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THE RUSTIC FINANCIERS.
Among all the curious and cunning devices ever concocted
to make money without legitimate means, not one,
perhaps, can be found which surpasses, in originality and
shrewdness, a scheme got up for that purpose, and successfully
carried out, some twenty years ago, in one of the interior
towns of Vermont, called Cozy Corners, by three
men, known by the several names of Riah Cutefight, Bill
Versute, and Eph Equivoke, the surnames being nicknames
bestowed by an odd and crafty old pettifogger of
the place; who, in turn, was dubbed by them Runa
Rasp'em.
The tavern bar-room, — that standing Elysium of small,
country village loungers, — had long been the head-quarters
of the above named trio. At one of their meetings at
this place on a stormy evening, when the inclemency of
the weather kept all other company from the house, Riah
Cutefight, the leading spirit of the three, who had been
for some time in a deep study, suddenly aroused himself,
and bringing down his palm with a smart slap on his knee,
exultingly exclaimed:
“I have it. Yes, sirs, I have it! It is done!”
“What is it you have? and what is it that's done?”
asked his companions, looking at him in surprise.
“The new plan I've been studying out for accomplishing
what we three have so often talked about,” replied
the former, glancing round doubtfully at the sleeping
landlord.
“Talk it out,” said Bill Versute. “No risk from that
source.”
“I don't know about that,” rejoined Cutefight, shaking
his head. “It will be more prudent to hold in till we
get out of all ear-shot on our way home.”
“But it will do no hurt to kind'er suppose a case, so
as to give us a sort of general idea of your scheme; no
matter if it is a little blind. I can guess it out,” remarked
Equivoke, who, as his name implies, was himself a
dealer in ambiguities.
“Then, to strike at once at the root of the matter, I
make the supposition that, every man has in him a
chunk of human nature as big as a woodchuck. Don't
laugh, I'm serious. That simple fact forms the base of
my whole scheme.”
“Ah? And there are always certain points of that
chunk that we can seize on, and turn to our advantage?”
“That is quite an idea — I begin to see. We'll have
a plan out of it, if you have it not already.”
“But I have a regular plan; and have pretty much decided
tell us how to keep clear of legal snags. Let us be off
now, and stop at Versute's house, when you shall have my
whole plan which we will discuss, and then agree on a
time to begin operations,” added Cutefight, as the three
donned their fox-skin caps, and left the tavern.
On the third morning after this, Cutefight and Versute
were seen, with considerable appearance of stealth, making
their way, in the one horse team of the former, out of
the village, up the road northward, on some unknown destination.
As these men had, ever before, been quite open-mouthed
about all their movements, and had now gone off
without saying a word about it, though evidently equipped
for a considerable journey, their departure at once attracted
general attention. And many were the queries
and conjectures raised among the curious and wondering
villagers respecting the cause and character of the unusual
movement; but nobody could throw any light upon the
subject. In this dilemma, Eph Equivoke, who, having
been selected by his confederates to play a necessary part
in the game afoot, now made his appearance in the street,
was appealed to on all sides to aid in explaining the singular
affair. But he, though supposed to know everybody's
business, and especially that of the two men in
question, appeared as much in the dark as any of them;
thought it looked rather suspicious, and finally recalled
certain curious circumstances, which he could not name,
opinions on the matter.”
These dark hints and surmises, coming as they did from
one who would be most likely to hit on the truth, instead
of explaining, only increased the mystery, which thereupon,
for the next three days, became the chief staple of
conversation among the good people of Cozy Corners.
At the close of the third day, however, the affair was
destined to assume a new aspect, but one which was little
calculated to allay the excitement it had already occasioned.
Just at dark, on that day, the two absentees were seen to
be approaching at a slow pace along the road, in which
they had departed, and walking by the side of their team, as
if the load was too heavy to permit of their riding. On
reaching the Corners, they drove up to the tavern door,
and called out the landlord.
“Landlord, can you store for us, a few days, that half
barrel of flour?” said Cutefight, with an air of mysterious
privacy as he pointed to a half barrel in their wagon,
visibly marked with a well-known flour brand.
“O, yes, certainly, Mr. Cutefight.”
“But haven't you some empty room, which can be
locked up, to put it in, so that it can be perfectly safe?”
“Why, yes — if you say so; but what need —”
“Well, we have our own reasons; but all right, as you
say you can put it under lock and key; Versute, let us
see if we can get it into the house.”
The two men took strong hold on the ends of the cask,
lifted it out with much seeming effort, and, staggering
along with it to the door, followed the landlord to a backroom,
where they deposited the precious burden, locked
the door, took the key, and hurrying out, drove off home
with the air of men anxious to avoid all chance of being
questioned.
“Now make me believe, if you can, that there is nothing
but flour in that cask they just tugged in there,”
significantly remarked Equivoke to those who, like himself,
had gradually edged up near enough to see and hear
all that had transpired.
“So say I — and I,” promptly responded others. “It
is evidently too heavy to be only flour; and then they
have been so sly and secret! But what can it be they've
got in the cask?”
“Maybe they've robbed some bank, and got the specie,”
suggested one.
“Maybe they've found a mine of solid gold,” remarked
another.
“And maybe, too, they've got a lot of counterfeit hard
money,” added Equivoke, in a tone and look of peculiar
meaning.
This last intimation, which evidently at once struck all
as affording the best explanation of the suspicious affair,
caused a lively sensation among the crowd — some shaking
their heads and saying nothing; some suggesting an
but the greater number advocating delay till the counterfeit
money had been passed. And so, they all now soon
dispersing, thoughtfully took their way to their respective
homes.
The next morning, Cutefight and Versute came to the
tavern, and after being alone awhile in the room where
the mysterious cask was deposited, came out into the
street, and listlessly sauntered along into the store; when,
taking the storekeeper aside, and pulling out a dozen
half-dollars, they quietly asked him if he would like to
buy them.
“No — can't go into that game,” forbidingly muttered
the storekeeper, full of the prevailing suspicion.
“But you can examine them can't you?” said Cutefight,
with composure.
“Well — yes,” replied the other, hesitatingly, taking
the proffered coins, and carefully subjecting them to the
usual tests of ringing them on the counter, paring their
edges, etc.
“Why,” he at length resumed, in surprise, “these, at
least, are all good. You meant, I suppose, to ask me to
exchange them for other money?”
“O, no — it was a sale we proposed. We don't expect
to get the par value for those, nor the rest of our
stock of the same kind now on hand, or to be on hand according
to the encouragement we meet with in sales. But
give us — say about seventy-five cents on the dollar for
this little lot. Will you do it?”
“Why — well — y-e-s — yes; I don't know why I
should not, if you really wish it. Let's see — twelve
halves, six wholes, and six quarters off, leaves $4 50;
and here it is. But now recollect, it was your own offer;
so don't hereafter say I cheated you.”
“Be sure not. And, on our part, we wish you hereafter
to recollect that we did not pass, or offer to pass,
those pieces to you for good money, but only sold them.”
With this, the two hard money venders went off, leaving
the storekeeper completely at a loss what to make of
the affair, and not a little doubtful about the propriety of
his own course. And, like other men in similar predicaments,
he was anxious for the opinions of others; so he
called in some particular friends, related all that had occurred,
and with them examined anew the money, which
they all, at length, agreed were nothing else than genuine
silver half dollars. And these men going out, soon spread
the news, which brought in others, and yet others, to go
through the same process; till, before night, every man,
woman and child of the village had the exciting subject
in full discussion. But not one of them all could give
any satisfactory solution of the mystery where the money
came from, or how it was obtained.
On the following day, Equivoke, who had the day before
everything might be thoroughly discussed without his
help, and not appear to be hurried, carelessly entered
the store to learn the news, he said, when he was shown
the money in question, and informed of all that had taken
place. He appeared to be both surprised and gratified to
find the money, so contrary to what he should have expected,
to be unquestionably genuine; was convinced he
had wrongly suspected these men, who, after all, probably
had never had any notion of entering on any lawful enterprise.
They might have, somehow, got honest access
to some great treasure; and, if so, it would be a matter
of interest to the whole village. He was resolved to
know more of the business. If a shower of money was
about to fall on the place, he wanted to know it, so he
could hold up his cap for a share. He would soon visit
Riah and Bill, and find out something about it, and see
on what terms they would let others in as sharers.
The words of Equivoke, who by his course had warded
off all suspicion of any complicity of his own in the affair
now evidently made a deep impression on his listeners;
and they all urged him to make his proposed visit without
delay. And being thus solicited, he at length promised
that, though he would have liked a little more time to
think of it, he yet would go the coming evening, and
meet them all at the store, the next morning, to report
his discoveries.
Punctual to his appointment, Equivoke made his appearance
the next morning at the store, where the company
of yesterday, and most of all the other men of the
village with them, had already assembled to hear the
promised report.
“Got to give it up,” said he, in response to the inquiring
glances of the company; “was on good terms with
Riah and Bill, certainly, before they took to being by
themselves so much, and felt sure I could get all I wanted
out of 'em. But as to their main secret, they keep their
mouths as close as clams.”
“But did you get no clue to it? nothing out of all
their talk to enable you to form a pretty close guess about
the truth of the case?” asked the store-keeper, as spokesman
for the rest.
“No, not as to where the money came from, or how
they first got track of it”
“Then you believe there really is money they can get
when they please?”
“Yes, enough to make every man at Cozy Corners rich
as mud.”
“Then why don't they go and get it, or let somebody
else do it?”
“Just what I told them, which brought them out a
little, and they at length admitted that it required considerable
capital to operate to advantage, though for every
dollar they pay out, they are sure to get more than twenty
immediately, is the lack of such capital which they hope
to get soon, when they will begin operations on a large
scale.”
“But how about letting in others for a chance?”
“Well, they hung off a good deal at first, being naturally
anxious to get it all for themselves, but at last
came round as fair as I could expect. And I finally succeeded
in getting their promise to let in a select number
provided they would raise them, within a month, an
amount large enough to make it worth while to go into it.
I shall subscribe for a full share, or $100, which I think
I can raise securities for borrowing. I shall advise no man
to it, lest, if the thing don't turn out well he might blame
me. But I shall give every man a chance to join who
wants to, in a private way; for the whole move had better
be kept as secret as possible.”
So saying, Equivoke, with the elated and restless air
of one having important business to attend to, bade his
eager listeners good morning, and hurried away into the
street.
After he left, the company sat some time, musing
in silence, as if debating in mind a question on which
they cared not to express themselves openly; when one
after another, they all quietly rose and left the store, and
before that day's sun had set, every one of them, watching
his opportunity in the street, had taken Equivoke aside
to make them full sharers in the enterprise.
From this time, all public discussion on the subject,
which, for the past few days, had caused so much agitation,
seemed strangely to subside. But though such was
the outward aspect, yet everything tended to show that
the scheme was being as rapidly, as it was silently, pushed
forward to the grand consummation. Equivoke, for the
next two or three weeks, seemed to be everywhere, and
everywhere equally busy; though none but the initiated
could divine the character of his business; for he not only
kept a close mouth himself, but enjoined secrecy on all
others to whom he disclosed his projects. So well, indeed,
was all this managed by him, that none of all whom
he had enlisted, exactly knew who, or how many had
joined the company. And with equal adroitness had he
conducted his dealings with every individual, especially
in steering clear of representations which could be construed
into false pretences to get money, relying wholly,
after stating all the facts yet come to light, on such hints,
and apparently indifferent remarks, as he judged best
calculated to excite curiosity and awaken the avarice of
the individual addressed. In this manner he conducted
his bold enterprise, and so diligently and successfully
did he pursue his object at the same time, that, by the
end of the third week, he had securely enlisted a company
of thirty men in the village and vicinity, of all grades
of wealth and character, including, as it afterwards leaked
deacon among the number.
“Riah Cutefight is a philosopher,” soliloquised Equivoke,
as he retired from a successful application made to
the last man he proposed to add to the company — “yes,
he was entirely right — there is indeed a chunk of human
nature in every man as big as a wood-chuck, else
our cake had been forever dough.”
The most difficult and delicate part of his task being
now accomplished, nothing more for the present remained
for Equivoke to do, but to watch the machinery he had
put in motion. And the many silent but significant
movements, which, to his gratification, he ascertained
were now generally beginning to be made among his recruits,
such as mortgaging small farms, journeys to distant
money lenders, and applications for loans at the nearest
bank, all to raise money for unknown purposes, and
in specific sums of $100 each, soon sufficiently assured
him, that everything was going right, and that, by the end
of the month when he was to go round to receive it, the
golden harvest would be ready for the reaping.
The eventful period was at length fulfilled, and the
long looked-for day, which was to be the last limit of
payment, had come and passed away. On the evening of
that day, as soon as night had securely drawn her curtains,
and while Cutefight and Versute were sitting, in
the most retired room of the house of the latter, in evident
expectancy of some arrival, the important Equivoke,
collection, suddenly, and with his usual stealthy step,
glided into the apartment.
“There!” he exclaimed, with a low exulting chuckle,
as glancing knowingly at the others, he unrolled from an
old newspaper a large number of assorted and labelled
packages of bank bills, and spread them out on the table
— “there, sirs! all finished up at last. Just thirty of them
in all, a hundred in each; so, exactly a clean, cool thousand
apiece! Now aint it great?— all just so — but run
them over for yourselves.”
The three now eagerly joined in the count of the packages,
found all right, divided them equally, and pocketed
their respective shares, while dancing about the room
gleefully snapping their fingers, and otherwise extravagantly
evincing the intense gratification they felt at the
almost unhoped for success of this their grand financial
enterprise.
“Well, Eph,” said Cutefight, as their demonstrations
subsided, “what do you say now to my philosophy about
that chunk of human nature? You have proved it true
by this time, havn't you?”
“Yes, it is that, old Rasp'em and the Devil aiding
which has enabled me to go through with my difficult
part of the scheme so cleverly. But what is now to be
the next move for you and Bill?”
“To be off as we told you, this very night, for some
snug prairie farm in the far West. We could probably
but it might not be exactly pleasant to live among
those whom we have taxed so heavily for the lessons of
wisdom we shall have given them — not that I should
count myself more guilty than they; for the readiness
with which they enlisted in our scheme, shows their willingness
to go secretly into practices more unlawful than
any we ever dreamed of. Yes, we are going. I have no
wife; Bill has lost his. We two can well go, and, with
a hint from you that we have gone after the treasure, get
off safely.”
“But have you arranged everything? There is a
mortgage or something aint there, where you raised the
money we agreed on for starting operations? I never exactly
knew how you managed matters when you were gone;
— tell me, if you please.”
“I will — well, after leaving here, we steered directly
for a man living about a dozen miles off, whom I knew
and who loaned us $300 on a mortgage of Versute's
house here, and a lien on my team. He let us have bills
all of one bank over the mountain; and with them over
we went, drew out the silver in half dollars, bought a
half barrel of flour, opened it, beat down a hole, put in
our little bag of money, headed it up tight again and
came home. You know the rest of that. Well, a few
days ago we took over the same money, mostly still on
hand, you know, to pay up the mortgage man, but was at
the same sum, which left my team clear, and the money
to be taken by Versute, who has also privately disposed
of his furniture. So every thing is fixed. The old
horse is eating his last mess of Vermont oats, and we shall
be far on our journey before morning.”
“All right for you; but I shall brave it out, for the
present, and that being so, all the better for me may be
your going, as folks may look on you two as the only responsible
ones.”
“Yes, and to favor that idea the more, for your sake,
Bill and I, before we go, will put something on paper and
leave it — say under those old newspapers there in the
corner, where you can contrive to have it found when the
storm bursts, which you must try to stave off as long as
you can.”
“I will; but the first thing for me to do is to go back
to the Corners before folks are abed, to drop the hints
necessary to have the right version put on your absence
to-morrow morning.”
“Thank you, Eph. You've done well throughout, and,
though not helping any about raising the starting funds,
have richly earned the full share you've got — perhaps
more; so we will give you that half barrel of flour, still
locked up at the tavern; and here is the key.”
And so the confederates parted; when Equivoke, calling
on several of his company, told them he had placed all
who were preparing to start with it before light the next
morning, and hinted at the great things now, in four or
five days, to be expected; while the two latter immediately
departed, but in a manner widely different from what
their credulous dupes were anticipating.
Equivoke was now calculating on a quiet of at least
four days; but he was a little mistaken. On the third
evening there was much anxious waiting for the arrival of
the expected men, and the next morning, when it was
fully ascertained they had not arrived, a great deal of
disappointment was expressed, and many significant questions
began to be raised. And, while many began to be
thus agitated by lurking suspicions, an event now occurred
that soon fanned those suspicions into an open flame. It
was accidentally discovered that Versute had sold out his
house and furniture. The news flew like the wind. Excited
men came flocking to the tavern from all quarters,
and clamored loudly for Equivoke, who, now appearing,
seemed as much alarmed as the rest, and proposed an instant
search of Versute's house, which was accordingly,
as soon as it could be reached, ransacked, but in vain,
from top to bottom for the money, or something to throw
light on the subject. While this was going on, Equivoke
found opportunity to secure the promised written missive,
and, unseen, placed it, with the key he had taken, on a
window sill, where they were soon espied, and snatched up
with the exclamations —
“A letter! a sealed letter, addressed, `To whom it
concerns.' What can it mean? Will it do to open it?
And then here is a key, too!”
“A key?” said Equivoke, coming forward at the mention
of the article. “Now I'll bet that is the key of the
tavern room, where they kept the half barrel of flour and
their money in it; and that reminds I bought that flour
of them some time ago, and was to have it when they took
the money away. But who knows whether the money
aint there yet? If 'tis, we'll just have it, and divide it
up among ourselves. Let's all hands go and see, and take
the letter along with us.”
Another rush was now made for the tavern, the mysterious
room entered, the half barrel opened, the flour
found safe, but the money gone. With low mutterings of
disappointment, the searchers came out to the door,
around which nearly the whole of the secret band, though
mostly unknown to each other as such, were by this time
assembled; when the letter was called for, torn open and
read as follows:
“To all good Deacons, church folks and others, who can honestly say
they are without the sin of abetting what they must have known to be,
if anything at all was to be made out of it, nothing more or less than
a scheme for passing counterfeit money — let them cast the first stone.
William Versute.”
This cool and significant missive was enough for them.
Their worst suspicions were all confirmed, and their eyes
truth. But it would have taken a painter adequately to
depict the varying expressions of wrath and chagrin that
marked their chop-fallen countenances. None now, however,
ventured to proclaim themselves particularly injured
or interested in the denouement; and all soon
sneakingly slipped away to their homes. But as each one
of course knew the part Equivoke had taken, individual
communion could be had with him without exposure;
and he was therefore fiercely beset by them all in turn —
some begging him to help them, or at least aid in ferreting
out the runaways, some accusing him of being an accomplice,
and some threatening him outright with suit or
criminal prosecution. But Equivoke was very innocent
— didn't know as he could blame them for thinking or
saying as they did, but he was in fact more to be pitied
than any of them; and now it would be as cruel as it
would be useless to go to bothering him with suits and
prosecutions. And because they believed, as he said, that
suits or prosecutions, with any evidence they could command,
would be useless, but more especially because they
were unwilling to have it known to the public that they
had enlisted in a scheme of so questionable a character on
the face of it, they did forbear to carry their threats into
execution, all except one man, who honestly owned up
that he was one of the secret company, swore he would
have his money back, and at length brought a suit to recover
had no great fears that the suit would go against him on a
trial, yet he would prefer, like the others, to avoid one if,
as he believed, he could dodge out of the scrape without it.
And with this idea in his scheming brain, he repaired to
the court, held in the dining-room of a tavern in another
part of the town, promptly answered to his name when
the suit was called, but begged a short delay of proceedings
with a view to a settlement. He then beckoned his
opponent in the suit to a distant corner, and meekly whispered
to him —
“Now you don't want to make a poor man like me pay
any cost?”
“Not a cent, if I can only get my money back.”
“Well, if I could only pay it in some way so 'twouldn't
be known what it was for —”
“I don't care in what way it is paid, so I get it.”
“Then suppose you meet me in the bar-room half an
hour hence, and I will see what I will do.”
The parties accordingly met in the designated room,
when Equivoke, seeing several respectable men sitting
there who appeared to be observant of all that was passing,
pulled out his wallet, counted out before them one hundred
dollars, with the bills in hand, approached his opponent,
and said to him aloud —
“Then you say you want to borrow a hundred dollars
of me to-day?”
“Why — yes,” replied the other, hesitating, but, under
the supposition that these words were only used to disguise
the matter, finally adding an emphatic “Yes.”
“Well, here it is then,” said Equivoke, openly handing
over the money — “don't want any note — only you
stop the suit and give me a receipt of settlement,” he added
in a whisper.
The man did so, and supposed that was the end of the
affair. But he was soon made to see his error. Within
a fortnight Equivoke sued him for money loaned. The
man swore terribly, but soon finding the evidence of the
loan, and of his own admission of it as such, so full that
he could not help himself, he reluctantly paid back the
money, and thus found himself just as much worse off
than he was when he began as the costs of both suits
amounted to.
This was the last act of this unique little drama.
Equivoke was molested no more. But in a few months he
appeared to grow very discontented, and to have become
fully convinced that a poor man could do much better in
the western country. Accordingly he soon packed up,
and with his family openly went off in that direction.
And this was the last ever known at Cozy Corners of
any of The Rustic Financiers.
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