University of Virginia Library

11. XI.
P. GREEN SHOWS HIS COLORS.

“Hello! how do ye find yerself after that rather damp
time, Mr. Blazay, hey?”

“Ah, good morning, sir! I feel, for one, as if I had
had about enough of Shoemake and the kind of jokes
you practise here.”

“Sho! a'n't going off huffy, be ye? See a trunk and
carpet-bag in the entry here, H. Blazay marked on 'em;
sorry you 're going.” And Mr. Green sat down.

“Have you any business with me?” I demanded. “For
my time is occupied.”

“Waal, no, yaas, not exac'ly; do'n' know but I hev,
and don't know as I hev. Truth is, you 've got me into
the all-firedest scrape, Mr. Blazay.”

“I have got you into a — Explain yourself!”

“Yaas, you hev! an awful scrape!” And Peleg opened
and shut his jack-knife vivaciously. “An' now, seems to
me, Mr. Blazay, 't a'n't exac'ly the fair thing for you to
scoot off so and leave me in the lurch.”

“What do you mean, sir?”

“Waal, to come to the pint, it 's jest this: I 'd got
the idee into my head you was coming up here to marry
Susie, and, ye see, that 's what upset all my ca'c'lations.
Fact is, may as well own up, I had a sneakin' notion after
Susie myself; and so, ye see, when I heard a dandified
sort o' chap had come to town, and marched up to Neighbor
Thornton's as if he owned all this part of creation and
had come to collect his rents, I allow it did give me the
all firedest stirring up ever I had in my life! I was n't
long gitting into some clean clo'es, you better believe, and
making tracks that way myself, — about the time you was
making a bee-line from the orchard, ye rec'lect!”

“Mr. Green,” said I, stripping back my cuffs, “I have
long owed that nose of yours a wrench, and I perceive that
you have brought it here to afford me a gratification.”

“Yaas, I guess not!” said Peleg, coolly. “Excuse me,
Mr. Blazay!” And he stuck up the blade of his knife in
a manner that rather discouraged my advances. “I remember
what you said last night about giving me a
thrashing; but thrashing goes against my grain, as the

barley said to the flail. Hed n't ye better wait and hear
what I 've got to say?”

“Go on,” I said, mastering my indignation.

“Waal, as I was going to remark, you hurried up my
pop-corn, Mr. Blazay, a leetle faster 'n I meant to hev it.”

“Pop-corn, sir! what do you mean?”

“O, you a'n't acquainted with that kind o' confectionery?
Plain English, then, I watched my chance, and, that
very night, 'fore supper, popped — you know what — the
question. And she took me right up, as I knew of course
she would.” And Peleg felt the edge of his knife complacently.
“That 's what you made me do, Mr. Blazay;
and now I 'm bothered if I would n't give boot if the thing
was unpopped. Come!” crossing his legs and talking very
much as if he had been trading horses, “what do you say
to a bargain now?”

The curtain was trembling. To prevent Mr. Green's
observing it I rushed upon him, towered over him, and
exclaimed, “You knave! you have not even been willing that
I should speak with Susie; but you have driven the wedge
of that nose of yours between us on every occasion; and
now —”

Peleg quietly stroked the said nose, and smiled.

“Lemme explain, Mr. Blazay. Ye see, all along, I
was n't quite sure o' the widow. Laury 's an old flame o'
mine, ye know. Offered myself to her six years ago; as
it happened, jest after she had accepted Dr. Pellet, so, of
course, I give her up. And, a'n't it curi's, I never heard
of Pellet's death till the very evening I 'd engaged myself
to Susie! Do be so obliging as to keep your hands off 'm
me, Mr. Blazay, and I 'll tell ye. Then, of course, the old
feelings for Laury kind o' come up again, and I can't say
that the twenty thousan' Pellet left her discouraged me in
the least. Now, I was afraid you was after the widow,

and I wanted the widow. I had a suspicion you was after
Susie; and, if I could n't git the widow, I wanted Susie.
So there I was on the fence. Keep yer temper, keep yer
temper, Mr. Blazay, and I 'll continue. Want to know the
reason why I did n't propose right off to Laury? I 'd
already got one bird, and what should I do with two?
But I might 'a' give you a chance with Susie, mabby you
think? But 't a'n't in natur', is it, 't I sh'd give the cat a
bird in the hand, and take my chance for one in the bush?
That 's jest the case, Mr. Blazay.”

“Well, sir!”

“Waal, sir,” resumed Peleg, “last night, after the ducking,
you know, I took Laury home. And in the excitement
I kind o' forgot myself. I may as well own, I popped
the question to her too. She accepted me, of course;
might 'a' known she would. That 's the scrape, Mr. Blazay.
Engaged to two gals to once!” And he put his head
shrewdly on one side, as if studying some smart plan of
extricating himself.

“Well, sir! well, sir! what can I do for you?”

“Waal,” drawled the jockey, “did n't know but you 'd
like to take one on 'em off my hands. Good respectable
girls, both on 'em; kind o' hate to break any hearts, or
git into a breach-o'-promise scrape; but I can't marry
both, you know, without emigrating to Utah.”

“Well, Mr. Green, of which of these deluded young women
do you desire to be relieved?”

“I s'pose,” said Peleg, “as I come first, knowed both of
them, and kinder got my feelings engaged afore you did,
it 's only fair I sh'd hev the first pick. Now lemme see
which I 'll take. Now there 's Susie — awful nice gal —
handy about the house, you know — make a first-rate wife;
not bad off either. S'pose old Thornton could give her a
couple o' thousand now, and mabby three thousand more

when he dies. Not bad, if a feller can't do better. But
then there 's Laury 's got twenty thousand right in hand;
that 'ud kinder set a feller up at once, — no waitin' for dead
men's shoes; an' besides, she took a shine to me 'fore
Susie ever did, — that ought to be taken into the account;
and I somehow think she 'd take the disappintment o'
losing me harder 'n Susie will; and then you come here,
you know, to court Susie, and not Laury. So, on the
hull, if it 's the same thing to you, 'pears to me it 's 'bout
the fair thing for me to take Laury, and let you have —”

At this instant the curtain was flung aside. Peleg
stopped, Peleg stared, Peleg grimaced and whistled.

“Phew! Who 'd 'a' thought it! Susie!”