Poems :: :: University of Virginia Library

With blushes deep, and great chagrin
I ope'd your sheet and found therein
Myself addressed by some incog.,
Without a text, or e'en prologue.
I 'd give a cent to know his name
Who puts me thus to open shame;
But as that thing is all a Riddle,
I may as well “hang up my fiddle.”
Whoe'er he is he seems to be
In something of a quandary;
And so of course it doth devolve
On me his mighty doubt to solve.
I'll try, but always deem it vain
To teach what of itself is plain:—

Consistency I ever shall admire
Be it observed in youth or hoary sire,
But you, most powerful, severe unknown—
(And I must judge from what you 've lately done,)
Wear not that “precious jewel” in your head,
Or else your memory is dull and dead.
The man who lacks the one is but a whelp
Of Madness blind, but none there are can help
The loss of memory or its decline.
Which of these evils, unknown one, are thine

161

I will not say,—but one of them you have—
Do I address a dotard or a knave?
Review the piece to which you have referr'd
And see, yourself, how strangely you have err'd.
Doth that man meddle who consumes his days
In teaching men the “error of their ways?”
Doth that man meddle who when feuds increase,
Lends his endeavors to inculcate peace?
And doth he meddle who would warn the blind
Who truly meddle where they may not find?
Consistency, “the jewel,” answers, No!
But you who lack it may not view it so.
Have I “condemn'd learn'd, pious ladies all?”
As you 've asserted in your venom'd scrawl;
Have I deny 'd that they have souls to save?
Hold, man! I cry you—verily you rave!

As for your weighty questions I allow
They 're worth an answer—so you have it now:
First then, I have a “mother, wise and good,”
Altho' she keeps at home, nor gads abroad;
I have no wife, nor ever shall have one
Who cannot let our state affairs alone;
I have no sister, Heav'n was never pleased
To grant that solace to my “mind diseased”;
I am no Southern despot, fiercely bold—
I always hail from Massachusetts old;
Neither do I step forth in sovereign might—
To tread His image—be it black or white;
No! far from that! I ever love to see
Brethren unite and dwell in unity;
“Look round me!” Well, few of the human race
Love more than I a lady in her place,
Or more respect her modesty and grace.

And now before I leave the land,
Obedient to your high command,

162

Permit a parting word or two—
'T is the last time I'll trouble you:—

Perhaps t' were not amiss to state
What has befallen me of late;
Some one would cast me in a strait—
If so he could,
Because I will not trudge the gait
He wants I should.

But softly, sage one, if you please!
I'm not the one for you to tease;
I give your fury to the breeze,
To moles and bats;
You may catch rats with toasted cheese—
Not cheese with rats!

Were it not better had we fewer
Such irritable ones as you are?
I preached a sermon from the Scripture
With proper text;
And tho' 't was done with motives pure,
You 're sorely vexed.

And was it then addressed to you?
There is a proverb, and 't is true,
That none can feel the pinching shoe
Save those who wear it;
And how it felt you doubtless knew
And could 'nt bear it.

With you there must be something ill
That you should of your own free will
Administer yourself the pill—
May it relieve you!
And all the charges in my bill
I free forgive you.