose)
They now play all (like Gepsies) vast and loose.
So, chaft, why chaf'st qd she? why, quoth the Elfe?
To zee a Pudding creepe out of himselfe.

Of a Maids light hearing.

Epi. 168.

I haue heard of you, Claius, said a Maide;
O, but (quoth he) recant what you haue saide,
Least you be shent: for, if you heard of me
T'was in a Bawdy-house, where euer be
Those I conuerse with: then if there you heare
Of me, or of mine Actions, it is cleare
You are too blame to hearken for me, so,
Wher Maids ne're come, but Whoores away they go.

Of Caprus his going a Procession.

Epi. 196.

Caprus to pay his wife, in her owne Coyne,
Procession went, to finde a Punke, he got;
Then pay'd his Vowes, and Offrings; so, did ioyne,
But though she were as cold as he was hot;
Yet, in pure zeale, she sacrifis'd the Oxe
In Uenus seruice, with her Tinder-box.

Of Quacus, his cooling his heate with Whey.

Epigram. 170.

Quacus , drinks nought but Whay, himselfe to coole,
Yet loues a Drab, as nought by Wine, he drunk
So, with his Bable, still he plares the Foole,
To make his wife, to weepe, to laugh, his Puncke;
But, were I her; I would not foole it too,
To weepe, but laugh; yet, for him, euer Doo.

Epigram. 177.

A Wife, whose Husband lay a Bed diseas'd,
Went with his Water (scarse conceal'd from
To seeke for help, or how he might be eas'd, (vew)
And meeting with another wife she knew,
Who with her there did then expostulate,
About what then she bare, and how she far'd:
Who told her straight, it was her Husbands State;
And went for help for paine about his Yard:
Hath he a Yard (quoth she) and Cupids Martir?
O! you are blest: would mine had but a Quarter!
But, she should haue a Yard her Back to mete,
For playing so, her Quarters in the Street.

Of Rampa, and her fowle trading at the Faire.

Epigram. 172.

Rampa , the Sempster goes to Faires a pace
To sell her ware; and, so, to mend her Case:
But, there her case is mar'd; for on each pack,
Shee, packing loosly, proues a naughty-pack.
The while, at home, her husband keeps the shop;
And of that Faire sowne seed still reapes the Crop.

Of mine Ouerseer.

Epi. 173.

My o'rethwart neighbor though, for debt, by night
He scarse dares shew his scalp; yet builds so hie
(With quarter staues) as he orelooks me quite;
So, hee's mine Ouer-seer ere I dye.
Then shall my Will, to Ill, still foreward run;
For, he hath hornes, of powr to see that done.

Of Homouthius his chast adultery.

Epi. 174.

Homouthius hath an Oare in each mans boat;
So, sinks his state & fame that els might float:
Thus commits Folly and Adultery too,
That hath to-doe, with that h'as nought to-do.

Of Hornsbie's Incredulity.

Epi. 175.

Tell Hornsby (that doth keep a Tabling-house)
His Wife too fast doth bear men in his Tables
Heele not beleeue the same for twenty Nobles;
No, though he see't, yet dumb is as a Lowse:
For, should he speak his liuing quite would faile,
Sith all he hath he holds but by the Tayle.

Against the faith, hope, and charity, of our yoeng Maister Hal.

Epi. 176.

Young Hal is wanton, with expectance still,
And, longs to haue his Sire curb'd of his will
By vnexpected death; that, so, he might
Be Heyre of all; and be an arrant Knight:
And so he may; for, of him proofe I haue,
He may bee errant Knight, or arrant Knaue.

To mine ingenious friend M. Iohn Dumbarre.

Epig. 177.

Fowre for her foure Lines I bequeath her;
Vp Pernassus often breath her:
So, thy Muse, in latine-Ditty,
Shall sing long, low'd, short, and witty.

Of Nais her keeping an Ordinary and her being ordinary.

Epi. 178.

Nais keepes and Ordinary, and entertaines
(like Uenice) all Gods good, or Diuells Ills:
Protestants, Papists, Brownists, Puritanes,
Hand ouer Hip-well shee their Bellies fill:
As some doe hers; yea, in her husbands sight;
So, with his leaue, shee dubs him Uulcans Knight.

Againe.

Epi. 179.

Nais still doth vaunt she is a Gentle-wo-man;
It's true; for, shee in loue refuseth no man:
Then, why do I so much misname her, Nais,
That is to men so sparing of her Nayes?

Againe, for a parting blow.

Epi. 180.

Naies keeps a house of carding, but, nere spins,
(Yet, often relies) vnlesse it be the webbs
Of others woes: She, (lately lowe) begins
To rise apace: so, Flouds do follow Ebbs:
She needs not, now, to ply Wheels Reels, or Rocks
Her Guests and Gamesters do so ply her Box.

Of Pagus the Pedagogus proud all-tong'd-Daughter.

Epi. 181.

Pagus , the Pedant, learns his daughter Greeke,
Hebrue, and Latine: nor is she to seeke
In Spanish, French, and the Italian,
Douch, Danish, Spruce, and the Slauonian:
Yea, Verses makes in all these. Wondrous thing!
That any man a maid so vp should bring,
While he commits Idolatry with her.
Which makes her scorne her mother her should beare,
Or he beget her (proud foole!) yet, I say,
When Sires doe play the Puppies, Puppies may.

Againe of his vncharitable prayer.

Epi. 182.

When Pagus Pupills play the wags, hee bringes
Them in his prayer, which he, saying, sings:
So for their pennance, plagues them in pure prayer
As if a murraine yet, were in that Ayre:
For, all his houshold, so, doe know their crimes;
For which Clock like he strikes, and after chimes:
Then praying thus without pure charity,
His prayer turnes to pure iniquity.

Of Roring Neds endlesse Ende.

Epig. 193.

The wise-man Pogg, shewes needy roring Ned
(Who often blood hath brocht, & often bled)
His endlesse ende: which (well) he cannot choose;
For all may see 'twill be an endlesse Noose.

A hard choyce.

Epi. 184.

I faine would marry; but, more faine liue sole,
Though without wife, I am but halfe my whole:
For, man and wife one body make; and some
By marrying, marre two Bodies. I am dumbe,
Or, know not what to say: For, this good-naught
Makes me a fickle Sheptick in my thought:
Yet, when I meane to wed, Ile leaue their Schoole,
And, to be held more wise, play more the foole.

Of a Curat's hauing two wiues at once giuen him in marriage.

Epi. 185.

A Parson, that one only Daughter had
Match'd her vnto a Curat; but was glad
To giue, for lack of Portion to lay downe;
A Benefice, he held beside his owne.
But, in this Guift, he gaue his so made Sonne,
Two Wiues at once, whereof this Guift was one:
For, Papall Constitutions are of force,
In this glad Match to make a sad diuorce.
With which two wiues he liues, with much ado;
The Teithe of one being Dowry to the two.

Of rich Rooke his kitchen-phisick against Vertigo.

Epi. 186.

Rich Rooke eates bitter Almonds, as a Trick
To keepe downe Fumes, e're to the wine hee wēds
And, so, he drinks til he with healths, be sick;
So, bitter Meanes haue, thus, more bitter Ends:
But if this bitternesse had turn'd to hony
He would haue sunck the World with Meath for money.

Of Flauias paynting; and, playing the Squirell.

Epigram. 187.

Flauia is faire; yet paints her selfe: oh strange,
That true, to feined Beauty so should change!
She brauely goes; and yet her Case is thought
Bare, as her Pin-case, worne, with Pins, to nought:
For, she for Coyne (Like Uenice) takes all Nations
To exercise, in her, their Occupations;
While she goes (like a Countesse) in her Vaile;
So, (Squirrell-like) she's couer'd with her Taile.

Against Kit's weake wooing of Kate.

Epigram. 188.

Kit , art a Man? yet, get Kate canst thou not?
Oh shame! sith with a Child she late was got.

Of Fuluiaes recreation, and occupation.

Epigram. 189.

Fvluia , for recreation (as she sweares)
Danceth each day, as she were made therefore;
The while her Dancing-Mate so charms her eares
That soone she is bewitch't to play the whore:
So she (good hows-wife) turnes her Recreation
(Which takes vp all her Time) t'an Occupation.

On Phraxus his euer-secret passions.

Epigram. 190.

Bvt of his secret Passiōs Phraxus speakes
To his deere Mistresse, while his griefe she mocks
Sith probably she weenes (sith so he breaks)
His greatest secret Passion is the Pox.

Of Barbus his triall of a foolish conclusion.

Epigram. 191.

Barbus , by night, once reading in a Booke
That broad Beards argu'd folly; tooke a Glasse
And Light, with all, vpon his own to looke;
Who burnt it, when he saw how broad it was:
Then, in the margent, for this earnest iest,
He verily may write Probatum est.

Of the goodnesse and necessity of Phisitions.

Epigram. 192.

Some hold Phisitions well may spared be
In eu'ry State where men, in order, liue;
VVith whose opinion I can ne're agree;
And I haue reason too; which thus I giue;
If they were spar'd, then Men would (like a floud)
O'rewhelm the VVorld; Phisitions then are good.

Of their Deerenesse.

Epi. 193.

Like Haukes, Phisitions euer are esteem'd;
VVhich as they kill Thrush, Partridge, Duck, or Crane
Are priz'd thereafter: so, is euer deem'd
Phisitions skill by those they kill, or bane.
If but poore Clownes or Trade-men they destroy,
Th' are held of small accompt: if Lords, or Earles,
Then more much, more: but if they skill employ
To kill a Prince, th' are held as deere as Peales:
Then all Phisitions, that would faine be deere,
Employ their skill (at least) to kill a Peere.

On trauersing the error of an Action.

Epigram. 194.

One Lawier once an others wife did woo
That she with him would enter action too:
The issue ioyn'd, the husband wronged so
(Seeing th' intruder quite his wife o're thro)
He right well swing'd them both for that compaction:
So, Canuased the error of their Action.

Of Poggius his poore successe in Palmistry and wooing

Epigram. 195.

Poggius (whose skill in Palmistrie is poore)
Tooke vp his Mistris hand, therein to pry;
Then said (and therewithall he sighed sore)
Sweet, all my fortunes in your hand doth lye:
Then safe Ile keep them for, and from you too,
Quoth, she againe; so, he for nought doth woo.

Of true Loue.

Epi. 196.

True Loue's in talke, and in society;
The rest, can Asses do aswell as wee.

Against the corrupt iudgement of Bullus in choise, of his Wife.

Bullus hath chose his wife but with his Eyes;
And left his Eares, lest they should them controule,
So she plaid faire in sight thē; now, he cries
His choyce, before his Choosers, playes him foule:
If foule she play, and he doth see the same,
His Eyes, and not his Eares, are still too blame.

Of the Bastard Fluctus his beeing vndone by his Drab.

Epi. 197.

Fluctus his doing Drab did him vndoe:
And so a Drab hath made and mar'd him too.

Of roring Robulus his bloudlesse combats.

Epi. 198.

Some men fight brauely without brauing word
But roring Robulus ne're fighteth so;
Who euer braules; but, neuer drawes his Sword;
Or, if he do, puts vp without a Blow:
Yet, he being round with all, (not round to smite)
Ciphers their Number that will roundly fight.

Of Rufus his giuing the lie, without a Stabbe.

Epigram. 199.

Rvde Rufus to his Mistris gaue the lie;
For which she did protest Reuenge, with speed:
But She no reason hath for that; for why?
When women lie, they stand men most in steed.

Ioan's as good as my Lady.

Epi. 200.

Ioane in the Darke's as good as my Ladie;
But I know a Ioane farre better in Light:
Yet Ile not deny but my Lady may bee
As lusty (at least) as Ioane in the night.

Of Gauffus his mis-matching his matchlesse faire Daughter.

Epiram. 200.

The Grazier Gnuffus match'd his daughter late
To no great rich, though ancient, gentleman
The good old man (according to his State)
Loues-duties paies her, yearely (as he can)
But sith She spends so fast, she pines (I feare)
For want of Commings in her Charge to beare.

Against a foolish Pratler.

Epi. 202.

Thy Tong's so loose and light, that eu'n thy breath
Makes it so wagge as it nere still doth stand;
Whose fustian Strains work Apprehensions Death:
For, neither sad, nor mad them vnderstand.

Of our English Gallants-going in blacke in Lent.

203.

Ovr Gallants euery Lent go al in black
As if with time they mourn'd for their offence
But their life shewes it's but to hide the knack
Of subtill lightnesse clokt with greate preience:
Then, were it but for that, they black should weare
Sith they are not so good as they appeare.

Of Poets beeing deiected.

Epig. 204.

Some Lands there are where men are without heads:
Some, all hermaphrodits; some where the seeds
Of men are black as Inke: Some, where they hie
Without feet: Some, where they haue but one Eye
Plac'd in their forehead, hauing heads like dogs:
Some, where they are halfe fish; & liue (like frogs.)
In, or about the Waters: Some, where they
Haue brows so hard that no steel pierce them may.
Some wher mē chāge to wolues & beasts more vile
And they resume their shape they had ere while.
Some, where they mouthlesse are, and liue by smel:
Some, wher their length lacks halfe of halfe an Ell:
Some, where they Giants be: Some, where they are
Foure footed, hayrie, and like Beasts do fare.
Some, where they haue a Foote of such extent
That from the Sunne it shrouds then like a Tent:
But Time nor Place such men could euer show,
That liue quite hartlesse as most Poets now.

Of Womens Metamorphosis according to time and place.

Epigram. 205.

Some Women are in Churches Saints, or more;
Angells abroad; at home too like the Diuell:
At Windowes, Syrens: Parrots, at the Dore:
And in their Gardens Goats, or more vnciuill:
Yet tradesmen that nere match til they haue much,
In deadly danger are to meet with such.

Tis merry, when knaues meet.

Epi. 206.

Conceipted youths, when they at wine are met
Mong other matters lightly they inquire
What well pend Pamphlet lately out is set?
What merry Epigrams or soure Satire?
Then fall they to repeat some sugred Lines
Of this or that mans: When some lustfull Gull,
Comes in with Nashes choosing Ualentines;
To wit, his Dildo knowne to euery Trull.
I come (saith he) sweet Linnen by thy leaue;
(O good, ifaith, (saith one) then on hee goes)
Softly my fingers vp their Curtaines heaues:
And there Gomorrahs filth (at full) he showes.
All that can say this as their Pater noster
Haue seene the Lions, sweet well seasoned youths
About the Muses Minions still they muster
To get some swelling lines to fill their mouthes:
But for their owne Muse it doth euer sing,
Rime without Reas'n a common English thing.

Against Balladders.

Epi. 207.

Cherillus , that: of many verses, made
Seauen only good: for which his poesie
He had seauen gobbes of Gold; and for the bad,
He had a buffet on the Uisnomy:
If Balladers, that but defloure the Muse,
Were so rewarded for their versifiing.
It would (like Pan) appeare vpon their Browes,
Sith out of tune they doe so often sing:
For if seauen lines they chance to draw aright,
They milliōs make that would make Patience smite.

None can be sad and glad at once; if it be not in contrition.

Epi. 126.

Stella , the Padua Poet, pleasant was;
Pox on't, how Puppie-like, with P. I play:
Asse for example: fye, away with Asse,
Asse, cannot set a Sample (I dare say)
He writes so ill: and so those Poets doe
That will at once write light and heauy too,
For, at one time whose Muse is light and sad,
I muse not though his Muse doth write as mad.

Of and against the word creepe.

Epig. 209.

Creepe , is a Metaphor that's euer vs'd
In controuerted questions of our faith;
Wherein the word (orevs'd) is much abusd;
For, this Schisme then crept in, th' opponent saith.
Though Creepe bee most significant to show
How Errors came in slowly, more and more;
Yet so to spur-gall Creepe to make it goe
still on that errand, shewes our Tongs too poore,
Or Wit's too bare: But now such questions deepe,
Do run abroad too fast they doe not creepe.

Of the power and price of gold.

Epi. 110.

O gold (the Darling of this later Season,
Sole Load-starre to all hearts, Star to all eyes
That canst doe all without or Rime or Reason)
How blest are they that most doe thee surprise?
By thee the iealous husband is appeased;
The desperate Riuall is well pacifi'de:
By thee, the watchful'st Keepers soone are seisd;
By thee, th' vniustest wrongs are iustifide:
By thee, the Uestall, true Wise, Widdow, Trull
Are bought and sold: the noblest Lady too,
Will wiue a Mony-Bag, if huge, and full,
Who know their seruice, then, poore Knights will do.
By thee each Lock is pickt, each Gate flies ope;
Nay more; thy crowns can mightiest kings vncrown
By thee, all things beaneth the heau'nly Coape
In Natures pow'r, are rais'd, or ouerthrowne:
Nay more, the very Lord of all this All
(Who can no more beguile, than be beguil'd)
Was sold for money; and a sum but small;
So, thou art Dominus fac totum Stilde.
Yet run'st from me in Earnest, and in Game,
Though oft I write with thee, to spread thy fame!

Againe of the same.

Epi. 211.

The great'st are caught with Gold: for, giue me It,
Ile, make the Great'st my friēd with little wit:
But once if Gold and I at variance be,
The Great will scorne; the Small, abandon me
Though Wit and Grace I had: for, VVit, & Grace
Are precious made with Gold: els both are base!

Against Plumus his foolish pride.

212.

Plumus is high, yet higher is his Heart:
Lands, Plate and Coyne he hath; yet hath he more;
More Lands than Wit; more Coyne and Plate, than Art:
And yet the Arts (he sweares) he doth adore:
Hard-hearted Arts, that for his kind good will,
Permit base folly his high Heart to fill.

Of my incountring a Wag-taile, while I held my tongue.

Epiram. 213.

Of roring boyes Resolutions.

Epi. 214.

The roring Boyes exclaime against their Peter,
And say, he dide not as he liud a space:
Who melted at his death like Sheltons Meeter
That's harsh; but yet inclinde t'a little grace:
But he that holds it out, when he is in
(In Newgate) till they be at Tiburne trust,
Like a true Diuell: (whose grace is all in Sin)
This man, in their accompt, is onely iust:
But, if at last to grace he once but yeeld,
Hee's like a Boy, and dide but like a Child.

Against carnall desire.

Epigram. 215.

O damd Desire, what spirit hath thee inspir'd,
That (like the Moone) dost waxe and wane in change
Afflictions water cānot quench thee, fir'd:
Nor loathd Disease estrange thee from the strange
Thy pleasure's but a moment (if it bee
A pleasure which so soone to Paine doth turne.)
And thought it wasts the Marrow feeding thee,
Yet stil thou burn'st while thou hast ought to burn
Thine heate is hatefull (falsly called loue)
Made by the motion of the fowlest Mynd:
For when thou dost thy sweetest pleasures proue,
They cloy, but not content thee: so, behind
Thy pleasure rests: which thou (tir'de) canst not try;
So, thou art made but weake, not holpe thereby.

Against Chione her feeding on fat Woodcocks.

Epigram. 116.

O Chione thine Eyes all Eyes do feast,
Thy Lake-laid Cheekes excel the reddest Rose;
Thine Iuory Front, and Alabaster Brest
Do men entice, as Carion ticeth Crowes:
I see great men thou drawst; and smile to see
How thou dost plume on them, and they on thee.

Against Aglaope, her sweete voice, and sow'r vice.

Epigram. 154.

Aglaope , (that courted is of States,
Whose Angells voyce the Angells imitates)
Still lullabies all mortall Cares asleepe,
Such due proportion still her voice doth keepe;
But yet her voice (as voice of People goes)
Doth nought but (Siren-like) worke people woes.

Of Phagus his being a Papist inward.

Epigram. 218

Phagus his Panch is grown beneath his knees,
So many fat Recusants he deuours;
But does it but for good, the World well sees:
That's for good Cheare, as long as life endures:
Than sith he feeds on sheepe Catholicall!
His Guts (at least) are most papisticall!

In defence of Womens well clothing and dressing themselues.

Epigram. 219.

Gamphalantes , (that naked Libians are)
Liue peaceably (poore Soules) sith bare they be:
Adam and Eue the while they naked were,
They liu'd (good Soules) in great tranquillity!
And yet while men are bare, they liue in peace,
As hauing nought wherewith to vex each other:
But women being bare, men would oppresse
And so insult vpon them altogether:
That makes all wo-men couet still good Clothing,
Lest men should fall to Lusting or to Loathing.

Of Knights of famous memory.

Epigram. 220.

Of Cirus thus the Histories report
He knew his Soldiers names by memory,
Although they were (almost) a countlesse sort,
Yet he by name knew all that Company!
T'was strang (wer't done by Nature or by Art.)
But some Knights of my knowledge can do this;
Let any Pezant dwelling in that Part,
At New-yeares-tyde, but of a Present misse
Thei'l know him after twenty yeares (perhaps)
(O memory of rare continuance!)
Poore Pezant be thou ware of After-claps:
For, thou art well remembred with a vengance:
Such Art of memory such Land-Lords vse,
As Capon-cram their kitchins with their Muse.

Against telling of incredible Truths.

Epigram. 221.

Sooth-sayer Accius, in Tarquins fight, they say,
Did with a Razor forthwith cut in two
A Whet-stone; which I thinke (as well I may)
Is wondrous hard for men of God to doe:
And if a man somewhere should this maintaine
He sure should haue the Whet-stone for his paine.
Then better leaue (sometimes) some Truths vntold
Least some men should true men for lyers hold.

Against Canizius his witty familiarity.

Epigram. 222.

Canizius hath a fine face't conceipt;
A pleasant Wit, but most vnprofitable:
To Cheate by Rules of Arte he hath the fleight;
And there withall he is most affable;
For in a Howre, aswell as in an Age,
Familiar growes, and shewes his Consenage!

Of Aristotles faith concerning womens flesh.

Epigam. 223.

Aristotle , (who had no common VVit)
Thought commō women should haue adoratiō:
For, he t'his Hermia performed it;
Yea, sacrifiz'd to her with veneration:
If all his Doctrines were like this, I knew,
His true disciples would not be so few.

Of Dawlus his finding of a light Iewell in the Darke

Epigram. 224.

Dawlus , vpon his Way, late, in the Darke,
A Iewell foūd, which eu'ry man Might weare.
T'was full of Spirit; nay more a firy Sparke,
That stood, t'enflame Desire of Vseing, There:
It was a precious Punck, yet seem'd too cheape,
But found too deere: for, while he Cultur'd her
And therein sowing, She his Purse did reape
Growne to the full'st; and Inn'd it other where.
And so, at once his Crime and Crosse he bore
For Closing in a Common to the poore:
Nay, sure, his Crosses She did all ingrosse;
For, for his paines, She left him ne're a Crosse!

Of the best Playmakers deere-bought praise.

Epigram. 225.

Play-wrights your Trade is tickle, full of toile;
For, you are boūd to please the thwartest Minds
Who (like cros-seas, that rough Winds stil turmoile)
Tosse vp & down your praise, with various Winds!
It's easie to cry Hisse; but, tis not so
To silence it, and Claps of hands to raise:
Not as at brawling Dogs, where both VVe do;
But into Claps, that Clap vp all with praise.
Those whom yee trade with, weigh your skill and paines
By their owne gaines; &, though al three be great,
They weigh not you according to their Gaines;
But by your Skils, that Fame and Famine get:
Then of all Glory, purchas'd by the small,
A Play-wright, for his Praise, payes most of all!

Against Iustice Boniface his iniustice.

Epigram. 226.

Though Iustice Boni-face do lack much law,
Yet lacks no lawlesse skil huge Bribes to draw
So, sells, he Iustice for a currant Fee,
That all may Iustice currant from him see:
If all his Iustice currant be, like this;
He may passe currant where nought currant is.

Against the maner of our moderne Duells.

Epigram. 227.

Stay Gallants; run not on, with wrong too rife;
Away with this damn'd Custome which ye vse:
Ist not inough to venture Soule and Life
On Ualors tearmes, and no man to refuse?
But must I come vp too, vpon no Guards,
That Bulke to Bulke may iustle; (hit, or misse;)
And they expos'd to scorne, that scorne not Wards;
Are we turn'd Beasts to thinke vs Men for this?
Sir, do your worst; here stand I That to dare,
It I defendant bee: If Challenger;
Haue at yee, with braue courage; yet with Care
Of being Foild, that here but once can erre:
If this no Manhood be, thus well to passe,
I hold the brauest Man, the plainest Asse.

Of my Foes and their dwelling.

Epigram. 228.

Most of my Foes dwell in Ierusalem;
Thē, most are Turks, few Christians are with them.

Of a letter in fauour, that prou'd an hinderer in fact.

Epigram. 229.

Paulinus , prai'd a friend, of noble Bloud,
To write his Letter for a Benifice
Vnto a Bishop for Paulinus good,
VVhich he did to Paulinus preiudice:
For, he writ coldly: so, the Letter prou'd
A letter of the suite the Letter mou'd.

On Glaius and bright Mistrisse Grace a Light-one, that lightened a worke of Darknesse.

Epigram. 230.

Grace in the Darke, stood full in Glaius way,
Whose brau'ry (like the su) turn'd night to day
She would not moue althogh she mou'd him much
Nor speake; although he did her homely touch;
Yea toucht her to the quick in Sinfull Case:
So, Glaius quickly deadly sin'd with Grace.

Of Signior Shancus his feeding vpon Weedes turn'd into good Meate.

Epig. 231.

Spruce Signior Shancus hath good Clothes, and Victle
Escheated to him oft, (great Lord of Little)
Yet oft, in sommer, pawns his winter-weeds;
And them redeemes with those which Sommer breeds:
So, makes great shift with smal; great cause (I think)
His Clothes must yeeld him coyne, & meate, & drink:
For, if, with Coyne he should redeeme his Clothing,
He should be Somthing that shuld feed on nothing.
So, Still should cry any food any feeding. &c.

On a worke of Supererogation.

Epigram. 231.

There is a place vpon this middle Earth,
Wher men, that vs'd much fasting, oft did eate:
There, certaine Tearmes of yeares they fed with mirth;
And, honesty the Place did then entreat.
But when an hous-wife, that was Catholik,
Or too too Vniuersall, had set vp
An Ordinary neere, for dull and quicke,
Away went they, with her, to dine; and sup:
T'was Charity to helpe a poore Begynner;
And, for her gayne, in loue, to vse this Sinner.

Of Vlalia's Uisitations.

Epigram. 232.

Vlalia , in a Choch, as bright as Sunn's,
To visit Ladies goes from Place to place;
And, as she goes, the thundring Chariot runnes
To shew (as Phœbus doth) her bright-light Face:
But, while she visits Ladies in pretence,
She entertaines some Lords Incontinence.

To Sir Iohn Harrington.

Epigram. 233.

I dare not say your Wit was wisedome pointed,
When you in Aiax had your Wit annoynted:
Sith by no small Fooles, yet accompted wise,
Such straines of Wit are held but Fooleries:
But, this I say, and say what well I wot,
(Vlisses vpon Aiax plaid the Sot:
For, what you put in Aiax, was more woorth,
By odds, than what Vlisses then put forth.

Of Faustine's plaine and pert well-doing.

Epigram. 234.

Faustine delights to dance, to Mask, and Mum,
But while she either doth she doth agree
(In sight, yet secretly) to Doo with some;
Yet, so she doth that euery Eye may see
She's a good Dooer: (badly-good) the whiles
She ner'e deceaues those Eyes she so beguiles.

Of Fuluia her high flying.

Epigram. 235.

Fvluia now flies abrod (flye high my Muse)
Vpon the restlesse Wings of high Desire:
She stoupes to none but Lords: for she doth vse
To fly no lower, but flies ofter higher:
She is wel born and bred; so beares to breed (seed)
Braue Barns, full stuft with bright (though Bastard

Of the Game call'd; Laugh and Lye downe,

Epigram. 236.

I see and laugh, still laugh at what I see,
Democritus, therein I play thy Part:
I see some Mad-dames, honest held to be,
That oft in sport doe whore it, by their Art:
Yet (meerely) seeme chast, till they be ny downe,
So still I laugh to see them laugh and lye downe.

Of the force of my Lo: Mayors Pageant.

Epigram. 237.

My Lord Maiors Pageant, though it be (I grant)
Weake for inuention, (but of strong effect)
Yet drawes some Mad-dames, like an Adamant,
So light they be, and light Shewes so affect:
No; tis no Pageant maks them thether go;
But to be prest for Venus seruice so.

Against saplesse Sottus his vnkind heate.

Epigram. 238.

A thousand pound a yeare, yet haire, nor heire,
Hath Sottus; but still weares, a Coife, or Cap:
If Man b'a Tree (turn'd vpward) and his Haire,
Be as the Rootes; then Sottus hath no Sap
In Winter: no; for Virgoes heate before
Hath dride him, with a Pox, and will do more.

On Sirrah and his Wife Sarahs false play with him, for his profit.

Epigram. 239.

Sirrah , come hither; let me speake with thee:
hark in thine Eare; thy Wise plates false (they say)
With thee at Tick-tack: Peace; ô silent be:
She hurts thee not; yet winnes much by her play!
A while a go, thou know'st, thou wast but poore;
But, since, by false play she so much hath got
That now thou keep'st the Woolfe well, from the dore;
Though yet (perhaps, thou cāst not keep the Goate:
For, she beares men a pace, (as rich as daynty)
So still she wins, for thee, the Horne of Plenty!

Of Gallae's too good agreement with me.

Epigram. 240.

Euen as a Glasse reflects a mans owne shape
Vpon himselfe; so Galla doth to me;
Sindes, when I smile; nay gapeth when I gape;
And sigheth when I sigh; as one were we:
But ô my mind this hollow Glasse suspects:
Because she burnes as well as she reflects.

Of Fannius his feare.

Epigam.

Fannius with fear of death now, dead doth lye:
And so he dy'd, to kill his feare to dye.

Of Frigus that died the first night he lay with his wife.

Epigram. 250.

Frigus ioy-drown'd, dyed lying with his Wife,
So dide through too much loue, or too much life.

Of one who being a Dwarfe, or little higher, kept a great tall fellowes wife.

Epigram. 251.

Falina , hath good sport at home full oft
Betweene her Oxe, and Ape: Iack, come a loft.

Of Flauius single combat: who had a valiant man to his sire, was so himselfe; but had a Whore to his mother, and a Rig to his daughter.

Epi. 252.

That Flauius fought brauely; and maimed his Foe
He as his Fathers owne true Son did so:
But being thrust into the Belly,
Yet receau'd it with laughter,
He tooke that of his mother,
And gaue it his daughter.

The best Kings Ire burnes more than Fire.

Epigam, 253.

When the darke Cloud of Princes secret hate
Is ready to breake out, out Flies it then
With lightning and lowd thunder, to amaze
And quite roote out the hated Man from Men!
Then as thou wouldst not die by thunder-claps,
Incur no hate of Kings what euer haps.

Uideo et taceo.

Epigram. 254.

As he that (ouer-curious) Bane receaues
To know the quality and force of it,
Dies, by that force, er he th' effect perceaues;
(And worthy too, for fooling so with Wit)
So, they that loue to looke too curiously
Into the liues of Kings, their fault to know,
Oft so oresee themselues, in what they see,
That they, thereby, themselues quite ouerthrow!
For, such as are not pleas'd with Phœbus Raies,
That yeelds all comfort vnto all that liue,
But needs must see how he his Beames displayes,
And the whole Body, that such light doth giue:
No maruel though they blind thēselues thereby;
Then winck (with Sem) whē thou dost faults discry,
For, no Spie's in such danger as this Spy.

To my deare Liege Lord King Iames.

Epigram. 255.

Vtopicall State-Writers (who doe pen
With Idlenesse, and haue no inte-rest
Nor knowledge in the rules that gouerne Men)
New Models make of Rule, that still do rest
On disproportion'd Ioynts of Regunent
Of Nations different in their Rules extent:
Which in the State off kindle quenchlesse fires:
But thou rul'st right without these skyruy Squires.

Againe to my Liege Lord King Iames.

Epi. 256.

When those curst hearts and hands (that sought thy death)
Distrest thee (deer Lieg) neer thy latest Breath,
Yet then, like Gold in fire, thy Vertue shone;
That is; in worth, to looke, and Be all one.

On Sir Iohn Roe.

Epitaph. 257.

Roe , thou art gon in height of Youth and Fame,
As from a Feast, ere Surfet thee o'recame.

Of and against Earelesse Praxus.

Epi. 258.

The handle for true Vertue to take hold
Of old and young by; is the open Eare;
But, Praxus hauing lost his Eares, how should
He ere be vertuous or not vitious ere.

Against Sottus his long wronge knowledge.

Epi. 259.

It is vnmeet that Sense abroad should stirre,
And (like a wanton Rigge) at randome run:
But when her soueraigne Reas'n commandeth her
Vpon some vrgent cause; which being done,
T'returne with speed to her, that sent her out,
T'informe her in her doubt's of good or ill:
Then like a sober Hand-maid, keepe about
Her Soueraigne Reas'n, to doe what else she will:
But, Sot, his sense from Reas'n hath rangd so long,
(And dotes on all) that all he knowes is wrong.

Of the Carpet Knights Sir Sim Soust Gurnerd his Quater-braules.

Epi. 260.

Sir Sim Soust-Gurnerd, loues notes fresh & sweet,
And hath an Organ Chamberd next the street,
Whereon he playes of purpose as appeares,
To haue all passers by him by the Eares:
Yet sweetly braules in tune with stroakes of Art,
But dares not strike a Discord for his heart.

Of Cracus his facing out Falshood or facing in truth.

Epi. 261.

Cracus if thou did'st know, (but O thou breakst
The heart of Knowledge with thine ignorance)
how il thou gard'st thy faith, for which thou speakst
Thou nere wol'st speak but with thy countenance:
For that scar's babes: sith thou fightst (being stout)
Better with swords than words: than face it out.

Of false praise.

Epi. 262.

The praise of Arts, which ill we deeme,
Like smoke goes out as soone as seeme:

The rightest Seruingmen are the rightest Courtiers.

Epi. 263.

Courtiers may seruingmen be stil'd: what then?
Then, cannot they serue God, for seruing men.

How an Harlot is like Hell.

Epi. 263.

A Strumpet's like the vgly mouth of Hell,
That night and day is open to receiue
All sinners that will pay for sinning well;
Which still she takes and oft the Poxe doth giue.

Counterfeit Piety is double iniquity.

Epigram. 264.

Old Will vpon the Sabath will not lose
A Sermon for his Dinner; yet (though pure)
Cheates like a Deuill: for, about he goes,
At play, all simple sinners to deuoure:
He needs not then, at Sermons sit so ciuill
For feare of hell, being an incarnat Diuill.

Against powdered Haire.

Epigram. 265.

The Daies of old did Ashes vse to throw
(In signe of meekenesse) on the hūbled Head:
But now, in signe of Pride (in Heart, and Shew)
Our Mad-dames cast sweet-powder in their stead:
But they whose Tops are euer powder'd so,
Their T**** (most commonly) are Pickel'd too,

Against Gallus, his treachery, and tyrrany to Galla.

Epi. 266.

Gallus found Galla (e're she quite was lost)
Where Time & Place betraide her to his lust:
Yet first the faire-Maide his fowle offer crost,
But he (like Ioab) stabb'd, as her he bust:
VVhich she tooke patiently: how e're afraide:
And so a Goate like Man the Maide dis-Maide.

Against the stincke of Marcus his sweetnes.

Epi. 267.

Lasciuious Marc goes stil perfum'd I thinke,
But yet his sweetnes makes his fame to stinke.

Of the compassing of his lusts designes.

Epig. 268.

Marc in the compasse of his Lusts designes,
Is like a Circle in Geometry:
Hee; goes from point, to point, vntill he ioynes;
Then puts a Period to his Letchery:
A Period call it, or full point, or ( . )
All's one to him, so he therein doth stick.

Against Gella and her consumption.

Epi. 268.

Gella is light, and like a candle wasteth,
Eu'n to the snuffe that stinketh more thē lasteth,

Against the ill cure of Gallus the Surgeon, vpon Galla.

Epi. 70.

Gallus the Surgeon, now, is poore as Iob
For healing Galla, whom with Child he got:
He cu'rde one Wound, another with his Probe
Hee gag'd too deepe: and so was ouer-shot
In his owne craft; who made her, to his shame,
So swell, that all his worth scarse heales the same.

Against Fuluiae's Transcendency.

Epi. 271.

Fvluia is brought to nought; then cannot she
In the Predicaments comprized be,
So, some, Transcendent she must be of force;
But how that is, transcendeth my discourse:
Yet now I ha't t'a haire; she doth transcend
All that the Poxe can marre & nought can mend.

Against proud great-bellied Ventus, the Smell feast.

Epi. 272.

The word Maiestas, of these two compos'd
Maior and Status, argues great estate:
Then O, how vainely Uentus is dispos'd,
To strut and looke as if he had no Mate:
When (God doth know) that if his state be great,
Its in his Panch with eating others meat.

Against Vulpus his endlesse distinguishing.

Epig. 273.

Exact Distinctions breed perspicuousnesse;
But many breed but loath'd Obscurity:
This, Uulpus makes, to shew his nimblenesse;
In arguing, to distinguish endlesly:
VVhich if he do, but truth so to depraue,
I'le prooue him without Logick but a Knaue:
If this Stile be to common; him I'le make
A learned Knaue for true distinctions sake.

Poets gaine is Fame and Famine.

Epigram. 274.

The Poets proper Ensigne is the Swan
Sole Bird of Phœbus: so it well may be;
For, she doth sing before her death: so, Man
(Turn'd Gull) call'd Poet, makes that melody:
Because he sings before his death and Fame,
So, perisheth, through want, to get a Name!

Against the enuy of Muranus.

Epigram. 275.

Meagre Muranus feeds on his owne Heart,
Still enuying all that are of good desart:
So, he is like an Eye diseas'd, whose sight
Is still offended with what e're is bright.

Against gurmandizing miserable minded Fagus.

Epigram. 276.

Fagus is fat, and swelleth more and more
As if Cram'd-Capons did but poison him:
He nought but feeds, thogh neuer feeds the poore
And like a Panch in sweat, doth, sincking, swim:
His Mind is so chok'd vp with Greace and bloud,
That though he e're be Great he'l ne're be good.

Against the bare Brests of too well cloth'd wenches.

Epigram. 277.

Why bare yee so your Brests, audacious dames?
Is it to giue mens eyes a taste of that
You yet do hide, t'augment their lustfull Flames?
Or else to draw their tongues to wanton Chat?
It seemes y'are hot, that so low naked go,
And looke for cooling at some Vent below.

No Kingdome to Content.

Epigram. 278.

Wilt thou be rich? then thy desire decrease;
So shall thy wealth, in want, amaine increase.

Spare, to spend; like thine owne friend.

Epigram. 279.

Rvfus liu'd hard, to make his Heire liue soft,
But his Heire liu'd as hardly for his Heire:
So they like Conduct-pipes conueied oft
(From pipe to pipe) great store of water faire
Reteyning none themselues; till, at long running,
By some hole in their Coate (how euer gay)
The Prince cuts off the Pipe, in Fortunes sunning,
And turnes the VVater-course an other way:
Then Sot I hold that Sires true Title is.
In wealth to want for those that are not his

Againe, of the same.

Epi. 280.

If of my wealth I take part, mine it is:
If for mine Heire I spare all, it is his.

Of foolish free-heartednesse.

Epigram. 281.

Free-hearted Flavius o're the shooes is run:
So, Bounty here, hath Bounty quite vndone.

Against the small hat-caps of our young London Wiues.

Epigam. 282.

Yong London wiues (who would be counted
That's of the better sort) Oh why do yee,
Now Crown your Crowns (wherat graue wiues do best,)
With Hats, that not for Wiues but Babies be? (iest)
VVill yee be Babes still, yet in mariage linck?
Then still yee must be swadl'd till ye stinck.

Against honest Notatus his being in a bawdie-house.

Epigram. 283.

Noble Notatus (ah) was lately found
In a Burdello; but he kept him sound
From all pollution: as the Sun doth gilde
Many a Dung-hill without be'ng defilde;
Yet sith Notatus Spirit his Flesh still shrouds,
If he will Shine he must not line such Clouds.

Against Vanus his effeminate going.

Epigram. 284.

Vanus effeminats himselfe, and goes
Like a lasciuious whore in gate and Clothes:
Sith still he loues the worse, no maruell than,
He makes himselfe a Woman of a Man.

Against Phenenna'es painting her selfe.

Epigram. 285.

Phenennaes face (although a Counterfeit
All painted o're) is still so kept from Aire
With Maskes & Chyn-clouts, that no sun can see't;
Yet is She no lesse Fowle than Shee is Faire:
Her Colour's faire (gramercie Colours sor't)
But Fowle's her face, and lookes her selfe vnlike
As now She lookes: that's of the fairer sort:
Yet al her face, so slubberd, She doth slike:
Which Ill, She colours well; yet all her grace
Is but to lie, and lieth in her face.

Againe, on the same Subiect.

Epigram. 286.

Botts on these Masks & Clout; which now are set
To hyde such Fronts that for such lyes excell;
Well-colour'd Gorgons-made when Nature sweat
Too much to hold her Working-toole too well:
So, are but Natures shame, and Graces scorne;
Yet in Charoches beare they, and are borne.

Of Lord Volsus his mis-vsing his friends.

Epigram. 287.

The guilefull great Lord, Volsus, vseth still
His friends like Bottles through his Courtly skill:
For, he (ô fy, what friend can him abide?)
The full drawes dry, the empty casts aside.

Against golden Asses.

Epi. 288.

Many men-Beasts go gilt now at all Peeces,
who are at best, but Sheep with golden-fleeces:
If that in Cholcos had beene of this sort,
Iason had plaid the Sheepe ere Shipt him for't,

Of Phisitions abyding at Bathe.

Epigram. 289.

Leeches , at Bath, for Wealth, not health do waite,
So, come not to the Bathe, but to the Bayte.

Of Flauia'es lookes after her fall.

Epigram. 290.

Flauia lookes feebly since she caught a fall:
So, lookes as if She could not Doe withall.

Against the wretchednesse of rich-men.

Epigram. 291.

The Griffons 'mong the Indians keepe their Mines
Of Gold, yet they no vse thereof do make:
So, a monied-Miser mid'st his plenty pines;
And Money keepes for Monies only sake:
Kept he a Whore as well, then Sin they would not:
For, her he would not vse, and others should not.

Against Flexus his being sick of the Fashions.

Epigram. 292.

Flexus , still goes in many Fashions light
Like a Chamelion that all Colours takes:
Or not vnlike a Creature (Nabis hight,)
Which hauing many shapes, one Monster maks.

Of Rutus his indifferency in Religion.

Epigram. 293.

Rutus holds all Religions; and in all
He is of none; like a still slyding Bourne
That takes all colours which therein doe fall
It hauing none: then hee'l not burne but turne.
He that's without Religion, is, at least,
For his Soules sake, a faire immortall Beast.

Against Flauiae's lenity.

Epi. 295.

Light of beliefe, of word, and promise light
Is wanton Flauia: light in Mind and Will:
Light of her Body: and her Eyes (though bright)
Are light, and light to workes of darkensse still:
The weeds she wears are light, as bright: then she,
(Being all so light must needs selfe lightnes be.

Of a Tricke of Youth.

Epi. 296.

Carnus , calls lechery a Tricke of youth:
So, he grows old, but this trick lets his grouth.

Against great Uardingales.

Epig. 297.

Downe with your Uardingales, Trulls out of frame
(sick of the Fashion) for, they mount too hie:
They hide your Wast: O no, they shew the same;
That is; your Antick Superfluity:
The time hath been, they did the heeles surround;
But now they doe the head; and men must leane
Vpon your shoulders, from the vpper Ground,
To looke downe for your middle, without meane:
Your Waste is shamefull then, sith it to hide,
Your English Bummes are still so Frenchifide.

Against promise-breaking.

Epi. 298.

Ventus doth promise much; yet stil doth break;
So all his promises are great, and weake,
Like Bubbles in the water (round and light)
Swelling so great that they doe breake outright.

Against the misery of rich Misers.

Epi. 299.

Varus shuts vp his Coyne from all with Sparrs;
And, from himselfe, he locks it most of all:
For all his Thoughts (too hard) like Iron Barres)
Keepe it from him, so liues on pittance small:
Hee hath not what he hath; wealth makes him want,
Yet thinkes he still to last, being Adamant;
If so he should, in cares that so excell,
Hee's damn'd already: for hee's heere in hell.

Of and against Pegus his oft change of faith:

Epig. 300.

Pegus is pleas'd his faith now thrice to turne,
Yet ne'rethelesse is hot as fire therein:
But, dares not hang; and, much lesse dares he burne:
No; that's to lose but, he doth change to win:
But, while he sought to win so, it ensu'th,
His Tongue at Trey-trip plaid; so, lost his truth.

Of one that stands silent.

Epig. 301.

The silenc'd Stander (yong graue Longebeard)
Is lately trauell'd to disperce the Word
In hugger-mugger, where he may be heard,
Among the Brethren, that with him accord,
Yet, being gon, he leaues his wife at home,
With other Brethren standing in his Roome.

Of Humus, his shamefull Triumph.

Epig. 302.

VVhen Iulius Cæsar triumph'd ouer Spaine,
(At his triumphant Feast) he gaue each Guest
Mamertine-Falerne-Chian-Lesbian-Wine;
Which was the first time sow'r wines at a Feast
Were euer seene: But, now, when Humus has
Not won, but lost; not bought, but sold some Land
He triumphes; and in Feasts (which Cæsars passe)
He giues his Guests more Wines, while they can stand;
And, when they cannot; but do, falling, go,
Againe he triumphes in their ouerthrow.

Of Sponguis his chewing the Cud.

Epig. 303.

One hundred nintie fiue strange sorts of Wine
In Plinies time were extant, and in vse:
Which subdeuided, did more sorts conteine;
Whereof, when I to Spongius speake, he chewes:
Liquorish Cud; and licks his Lips, as if
His Mouth, did water after all the chiefe.

Against Dauus his daring.

Epig. 304.

Dauus still sweares, his nature is so hot,
He's ne're without a Quarrell; and, it's true,
He's ne're without a quarrell to the Pot;
But, others he, for feare, doth still eschue:
So, with the Pot, though he doth quarrell ay,
Yet at the Pot, for feare, makes neuer fray;
But, paies for all, to shun it if he may.

Against Frank's grace.

Epig. 305.

Sith once the Quartain-feauer Altars had;
I see not why, but Franck (too franck) may haue thē
For, both do Heate, and Coole; make Glad, and Sad;
Bring many to Death-dore; & there do leaue them:
Such Feauers are suppos'd meere Spirits t'haue bin,
And such, Francks fiends; whose grace is all in sin.

Against the old-yong Lady Faustina's vnciuill-policy to keepe her from coupling in her sole widdowes state.

Epigram. 306.

VVould any weene that any Lady would
(To keepe her chaste) vse so vnchast a Feate
As, farre to send; and likewise, buy, with Gold;
A Drug, call'd Dildo; so, to coole her Heate?
But this, the Prouerb proues as true as may be;
Things farre fet, and deere bought, best likes my Lady.

The Prodigall and miser are all one in euill.

Epi. 307.

The Ding-thrift and the Misers fault's al one,
For, neither wots how well to vse his owne.

Of Poesie, and Paynting.

Epi. 308.

If Poesie be, as still in truth, it is,
A speaking Picture, which the Eares discry;
Then must a Picture needs be made, by this,
A silent Poesis, subiect to the Eye.

Of womens strong, patience.

Epig. 309.

Some Women are too patient; yet, haue wit;
For, more they beare than they should, or, is fit.

Of Sir Iohns Phisick (whose Lands lay all on the seacoast) to make him a cleane gentleman.

Epigram. 310.

VVith, Sea & Land Sir Iohn conspires in hast
To make him Sir Iohn Had-land: for the surges
Still eat the Land, the land drinks thē as fast,
And he drinks both for phisick, while he purges
Both Purie and Panch a pace; sith he would stand
On more sure ground, without such failing Land.
Or, if a truer Cause should be asign'd,
He purgeth so, for want of health of Mind.

Against Clerus his darke dealing.

Epig. 311.

Clerus , of me, would needs be taught to write:
But I was loath for feare his Purse was light:
He gaue me airy VVords; and said he would
VVhen I had taught him, turne that Ayre to gold.
I taught him to write faire and renningly;
VVho, for that cunning, paid me cunningly.
He gaue me Gold in VVords, and not a little;
But when I praid him turne that Aire to Mittle
He said he would; but yet could set no Time;
VVhich makes me set him in my Booke in Rime;
And that's but Reason, sith he's in my debt,
And he and I might else the same forget:
VVhose Recompence is, like his Name, as Cleare
As if betwixt vs nought but Aire there were.

Against Colphonius Frisk his scoffing at his betters for Braines.

312.

Colphonius Friske (as light in Wit as Will,
In neither bright) turn'd Sharke, to shun distresse,
Player, Play-marrer, or Play-maker il;
A foole for Six-pence; and a Knaue for lesse:
(For want of Wit, to make good Wits to smile)
Patch't a poore Scene with scoffing at some Rookes
That might be Kings for wit though his be vile,
Yet for that Ierke of Wit for clapping lookes:
Where he well clapt, he should be clapt for it
In Bridewell to correct his Will and Wit:
There, sith he liues by such dull Iurks a Iurke,
Of Iustice hand would make the Player worke.

Of a Man in Print.

Epi. 313.

A Man in Print; once such a Man I saw
Who whipt but Uice in Print; and then did draw
Himselfe in Print, so much in Print, that hee
Comes thus in Print, reform'd, in Print, to be;
While he that whipt but Vice in Print doth storme,
For being a Uice in Print so much in Forme.

Of a Maister of Art that lay, by the instinct of Nature, with one Mistris Barbara all night.

Epi. 314.

Bossius and Barbara (his Loue) one night,
Chop't Logick with their Tongues, and other things,
He prest her to the point in Loues delight
And that vnto the Issue still she brings:
So, while she argued vnlike Debora,
Hee Sillogizd all night in Barbara.
But had the Proctors heard his Master-ship,
The Moderator should haue beene a whip.

Of my lying betweene two Queanes.

Epi. 315.

Betweene two Drabs I lye (with much adoe)
Each night; yet lye in seuerall houses too:
They (Starchers) neighbour me so neere, that I
May well be said betweene them both to lye.
They will (good-Doers) let me nere, be idle;
For, with their Tongues (as sharp as is their needle)
They prick me forward to be doing still;
So my Part play they; and my Belly fiill
With Throes of these: deere Brid-well do thy part,
Deliuer me of these, to ease my Hart.

Against Iacks Periurie, in prouing his honesty.

Epigram. 316.

Now, as I am an honest Man, saith Iacke,
(Whose lookes, & life, religiously, are blacke)
At eu'ry word, which wounds his faith (they say)
And is belyu'd the cleane contrary way.
Yet out-talks all, to all his hearers woe;
And, by that no-oath sweares, 'tis so, or so.
He liues by Carding; yet the State may stand
Without his labour, languor to the Land.
False to his friend; and so to God may be,
Yet as I am an honest Man (cries he)
The truth is so; I'st so Iohn (Yes. Tis true
Thou art to God, and to thy Friend, a Iew.

Of Calpus his making much of a Little.

Epigram. 317.

Calpus , hath little Latin; yet he makes,
Much of that little: for, he vndertakes
To teach his Friends; yet, while to them he reads,
With Art he cheats them; so, in Art proceeds;
And, learnes them little Latine with much Art;
Which ere they learne, thus ierks thē til they smart
So, with his little Latine much he makes;
Which is his Snare to cousin all it takes.

Against Rollus his great building for little fame.

Epi. 317.

Rollus , still builds aliue to keepe his name:
But, Lime and Stone keeps no immortall fame
For, they will wast; then, in that wast (yee wot)
His Fame must lye; and, so his Name must rot.

Against Don Puffes incomperable adaciousnes.

Epi. 318.

Lord! how Don Puffe, with his left handed Face
Scrues himselfe into Action in high Place:
May men do so that better can deserue?
No, if they be not Scrues some holes to serue.

The Teares of Peace.

Wily do these Times complain of want in Peace?
Are Peace and Plenty out, that blest increase
Hath left vs? No; they are not out, but in;
In strife While Plenty leaues vs Peace in sin.

Against the worst of Lawyers.

Epi. 320.

Lawyers , how is it that such Fees yee take,
not cōcord (which ye should) but strife to make
I'st for that strife, not Peace, maintaines your life?
Than, striue by peace to liue; so, liue by strife.

Of an ill Custome neere good Customers.

Epi. 321.

There is a thing some call the Custome-house,
Which when a Tradesman hath a Spider tane,
At point to breake, preuents the deadly Bane,
By wayes familier; so, too oft in vse;
With Hundreds they of others hold in chiefe,
They buy a Place there, to displace their griefe.

Epi. 322.

Sir Uolsus doore is still with Sutors throng'd;
His dore the more opprest; &, he more wrong'd:
For, if this Wit and honesty ye waigh,
Himselfe at euery dore should stay, and pray.

Of stupid Binus his preuenting of time.

Epigram. 323.

Sith Time flies fast away, his fastest flight
Binus preuents with dreaming day and night.

Against despertate Harrius his contempt of goodnes.

Epi. 324.

Foole-hardy Harrius, when himselfe he heares
A Good-man call'd; he holds himselfe too good:
So to be Stild, because (belike) he feares
That Title hits not home his Manhoods moode:
Sith he, to be a good-man, scornes (t'appeare)
I would he were a Saint, so hang'd he were.

Of Bombus the Buffon, and his laughing Patronesses.

Epigram. 325.

The Buffon, Bombus feeds, by laughter, fat;
Yet, maks he Ladies laugh a lowd thereat:
So, liues by laughter: and I laugh to see
Both him, and Them so both my Buffons be.

Of Luscus his great Faith, and small Performance.

Epigram. 326.

Luscus , at last, hath got his Wife with Child,
For, tis like him, her bribed Midwife sweares:
Which he beleeues: but, for he is beguild,
He hath his false Faith euer by the Eares.

Of Rorers, soft speaking.

Epigram. 327.

Since Duells damn'd were, by a Souraignes doom
The lowdest Rorers speake in eithers Eares:
Yet dare not for their Eares to Calis roame,
But, in the Streets, still end their Fraies, and Feares:
So, by the high-way now, their Manhoods liue,
Like Theeue that steale, in hope of a Repriue.

Of Scalpus his Haires humility.

Epigram. 328

Scalpus , his Haire apparent, leaues his Crowne,
As fast as, in the Aire, doth Thistle-downe:
But, This with Aire doth so; but That, with Fire,
Becomes so humble, that would else aspire.

Of Phrynas, huge-limbd Husbands Metamorphosis.

Epigram. 329.

What! Phryna, is your Pheare become your Maide?
Make you a Woman of so huge a Man?
Sets he your Ruffes for Cuffes, without your aide?
O Hercules! belike then spin he can:
But, were I yours, though I (perhaps) might reele,
Yet, ere I spun, you should the Distaff feele.

Of Soare Times hard to cure.

Epigram. 330.

The Times are soare for Priests or Poets now
To speake or write: if truth they do auow:
Because the Times being soare, the'l ill endure
The Corasines that, soarely, them must cure.

Of Sir Lauoltas high sol'd shooes and valting in his going.

Epigram. 331.

Lord! be these Shooes or Stilts that Knight goes on
A Peacocks pace? who ist? Laualta, Sir.
What! Sir Laualto? is he such a one?
Yes; and his name doth in his nature, stirre,
For, as he stalkes he striues himselfe to reare:
As if his steps Lauolta-paces were.

Of heauy load-bearing Birds.

Epigram. 332

Of the Bird Rue, that beares an Elephant,
Writes good Sir Iohn, surnamed Mandeuile;
Encrease my fayth, deere Loue; for 'tis too scant
To credit this; but yet, here, in this Isle,
There be some Bride-wel Birdes that wel wil beare
(How euer ill) huge Men as Mice they were.

Of the great traueller Fagus.

Epi. 333.

Fagus , Land-leaper, ali-as Grasse-hopper,
Returnd is from the Pigmies (pretty fooles!)
With his Hyde full of Newes: Nay, soft, ho there,
It cannot be it is so full of Holes:
For what with Scabs & Scars where such haue bin,
It will hould nought: then no Newes lie therein.

Against fond as furious Frontus, his swaggering to regaine his pawn'd Apparell.

Epigram. 334.

The Brokers haue fond Frontus cloths as pledges,
For Coyne to keepe his Corps in sweetest sinne:
And beeing forfeited, he them besiedges
With thundring oaths and blowes his cloaths to win:
But they hold hard (hard horsons) without dread;
So, Anuile like, endure the Hammer-head.

Against Spongus, a plaine Farmers Bastard, that had gotten to be of a great Lords bed-chamber.

Epigram 335.

Spongus , what makes you so your Sire to scorne?
Is it because he all in Frize doth goe,
And you in golden coates, though ouerworne;
That's cast Apparell of your Lords, or so?
He honours you; you him in scorne forsake:
So, makes an Idoll of a Golden-Asse;
While you your selfe thereby a Diuell make.
That speaketh through a head whose brow is brasse:
Then spirituall whordome he commits thereby,
To honour him he made adulterously.

Against Signior Snap. haunce, the rude foolish Rorer.

Epigram. 336.

Snap-haunce speakes quicke & lowd; but stil amisse
White powder then were best for him; for, when
He spits his spight, but leaden stuffe it is,
Which euermore annoyes the sence of Men:
Thā Snap-haunce, cease to snap; for thy lowd soūds:
Do yeeld such noisom stuffe that sence confounds.

Against Rufus the Appollo ger.

Epigram. 337.

Rufus , you write Appollogies to Cloud
Your trechery with which you men delude;
That, like a Cuttle, you may so, vnuiew'd,
Abuse th' insipient plumbeus multitude:
Than sith you knauishly thus Cuttleize;
I may, lesse lauishly, thus Inkhornize.

Against a Marchants as light as bright Wife, still wearing a great Chaine of Gold or'ethwart.

Epigram. 338.

See vou yon'd Merchants wife, in Satten clad?
It is Lucilla, Light as Leuity.
It cannot be, her Chaine must make her sad,
It is so heauy past all grauity.
Nay, more, she'l Car'd (that shewes her houswifery)
Away her Pence, by Pounds; her Pounds, by scores
To make her Light: O then t'was cleane awry
To call her Light; for, Lightly, so be whores.
That Stile's too foule for one so Faire and Rich:
Than, better call her Fancy; or Proud-(.)

Of my Selfe.

Epigram. 339.

A friend of mine reproud me, sith I was
Too Busie in correcting Leehery;
Saying I was too open. But, alasse,
I cannot helpe it handsomly; for I
Must, ere I scourge it, open it (you know)
That I my ierkes the righter may bestow.

Against Iugus, his truth, swearing.

Epigram. 340.

Ivgus still sweares that he a true Man is,
Than say so Iu; for, still thou swear'st amisse,
Sith thou woul'st steale our good conceites therby,
Against our wills: so, thy true oaths do lye.

What rich men must doe to gaine and retayne the worlds fauour.

Epigram. 341.

A rich man that would haue the world to friēd
Must either giue (or at least) Spend or Lend:
If neither; either he must liue alone,
Or, with too many push't, be ouerthrowne.

Against the gallant Glossus his mis-measuring.

Epigram. 342.

Glossus is gallant, yet doth measure keepe;
He eats and drinkes in measure; so doth sleep:
He measures Lands in trauell; so doth Seas:
In Measure he doth dance, toyles, takes his ease:
Yet (Robin-Hood) metes, somethings might be left
He metes Maid marions by the Bow, and Shaft.

Of the Vyoll.

Epigram 343.

The Violl speaks the language of the Hands;
And, by the Fingers, Sense it vnderstands:
Yet, Fingers are the Viols Feete: and so,
As they doe runne, the Uioll still doth Goe.

How Maides resemble Eue.

Epigram. 344

Most Maides resemble Eue now, in their liues;
Who are no soner Women but are Wiues
As Eue knew no Man ere Fruite wrought her Woe,
So, these haue Fruite (oft) ere their Pheares they know.

Against Myntha, that would haue bin my Tenant for a fowle Fine.

Epigram. 345.

Mintha (ripe Medler) would be medling still,
With things that most concerne mee, by her will
She vnder me would sain haue liu'd by doing
Thinges in my house, for which she stil was woing:
Her Lippes, and Hippes, in grosse, she offer'd mee
For Fine, if so she might my Tenant bee.
So, I should be her Tenant, and she mine,
For no great Rent, but for too grosse a Fine:
Soft Mintha, in some others house go prancke yee;
Yours is an Ordinary; I'le none, I thanke yee.

Of a man that prou'd a Slipper.

Epigram. 346.

Friscus tooke Slippers vpon trust; and then
He Slipt a way; So Slippers (oft) are men.

No good Wiues in London.

Epigram. 347.

The Countrie's full of good-wiues; specially
The Wiues of all the Clownes and Yeomanry:
But Tripe-wiues, Broome-wiues, Oyster-wiues, & all,
Wee still, in London, Mistresses doe call:
Then London hath no good-wiues, sith they bide
All in the Country, better occupide.

Against the too too common, as most shamelesse counterfetting the Stampe of Heauen (Beauty) by Painting; and the excessiue brauery of Men, and Women of these Times.

Epigram. 348.

Thomas Thomasius, an outlandish VVitch,
Sould Diu'ls for Dolors: Fame else lowdly lyde:
And, as they were in pow'r, he price did pitch:
So, liu'd by selling Diuells till he dy'de.
A pretty Occupation! and were hee.
Aliue, and here to sell his VVare, he might
Gaine what he would, if his curst Diu'ls would be
Pleas'd to make Men and Women faire and bright
For, now men fairely play the women too;
Then, for his gaine he might the Land vndoe:
Nay, though they painted & but borrrowed raimēt
Tom, for his Diu'ls, should haue royall payment.

Of Raggus and his proiect.

Epigram. 349.

Raggus , with open mouth pursues strange Proiects,
And of the State, reuiles the Eye of wit;
That, hauing open'd it, so many Prospects
To worldes of wealth; yet, sees no benefit:
Saw it as thou dost (Ragge) that so dost raue,
It saw but how to play the Foole and Knaue:
For with thy sight (at best) it would perceiue
It selfe, and others how but to deceiue.

Probatum est.

How Clearke Tho. his Clearkeship sau'd his Queane.

Epigram. 350.

Clearke Thomas kept a whore at his command,
(VVhom al commanded that had welth or will)
Yet kept her from the Gallowes vnder-hand,
That vnder him she might be doing still.
Fye Tom (great Clearke) thy skil doth kil thy fame
For, by thy Clergy thou hast sau'd thy shame.

Fast and loose.

Epi. 351

Paphus was maried all in hast,
And and now to wracke doth runne:
So, knitting of himselfe too fast,
He hath himselfe vndone.

Of Long's being the least part of himselfe.

Epigram. 352.

One Long being seru'd with processe to appeare,
Appear'd forth with; but 'twas another where
Than where he should: and so, for his contempt,
Was taken by a writ, no place exempt:
Then, quite beside himselfe, came all agast;
Shewing, That was not Long that came at last.

To a blind Har: Par:

Epigram. 353.

Some neighbour Nations when their Out-lawes flye,
Hang vp their pictures which should them betide,
So (for thou Out-law art in Poetry)
Thy Picture I trust vp on Times backe-side.
For which (too like it, without grace or wit)
Thou martyrd'st me in thy Wits feeble fire:
But shall I malice? no, I pitty it:
Sith thou art worthy of no witty Ire:
For, thy Lines weakenes all men wonder at,
That (like a Parrat) prat'st thou wot'st not what.

Eundem. A blinde Harper.

Epi. 353.

Of Casse and her Case.

Epigram. 354.

Casse was in Case to drawe on Suters; which
She lou'd a life: yet lou'd none but the rich:
So, a heauy-mettel'd Boore, in Casses Case,
Carried her (leaden Sowe) from Wit and Grace.

After the fall of Man, of the fall of Wo-men.

Epigram. 355.

Now scarce a Wastcoteere or Chamber-maid,
(Much les, much more) can go, though by the wall
But by some Friend or Vsher must be staid,
Women are now so weake, and apt to fall:
Heauen strengthē them; for many a woman grown
A Pages breath now often tilteth downe.

As the young Cocke crowes, so doth the old.

Epigram. 356.

Young Taurus, like his Sire doth fare & doe,
And, like his Wife doth beare as well as strike:
That's done by nature; and, by nature too,
Olde Taurus needs must get (this Calfe) his like.

Against lame Hipp.

Epi. 357.

Old Hip; well, let him goe; he is not worth
The talking of; yet setts himselfe still forth
As if he were a man might weare a Robe,
Although the old Scabbe, be as poore as Iobe.
Nay, now I lye; for, Iob, though he had nought,
Yet nought he ow'd; but, this poore pach is thought
Much worse thē Nought with wrangling; he is (so)
Poorer then Iob; for, Iob but scabs did owe.

Against M{a}rmezetus, the well knowne Sharker, cousen{ing}me of a Cloake.

Epig. 366.

Sirrah, M{a}rmzetus, me no more prouoak;
Go, cheat els where; with me y'haue shorn your sheep
Y'haue Clok't y'er knauery; so, haue got a Cloake,
By cheating of your friend; well, safe it keepe:
Yet, it restore to Cloake my Spleene and Mee,
Or Ile vncloake thy name, thy shame, and Thee.

Against poore-proud Vursus his vanity

Epigram. 359.

Would'st be al Sattē, Vursus, that thou wear'st
But some vpon thy Brest, some at thy VVrist?
Think'st thou the Maids to thee thou, so, endeer'st?
Or, ist for pleasure? or, for profit ist?
For both; for, thou dost saue some Coin therby
And mak'st them sport, at thy proud beggery.

Against Formus his shift for; not of new Bootes.

Epig. 360.

What! Formus, eu'ry day Bootes fresh, and new,
Out of your Incoms? No. Yet sure (though smal
Some Matter's in't, that shold be out. Its true;
But, one day (with a Pox) you'l pay for all.

Againe.

Epi. 361.

Besides, you haue a Trick (as I heare say)
When some Boote-makers come your Bootes to (try)
You send your Man with them, elswhere, for pay;
Meane while, like Mercury, with them you slie
Straite to bespeake (oh Neate-skin'd Auarice!)
A paire of New-boots, els-where, at that price.

Against Passus his superfluity in want.

Epigram. 362.

Passus doth passe his Bounds in all he doth,
In all he thinks, in all he saies, or writes:
Nay, he's him selfe superfluous; yea, a Moath
Of Common-weales; but not like one indites,
Sith he consumes no Sense: for, thus he writ:
Her corrall-lips of hue: Of hue; oh marke
How hue, so plac'd, discoulor doth his wit;
And, with a dull redundance makes it darke:
Then sith that Hue the Sence slue senclesly,
Against that Hue, with open mouth, I cry.

Of Fagus his open keeping of secrets.

Epi. 369.

Fagus , the gamesome Lier, still is best,
To trust with Secrets; which if he doth shew,
None credits him; or thinks he doth but iest:
So, though all know it, nought at all they know.

Of a balcke Iackefull of Religion.

Epi. 364.

Blacke Iack is Brimfull of Religion;
Yet games he night and day: VVhy, well Don Iohn
If thou go'st right to Heau'n, th' hast found a way,
Besides Good-works: for, all thy worke is play:
But, so to play, no Soule nor Credit saues:
For, still at Gleeke, is but a Gleeke of knaues.

Of a merry World.

Epi. 365.

Lord! what a merry World is this now grown?
Late call'd a Uale of Troubles and of Teares;
The Temples-Marke quite puts the Sermon downe
For great resot of Commons, Mad dames, Peeres.
The World runnes all on Wheeles; for, as I went
From Temple-barre to Bed-ward, was so barr'd
VVith Rankes of Coaches, of such huge extent,
That, as with {Edons} prest, with me it far'd:
For, for a {Bor stoore} hardly found I Way
Or if i did, t'was Edg-long, soild with Durt;
{Yet} In and Out I danc't a nasty Hay;
And, glad I was I had none other Hurt:
But, wisht each Coach had Carted the owner
That all my mire (at least) had fall'n vpon her.

To my dread Lord King Iames.

Epi. 366.

Deere Liege, should I applaud thy Parts, or Minde,
I should but render thee thy Due: but yet
The Concaue of a CROWNE my cause that wind
Although thy Vertues were but counterfeit.
And should I praise thee, past all Praises Pitch,
Being thy Vassal though thou wert deuine,
I should be thought to claw where it doth itch,
{Coynign} false praise on Stuffe that will not shine.
But Kings may well deserue and haue best Parts;
Yet haue not all the good some worser haue:
Then where Defect declines thy deere Deserts,
Hard by doth mount, what makes thee brightly braue
For, Bounty, Clemency, and chast desire
Aboue all Kings do make my King aspire.

Againe in honour of him.

Epi. 367.

To speake by Weight; (that is, to weigh our words
Before we speake) found Iudgement doth require
To speake in Nūber, best with Wit accords:
To speake in Measure, Reason doth desire:
If then to speake in Number, Weight, & Measure;
Be with Wit, Reason, and Iudgement to speake well,
Then, Uerse, with Cadence sweet, & meetest sea-sure
On choiest Subiect, doth all speech excell:
Poets thus speake, and lawes for speaking draw;
Then, the best Poet is a Speaking-law.

To the High and Mighty, Charles, Prince of Wales.

Epi. 368.

Great-little Charles, made so by Time, and Place
Yet times least glimpse thy place (at lest) doth grace
Althogh mans greatnes, time to thee denies,
Yet Grace, aboue Mans greatnesse, That supplies,
But, maugre Spight thy Name and fame shall gaine
A Place, and Name with Stars call'd great Charles-waine:
Which stil I wish; & who doth't not desire,
Would they were nought as naught; or Tow in Fire.

To the no lesse than most graue Counsellor of Counsellors, Thomas Uicount Brackley Lord Chancellor of England.

Epi. 369.

Y'aue past the Storms of Youth and Passion too;
And now, in Calmes of Ages Hau'n remayne:
Now sees your Soule most clearely what to doe;
And those vndo that doe their Conscience straine:
In Summe, for all (that may your glory spread)
Your pain your Braine, to ease, & please your Head.

To the true President of Honor, William Earle of Pembroke Lord Chamberlain. &c.

Epig. 370.

Deare Lord, to whom I wish a world of Good;
If so; a World of Grace is vnderstood,
Agreeing to that World of Worth in Thee
Too little Lord that great Worlds Lord to bee.
Grace, Art, and Nature, still in thee doe striue
Which most shall make thy praise Superlatiue;
And make thee most like Him, that all things can,
And Phillip, more than Macedonian:
Then, still be like those Two, as now thou art;
And, as thou hast; so, thou shalt haue my Heart.

To the Right noble, and my much honored Lord, Phillip Earle of Montgomery.

Epi. 371.

A Mother sooner can forget her Child,
Than I Thee (Lord of my best Memory)
Could I mind more, thou shouldst be higher stil'd;
But, this is all I can, vnlesse to dye
For Thee and thy most Noble House: whereof
I am an Excrement not yet cut off.

To the true Patterns of Noblesse and Heroicall vertue, Richard Earle of Dorset, and Sir Edward Sackuill Knight of the Bath his most noble Brother.

Epigram. 372.

You Starres that in our States Spheare shine as bright
As Suns fixt neere our Zenith, daying Night:
Stil on such Dayes-eyes shine (though planted low)
By Fortunes hand, as turne to such as you
To be set open, when they (hid) hang downe
Their heads for want of Grace to make thē known.
I need not force the free; you shine on such,
No Starres within our Hemispheare so much:
So much for that; but this much more for you,
(Though more you cannot haue then is your due)
You, for your high Worthes Rayes, I'le Raise to be
Castor and Pollux both to Heau'n and me.

To the Right noble Lord, Theophilus, Lord Walden.

Epigram. 373.

My Cunning sooner shall my right hand leaue
Than not to giue where once it did receiue:
But, Golden Ayre to giue, for Golden Earth,
Is lesse Materiall, and no cause of Mirth:
Yet, Ca{use} of Mirth these Papers do infold:
That I, in[illeg.], do gieue thee for thy Gold:
But what, in earnest I would giue (with mirth)
To thee, is glory; both in Heau'n, and Earth.

To the Right Honorable Sir Francis Bacon Knight. &c.

Epi. 259.

Thi' admired Sire was Wit & Wisdomes Source,
And thou his Sonne, resemblest him in those:
Thy Hand is open; close is thy Discourse:
For; much in few, thy thy Iudgement doth inclose.
But, when thou art disposed to set ope
A Flood of Eloquence, to Whast all Eares
With head-long sway) vnto thine vtmost scope,
When, stubborn'st Rocks of L{e}ts it ouerbeares:
So, thou do'st grace the Law, as it doth Thee;
But, of all Lawyers, Thou alone for me.

To my much honored the Lord Hayes.

Epigram. 375.

Thou do'st the Court Lord too much grace,
To be forgotten in this place:
Where I desire to praise such Ones
As (worthy) are Court-Minions.
Then, this thou art (I dare auouch)
A Good, Great Courtier (seldome such!)
That's honest with due Complement;
Which is most noble in extent:
Heere, sith no further Grace, hath gon,
He put a Prick. To driue It on.

To my Noble, highly valued friend, Pupill, and Alyes Man, Sir Edward Herbert, of Montgomery, Knight of the Bath.

Epi. 376.

Sith thou thy Name and Nation honorest
With Worth (like Britains Crown) past price at least,
Giue me leaue (least worth of thy least Alyes)
To tell the World thus much, and then it dyes:
For, in this World, where Grace doth liue by Sin,
Can nothing liue that is not dead within.

To my honorable, ingenious, worthy, friend, Sir Iohn Constable, Knight.

Epi. 377.

Didst thou but know (deer Knight) how much my heart
Desires to Stellifie thee for thine Art:
And what e're else by Worth can be possest,
Thou would'st beleeue my Heart is thine, at least.
Thē take my Heart, which thus on thee is whorl'd
And loue it; so, my Heart is worth a World.

To my much honored and intirely beloued Sir William Alexander Knight.

Epi. 378.

Thy Pen, which from some Angel is acquir'd,
With heauenly Grace to shew thy Wit & skil,
So farre out-shines my poore Rookes ruder Quil,
That, in it's beames mine seemes a Cole vnfir'd;
But, let them lie till they become intir'd,
Then, thine shall mine with equall glory fill;
Yet so as, knowne, t'was so by thine attir'd,
That all the Glory thine may merit still:
Yet, here my lauish Pen runs o're so much
With blurring inck, be blotting blacker Crimes,
That (loosly) it, the Times too neere doth touch;
That is; too broadly blots these looser Times:
But, sooth to say; my Muse became thus loose
Through vice; at which she hisseth like a goose.

To my venerable friend Master Doctor Goade.

Epi. 379.

Thou art not like, but eu'n a reall Goad,
Sharpe at one End (thy Head) to driue men on
(That are opprest with sad sinnes heauie Load)
Where they may rest from being we-be-gon:
Then, he that will not goe, when thou dost prick,
Is dull, in sense; or else, an Halter-sick.

To my worthy, and beloued friend Doctor Pierce; Parson of Saint Christophers, London.

Epigram. 380.

In this but Froth of Wit to sowse your name
Is but to soile it; so, incurre your blame.
These Purgings of my Braine become not you
In any sort to See; much lesse alowe.
You needs must say, my Leisure I abuse
To make these Iests the Stasions of my Muse.
What will you more (deere Doctor) I confesse
I am all yours, but not my Foolishnesse.
Yet, Garce, Art, Wit, and Worth (and all diuine)
May make you (bright Sun) on this Dunghill shine
Without defiling of your spotlesse Raies:
Then, scowre my guilt with Birch; but, gilde my Baies.

To my best beloued friend, and aliz-man, Master Iohn Sanford.

Epi. 381.

Iohn , thou art like a Hand that changeth not
His Name, or Nature; clouched, or dilated:
So, thou art One, what euer be thy Lot:
And still, by Fortune, rather chekt, than Mated:
But, if she had but Eyes to see thy Worth,
The North should grace thee, as thou dost the North
With radiant Beames,
On Learnings Streames.
In Fortunes Spheare long be his Grace & place,
That, like the Sunne, exhald thy streames to grace.

To the all witty, Sir Io: Har

Sir , you and I (but Oh I doe you wrong,
To rank with you, for friends, means, wit, or art)
Are like (they say) in setting of a Song,
Tho you sing more in tune, in euery Part.
But, as I can, by Nature, I doe hit
Those Notes you strike, vpon a iarring string:
And it is true. we haue one fashion'd Wit,
Which may (alike) to vs displeasure bringe.
But shall wee cease to sing for this? Oh no,
We can no more doe that, than cease to say
God sane the Kinge: and they that would not so,
Would some straite lines had trust out of the way.
But on our gamesome Numbers who doth force,
Their Sence, not Ours, to vexe vs; ill they wot
What powre are in (our Pates) the wodden Horse,
To doe their Names away with Wits hot-shot.
But wee will Libell none; for tis vnfit,
The world's not worth a Libell of rich Wit.

To my ingenious deere friend and Country-man Mr. Iohn Hoskins, Councellor at Law.

One County first susteind our weight; yet wee
Doe liue no burthen to the place, so prest;
But Luster: else some flatter thee and mee,
Yet, say they what they will, our soules know best:
And for my part, I hope that Thou, and I,
Ere wee'le disgrace it, wee with Grace will dye.

To my worthy, ingennus, and ingenius Pupill Mr. Thomas Bond.

Vnder my hand I had you once; and now
Y'are fallen vnder but my Pen, my Plow;
Wherewith your Name I culture thus; you bee
A Bond that binds, because you are so Free.

To my witty and worthy friend, Inigo Iohnes Esquier, surueigher of his Maiestie workes.

VVits mirrour, Inigo, wherein Men see
Their Figure; which thou dost to them reflect
By forming, or, to them, conforming thee:
For which thou win'st both riches and respect:
Fortune and Fauour with great Art conspir'd,
To make thee Modell out each Edifice
Ere it be squar'd for Court; which thee hath Squird;
And may doe, SIR, for many a rare Deuice!
Thy Place I wish not; but thy wakefull Wits,
To make my Place fit mee, as thine thee fits:
Then, lend me, while thou sleepst, thy pure acumen
To Knight me (old Boy) after many New-men.

To my learnedly witty friend, Mr. Beniamin Iohnson.

Thy sconse (that guards thy wits as it they guard)
Is sound, & large, yet no whit can be spard
For thy Wits throng: that Plenty makes thee scarce,
Which makes thee slow, as sure in Prose or Uerse,
As say thy worst detractors; then, if thou
For all eternity, writ'st Sure and Slowe,
Thy Wits, as they come thronging out of Dore,
Do sticke a while, to spread their praise the more.

To my darling-friend Mr. Richard Dorington.

Dicke , I am thine: then (thou hast to the end,
A sore disease, that Physicke will not mend:
Yet, tis no Falling-sicknes, for Ile stand
As fast to thee, as is thy Heart and Hand:
And I haue reason for it; for thou art
As deere to mee as is my Hand or Heart.
Then, if I doe disease thee, it shall bee,
As Physicke doth, of good, to better thee,
Sith thou aforehand giu'st mee Fee on Fee.

To my beloued, and most praise worthy friend, Mr. Lyte of Lytes-cary.

Sith Art and Nature did agree,
To make thee Lyte of Lyte;
Thou art a Type of Christ, sith hee
Is very Light of Light:
Thou light'st (like him) with Wit and grace,
Whose Fame (like his) fils Time and Place.

To my beloued, Mr. Robert Branthwaite.

I loue thee Robin; If I should not, I
Should giue my heart the stab, my tongue the lie:
The Sword of sorrow still should pierce my heart,
If it should not affect thy deere desert:
In few, I know no man more worthy loue
For all that may Affection Stay, or Moue.

To my worthy approued deere friend Mr. Iackson, Manciple of All Soules Colledge in Oxford.

If wee must speake as we haue found; why then,
Th' hast beene to me and mine, the best of Men:
For, of all those that euer yet I prou'd,
Thou best deseru'st of mee to be belou'd.
Thine Out-sides plaine, but yet within thy Brest,
A Heart (I finde) as braue and free doth rest
As that great Cæsars, who would euer moane
The passed day, wherein he pleasur'd none.
Thou art a Townseman, yet the Countrey mend'st,
& glad'st it with what there thou get'st & spend'st
For, two Months, in a time of pestilence,
There, freely cheer'd, I saw thy great expence.
While thou in Oxford (plagu'd) wast then expos'd
To death: thy family and mine dispos'd
In safety there, where wee, besides, were fed;
While thou for vs did'st liue among the dead.
Iackson's thy name; then thou art mine (alacke
Th' art haplesse so) for some doe ca'l me Iacke.
But, like a Father, thou to Iacke hast bin;
That is, in kindnesse, farre beyond his Kin.
Then, Iack's thy sonne, to loue and honour thee;
And so, for fostring both, must Iack's

Siluanus

Sonne bee.
Thus, though Iacke can not giue thee reason for't,
Hee'le giue thee Rime, Renowne & good report.
And if that be too thyn for thy desert.
Wer't thou not all heart, thou shouldst haue his Heart,
Yet, for thine may be sicke, when his is sound,
He giues it thee, sith so to thee it's bound.

To my worthy approued friend Mistris Sisley Tyse.

Thy Vertues do intice me, Tyse, to set
Thy name (for Loue and Fames sake) in my Rimes
Least Time should either Them or Thee forgett,
Whose Wisdome, Woman-hood, & parts (like crimes)
Do staine most Wiues, as Phœbus doth the Fire;
Then, liue thou in my Rime, till Time expire.

Of my Selfe, and my Booke.

I must confesse my Muse is in the wrong,
Though rightly she doth securge what is amisse:
But being pregnant, Shee to lash doth longe,
Though her complexion quite be mar'd by this:
For most will say, Shee like a Diuell lookes:
Yet, let none iudge, but such as can write Bookes.

Against Yellow, starcht bands. For a Farewell.

These Ruffes, sick of the Ianndize (black, or Yellow)
Do shew their Wearers are or Deep or Shallow
In Pouerty, or Wit: Then, would they were
Al black with Cuffes that Yellow Ruffes do weare:
And he whose Wife doth weare them, I suppose
With Cause still feares he weares the Yellow-hose.

To my deare Mother; the Citty of Hereford.

Thou gau'st me breath; and I wil giue thee fame
By writing, in a double Kind: thy Name
I Borrow'd once to adde to mine: and yet
I hold it to it still; for which the debt
Is clearest fame Ile pay thee, at long running;
Else shall my hand and head forget their cunning.

EPITAPHS.

On him that was said to be pull'd in peeces in playing the Beare.

Epitaph. 1.

Here lies a Man; nay, who there,
Here lies a Man that dyde a Beare.

On an Hermaphrodite.

Epi. 2

Here lies a Man and Woman too;
And yet wants One to make them Two.

On one Gwillim a common cryer of a Towne.

Epitaph. 3.

Here lies the Common Cryer Gwillim;
So, cryd for life, till Death die still him.

On an Harlot call'd Meg-Mutton of Heref:

Epitaph. 4.

Here lies Megmutton (who could liue no longer
To make Death a Glutton, and true Mutton-monger.

Upon a noted common-lyer, Iack-ap Iack.

Epitaph. 5.

Here lies Iack-ap Iack; and wot yee why?
A liue he still lyde; and, dead, still must lye.
Who, in his life, lyde willingly still:
But here, in death, lies against his will.

On the Woman that was burnt in Smithfield for killing her Master, in her anger.

Epitaph. 6.

Here good people, in the Dust,
Truely Lieth Choller-adust:
Which kill'd, through heate; so, burn'd, with Dolor:
Then, here lies truely, Burned-choller.

Vpon one borne blinde.

Epitaph. 7.

Here lies a man that ne're saw wo
Being borne blind, to feele it so.

Vpon Iohn of all Iohns.

Iohn of all Iohns here lies: what than?
Were all Iohns honor'd in this Man?
Yes, that they were: and, wot yee why?
Cannot you tell? in troth nor I.

On one Wood a miser, burnt by a Queane.

Epi. 9.

Reader, reade; and, thinke thereon,
Here lies Wood beneath this Stone:
Who was harder than the higher,
Yet was burnt without a fier.

On one who built himselfe bankeroupt, to keepe the poore on worke.

Epi. 10.

Reader smile, or else looke off,
For, here lies the Peoples Scoff:
Who, that Beggers well might do,
Built himselfe a Begger too.

On one that yeelded his Weapons in priuat fight; the conceipt whereof after brake his heart.

Epi. 11.

This Stone conceales a Man almost,
Who, by his Manhood, Manhood lost.

On one that a Queane made to Father her Bastard, begotten by his Man.

Epi. 12.

Here lies a Man was got with Child
By a Maid that him defilde:
Who made him, when she was a Mother,
Father her Child got by another.

Vpon one Church-euill a debosh'd base Whore-hunter, who dyed of the Pox.

Epi. 13.

Here lies a Church, tryumphant still in euill;
That neuer fought with sin the world nor Diuell
But still with Flesh he changed friendly knocks;
And so, to shun the Plague, dyde of the Pox.

On a common Drunkard.

Epi. 14.

Here lies a Man that ner'e saw Man;
For he ner'e lookt but in a Can.

On an English stutting-Booke-seller who learned French, to sell Bookes to French-men.

Epi. 15.

Here lies Sam: although a Stutter,
Yet many a word, in Print, did vtter:
Yet had no Tonge at all to spare,
But one he bought to sell his Ware.

On Tarlton.

Epi. 16.

Here within this sullen Earth
Lies Dick-Tarlton, Lord of mirth;
Who in his Graue still, laughing, gapes
Syth all Clownes since haue beene his Apes:
Earst he of Clownes to learne still sought;
But now they learne of him they taught
By Art far past the Principall;
The Counterfet is, so, worth all,

On a rare Dyer of Silke.

Epi. 17.

Here lies one, who lyu'd by dying,
Yet dyde truely till this lying.

On a selfe conceited Foole.

Epi. 18.

Here lies a Man that was an Asse
Then Is he better than he was.

On one who cheated his Father.

Epi. 19.

Here lies a Man, who in a span
Of life, beyond his Father ran.

Epi. 20.

Here Iohn of Powles but hids his head:
For, none can say good Iohn is dead.

On Iohn A-Stile.

Epi. 318.

If yee be men, then stay a while,
And know here lyeth Iohn A Stile,
If yee know him not; why then,
Its ten to one y'are honest men.

On Rauiliack who murdered Henry the fourth French-King. 22.

Heere lies Rauiliack (the whole heauens vnder)
aboue the Earth, Heau'n, Earth, & Hels iust wōder,
Thogh all these 3. most iustly wonder at him,
The thing procures more wonder that begat him:
For, though that thing, in Ill, past all comparing,
Yet nought could ought beget so damd & daring.

On George a Greene, Pinder of Wakefield. 23.

Heere doth lie good George-a-Greene
Nor tasted, smelt, felt, heard, or seene:
But yet when George at Wakefield dwelt:
Many did smell, while him they felt.

On little Iohn.

Heere lies little Iohn, not little some weene:
Yet now hee's so little he cannot be seene.

On Billy Grime.

Here lies Billy Gryme
Who neuer was storer;
But first and last Slyme,
And, euer a Rorer.
For, though dead bee Will,
His Name roreth still.

On a Roring Boy calld Thing.

Fie vppo'nt, it maddes me neere
A stabbing Thing should stil lye heere;
Yet, if now still lye he should not,
He must hang; for, stand he could not.

Of one Baudyman, whose name and nature were one. 27.

If I should tell you, heere doth lye
A Man; perhaps you'l say I lye:
But, though a Beast ye proue him can:
Yet was (at least) a Baudy-man.

Of one R. Hand that died of the Poxe. 28.

Now by this Hand I wrong him not,
Heere lies a Hand that, dead, doth rot:
And was so rotten ere hee dide,
That now he is lesse putrifide.

Upon a Youngster, who lay with a Maid, at the Labour in vaine. 29.

Would you thinke it? I thinke you would not:
Heere lies a youth that would but could not.

On a man borne dumbe. 30.

Beleeue it heere one dead doth lye,
Who in his life, could neuer lye:
For he was dumbe; then lye could nere,
But in his death, he still lyes heere.

Uppon one Eleazer Death a good fellow Taylor. 31.

If Death a Taylor bee, why then
He must prick Lice, not Maids nor Men.

Deaths Epitaph. 32.

Heere Death's inter'd, that liud by Bread:
Then, all should liue, now Death is dead.

On one Forgot a Pitman. 34.

Heere lyes, but what! that know I not:
Then (Reader) know, it is Forgot:
And yet if it thou dost not know,
Read but That and it wil shew.

On a short spare man, that wore alwayes an huge paire of Cloke-bag hose. 35.

That earth might dissolue the stitches,
Heere lies (rak't) a paire of Breeches:
Nought could weare them sith they had
Nought to weare them but a Shade.

On Iohn an Oakes.

Epitaph. 36.

Halla, my Mates, here make a stand,
And read who lies here; vnderstand
It's Iohn a Nokes the Lawiers foole;
Yet puts them still, for Law, to schoole.

One Ro: Gose a light-headed wanton.

Epitaph. 37.

Here lies a Sot, that liu'd too loose;
Read soft, then, least yee wake the Goose.

On a Sot that was held honest though such cannot bee so.

Epitaph. 38.

VVould yee thinke it? I thinke not;
Here doth lie an honest Sot.
Then, let him lie still in his Graue,
Left this World make the Foole a Knaue.

On one N. Pot, a dunkard who was stabb'd in an Ale-house.

Epitaph. 39.

Reader , though it's stincking stale,
Here lies spilt a Pot of Ale:
So, he hath small reckning got,
Though he were the reckning Pot.

On an idle prattler, nick-named Words.

Epitaph. 40.

Alas that euer he was borne,
Here lies a Man to Nothing worne;
Yet is more than he was (I trust)
He was but Words; but, now is Dust.

On one H. Quarrell.

Epit. 41.

If yee come, come on your perill,
For here lies a morrall Quarrell:
It is mortall, yet yee may
Finde it dead without a Fray.

One one B. Holiday.

Epit. 42.

Ah! out, alas, and well-away,
Here lies still, an Holyday.
Had it beene working; then, yee know,
It could not lie still, to be so.
Yet, when Holyday shall rise,
Hee'l fall, then, to some exercise.

Being desir'd to make an Epitaph on an ill-belou'd rich miserable yong-man whose name was Bright; and whose mothers name by her father, was Sparke; he writ.

Epitaph. 45.

Now, by this light,
Here, in the Darke,
Doth light one Bright,
That was a Sparke.

Foure sad Epitaphs.

A Epitaph on the death of the most famous Bishop; both for good learning, and good liuing, Doctor Tomson-Bishop of Gloucester.

Epitaph. 46.

This Tombe enwombes a Child of God, whose grace,
Wit, Art and Nature still, were so exact,
As makes his praisefil Time, and orefill Place;
Yet, in this Place his Corps lies close compact!
Then, such a sunne this Tomb doth now enwombe
As no such Tom-sonne, Tomb did e're entombe!

On Master W. Woodcock, a vertuous discreete and rare Scholler.

Epitaph. 47.

Here lies a Woodcock honest, learn'd, and wise,
Safe from the suares of all his enemies:
No Woodcock, then, in Nature, but in Name:
For which not He, but Fortune was too blame.

The Authors

Epitaph. 48.

Long after All was made, I, made, was marr'd
By Error of my Parents ere I err'd:
For, to the World I came through their offence,
Which made me sinfull, in mine Innocence.
I lou'd the Muses; and sought by them
Long life in this lifes shadow of a Dreame;
But, I am gon; and, my Remaines (I gesse)
Are but the Laboures of my Idlenesse
Which, liuing, die: so all thereby I got
Is Fame (perhaps) which (past perhaps) Is not;
At least Is not to me; sith dead I am:
And, haue no sence of Aire, Fames surer Name.
I lou'd Faire-writing; and, could Write as faire
As any that for That had got that Aire.
I taught it others; but my greatest Fee
Was fairest-fame the fowler shame for mee
In Mens accompt; who hold all Gettings vaine
That tend to Grace and Glory more than Gaine.
My Heart was Manly, in a double-sence,
Kind to my Friends and apt to giue offence
To my Offenders: so, Heart, Hand, and Head
Had precious Guifts, that did me little stead.
I found the World as Abel found it; sith
It harm'd me most that medl'd least therewith.
I found my Flesh my Houshold Foe; while I
The Diuell found my forraigne enemy:
So, Inwardly and Outwardly I found
My life still Millitant; till in this Ground
I lay intrench'd: where safe I lie from fight,
Equall to Cæsar in our present plight:
If oddes there be; herein it now doth rest,
I, being a Christian-man, must needs be best:
My soule is in his hand, that made me so;
His Glories Subiect still, in Weale, or Woe.

On a vertuous faire-maide Mistresse Eliza: Amber.

Epitaph. 49.

On a Bankcrupt called Myte.

Epitaph. 51.

Reader, read right,
And thou shalt see,
Here lies a Myte
Not worth a Cee.

On a wicked fellow called P. Godsoll.

Epita. 51.

Lord! that men should read, or say,
Here lies God-sole turn'd to Clay:
Yet, sith she was no soule of God,
He turn'd too wel, when he turn'd Clod.

Of one Woorth that died Lowsie, hauing had a good lyuing; but spent it leawdly.

Epit. 52.

Here lies Woorth
Of little price;
And, so foorth;
The rest is Lice.

On one Elizabeth Butter a faire maide.

Epitaph. 53.

Here lies sweete Butter turn'd to Grasse,
To make sweete Butter as it was.

On one I. Cheese, an old Leatcher.

Epitaph. 53.

Here lies old Cheese, who doth not know it,
Aske but the Grubs, and they will shew it.

On one P. Cocke, a rich foole, who gaue much money by wil, to make him a faire Tombe.

Epit. 56.

Here lies a Cocke, he mist the Combe
Hardly, to haue with Wise men Roome:
But now he is dead, it doth appeare,
He's proud of his owne dunghill here.

On a common Drunkard call'd Man.

Epitaph. 56.

Can yee thinke it? if yee can,
Then here lies a Beast-like Man.

On one call'd Iaques.

Epitaph. 57.

Fie out vp on't, spue, spit, and cough;
A Iakes here lieth: Mary, fough!

On one Wit, whose mother died with his birth; a contentious fellow.

Epitaph. 58.

Come a long, and Nothing by:
For, Wit bought deerely, here doth lie:
That's good for nothing; then be glad,
That good for nought, may here be had.

On the Cripple, who stole the weather-cocke of Paules.

Epitaph. 59.

Here lies the Cripple,
That stole Paules-weather-cocke,
From that high Steeple
By night, at Twelue a Clocke:
If now he could flye here
(As then) past his fellowes,
Yer he would lie here,
He would climbe to the Gallowes.

On one called Holyday a great gamester kill'd playing at Primero.

Epitaph. 60.

Here lies gaming Holyday,
VVho wan his greatest Rest by play:
For, at Primero, in his Brest,
He got a Stab, that wan this Rest.

Vpon one Denis who slue one in a Tennis-court about the difference of a Chase.

Epitaph. 61.

Here lies one Denis
That plaide well at Tenis;
But as the Line he crost,
It him so intangled,
That him it strangled:
So, his Time Set, he lost.

On one Gold, a great Dicer.

Epit. 62.

Here lies Gold, that past at Dice;
Yet be it told, to know the price:
And for it went so light away,
It shalbe spent, here, Night and Day.

On No-body, as he is fancied & set foorth in picture.

Epitaph. 63.

Body of me here lies No-body,
That is; Nothing, like a Noddy:
Then, the shortest Epitaph
Fits him best that no place hath.

On a double fellow, ill composed.

Epit. 64.

Here lies one double in his Graue:
For, he was still a Foole, and Knaue.

On a skiruy fellow, enriched by a Queane.

Epit. 65.

Here lies a Scab
Made by a Drab.

On a Userer.

Egitaph.

Here still lieth Ten pur Cent:
In Deaths house, and payes no rent;
Then its like he lends to Death,
On this Free-hold, his dearest Breath.

On one Norman, an ill man. 66.

Within this Graue, heere lies, alone,
Nor-man, nor Beast; but both in one.

On one Maister Linder, that was burnt by a Drab: and thereof dyed. 67.

Here lies lusty Linder:
But it is cleere,
Had he not linde her,
Hee had not layne heere.

On a most intollerable curst Wife. 68.

If it be true, as I heare tell,
Some affirme the Graue is Hell:
And if Hell bee, then, so neere,
The veriest Diuill of Hell lies heere.

On one that lou'd Sacke as his Soule. 69.

On a Pander. 70.

Heere lies no-man,
But a Wo-man.
Woman? Fye no.
Man then? Why no.
What then is it;
That doth visit
Those that wander,
Call'd a Pander.

On a common quarreller. 71.

Did you euer see the like,
Heere lies one that still doth strike:
Aliue, he Strake both Friends and foes;
And, dead, his stinke strikes eithers Nose.

On one called Hinde, a miserable Vsurer. 72.

Within the Dust, heere lyes a Hinde,
That heere would weare soone out of mind:
Then lest this Dust, Times eyes should blinde,
Bee't knowne to all: Heere lyes a Hinde.

Epitaph. 73.

None would thinke it by and by,
Heere lies one that cannot lye.

On a Bridewell-Beadle. 74.

Here lies a Bridewell-Beggers-Beadle,
Once cas'd in Blew, whereon Death plaies
As on his basest Crowde, or Fiddle;
And, for his whipping, him he Flayes.

On a Man whose name was Mouse. 75.

Heere lies a Man: nay, bate me an Ase;
Heere lies a Mouse in a Mans Case.

On one Nichols, that chang'd his Religion, many times. 76.

Heere lies Iack of both sides, right on his Back,
who for he did sooth sides, all sides cal him Iack,
Then on his Belly or Back he must bide,
Because he could ne're lye still on a Side.

On one Loue a Gold-finder alias a Iakes-Farmer. 77.

If yee can smell,
Then draw ye neere:
And you'l soone tell
Who lyeth heere.

On a tall Coward. 78.

Faith sir no; it is not so:
Then who lies heere you cannot know;
Yet was a Man exceeding tall,
And yet he was no man at all!

By one Shockman hang'd in chaines on a Hill. 79.

Heere still sleepes Shockman,
On this heauy Hill:
Yet when Death doth rock-man,
He wags, sleeping still.

On a, Bankeroupt that liu'd (till he died) long in Ludgate, oft begging in the Hole. 80.

None can tell who lyeth heere
Sith he neuer did appeare:
For; he liu'd and dide in Warde;
So, nere was seene but often heard.

To my Worthily much honored M. Richard Martin, learned in the Lawes, Arts, and Languages.

Marten , the Bird, the Beast, the Man in grace;
Haue all three, three peculiar dearest things:
The Bird for taking time of Time and Place:
The Beast for his rich Case, the Case of Kings;
And thou, the Man, for thy high Wit and Worth,
So, Man, Beast, Bird, A Marten thus sets forth.

To my Noble and euer best beloued Pupill, Captaine Henry Maynwarring.

Though last I place thee (noble Pupill) I
Haue reason for't. Wil't know the Mistery?
Thou shalt, next heau'n, be last in mind with me
At last, when I to Heau'n shall Vsher Thee.
What said I? Heau'n! do Captaines climbe so hie?
Yes, thou shalt doo't, sith thou so oft did'st buy
Freedome for Christians; (Slaues to Turkes;) and so
Thou ebd'st thy meanes with grace: if sin did flow.

The conclusion.

On Banning.

Bee as bee may; no Banning is: Oh no;
Banning's a blessing: and I'le take it so.

An excuse for Faults escapt in Printing by reason my Occasions would not permit me to looke to the Presse.

When Printing first was borne (it seems) it had
This curse with it; That it should beare no Book
But it, with Falts, should make the Father sad,
Then Reader to the Faults vouchsafe to looke:
And mend, or make them worse; all's one to me,
They be not mine; but theirs that, now, o're see.