A Continvance of Albions England :: :: University of Virginia Library

There is an Academie, which I reuerence so much,
As gessed gainst it splenous thoughts me splenously would touch:
For as (so Historie) it was the Primer-schooling Heere,
So euer haue Religion and the Muses held it deare:
What of Precisians? most retract, did Papists Else-where so,
Amisse were well amended: but too West-ward now we go.
Not miles from it a Township is, I know not whether in

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A neighbouring Mart more famous, or infamous for the sinne
Of Beggers, Brothels, Cheaters, Bawds, and Vagrants once a yeere
Resorting thither, then to put their sinnes in practise there.
Farre be it though we taxe there of those dwelling there, for why?
Proctors nor Prætors euer could those Of-scummes thence put by.
The harbouring then so fitting There, as those of Sort among
Are faine thereof. But all this while we doe our Hostesse wrong,
Who though she lack not of the age that Scriptures lot to man,
In auaritious Prouidence lesse Arte the Diuell can:
Her let vs Storie, as she swaies the Pot and dripping-pan.

So farre-foorth as her empted Goomes permitteth Guests she greets,
And promiseth to euery one soft lodging & sweet sheets:
But who would thinke by misse of teeth ye she with profit meets?
Full gorged mongst her Guests (for she with euery Company eates,
And slauers out some Decate of worme-eaten home-spun feates,
Or with her fellow Pharisies of Lecture-shreads intreates,
Or as she gropeth humours, so afferring stuffe repeates,
A Proteu to all profit, hers as euery pulse so beates,
Well wotting now no thriuing if no hammering to all heates)
She, eating as chap-broken, of teeth-fugitiues complaines,
And for adiorned chewing so full fraughted trenchers gaines,
Which she retaileth: neither with that bootie so refraines,
But that some neighbour big with childe lusts this or that she faines,
And fourthly for her gulled Guests a galling shot remaines.
At table and in Stable when is frankly spent, and hopte
The promisd Lodging, no such thing, for many so gaine-coopt
Are glad, with fresh Expences for rear-banquets and great fiers,
All night to shelter bedlesse there: her selfe meane time retiers
To gnawed bones, and slubberd Scraps, and Trenchers, which she scrapes
So as no licking for a Mouse her frugall fingers scapes,
And with that sweet Compound condites such Gallimawfries as
She dearely vttereth to the Swaines that to and fro then pas.

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Her parts externall more to praise, in sooth, I know not how,
Than that she eateth, grunts, and goes as clenly as a Sow,
Splay-footed, gated like a Beare, and wasted like a Cow,
And grease combust hides as a Maske her face of Baboon-forme.
Not wrothfull though, who so will may howsoeuer storme,
So she hath pay, that will be paid, if Bayard be in Stable,
And Bayard shall be there, for none she intertaines not able.
And though her wealth be great she hath no pride as may appeare,
So sluttish is her Wardrobe that she doth and doth not weare.
And he that at her Beauties best her kissed him repented,
Then Lecherie must needes in one so vgly be preuented.
She cannot be malitious doth with only Mony deale:
Nor enuious, vnto only whom Vertues themselues conceale.
And though that Gluttonie it selfe by her might be pourtraid,
Yet Others, not her selfe, for that deformitie haue paid.
Now, were our Hostesse purged of her couetous humour too,
It were a Metaphysick more than Belzebub can doe:
To whom I leaue both her and all such Hosteses, Amen:
For better matter, could we hit thereon, attends our pen.

This Toy tost-by, be now awhile contemplated vpon
The God-protected Gouernment of that sweet Queene is gon.
How happie her distaste of These, of Pope, and Papists all
Was to her selfe and Hers, and how an Edict late for Baal,
Such as was Iehues, seem'd proclaim'd: for whereto els should tend
Such libertie of Trauell, or of Ours, that might defend
Euen gainst true Christians Catholikes, nick-named, but thereby
To our Religion or to Romes Affections so to trie?
Sith pregnantly is Opposite our King to Papistrie.
On These I ruminating thus into a slumber fell,
And dream'd a speaking Vision, which did humour me so well,
As would I could (which Arte cannot) it in its Essence tell.