 | The complete poetical works of Oliver Wendell Holmes |  |
ODE FOR A SOCIAL MEETING
I recollect a British criticism of the poem “with the slight alterations,” in which the writer was quite indignant at the treatment my convivial song had received. No committee, he thought, would dare treat a Scotch author in that way. I could not help being reminded of Sydney Smith, and the surgical operation he proposed, in order to get a pleasantry into the head of a North Briton.
I recollect a British criticism of the poem “with the slight alterations,” in which the writer was quite indignant at the treatment my convivial song had received. No committee, he thought, would dare treat a Scotch author in that way. I could not help being reminded of Sydney Smith, and the surgical operation he proposed, in order to get a pleasantry into the head of a North Briton.
WITH SLIGHT ALTERATIONS BY A TEETOTALER
Here is a little poem I sent a short time since to a committee for a certain celebration. I understood that it was to be a festive and convivial occasion, and ordered myself accordingly. It seems the president of the day was what is called a “teetotaler.” I received a note from him in the following words, containing the copy subjoined, with the emendations annexed to it.
“Dear Sir,—Your poem gives good satisfaction to the committee. The sentiments expressed with reference to liquor are not, however, those generally entertained by this community. I have therefore consulted the clergyman of this place, who has made some slight changes, which he thinks will remove all objections, and keep the valuable portions of the poem. Please to inform me of your charge for said poem. Our means are limited, etc., etc., etc.
“Yours with respect.”Here it is with the slight alterations.
While the logwood still reddens our cups as they flow?
Pour out the decoction still bright with the sun,
Till o'er the brimmed crystal the dye-stuff shall run.
How sweet is the taste of the sugar of lead.
For summer's rank poisons lie hid in the wines!!!
That were garnered by stable-boys smoking long-nines.
For all strychnine and whiskey, and ratsbane and beer!
In cellar, in pantry, in attic, in hall,
Down, down with the tyrant that masters us all!
| The complete poetical works of Oliver Wendell Holmes | |