University of Virginia Library

20. XX.
“TWO NEGATIVES DESTROY EACH OTHER.”

“If you please, sir,” said the girl behind the counter, “you
have not paid for the cakes and coffee.”

“If — you — please, sir,” repeated the customer, “you have
not paid! — Simplicity or cunning? You 're a wonderful raven!”

He was a tall, meagre personage, with sunken cheeks, a cadaverous
complexion, a restless, glaring eye, locks thin and long, and
a fine, light beard flowing like a stream of flax upon his breast.
His hat was bruised; his coat soiled with the rain, and buttoned
tight to his throat; no linen visible; boots and trousers bespattered
with mud.

“Ravens fed the prophet!” His voice had a sepulchral sound,
and in speaking he started nervously, glancing with his quick,
bright eyes from side to side, with an alert expression. “You
presented the cakes; you prevailed upon me to accept coffee; and
I said Cherith — the brook that is before Jordan.”

“The raven presents her bill,” suggested a glossy moustache,
near the counter.

As the speaker touched the meagre stranger's sleeve, the latter
turned, with a shudder, and, flirting his arm violently, glanced
at the ground with an expression of such loathing, that the spectators
looked to see what crawling horror had occasioned the disturbance.

“What was it?” cried a bustling little lady, running to the
spot.

The stranger rubbed his arm, a smile of triumph flitting across
his pallid face.

“It 's only a shilling,” insisted the girl at the counter.

“Only a shilling,” ejaculated the bustling little lady. “Dear
me! I thought something had bit him!” looking along the floor,
as if to find the money.

“He shook him off into the fire, and he felt no harm!” The
stranger turned indulgently to the girl at the counter. “Hear
Plato! Think you that he who possesses magnificent intellectual
conceptions, and can contemplate all time and all being, can
possibly consider — what do you call it? — cakes and coffee, as
things of any great importance? The same of shillings. Had
he one, or two, or twenty — dust! he would wash his hands of
them! But, with nothing that is Cæsar's, what shall he render
unto Cæsar?”

At this juncture, the proprietor of the stall, interposing, remarked,
in a decided tone, that he was not Cæsar, and knew
nothing about Cæsar's affairs; but that, if cakes and coffee had
been consumed, cakes and coffee were to be paid for.

“If it 's only a shilling,” said a gentle voice; and a veiled
female, opening a modest little purse, drew forth the required
change.

“Temptation — avaunt!” said the delinquent philosopher.
“The vulgar pay; but great souls are exempt. True,” bowing
graciously, “he has been scoffed at, cast into prison, beaten with
stripes; the fate of greatness. But what is martyrdom? Principles
are at stake. Choose you to satisfy these publicans? For
your soul's sake, if you have money, cast it from you! And, a
word of counsel!” — with a glance at the glossy moustache —
“beware of the grinning alligator! There are evets in his company,
and a brood of saucy young vipers. They ride on his
back, and wink with their blood-red eyes!”

“Dear me!” said the bustling little lady, “I don't see anything!
Where is it?”

The stranger recoiled to let the moustache pass, but, stepping
quickly after, detained the veiled female by the fringe
of her shawl.

“His home is in the mud! There let him crunch turtles;
but keep him away from the birds' nests. He is of the grinning
species, and his breath is poisonous. Beware of the shaggy
jaws!”

With gentle force she disengaged her shawl, and, passing on,
traversed a wet wharf at the foot of the rainy town. Beyond lay
a steamboat, in waiting for passengers proceeding northward by
the lake; and, in company with a crowd of umbrellas, carpetbags,
band-boxes, and hat-boxes, she went hurriedly aboard. The
glossy moustache kept by her side; and the bustling little lady,
accompanied by a short, swaggering gentleman, followed after.

The stranger stood holding aloft the hand that had come in
contact with the shawl-fringe, bowing and smiling fantastically.
Presently he seemed to fall into conversation with it; when, suddenly
appearing struck with some forcible remark from his
imaginary interlocutor, he kissed it worshipfully, and skipped
along the wharf to the boat. At the door of the ladies' cabin, he
encountered the glossy moustache, whose wearer happened at
that moment to be engaged in biting it somewhat savagely.

“Creep, you creature! There 's your element,” pointing at
the lake. “You are out of your place above-board.”

As Robert Greenwich did not stir, the other moved cautiously
by the door, stepping high, as if walking over some disagreeable
object, and passed triumphantly into the cabin.

“Woman!” — the stranger, advancing to the veiled female,
bent his tall form before her — “I beg your salutation!”

And straightway down he went upon one knee; but, quick as
thought, Charlotte had changed her place, leaving him in that
rather singular posture before the vacant seat. Not the least
disconcerted, regarding the movement simply as an invitation to
be seated, he arose, and, settling softly and reverently in the
place she had occupied, maintained a dignified deportment in
view of his imaginary honors.

“Incognito!” he said, significantly. “But I saw through the
veil. The south wind came to my nostrils; it breathed your
name in my ear!”

Charlotte started with alarm; upon which a jubilant light
danced in the stranger's restless eyes.

“What if I whisper it?” — and his unshaven lips approached
her trembling cheek. “The new Queen of Sheba, in search of a
prime minister!”

If there was any mirthful element in this grave and formal
announcement, Charlotte's poor, startled heart could not see it.

“All was foreshadowed, your majesty! A queen was to come
out of the south, and she was to be known by her magnanimity
and beauty. And the voice said unto me, `Thou shalt be chief
in the New Jerusalem!' — that is, your majesty's prime minister.
Hail to the glorious dispensation! No pollution of money; no
intemperance; no poverty; no labor, except that to which each
is impelled by the affinity of his genius. The Seven Wise Men
have the credit. They are always with me, — except in potato-time;
then bad spirits haunt me.”

Charlotte's sad eye sought in vain among the people moving
through the cabin for some friendly face, to which she might
look for relief; when, perceiving Robert's sinister visage peering
in at the door, the thought came to her that these two negatives
to her happiness, like two negatives in a grammatical construction,
might be made to counteract each other.

“Do you not observe that we are watched?” indicating negative
number one.

“Alligator's eyes!” exclaimed negative number two. “He
is amphibious; send him to sea on a chip!”

“But, consider — we must not speak together when he is
near.”

“His hide is thick; but there 's a sword to pierce 'twixt his
scales! A warrior for the truth — the queen's prime minister
shall be commander-in-chief of her forces. There 's danger threatened
from the Low Countries. I 'll make him my chariot, and
ride him home from victory. Ha!”

Negative number two pointed, triumphantly, at the door.

Negative number one had disappeared. Upon which Charlotte
entreated negative number two to follow the example.

“There 's slime on the threshold,” said number two, rising.
“I'll spread down my coat, when your majesty steps over. My
armor shall be painted red, to cheat the enemy with the thought
't is blood. But I 'll ride a black steed, and have a mantle of
darkness, that night and I may be of the same color! Adieu,
your majesty! When sent for, I 'll appear.”

No sooner was Charlotte left alone, than a chubby, smiling
face, with gold spectacles and a squint, moved over to her from
the opposite side of the cabin. It was the bustling little lady
from the wharf.

“Do tell me what strange being is that! Is n't he insane?”

“I think so; but I never saw him until this hour.”

And Charlotte, eager for sympathy and protection, proceeded
to relate the adventure.

“Dear me! how queer!” exclaimed the chubby little lady.
“An't you afraid of him?”

“O, no!” Chariotte smiled sadly. “The boat will start presently;
he will lose me and forget me, and perhaps go about finding
other princesses.”

“But if he should go with the boat?”

“O, he has no money!”

“He won't stop to think of that! — Are you travelling
alone?”

“I have no person on whom I can depend.”

“I 'll tell my husband,” said the chubby lady, “and have him
speak to the cap'n; that 'll fix it! You better keep with us,
had n't ye?”

Charlotte gladly accepted the proposal; then, the chubby lady
calling her husband, the chubby lady's husband consulted an officer
of the boat, and the officer of the boat addressed the self-styled
prime minister. This individual had not only remained
on board, but he manifested a decided disinclination to going
ashore; and, to save him from violent handling, Charlotte, at the
chubby lady's suggestion, and in the chubby lady's company, left
the saloon, to speak to him.

“Salutation, your majesty! The alligator is gone, and I keep
guard. But here are conspirators! They exact money, and
propose removing me from the boat. If they do, the boat shall go
with me. I have Chilo's word for it, in the voice of the sacred
titmouse.”

Chubby lady, pressing forward: “Let 'em do it; then have the
law of 'em!”

Prime minister: “One of your majesty's suite?”

Charlotte: “She is a companion.”

“Ah! the Duchess of Dingledom! I knew a duchess once.
`As I was going to St. Ives,' as they say in the arithmetic. She
had the crooked back of a witch, and a crooked nose and chin;
and in her mouth she had a twitch, and in her gait she had a
hitch, and in her hand she carried a switch, to aid her work of
sin. She had fifty imps for children. Go not too near her,
your majesty; she has handled crawling things. What she
observed of law savors of the profane. There shall be no litigation
in our kingdom.”

Charlotte: “Nor resistance. Go peaceably from the boat,
will you not?”

Prime minister: “That 's good calculation! Euclid came,
in the form of a black humming-bird with six wings, and taught
me the new method in three easy lessons. No offence, Dingledom?
You 're an excellent creature; but you need washing. If I fall
in with the alligator, there 'll be teeth broken. Once more —
adieu, your majesty! Good-by, your grace! What shall be the
signal?”

Charlotte placed her finger on her lips. The prime minister
looked intelligent; bowed profoundly, and, glancing from side to
side, with quick starts, as if fearing surprise, marched over the
plank to the wharf.

“To think!” exclaimed the chubby lady, delighted, “he
called me a duchess! How nicely we have got rid of him!”

Ah, but there was another who could not be got rid of so
easily! Charlotte's mind reverted to Robert, and her eye wandered
up the street to watch his coming.

“Do look at him!” exclaimed the duchess, alluding to negative
number two. “Where d' he get that pitchfork?”

“A lance to spear alligators!” cried the prime minister. “The
Seven Wise Men sent it by an invisible messenger.”

And, shouldering the implement, he marched to and fro across
the wharf, with stately pace, like a sentinel. He had scarce
commenced a second turn, when the invisible messenger became
suddenly visible, appearing in the form of a juvenile hostler,
in ragged trousers and a dirty shirt, who, standing agape to see

the steamboat off, had placed the fork temporarily against a
post.

“Here!” whined the young Mercury, running after him, “give
it up! They did n't send it to ye! It 's mine! Pa wants it to
pitch hay in the shed! Come!”

The prime minister chose, however, to consider him still invisible,
and continued his stately march, with strides magnificent,
regardless of the clamor at his heels.

“Le's stay out and watch him,” said the duchess. “It don't
rain, now; and my husband says the boat 's going to start in a
few minutes.”

The bell began to ring, and the passengers from the wharf
hurried aboard. Still no Robert Greenwich; and Charlotte conceived
a trembling hope that he might not appear.

“I shall die, laughing at that crazy man!” exclaimed the
duchess. “How funny the boy looks, with his smutty face! He
is beginning to cry. I wonder why don't we start!”

The bell continued to ring; the steam escaped with a loud
noise; then came three or four sailors, bearing a long box. How
slow they were, thought Charlotte. Too slow, alas! for while they
were still upon the plank Robert Greenwich appeared, walking
at a rapid pace towards the boat. Charlotte's heart sickened.
How vain her hope seemed, then! She should have known that
one so remorseless and so resolute as he would not be left behind.

“Why, what 's the crazy man about?” cried the excited
duchess. “Do look at him!”

Charlotte looked with amazement. Negative number two,
springing upon negative number one, had dexterously thrust the
fork-handle between his feet, in a manner to trip and send him
headlong to the ground. Then, instantly, the implement turning
in the air, the two broad tines lighted astride the neck of the
fallen man, as he attempted to rise, and pinned him to the wharf.
He struggled and cried out; but the warrior for the truth thrust
valorously; and, with face in the sand, eyes starting from their
sockets, knees and elbows braced desperately, and one hand
grasping the fork with a furious endeavor to unfix its yoke-like
embrace, Robert bore not a slight resemblance, perhaps, to a

writhing and twisting reptile, of the species to which he was
supposed to belong.

“Victory!” shouted negative number one, “at the sign of St.
George and the dragon!”

“All aboard!” cried a voice of command. “Cast off there!”

The plank was secured, the cables plashed in the water, the
buzz of the steam ceased, the engineer's bell tinkled, the rushing
wheels revolved.

Bystanders, meanwhile, ran to Robert's rescue. The over-thrower
was overthrown; the fork fell from his grasp; the ragged
urchin seized it; and while negative number one, rising impetuous,
sprang to catch the boat, negative number two took discreetly
to his heels, and fled with light and airy bounds up the
street.

Shouting, furious, swinging his bruised and muddied hat, Robert
flew to the edge of the wharf. The steamer was just beyond; but
a boiling chasm whirled between. He dared not leap; he stood,
a picture of baffled rage, his fiery eye glaring upon Charlotte,
from the landing. Just then the sun broke through a
cloud, and poured a flood of golden light upon the scene. The
foam sparkled, the waves danced, the shore receded, and the vessel's
prow dashed gayly through the glittering waters of Lake
Champlain.