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101
THE REVIEW.
'T is pleasant thro' the loop-hole of retreat
To peep at such a world.—
Shakspeare.
To peep at such a world.—
Shakspeare.
When in the mood to make a pen
To let it rest! I know not when;
So glancing o'er the ways of men
With ready sight,
I 've found the present theme, and then
What's more, must write.
To let it rest! I know not when;
So glancing o'er the ways of men
With ready sight,
I 've found the present theme, and then
What's more, must write.
We'll take a kind of grand review
From this to that the country through;
What whims we note, without ado
We'll write them down,
Be they in Gentile or in Jew,
In lord or clown.
From this to that the country through;
What whims we note, without ado
We'll write them down,
Be they in Gentile or in Jew,
In lord or clown.
Condemn not me, ye knowing ones!
I 've not seen forty annual suns,
Nor fifty, and yet he who runs
Reads if he will—
Nor is it youth alone that shuns
To foot your bill.
I 've not seen forty annual suns,
Nor fifty, and yet he who runs
Reads if he will—
Nor is it youth alone that shuns
To foot your bill.
E'en now, “by taking thought,” I hear
Your censures and remarks severe;
But that is what I never fear—
And in reply,
Think me wrong, if you please, but ne'er
Give me the lie!
Your censures and remarks severe;
But that is what I never fear—
And in reply,
Think me wrong, if you please, but ne'er
Give me the lie!
DUAN FIRST.
Money 's the nail that first I'll drive.
We all need some of it to live,
But why do mortals vex and strive
For it alone?
Cheat one another, and connive
At frauds their own?
We all need some of it to live,
But why do mortals vex and strive
For it alone?
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At frauds their own?
In vain the sacred man may tell
Of Mammon, the destroyer fell—
Mortals can never hearken well
With ears stopped fast!
They'll crack the nut and find but shell,
I think, at last.
Of Mammon, the destroyer fell—
Mortals can never hearken well
With ears stopped fast!
They'll crack the nut and find but shell,
I think, at last.
E'en in the councils of our nation,
Where men hold high responsive station,
And thunder loud in declamation—
In gold's bright bubble,
For one, I see the derivation
Of every trouble.
Where men hold high responsive station,
And thunder loud in declamation—
In gold's bright bubble,
For one, I see the derivation
Of every trouble.
And in the private walks of life
It forms the cause of every strife;
It bids assassins draw the knife
To put life out;
It links together man and wife
Sometimes, no doubt.
It forms the cause of every strife;
It bids assassins draw the knife
To put life out;
It links together man and wife
Sometimes, no doubt.
Some persons ye may hear declare:
“Give me a competency fair,
And I will cease my worldly care
And help the poor.”
Yet with their thousands then to spare
They wish for more!
“Give me a competency fair,
And I will cease my worldly care
And help the poor.”
Yet with their thousands then to spare
They wish for more!
If such with me should take offence,
Altho' of little consequence,
To gain again their confidence,
On them I pray
Heaven send the wished-for competence
Without delay.
Altho' of little consequence,
To gain again their confidence,
On them I pray
Heaven send the wished-for competence
Without delay.
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We'll look at something else. One day
By chance it fell my lot to stray
To where men go to preach and pray
Far in the wood;
And quite as many take their way
For aught but good.
By chance it fell my lot to stray
To where men go to preach and pray
Far in the wood;
And quite as many take their way
For aught but good.
Ye might have heard the clamor loud
That rose from out that motley crowd,
And yells to make a Stentor proud,
Full half a mile;
I looked to see the heavens bowed
At first, awhile!
That rose from out that motley crowd,
And yells to make a Stentor proud,
Full half a mile;
I looked to see the heavens bowed
At first, awhile!
But soon familiar with the sound,
I cast my wondering eyes around
And saw a thousand on the ground
Shout, sing, and weep;
Men, women, children, all were found
In the same heap.
I cast my wondering eyes around
And saw a thousand on the ground
Shout, sing, and weep;
Men, women, children, all were found
In the same heap.
Then on the other hand, and near,
Was seen that which to tell of here
Would doubtless shock the modest ear,
So let it rest;—
Tho' there are ears that would not fear
To bide the test.
Was seen that which to tell of here
Would doubtless shock the modest ear,
So let it rest;—
Tho' there are ears that would not fear
To bide the test.
I pondered o'er the scene full long;
My cogitations might be wrong,
But yet the reasons seemed too strong
To be denied;
So taking one from out the throng,
We spoke aside:—
My cogitations might be wrong,
But yet the reasons seemed too strong
To be denied;
So taking one from out the throng,
We spoke aside:—
My friend, I would inquire of you
For what you make this great ado?
Your object may be good and true—
I own it so,
But evil deeds therefrom ensue,
As well you know.
For what you make this great ado?
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I own it so,
But evil deeds therefrom ensue,
As well you know.
Quoth he, “Our object is to raise
Our voices to our God in praise,
And from the error of their ways
Sinners to turn;
For this we spend whole nights and days
To teach and learn.”
Our voices to our God in praise,
And from the error of their ways
Sinners to turn;
For this we spend whole nights and days
To teach and learn.”
But, sir, why seek the open air,
The nightly dews with shrubs to share,
Disease and sickness thus to dare—
Oft in the lurch?
Is there not room, and that to spare,
In barn or church?
The nightly dews with shrubs to share,
Disease and sickness thus to dare—
Oft in the lurch?
Is there not room, and that to spare,
In barn or church?
You make a great parade and noise—
So do these idle men and boys;
You come to talk of heavenly joys—
They come for fun;
And while your part your time employs
Much else is done.
So do these idle men and boys;
You come to talk of heavenly joys—
They come for fun;
And while your part your time employs
Much else is done.
Now set the zeal of your elect,
And all the good you will effect,
And all the evil you reject,
Against this play
Of standers by, and I suspect
The last would weigh.
And all the good you will effect,
And all the evil you reject,
Against this play
Of standers by, and I suspect
The last would weigh.
Your camp-scenes form another case
Akin to that which oft takes place—
'T is hanging men before the face
Of multitudes;
What serves example in disgrace
Often breeds feuds!
Akin to that which oft takes place—
'T is hanging men before the face
Of multitudes;
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Often breeds feuds!
I'll tell you what I once did see:
A wretch led to the gallows-tree,
With death-march wailing mournfully—
A solemn sight,
And one that shook the nervous knee,
And bleared the light.
A wretch led to the gallows-tree,
With death-march wailing mournfully—
A solemn sight,
And one that shook the nervous knee,
And bleared the light.
Thousands of men stood grouped about,
The halting, feeble, and the stout,
From perfumed fop to rustic lout,
All struck with awe!
A denser, eager-scrambling rout
None ever saw.
The halting, feeble, and the stout,
From perfumed fop to rustic lout,
All struck with awe!
A denser, eager-scrambling rout
None ever saw.
Well, 'neath the gallows, frowning tall,
We saw the wretched culprit fall,
And struggling die before us all.
Scarce was he dead,
When there arose a deadly brawl
With steel and lead.
We saw the wretched culprit fall,
And struggling die before us all.
Scarce was he dead,
When there arose a deadly brawl
With steel and lead.
The red blood flowed as whiskey free;
There would have been, it seemed to me,
Another victim for the tree
In short time more—
(Altho' the great solemnity
Was scarcely o'er)—
There would have been, it seemed to me,
Another victim for the tree
In short time more—
(Altho' the great solemnity
Was scarcely o'er)—
Had not some peace-men passing by,
Drawn to the scene of action nigh,
Compelled the rioters to fly,
And quelled the fight.
And much else that day met my eye
That was not right.
Drawn to the scene of action nigh,
Compelled the rioters to fly,
And quelled the fight.
And much else that day met my eye
That was not right.
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Those who by the scene should profit
Were benefited not a bit,
Thus warned their evil works to quit,
But every grade
From cut-throat down to pick-pocket
Each plied his trade.
Were benefited not a bit,
Thus warned their evil works to quit,
But every grade
From cut-throat down to pick-pocket
Each plied his trade.
“Facts,” it is said, “are stubborn things,”
Preferred before the word of kings,
And my own observation brings
Such proofs as these;
And count them vain imaginings,
If so you please.
Preferred before the word of kings,
And my own observation brings
Such proofs as these;
And count them vain imaginings,
If so you please.
DUAN SECOND.
I sing the wisdom of the age,
The new opinions of the sage;
We 'd pine in Ignorance's cage,
No doubt, without them
So I will try to write a page
Or two about them.
The new opinions of the sage;
We 'd pine in Ignorance's cage,
No doubt, without them
So I will try to write a page
Or two about them.
Who but has heard his father tell
How in his day things went on well,
For then the lines of living fell
In goodly places;
Nor did they, as we do, expel
All inborn graces.
How in his day things went on well,
For then the lines of living fell
In goodly places;
Nor did they, as we do, expel
All inborn graces.
Tho' much of tippling then was done,
(Which is apt to breed contention,)
The wheels of union ever run
Harmoniously.
No one rose to make dissention,
All piously.
(Which is apt to breed contention,)
The wheels of union ever run
Harmoniously.
No one rose to make dissention,
All piously.
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Now Mormon, with his golden plates,
Says he has opened heaven's gates,
And hangs out many tempting baits
To prove the fact;
And old Joe Smith, his agent, prates
With school-boy tact.
Says he has opened heaven's gates,
And hangs out many tempting baits
To prove the fact;
And old Joe Smith, his agent, prates
With school-boy tact.
His flock have gone far to the west
To seek some promised land of rest,
Where other sects can ne'er molest,
Nor day, nor night.
They'll never cease on earth their quest,
If rumor 's right.
To seek some promised land of rest,
Where other sects can ne'er molest,
Nor day, nor night.
They'll never cease on earth their quest,
If rumor 's right.
Here in our own, our goodly land,
Some zealot has enrolled a band,
Whose object is to take command
From heaven, I think!
The last accounts they seemed to stand
Upon the brink.
Some zealot has enrolled a band,
Whose object is to take command
From heaven, I think!
The last accounts they seemed to stand
Upon the brink.
They hold that while a thing of earth,
A soul that 's had the “second birth”
Possesses all exalted worth
That angels have;
And truly it excites to mirth
To hear them rave.
A soul that 's had the “second birth”
Possesses all exalted worth
That angels have;
And truly it excites to mirth
To hear them rave.
They think the great and high Supreme
A being worthy of esteem!
And then their worthless selves they deem
As angels holy,
Alike unknown to guilty shame,
To sin or folly!
A being worthy of esteem!
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As angels holy,
Alike unknown to guilty shame,
To sin or folly!
That heathenism should be done
Beneath New-England's christian sun,
'S a crying shame—a grievous one;
And into jail
The imps should tarred and feathered run,
Or ride a rail.
Beneath New-England's christian sun,
'S a crying shame—a grievous one;
And into jail
The imps should tarred and feathered run,
Or ride a rail.
There 's other sects, had I the will
To write about, enough to fill
The walls of any paper-mill—
I'll only add,
L---d ever keep them out of G***,
And we'll be glad.
To write about, enough to fill
The walls of any paper-mill—
I'll only add,
L---d ever keep them out of G***,
And we'll be glad.
In olden time there was no need
Of working each misguided deed
Which some good modern people plead
Is duty now;
And some, no doubt, expect a mede—
Let duty go.
Of working each misguided deed
Which some good modern people plead
Is duty now;
And some, no doubt, expect a mede—
Let duty go.
But as to that I will not say,
Tho' let us censure as we may
The righteous truth would ne'er cry nay—
Of that I'm sure
As that some others work away
With motives pure.
Tho' let us censure as we may
The righteous truth would ne'er cry nay—
Of that I'm sure
As that some others work away
With motives pure.
We at the North saw fit to free
Our slaves, and give them liberty;
And it was done quite peaceably,
Of our own will;
And sons of Ham with us, we see,
Are freemen still.
Our slaves, and give them liberty;
And it was done quite peaceably,
Of our own will;
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Are freemen still.
Did southern statesmen interfere,
And meddle with our matters here,
And wring for us the ill-timed tear?
Believe it?—No!
They held the bonds of union dear,
As we should do.
And meddle with our matters here,
And wring for us the ill-timed tear?
Believe it?—No!
They held the bonds of union dear,
As we should do.
Have we so much the wiser grown
We cannot let the South alone?
But fight like dogs for some poor bone?
Pray let her be!
When she sees fit, as we have done,
Her slaves she'll free.
We cannot let the South alone?
But fight like dogs for some poor bone?
Pray let her be!
When she sees fit, as we have done,
Her slaves she'll free.
Has she no judgment or volition
That we should preach her abolition,
Without regard to coalition?
And paper scrawl—
Men, women, infants, in petition—
Paupers and all?
That we should preach her abolition,
Without regard to coalition?
And paper scrawl—
Men, women, infants, in petition—
Paupers and all?
Petitioners! a word or two
For each and every one of you!
Men, does your judgment serve you true,
Without a bias?
Most peaceful men I ever knew
Were truly pious.
For each and every one of you!
Men, does your judgment serve you true,
Without a bias?
Most peaceful men I ever knew
Were truly pious.
Ladies, I know you would do good
In every way in which you could,
And in the present case you would,
But, pardon me!
In order thus to do you should
More quiet be.
In every way in which you could,
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But, pardon me!
In order thus to do you should
More quiet be.
Infants, the holy Scripture says,
Love and mind your parents always;
And if they ever bid you raise
Your feeble voice
To sanction what is all a maze,
You have no choice!
Love and mind your parents always;
And if they ever bid you raise
Your feeble voice
To sanction what is all a maze,
You have no choice!
Ye self-made sons of poverty,
I would in turn petition ye:
Fret not yourselves at slavery
Till ye are free!
Something like inconsistency,
It seems to me.
I would in turn petition ye:
Fret not yourselves at slavery
Till ye are free!
Something like inconsistency,
It seems to me.
Now, moreover and furthermore—
We moderns wander terra o'er
And seek some far-off foreign shore,
Alms to apply;
While in our midst the needy poor
Beg, starve, and die!
We moderns wander terra o'er
And seek some far-off foreign shore,
Alms to apply;
While in our midst the needy poor
Beg, starve, and die!
We 're growing wiser every year,
And to what point at last we'll steer,
Requires the vision of a seer,
Not mine, to tell;
But may we keep our offing clear
For aye of h*ll.
And to what point at last we'll steer,
Requires the vision of a seer,
Not mine, to tell;
But may we keep our offing clear
For aye of h*ll.
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DUAN THIRD.
We have improvements now in physics,
In healing broken bones or phthisics,
In giving ailing men dietics,
In curing ills
Of all descriptions with emetics
Or patent pills.
In healing broken bones or phthisics,
In giving ailing men dietics,
In curing ills
Of all descriptions with emetics
Or patent pills.
If half were true that meets the eye
For mending our mortality,
Life's complicate machinery
Would ne'er decay;
But when it came our time to die,
We 'd blow away!
For mending our mortality,
Life's complicate machinery
Would ne'er decay;
But when it came our time to die,
We 'd blow away!
Here we read that “Dr. Blixer
Prepares and sells the Life Elixer,”
“Cough-drops,” “Syrups,” “Tonic Mixture,”
Or “Head-ache Snuff;”
Enough to make the sick man sicker
To take the stuff.
Prepares and sells the Life Elixer,”
“Cough-drops,” “Syrups,” “Tonic Mixture,”
Or “Head-ache Snuff;”
Enough to make the sick man sicker
To take the stuff.
Here 's Dr. Thinkum's patent pills,
A certain cure for all the ills
That doctors score upon their bills—
Tho' ten to one,
Those whom the trashy physic kills
Are cured alone.
A certain cure for all the ills
That doctors score upon their bills—
Tho' ten to one,
Those whom the trashy physic kills
Are cured alone.
'T is custom at the present day
To preface with a long essay
Some new-invented quackery.
So for the hare
Men put a bait, while 'neath they lay
The subtle snare.
To preface with a long essay
Some new-invented quackery.
So for the hare
Men put a bait, while 'neath they lay
The subtle snare.
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Now, Æsculapius, give o'er
Your books of scientific lore;
We need your services no more—
We'll heal ourselves;
And lay your long and well-filled score
Upon your shelves.
Your books of scientific lore;
We need your services no more—
We'll heal ourselves;
And lay your long and well-filled score
Upon your shelves.
For lo! how often are we told,
And that with strong assurance bold,
Diseases sure are manifold,
And yet they spring
From impure blood, and here is sold
What cures that thing!
And that with strong assurance bold,
Diseases sure are manifold,
And yet they spring
From impure blood, and here is sold
What cures that thing!
If palsy binds our limbs in chains,
If fever scorches up our veins,
Whate'er disease with racking pains
This body fills,
The remedy with us remains—
A dose of pills!
If fever scorches up our veins,
Whate'er disease with racking pains
This body fills,
The remedy with us remains—
A dose of pills!
O, love of gain, how strong thou art
To render obdurate the heart,
And bid it act that meaner part,
Base imposition!
I would that Justice make thee smart
With true contrition.
To render obdurate the heart,
And bid it act that meaner part,
Base imposition!
I would that Justice make thee smart
With true contrition.
And now before the theme I close
A sentence I would just propose
To execute on all of those
Who thus offend:—
Let the quack eat the drugs he shows,
And, faith, he'll end!
A sentence I would just propose
To execute on all of those
Who thus offend:—
Let the quack eat the drugs he shows,
And, faith, he'll end!
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What puts the housewives in a flutter?
Hear how they loudly talk and sputter!
What means the hurry-skurry clutter—
Is it contention?
Oh, no! a thing for churning butter—
A new invention!
Hear how they loudly talk and sputter!
What means the hurry-skurry clutter—
Is it contention?
Oh, no! a thing for churning butter—
A new invention!
Inventions now abound withal.
We class them thus, the great and small;
The great, or those that thus we call,
Are labor-saving;
The small are like a pewter ball—
Not worth the having.
We class them thus, the great and small;
The great, or those that thus we call,
Are labor-saving;
The small are like a pewter ball—
Not worth the having.
Of these improvements as they spring,
My weary muse no doubt would sing,
But gladly would she rest her wing,
Tho' flying low;
So will I merely snap the string,
Not bend the bow.
My weary muse no doubt would sing,
But gladly would she rest her wing,
Tho' flying low;
So will I merely snap the string,
Not bend the bow.
Ye curious, of designing bent!
I ask, can you for us invent
A something which shall give content?
With great delight
We'll have it straight to congress sent
For patent right.
I ask, can you for us invent
A something which shall give content?
With great delight
We'll have it straight to congress sent
For patent right.
Something that shall put to rest
Foes that would our peace molest?
Those that society infest
And discord make?
Something shall nerve us to the test
For conscience' sake?
Foes that would our peace molest?
Those that society infest
And discord make?
Something shall nerve us to the test
For conscience' sake?
Something the wheels of life to oil,
That they may run without turmoil;
And change the friction of our toil
To honest labor?
Forbid the slanderer despoil
His better neighbor?
That they may run without turmoil;
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To honest labor?
Forbid the slanderer despoil
His better neighbor?
Something to guide our steps aright
In this dark world of ours, despite
The frailty of our mortal sight?
To shield us strong?
And ever render us contrite
For aught that 's wrong?
In this dark world of ours, despite
The frailty of our mortal sight?
To shield us strong?
And ever render us contrite
For aught that 's wrong?
Ye may not do it; but all praise
To Him who rules our crooked ways,
Who did in blessed Israel's days
His gospel give!
And evermore to man it says,
“Obey, and live!”
To Him who rules our crooked ways,
Who did in blessed Israel's days
His gospel give!
And evermore to man it says,
“Obey, and live!”
ADDENDA.
Perhaps 't were not amiss to state
What has befallen me of late:
Some folks would cast me in a strait,
If so they could,
Because I will not trudge the gait
They want I should.
What has befallen me of late:
Some folks would cast me in a strait,
If so they could,
Because I will not trudge the gait
They want I should.
But softly! sage ones, if you please!
I'm not the one for you to tease;
I give your fury to the breeze,
To moles and bats;
Ye may catch rats with toasted cheese—
Not cheese with rats!
I'm not the one for you to tease;
I give your fury to the breeze,
To moles and bats;
Ye may catch rats with toasted cheese—
Not cheese with rats!
Were it not better had we fewer
Such charitable ones as you are?
I preached a sermon
from the Scripture,
With proper text;
And tho' 't was done with motives pure,
Ye 're sorely vexed.
Such charitable ones as you are?
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With proper text;
And tho' 't was done with motives pure,
Ye 're sorely vexed.
And was it then addressed to you?
There is a proverb, old and true,
That none can feel the pinching shoe
Save those who wear it;
And how it felt ye doubtless knew,
And could not bear it.
There is a proverb, old and true,
That none can feel the pinching shoe
Save those who wear it;
And how it felt ye doubtless knew,
And could not bear it.
With you there must be something ill,
That you should of your own free will
Administer yourselves the pill—
May it relieve ye!
And all the charges in my bill
I free forgive ye!
That you should of your own free will
Administer yourselves the pill—
May it relieve ye!
And all the charges in my bill
I free forgive ye!
Your epithets I bid you spare!
To preach the truth so plain and fair
I never was before aware
Was sin so heinous;
And now I solemnly declare,
Lord judge between us.
To preach the truth so plain and fair
I never was before aware
Was sin so heinous;
And now I solemnly declare,
Lord judge between us.
Every one, it is presumed, is familiar with the history of this singular sect; and with their formation from the pretended discovery of some golden plates, revealing the book of Mormon. Headed by their principal leader, Joe Smith, they journied to the far west to seek the “New Jerusalem,” as they termed it. Instead thereof, however, they found fighting and bloodshed.
In a town, not a thousand miles distant, not only men and women signed a late petition to congress, but infants and town paupers! Is it not frequently the case?
The sermon here alluded to is found on p. 72; being an enlargement upon Prov. xx, 3. It was published in the county paper, and so incensed certain good people who considered themselves addressed, that they denounced the author as an INFIDEL, unbeliever, &c. and considered themselves greatly aggrieved.
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