University of Virginia Library

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65

THE LINGUISTIC LANGUOR OF CHARLES AUGUSTUS SPRAGUE

A child of nature curious
Was Charles Augustus Sprague;
He made his parents furious
Because he was so vague:
Although his age was nearly two
Eleven words were all he knew,
These sounded much as sounds the Dutch
That's spoken at The Hague.

A few of his errata
'Tis just I should avow,
He called his mother “Tata,”
And “moo” he dubbed a cow,

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66

Nor was it altogether plain
Why “choo-choo” meant a railway train.
He called a cat “miouw,” and that
No purist would allow.

Within his father's orchard
There stood, for all to see,
With branches bent and tortured,
An ancient apple tree:
That Charles Augustus Sprague might drowse
His mother on its swaying boughs
His cradle hung, and, while it swung,
She sang with energy.

A sudden blow arising
One day, the branches broke,
With suddenness surprising
The sleeping babe awoke,
And crashing down to earth he fell.
Ah me, that I should have to tell
The words that mild and genial child
On this occasion spoke!

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His face convulsed and chequered
With passion and with tears,
He blotted out the record
Of both his speechless years:
His mother stupefied, aghast,
Heard Charles Augustus speak at last;
He opened wide his mouth and cried
These ill conditioned sneers.

“Sapristi! Accidente!
Perchance my speech is late,
But, be she two or twenty,
A nincompoop I hate!
What idiot said that woman's ‘planned
To warn, to comfort, and command?’”
His words I quench. Excuse my French—
Je dis que tu m'embêtes!