The Wiccamical Chaplet a selection of original poetry; comprising smaller poems, serious and comic; classical trifles; sonnets; inscriptions and epitaphs; songs and ballads; mock-heroics, epigrams, fragments, &c. &c. Edited by George Huddesford |
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THE TRIOPTHALMIST, OR THREE-EYED CONNOISSEUR.
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 | The Wiccamical Chaplet |  |
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THE TRIOPTHALMIST, OR THREE-EYED CONNOISSEUR.
A BALLAD, Inscribed to the sagacious Amateurs of the Old School.
[_]
Written on a perusal of that very edifying, liberal, disinterested, candid, classical and supereminently modest publication, THE DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE Of Mons Desenfans: styling himself late Consul-General to the King of Poland in Great Britain. Published in Feb. 1802.
Virtuosos astute, Cognoscenti profound,
Who are bankrupts in brains, but in money abound,
To Consul Desenfans all scamper in haste:
Desenfans, the Guide of the National Taste!
Who are bankrupts in brains, but in money abound,
To Consul Desenfans all scamper in haste:
Desenfans, the Guide of the National Taste!
Desenfans
, our Misses and Masters who taught
To distinguish a verb from a noun for a groat,
Condescends to instruct English Gentry and Quality
In the liberal arts, and teach Painters morality,
To distinguish a verb from a noun for a groat,
Condescends to instruct English Gentry and Quality
In the liberal arts, and teach Painters morality,
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French pronouns and articles others may teach,
He has Parts far transcending the eight parts of speech;
Since, in different articles dealing, he's got
To be Consul, and Critick, and Devil knows what.
He has Parts far transcending the eight parts of speech;
Since, in different articles dealing, he's got
To be Consul, and Critick, and Devil knows what.
Chef-d'œuvres of Art he has bought up by shoals,
At the special request of the King of the Poles:
But, since the King left 'em to rot on the shelf,
They'll be sold at the special request of himself.
At the special request of the King of the Poles:
But, since the King left 'em to rot on the shelf,
They'll be sold at the special request of himself.
So the Consul's found out (sure this Consul's a witch)
“Throw your money away, and you all must grow rich;
“Buy my wares, they are better than titles and rank ,
“My old Pictures are current as Notes of the Bank.”
“Throw your money away, and you all must grow rich;
“Buy my wares, they are better than titles and rank ,
“My old Pictures are current as Notes of the Bank.”
If modern productions you name, he cries, “Tush—
“No painter that's living can handle a brush!
“With the works of the dead let your gall'ries be cramm'd,
“But while painters are quick, let 'em starve and be damn'd.”
“No painter that's living can handle a brush!
“With the works of the dead let your gall'ries be cramm'd,
“But while painters are quick, let 'em starve and be damn'd.”
Picture-dealers, and vampers, and venders, wou'd drive
A rare trade if there was not one painter alive:
Then could none to our grand Connoisseur Desenfans
Give the lie, when he swears that his Geese are all Swans.
A rare trade if there was not one painter alive:
Then could none to our grand Connoisseur Desenfans
Give the lie, when he swears that his Geese are all Swans.
137
“Of Pictures,” he tells you, “good Judges are few:
“Since to view them the multitude eyes have but two.”
But two eyes, Good lack!—Why how many has he?
Connoisseurs, like Desenfans, are gifted with three .
“Since to view them the multitude eyes have but two.”
But two eyes, Good lack!—Why how many has he?
Connoisseurs, like Desenfans, are gifted with three .
He has one eye for censure to find a pretence,
He has one eye to wink at his own want of sense,
And one eye in reserve, which is worth t'other twain,
For that eye's never clos'd—'tis an eye to his gain.
He has one eye to wink at his own want of sense,
And one eye in reserve, which is worth t'other twain,
For that eye's never clos'd—'tis an eye to his gain.
But altho' we could boast all the eyes of old Argus,
Yet will Charon ere long in his wherry embark us:
To thy bar, Rhadamanthus, that ferryman hales
Connoisseurs with three eyes and Bashaws with three tails.
Yet will Charon ere long in his wherry embark us:
To thy bar, Rhadamanthus, that ferryman hales
Connoisseurs with three eyes and Bashaws with three tails.
The good King of the Poles Fate has knock'd off the perch,
And the Consul his Majesty left in the lurch
Who knows but his summons may hang up full soon
A chef-d'œuvre to garnish old Pluto's saloon.
And the Consul his Majesty left in the lurch
Who knows but his summons may hang up full soon
A chef-d'œuvre to garnish old Pluto's saloon.
Then let silver-tongu'd Christie his pulpit ascend:
And if Consuls who pictures vamp, varnish and vend,
Were all knock'd on the head with a stroke of his hammer,
What a loss we should have of marr'd canvass and grammar.
And if Consuls who pictures vamp, varnish and vend,
Were all knock'd on the head with a stroke of his hammer,
What a loss we should have of marr'd canvass and grammar.
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