University of Virginia Library

The Tobacco Pipe

The wag to mischief who's inclined
To that, alone, gives up his mind,
And sacrifices foes or friends,
Without regret, to gain his ends.
Where Roanoke rolls its limpid tide
Through fertile fields on either side,
Not long ago there was a wedding,
Where guests were plentier far than bedding.
A stranger, I forget his name,
Who from a distant county came,
At all events must have a bed;
For Robin, Harry, George, and Ned,
A pallet on the floor was spread,
The clock struck twelve—to rest they went,
And till the morning slept content;
But Robin with the lark arose
In haste, and to the garden goes:
Then uprose Harry, George, and Ned,
The stranger, fast asleep, in bed,
Lay all uncovered on his face,
Not dreaming of his foul disgrace;
His hapless case when Harry found
He casts his wicked eyes around.
Takes Robin's pipe from off the shelf
(The stem a reed, the bowl was delft),
And to the stranger's nether eye
The taper point he doth apply,
And shoves it in, up to the bowl,
So well he understood the hole:
Dan Prior's ladle not more quick
In old Corisca's bum did stick;
Then out again the reed he takes,
Before the abused stranger wakes:
But had not time the stem to wipe
When Robin came to seek his pipe,
And presently begun to smoke,
Quoth Harry—“Don't you smell a joke?”
Robin threw down the pipe in haste,
And spitting cried, “Some smell, some taste:
“They're both so strong—so may I thrive,
“They'll last as long as I'm alive.”