University of Virginia Library

SCENE I.

[Tomaso discovered sitting at his supper, with a bottle of water before him.]
TOMASO.

Water! (Sips a little with a grimace.)
I think, since the world was drowned in it, it has tasted of sinners. The pious throat refuses it. Other habits grow pleasant with use—but the drinking of water lessens the liking of it. Now, why should not some rivers run wine? There are varieties in the eatables—will any wise man tell me why there should be but one drinkable in nature—and that water? My mind's made up—it's the curse of transgression.

(A rap at the door.)
Come in!

[Enter Zippa, with a basket and bottle.]
ZIPPA.
Good even, Tomaso!

TOMASO.
Zippa, I had a presentiment.—

ZIPPA.
What! of my coming?

TOMASO.

No—of thy bottle! Look! I was stinting myself in water to leave room!

ZIPPA.

The reason is superfluous. There would be room in thee for wine, if thou wert drowned in the sea.

TOMASO.
God forbid!

ZIPPA.
What—that thou should'st be drowned?

TOMASO.

No—but that being drowned, I should have room for wine.

ZIPPA.
Why, now?—why?

TOMASO.

If I had room for wine, I should want it—and to want wine in the bottom of the sea, were a plague unspeakable.

ZIPPA.
Where's Angelo?

TOMASO.
What's in thy bottle? Show! Show!

ZIPPA.

Tell me where he is—what he has done since yesterday

—what thought on—what said—how he has looked, and if he still loves me; and when thou art thirsty with truth-telling—(dry work for such a liar as thou art,)— thou shalt learn what is in my bottle!

TOMASO.
Nay—learning be hanged!

ZIPPA.
So says the fool!

TOMASO.

Speak advisedly! Was not Adam blest till he knew good and evil?

ZIPPA.
Right for once.

TOMASO.
Then he lost Paradise by too much learning.

ZIPPA.

Ha! ha! Hadst thou been consulted, we should still be there!

TOMASO.

Snug! I would have had my inheritance in a small vineyard!

ZIPPA.
Tell me what I ask of thee.

TOMASO.

Thou shalt have a piece of news for a cup of wine— pay and take—till thy bottle be dry?

ZIPPA.

Come on, then! and if thou must lie let it be flattery. That's soonest forgiven.

TOMASO.

And last forgotten! Pour out! (She pours a cup full and gives him.)
The Duke was here yesterday.—

ZIPPA.
Lie the first!

TOMASO.
And made much of my master's pictures.

ZIPPA.

Nay—that would have made two good lies. Thou'rt prodigal of stuff!

TOMASO.
Pay two glasses, then, and square the reckoning!

ZIPPA.
Come! Lie the third!

TOMASO.

What wilt thou wager it's a lie, that Angelo is painting a court lady for the Duchess?

ZIPPA.

Oh Lord! Take the bottle! They say there's truth in wine—but as truth is impossible to thee, drink thyself at least, down to probabilities!

TOMASO.

Look you there! When was virtue encouraged? Here have I been telling pure truth, and it goes for a lie. Hang virtue! Produce thy cold chicken, and I'll tell thee a lie for the wings and two for the side bones and breast. (Offers to take the chicken.)

ZIPPA,
Stay! stay! It's for thy master, thou glutton!

TOMASO.

Who's ill a-bed, and forbid meat. (Angelo enters.)
I would have told thee so before, but feared to grieve thee. (She would have a lie!)

ZIPPA,
(starting up.)
Ill! Angelo ill! Is he very ill, good Tomaso?

TOMASO.

Very! (Seizes the children, as Angelo claps him on the shoulder.)

ANGELO.
Will thy tricks never end?

TOMASO.
Ehem! ehem! (Thrusts the chicken into his pocket.)


ANGELO.
How art thou, Zippa?

ZIPPA.

Well, dear Angelo! (Giving him her hand.)
And thou wert not ill, indeed?

ANGELO.

Never better by the test of a true hand! I have done work to-day, I trust will be remembered!

ZIPPA.
Is it true it's a fair lady?

ANGELO.
A lady with a face so angelical, Zippa, that—

ZIPPA.
That thou didst forget mine?

ANGELO.

In truth, I forgot there was such a thing as a world, and so forgot all in it. I was in heaven!

TOMASO,
(aside as he picks the leg of the chicken.)

(Prosperity is excellent white-wash, and her love is an old score!)

ZIPPA,
(bitterly.)
I am glad thou wert pleased, Angelo!—very glad!

TOMASO,
(aside.)
(Glad as an eel to be fried.)

ZIPPA,
(aside.)

(“In Heaven,” was he! If I pay him not that, may

my brains rot! By what right, loving me, is he “in Heaven” with another?)

TOMASO,
(aside.)

(No more wine and cold chicken from that quarter!)

ZIPPA,
(aside.)

(Tortesa loves me, and my false game may be played true. If he wed not Falcone's daughter, he will wed me, and so I am revenged on this fickle Angelo! I have the heart to do it!)

ANGELO.
What dost thou muse on, Zippa?

ZIPPA.
On one I love better than thee, Signor!

ANGELO.

What, angry? (Seizes his pencil.)
Hold there till I sketch thee! By Jove thou art not half so pretty when thou'rt pleased!

ZIPPA.

Adieu, Signor! your mockery will have an end! (Goes out with an angry air.)

ANGELO.

What! gone? Nay, I'll come with thee, if thou'rt in earnest! What whim's this? (Takes up his hat.)
Ho, Zippa! (Follows in pursuit.)

TOMASO,
(pulls the chicken from his pocket.)

Come forth, last of the chickens! She will ne'er forgive

him, and so ends the succession of cold fowl. One glass to its memory, and then to bed! (Drinks, and takes up the candle.)
A woman is generally unsafe— but a jealous one spoils all confidence in drink.

[Exit, muttering.