University of Virginia Library

A FRONTIER INCIDENT.

A frontier military post, in peace or war, to the
great number of persons, is a place of much fun and
frolic. We are indebted to such a place for much
past pleasure and many pleasing recollections. The
soldier's life is one of adventure; few in the army, indeed,
are dull talkers, though all, in their way, can tell
events so thrilling in their details, that the manner is
unnoticed in the interest of the subjects themselves.
Then again, these military posts have some good fellows,
as hangers-on, that are nowhere else to be met
with; gentlefolks that at college were remarkable for
their low standing with the faculty, and for their popularity
with the boys. Mad scapegraces, that after
graduating as doctors or lawyers, lost all their practice
at home; the one by quoting too largely from
the imagination instead of the statutes, the other by
some unfortunate propensity to feel ladies' hands instead
of their pulses, in an unprofessional manner.
Good dogs, indeed, but unsuited to the times; and
where else could they find a field for gibes and jests
like a new country? or more fit companions than the
officers of frontier garrisons? Besides, the officers
are so glad to meet with such refined company where
they least expected; and the hangers-on are so delighted

to meet with champagne and pate de foie
gras where they least expected it. Thus, both
parties are always pleased, always ready to be happy,
and to do their best to make all around them so; and a
frontier garrison is a jolly place. Major Freeman was
the name of the commander of one of these military
posts; he possessed the most generous and warm temperament,
and, as is the consequence sometimes with
such persons, he was exceedingly passionate. Educated
in a camp from his infancy, he had learned to
command, even in his boyhood, as he learned to grow,
without knowing anything about the matter,—except
that he grew and commanded, and took one as much
as a matter of course as the other. As manhood and
middle age came on, as might be expected, his influence
among his equals amounted to the highest
respect, and with his inferiors it was wonderful; they
would quail before his angry eye and tongue, as if
they saw lightning and heard thunder. And Major
Freeman was loved, almost idolized, by all who knew
him: and the helpless, injured innocent, though the
humblest being under his command, would from him
receive redress and protection. In early life, the
Major had won the fame of a brave and prudent
man; but many years of glorious ease had made him
the master-spirit in feats of the trencher: in this active
service, he told the best story, had the “choicest
brands,” the best cook, and with a delicacy almost
unknown, always turned his back, or shut up his
eyes, whenever you drank at his table or sideboard.
In him we had a frontier lion; and the way said lion
and his companions used to destroy the beasts of the
forest, including a considerable number of fowls of
the air, was “huckleberry above the persimmon” of
any native in the country, and astonished the natives
beyond any thing else, save the idea of a “man's
keeping two varmints in a grass-patch, when he might
shoot a dozen by going a little way into the woods.”
These “varmints” were two beautiful deer, which
the Major had purchased, when they were fawns, from
some wandering Indians; he had fed them with milk
from his own hand, and now that they were full
grown, they adorned the garrison park,—the favourites
on whom he bestowed those affections, which
would, most probably, under other circumstances,
have been lavished on a wife and children. These
deer, in fact, were sacred; if the roe eat up the
dahlias, jasmines, or other choice flowers of the
neighbouring gardens,—if the buck kicked over
every child he met, and then half kicked out their
eyes,—for these things were constant pastimes,—the
Major would pleasantly observe, that “flowers were
made for Fanny to eat, and Dick's heels were perfectly
harmless, if the young ones were out of the
way:” all was wrong; if so, the deer were right.

On a fine summer evening, the jolly good fellows
of the garrison, as they were wont, headed by the
Major, were whiling the time in the most agreeable
manner, by turns humorous and pathetic, the feeling
softened by choice wine, the mind disposed to quiet,
until we had arrived at that point, of all others the
most agreeable, that hallucination, when one is entirely
satisfied with himself, and feels at peace and
good-will with all mankind. In this humour, for the

first time in our memory, we were interrupted. A
tall, scape-gallows-lloking fellow, thrust a strange
face in at the door without notice or ceremony; the
Major's eye flashed for a moment, but grew mild as
he discovered it was “one of the people” (the soldiers
were under better discipline) that had interrupted
us, and at the same time demanded what the
fellow wanted. The reply was prompt, and as follows:
“I comprehend that you are fond of venison
in this 'ere place; well, I have a fine buck to sell—
a r'al smasher—and you can have him for precious
little plunder, and no mistake.” The name of the
venison acted upon our senses like a charm, and we
congratulated each other with cordiality that would
have done honour to friends meeting after a long
separation. While this was going on, the Major bargained
for the buck, provided he liked its appearance
on sight; and, purse in hand, and followed by his
gallant companions in knives and forks, went out to
see the carcass. Oh, horror! who shall describe the
scene that ensued! On the grass before us, lay a
magnificent buck slightly wounded, with his feet
bound, and panting from fear, as if his heart would
fly out of his mouth, and big round tears were rolling
down his dappled cheeks. In affecting plight,
the Major discovered his favourite! Speechless with
rage, he looked at the poor prisoner, and then at its
keeper; and choking like a drowning man, he at last
exclaimed, with the voice of thunder, “Damnation,
fellow, where did you get that deer?” The astonished
countryman knew the man with whom he was dealing,
and his anger appalled him; and in choaking
accents he replied, as soon as his fright would let
him speak, “I caught the thing in the river below, I
did.” “You are a liar!” roared the Major, “you
have been robbing my premises, and you shall rot in
prison, you shall —!” then drawing the knife, he
stept forward, and with one dash unloosed the deer,
which struggled upon its feet and limped away; then
turning, as we thought, to unloose the robber's windpipe,
who had, on the appearance of the knife, broke
and made good his escape before he could be molested.
The Major in his rage, gasped convulsively
for a moment, and then, giving utterance to the wildest
imprecations, disappeared. The effect of all this
on our party was dreadful; it was the first time in
his life that he had ever left his guests without a
smile, and an invitation to “walk in, and be at
home.” We viewed each other with rueful countenances,
and returned, unbidden, to the room we had
so recently left. Here we found the Major, moody
and dispirited, and this humour increased upon him
as we heard the report of a rifle, which deposited its
contents in the unfortunate deer's head, by the Major's
orders, to release the poor creature from its
sufferings. In the midst of this embarrassing situation,
there burst into the room, contrary to all military
etiquette, a “reg'lar;” his eyes staring, and his
mouth open. This piece of ill manners, and second
interruption, that too, from one of his own corps, was
too much for the Major as he then felt; and, probably
taking advantage of this—except to give loose to
his pent-up feelings,—he leaped the table, seized the
poor private by the throat, and hurled him to the floor,
exclaiming—“You poltroon! and will you too, without
a single mark of respect, enter into the presence
of your superiors? Do you think I will overlook
your impertinence as I did that scoundrel of a countryman's,
on the score of ignorance?” “No, no!” cried
the poor soldier, “forgive me, your two deers are safe;
and the one just shot is”—The man said no more: the
Major reeled for a moment like one about to faint, then
throwing his purse at the poor soldier's head, gave
three cheers, in which all present joined, so loudly
and heartily, and with such unison, that the tumblers
and decanters on the table chimed like the ringing
of distant bells. Happiness was most singularly and
unexpectedly restored to our little party, and the poor
deer which had caused the only unwelcome interruption
in our long social intercourse, apologized to
our entire satisfaction, in the richest steaks and
haunches that ever graced our table; and as we paid
our devoirs to the delicious viands, there flashed the
brightest wit, and passed the happiest hours, that
ever blessed the old campaigners of the Frontier
Garrison.