University of Virginia Library

13. CHAPTER XIII.

— Carew.

Morton had been for some time of opinion that he had
better leave New Baden; yet still the philosophic youth staid
on, — a week longer, — a fortnight longer, — and still he
lingered. It would be too much to say that he was in love
with his handsome, dare-devil cousin; but his mind was
greatly troubled in regard to her — shaken and tossed with
a variety of conflicting emotions. The multiplied and constantly
changing phases of her character, its strong but
utterly ungoverned resources, its frankness, enthusiasm, detestation
of all deceit or pretension, and, in spite of her
wildness, a deep vein of womanly tenderness which now and
then betrayed itself, all conspired to keep his interest somewhat
painfully excited.

One evening he left the crowded piazza of the hotel, and,
intending to flirt with solitude and a cigar, walked towards a
rustic arbor, overgrown with a wild grape vine, and standing
among a cluster of young elms at the foot of the garden. As
he drew near, he saw the gleam of ladies' dresses, and found

the seats already occupied by Miss Fanny Euston and two
companions. Morton knew them well, and joined the party.
As neither the affected graces of the one companion nor the
voluble emptiness of the other had much interest in his eyes,
he directed his conversation chiefly to Fanny. In a few
minutes the two girls exchanged glances, rose, and alleging
some pretended engagement, returned to the hotel, bent on
making this casual interview assume the air of a flirtation.

Morton and his companion sat for a moment in silence.

“We are cousins — are we not?” said the former, at length.

“At least they would call us so in the Highlands.”

“Then give me a cousin's privilege, and allow me to be
personal. Are you not out of spirits to-night?”

“Why do you think me so?”

“From your look and manner.”

“Are you not tired to death of New Baden?”

“Not yet.”

“I am. What is it all worth? — weary, and vapid, and
flat, and stale, and unprofitable! I have had enough of it.”

“Then why not change it?”

“To find the same thing in a new shape!”

“Pardon me if I call that a freak of the moment. You
are the gayest of the gay.”

“No, I am not.”

“You are a belle here; a centre light. The moths flutter
about you, though you do, now and then, singe their wings.
You frighten them, and they repay you with fine speeches.”

“I am weary of them. For Heaven's sake, abuse me a
little. I know you have it often in your heart.”

“Abuse is sometimes nothing but flattery in disguise.”

“Why do you smile? That smile was at my expense.”

“Why should you imagine so?”

“I insist on your telling me its meaning.”

“I was only thinking that when tribute in an old shape
has become wearisome, one may like to have it paid in a
new one.”

“That certainly is not flattery. Do you know I am beginning
to be afraid of you?”

“I could not have thought you afraid of any one.”

“Yes, I am afraid of you.”

“Why?”

“Because you are always observing me. Because you
penetrate my thoughts and understand me thoroughly.”

“I am less deep than you suppose.”

“At least you know all my faults. You are always, in a
quiet way, making gibes and sarcasms at my expense, and
touching upon my weakest points.”

“Does it make you angry?”

“No; I rather like it; but I wish to repay you. I wish
to find your weaknesses, but cannot. Have you any?”

“Yes, an abundance.”

“And will you tell me what they are?”

“What, that you may use them against me! The moment
you know them, you will attack me without mercy; and if
you see me wince, it is all over with me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you cease to like one as soon as you find
that you can gain the least advantage over him. If I could

really make you a little afraid of me, you would like me all
the better for it. No, I will show you none of my weaknesses;
and perhaps, if I did, you would not find them of a
kind that you could use against me. I can strike at you,
but you cannot hurt me. I am armed in proof. I defy you.”

In saying this, at least, Morton showed some knowledge
of his companion's character. To defy her successfully was
a great step towards gaining her good graces; for with all
her wildness she was very sensitive to the good or ill opinion
of those who could compel her to respect them. She became
very anxious to know what Morton thought of her.

“You say that you do not understand me thoroughly.
What is there in me that you do not understand?”

“You may say that I do not understand you at all.”

“That is mere evasion.”

“Who can understand the language of Babel?”

“Do you mean that I speak the language of Babel?”

“Who can understand chaos?”

“And am I chaos? You are beginning your peculiar
style of compliment again.”

“Do not be displeased at it. All the power and beauty
of the universe rose out of chaos.”

“Now you are flattering in earnest.”

“You are difficult to satisfy. What may I call you? A
wild Arab racer without a rider?”

“That will answer better.”

“Or a rocket without a stick?”

“I have seen rockets; but I do not know what the stick
is. What is it? What is it for?”

“To give balance and aim to the rocket — make it, as the
transcendentalists say, mount skyward, and end in stars and
`golden rain.'”

“Very fine! And how if it has no stick?”

“Then it sparkles, and blazes, and hisses on the ground;
flies up and down, this way and that, plays the deuse with
every thing and every body, and at last blows itself up to
no purpose.”

“Ah, I see that the stick is very necessary. I will try to
get one.”

“You speak in a bantering tone,” said Morton, “but you
are in earnest.”

“I am in earnest!” exclaimed Fanny Euston, with a sudden
change of voice and manner. “Every word that you
have spoken is true. I am driven hither and thither by feelings
and impulses, — some bad, some good, — chasing every
new fancy like so many butterflies or will-o'-the-wisps, —
without thinking of results — restless — dissatisfied — finding
no life but in the excitement of the moment. Sometimes
I have hints of better things. Glimpses of light
break in upon me; but they come, and they go again. I
have no rule of life, no guiding star.”

Morton looked at his companion not without a certain
sense of victory. He saw that he had gained, for the moment
at least, an influence over her, and roused her to the expression
of feelings to which, perhaps, she had never given utterance
before. Yet his own mind was any thing but tranquil.
Something more than admiration was stirring within him. He
felt impelled to explore farther the proud spirit which had

already yielded up to him some of its secrets. But he felt
that, with her eyes upon him, he could not speak without
committing himself farther than he was prepared to do. In
this dilemma he determined to retreat — a resolution for which
he was entitled to no little credit, if its merit is to be measured
by the effort it cost him. He rose from his seat.

“Find your star, Fanny, and you may challenge the
world. But I see people coming down the garden towards
us. We shall be invaded if we stay here. Let us walk
back towards the house.”

When he found himself alone again, he paced his room in
no very enviable frame of mind.

“What devil impelled me to speak as I did? It was no
part of mine to be telling her of her faults. Am I turning
philanthropist and busybody? If I wished to gain her heart,
I suspect I have been taking the right course. What with
any other lady would have been intolerable presumption and
arrogance, is the most effectual way to win her esteem. And
why should I not wish to gain her heart? There is good
there in abundance, if one could but depend on it. No; I
am not blinded yet. This last outburst was a momentary
impulse, like all the rest; and to-morrow she will be reckless
as ever. She delights in lawlessness, and rejoices in the zest
of breaking established bounds. Her wayward will is like a
cataract, and may carry her, God knows whither. No; I
will not walk in this path; I will not try to marry her. Her
heart is untouched — that is clear as the day. I wish
she could say as much of mine. I will leave this place to-morrow,
cost what it will.”

A letter from Boston gave him a pretext; and bidding
farewell to his cousin and her mother, he took the early train
homewards. The newsboy brought him a paper, and his
eyes rested on the columns; but his thoughts centred on
Fanny Euston and his last evening's conversation with her at
the foot of the garden.