Partingtonian patchwork Blifkins the martyr : the domestic trials of a model husband. The modern syntax : Dr. Spooner's experiences in search of the delectable. Partington papers : strippings of the warm milk of human kindness. New and old dips from an unambitious inkstand. Humorous, eccentric, rhythmical |
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GOUT:
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247
GOUT:
A SUBDUED CASE.
Dear Nannie, place my easy chair,
And give my foot the proper square—
Be careful how you touch it!—THERE!—
That pang, just past,
Might cause an anchorite to swear,
Nor risk his caste.
And give my foot the proper square—
Be careful how you touch it!—THERE!—
That pang, just past,
Might cause an anchorite to swear,
Nor risk his caste.
And now my pen with acrid-sting
And ink of verjuice hither bring,
That I may Gout's demerits sing
In limpéd strains;
A theme ignored—a baleful thing—
It prompts my pains.
And ink of verjuice hither bring,
That I may Gout's demerits sing
In limpéd strains;
A theme ignored—a baleful thing—
It prompts my pains.
My muse is no ecstatic sprite,
To lead me, wildered, out of sight,
And breathe ineffable delight
In bird-like lays;
Than this I try no higher flight
To win my baize.
To lead me, wildered, out of sight,
And breathe ineffable delight
In bird-like lays;
Than this I try no higher flight
To win my baize.
But how describe the pain and ache—
The surging, burning, shooting shake;
The wrench, the rend, the twist, the break,
The anguish deep,
The while dire demons hold a wake
To murder sleep!
The surging, burning, shooting shake;
The wrench, the rend, the twist, the break,
The anguish deep,
The while dire demons hold a wake
To murder sleep!
248
Milton has writ of Purgatory,
And Pollok a more lurid story,
And Dante raised h---eat con amore,
But mine the worse,
Compared with which their highest glory
'S not worth a curse.
And Pollok a more lurid story,
And Dante raised h---eat con amore,
But mine the worse,
Compared with which their highest glory
'S not worth a curse.
But hold! my pet canary there
Sings from his perch a gentle air,
Regarding me with tender care—
In fear, 'twould seem,
His looks might fall on me somewhere,
To make me scream.
Sings from his perch a gentle air,
Regarding me with tender care—
In fear, 'twould seem,
His looks might fall on me somewhere,
To make me scream.
Entranced I listen—pen suspent—
To him strange fascination lent,
And his sweet song, the air besprent,
Thus seems to say—
The while from me his eye intent
Turns not away:—
To him strange fascination lent,
And his sweet song, the air besprent,
Thus seems to say—
The while from me his eye intent
Turns not away:—
“You surely make a great to-do
About this thing that troubles you,
All selfishly forgetting, too,
The pain you make;
Be just a bit to reason true,
For manhood's sake.
About this thing that troubles you,
All selfishly forgetting, too,
The pain you make;
Be just a bit to reason true,
For manhood's sake.
“And don't you see, my muddled friend,
Great good from great ill may descend?
And anguish, that the heart doth rend,
May give a birth,
Of grandest offices the end,
And priceless worth?
Great good from great ill may descend?
And anguish, that the heart doth rend,
May give a birth,
Of grandest offices the end,
And priceless worth?
249
“So this same gout that you revile,
Though painful, doubtless, for a while,
May prove at last the creaming oil
—The thought is valid—
That makes antagonisms smile
In life's great salad.
Though painful, doubtless, for a while,
May prove at last the creaming oil
—The thought is valid—
That makes antagonisms smile
In life's great salad.
“But for this gout would you have known
The myriad favors to you shown—
The kindly hearts to you have flown,
Attentions dear,
The atmosphere of love outthrown
To give you cheer?
The myriad favors to you shown—
The kindly hearts to you have flown,
Attentions dear,
The atmosphere of love outthrown
To give you cheer?
“How friends have pressed, with smiling lips,
Freighted with fruits, like orient ships,
To lighten up your joy's eclipse,
While here you groan;
And, from electric finger-tips,
Hope's seeds have sown!
Freighted with fruits, like orient ships,
To lighten up your joy's eclipse,
While here you groan;
And, from electric finger-tips,
Hope's seeds have sown!
“What gives that crutch its magic power
To call more spirits than Glendower?
You'd hammer like a thunder shower,
I greatly fear,
Did sympathy not ope a door
Through which to hear.
To call more spirits than Glendower?
You'd hammer like a thunder shower,
I greatly fear,
Did sympathy not ope a door
Through which to hear.
“A most ungrateful churl, at best,
You will nor reason manifest;
Inside's a demon more a pest
Than this without;
Disturbance of the spirit's rest
Is worse than gout.
You will nor reason manifest;
Inside's a demon more a pest
Than this without;
Disturbance of the spirit's rest
Is worse than gout.
250
“Then stop complaint, and be a man;
Be true, and your tormentor scan,
And ask, May it not be a plan
Your faults to snub?
Perhaps in them it all began,
And there's the rub.”
Be true, and your tormentor scan,
And ask, May it not be a plan
Your faults to snub?
Perhaps in them it all began,
And there's the rub.”
The song here ceased. I dipped my pen,
But all the spite had left me then,
And simply shouting out, “Amen!”
I gave it o'er;
Sure ne'er a bird to mortal ken
Sang so before.
But all the spite had left me then,
And simply shouting out, “Amen!”
I gave it o'er;
Sure ne'er a bird to mortal ken
Sang so before.
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