University of Virginia Library

SECTION II.

—The Alchymist.

The subject is proceeded in.

“As I am a living woman, it is a dreadful night,”—
quoth dame Yokupminshie, pausing at her occupation,
and stopping for a moment the whirling course of the

wheel at which she was employed, as she listened anxiously
to the dreary and hollow sound of the angry wind
that rushed by with flight swifter than the antelope, shaking
the stout walls of the ferry house almost to their foundation,
and driving the eddying smoke back from the chimney,
so that in fleeting clouds it rolled among the beams
and rafters of the apartment—while accompanying gouts
of soot and wet lumps of dust and clay loosened and
driven down from the crannies, dimmed for a moment,
the clear and lively blaze of the ascending fire.

“Sooth,” continued the matron, “the heaven is as
dark as the storm and clouds can make it: and yet I
aver, it compares not with the black evil and foul savouring
courses of those who wallow in the mire of worldly
sensuality and blindness: dear me, dear me! to think on
the wickedness of the carnal creatures—the crying sins
of man—dear me, dear me!” and she heaved from the
bottom of her heart, a deep sigh, or rather groan, and
clasping her hands across her bosom, she rolled her eyes
upwards devoutly—“a murrain on thee, coistrel knave,”
pursued Vrouw Vanderspeigl, starting from the meditation
which she was about entering on, as a provoking
flourish of Yonne's fiddle broke on her musings—her
voice rising to its shrillest tone as she spoke, so that its
sharp echoes pierced the farthest nook of the building—
“a murrain on thee, saucy knave—with thy rioting and
lewd canticles, one would believe you was at a boosing
bout, rather than in the decent dwelling and tarrying
place of a follower of the word: have done, for momently
I expect the pleasant youth, brother Tribulation
Wholesome, who is one that seeketh not the cares of the
body, nor minds the tempest; seeing that he means to
hold forth within our earthly tabernacle: so I enjoin you
to silence, that I may hear his coming.”

“Deare me, missee—lor pless you, ter moosic clebber
'nough, him make ony little noise,” returned Yonne in a
deprecating tone, “dough Massa Boomelhyser preak ter
tring at him Bee, but him berry nice fiddle vor all dat,
sartain.”

“Mercies on me!” said the matron, unattending to

his expostulation, and casting her eyes round on her progeny,
“what a set of imps; alack, if that cub, Stoffel, an't
got his doublet out at his knee—yet it was but morn, that
I patched it with the grey jerkin of his father: dear me,
dear me, what a life one leads with them all—mend and
work, even from the rise to the set of sun: troth there
is not time wherewithal to commune on the health of
the spirit, nor drive from the thoughts, with manifold
taskings, the divers rank abominations and unclean profanations
of the flesh, even as Deacon Zerubbabel Bare-bones
rightly terms them, the temporal sins and vanities
of the world.”

“Ah now, mudder, do let Yonne play one more,” besought
a chubby and shining faced urchin, in a coaxing
voice.

“Loramittee, let ter little ting hab him desire,” exclaimed
the slave, backing a request which was consonant
to his own wish, “ony missee hear me play ter
tune, how der debbil come like a big neeger to old Moggepous,
der great Jarmin docterdat lib at Bloomendael, 'fore
him die, and askt ater him healt—ony tink now—massa
Boomelhyser say him all trute, as me set dere—sartin.”

“Nay, it behooves not me to listen to thy carnal melodies,
lest it raise unholy and abominable ideas—the Lord
preserve me—a woman to live with you all, should have
the patience of Job: see, if that sweaty cheeked rogue,
Coby, has not worn out his shoes already at the toes—
dear me—the impudent varlet hath broken in twain the
silver buckles which belonged to his maternal grandfather,
Volkert Schepmoes, rest his soul! alack, Jekyl,
dost think one has no ears? dear me, I shall be crazed;
Tunesse, let go thy brother's hair—was there ever one
so pestered—first here, then there—'tis sufficient to
wear one to a skeleton: yet I have my trust, even as
remarked the righteous elder Hopeful Clapp, when his
crop of onions grew to seed and he lost thereby a portague:
verily, I am resigned even unto this measure,
since there cannot be a change thereof.”

“Lor, me hear ter water roar at ter hell-gat, as plain
as me see you—pless us, what a time is coming—ony

listen—ter chimney crumbles as him plit,” said Yonne,
and at the same time smoothing the rough coat of the
disturbed animal reclining at his feet, he added, “still
Snoocher—beast, hush ty tongue—Lor, vy der debbil
you no be still?”

“There is even a great gathering of the elements,
and it moves me exceedingly for the coming of the absent
Tribulation: stir up the fire, that he may abide here
in warmth—and Yonne, get unto the pronk room, and
take from the great chest the quilt that hath the Stadtholder's
hunt thereon, worked by the hands of the respectable
maiden Minstrie Snedigher, that was of kin to
my godfather, who came from the Doele-straat of Amsterdam,
having followed the reputable calling of baard schraper
to the Dolen Huis—and mind, Yonne, that the best bed
is aired, that the pious master Wholesome may have all
that pertains to his comfort—and Yonne, take the new
pair of striped blankets—and Yonne, tarry not long, for
even as I speak, I hear some one approach,—dear me,
it is not the step of the precious youth, but that of the
brute, my husband: alack, how the sight of the man of
sin disturbs me—for multitudinous are his ill doings—so
that when I lay me by his side at night, my spirit is
greatly moved that the wicked is near—and there
appears unto me, that I look on the horned beast of the
Revelations: mercies on me, Sporus, what have you
been after—who is it Yonne says you've been talking
with?”

As she spoke, the door was roughly thrown open, and
the Mienheer entered grumbling, growling, and swearing
in notes as gruff and hoarse as a hungered bear, and ready
to vent the gall which overflowed him on the first thing that
came in his way; no sooner was his entrance effected
than the bright eyes and ruddy cheeks of the children
were dressed in smiles, as pure and innocent as those with
which the summer flowers greet the dawn, while with
glad cries they hailed his approach, and skipped forward
with all the light hearted gaiety of sorrowless infancy to
meet and welcome him, and hear the loved sounds of his
well-known voice.

Vanderspeigl was a harsh and selfish man, holding no
sympathy for aught than that which furthered his own
immediate enjoyment, and having no constitutional feelings
except those of avarice and indolence, for like thousands
who make up the great herd of mankind, his whole
existence centered in his gold, and he prized the possession
of wealth beyond all other earthly objects, and almost
the goods to come; yet there was one fair trait in
his character, it was a love for his children, and what
heart, it may be inquired, however base or hard, is without
that affection—and yet in the breast of human beings
there are such:—to some, the dearest, fondest ties of
kindred, the most sacred bonds of blood are as slight and
feeble as a hair, and as easy to be broken; but such,
though he wear a finer form, is but a monster, a brute,
unfit to be ranked with the vilest of creation. What is
more daily cried up as honourable and excellent than the
love of family—do not men award it praise? but such
incentives are needless, are superflous; that which is
duty it is criminal to omit, but it shows how rare, even
though it is so, that it is fulfilled, since it is so greatly
lauded. Yet what parent, let him be cast in nature's
coarsest mould, rough and uneducated, but must melt
into womanish mildness when surrounded with his little
ones and feeling their gentle endearments, when the soft
warm cheek presses against his, wooing their roughness,
and the weak, tender, and waxen arms twine for love and
support about his neck, like the feeble vine of the honeysuckle
about a towering column—or hears the delightful
lispings, the wild and broken prattle, the music of their
little lips, breathed on the parental bosom like the cooings
of ring doves on the tree of life—indeed, one would suppose
it beyond humanity not to delight in these. Men
have been who spurned all ties that bound them to mankind,
who have been as the savage panther watching the
roaming elk, ready ever to spring, lacerate, and devour
the very vitals of their fellow, and yet with a boundless
devotion they have gloated even to adoration on their own
offspring, and would, though selfish in all other respects,
have perished piecemeal in tortures the most cruel and

rending, ere one moment's adversity should reach the objects
of their worship—and still, so depraved are mankind,
that there hath been the reverse of this: there are
those who have from birth shunned and persecuted as an
enemy the fruits of their bodies, have exposed them naked
from infancy to the pitiless scorn and buffetings of the
world, and have, rock-like, heard their cries for help;
rolling in riches, they have bid them waste by famine,
nor would stretch out the hand of relief;—yet worse than
these hath there been, trampling on the rights of one
child to exalt another, seeing one laid in the grave tearless
for the inheritance of a favourite; but so often deals
fate, that the one preferred is the instrument of vengeance
in this life, as imitating, by force of example, the selfish
feelings of the parent, the child turns the persecutor, for
like the light on the flamingo's wing, which brightens but
a moment and then is lost in the surrounding night,
many times the kindnesses of nature which blaze in
youth's spring tide are quenched and obliterated to apathy
as they are tainted by the breath of society—and the care
worn guardian of childhood receives for his countless
anxieties and sacrifices, the withering coldness of ingratitude
or desertion; so it is not uncommon to remark, that
help in misfortune, balm to misery, and the outstretched
hand of renovation is sooner extended and received from
the stranger than the closest by name and blood.

But the Nederlander was in no mood of love, his shaggy
brows were contracted in a deep and surly frown, and
appeared like dark clouds when swollen with a tempest;
he took no notice of the children's jocund visages, but
with a rude motion he dashed aside their outspread arms,
and without answering his wife's questions he stalked sullenly
to the fire and seated himself—

“Got tam! sall Ik hab nien biece? nien, nien,” growled
out the Dutchman, as the dame repeated her interrogatories,
“op myn zeil! der sdorm ish in der huis mit
dien tam taal, zo musch ash id is bueten duer, dats on der
oudshide—vifers, vrouw, womans, Got tam! dunner and
blixum, dou dinks der mensch hab niets do dink but dalk
zo ash vone tam klok mit ids glapper.”

“Mercies! what a taking the man's in,” quickly retorted
the matron, the whole asperity of her composition
filling her countenance with spite and sourness, for she
was not one who was to be so spoken to with impunity,
nor ever took one word without giving in return a dozen,
or in other sense, without showing as good as was brought
her. “A fine humour to be sure—you are not to be spoken
with, I suppose; dear me, I did but task him with a word,
and thus he turns upon me, showing the lowness of his
breeding—truly did sister Hepzibah Praise-the-Lord,
aver, at our last love-feast, that out of a dunghill one cannot
expect a—”

“Got tam, vrouw, stillen dien gerass,” crossly interrupted
Vanderspeigl, “blesh mien hertz und batience!
dis is nien genoeg; dat Ik has hish hondred beices sdole
vrom der bogkets von his broeks, zo as hish zeil be blagued
vrom hish bodies mit der tam voolish gesnater—dou duyvil's
nikker, dake dat.”

He addressed the last words enforced by a violent blow
to the ears of one of the little urchins, who, with cautious
and timid glances, had venturously approached within the
reach of his hand; the varlet no sooner felt the injury,
than with loud screams, enforced far beyond the extent
of his hurt, he sought shelter in the arms of his mother,
where experience on former occasions of the same kind,
had taught the rogue that he was sure to receive more
caresses than, in proportion to the ill-treatment of his father,
he deserved, and which he was cunning enough to
perceive was usually extended as much from direct opposition,
and to irritate her spouse as from real concern.

“A murrain on the man! he'd better snap one's head off
—art crazed to beat poor Stoffel without cause,” exclaimed
mevrouw, as she took the boy in her arms and stilled
his sobs and cries; “hush, mind not his ill nature—dear
me, he'll weep his heart out. You ungrateful man,” continued
she, bouncing from her seat towards her helpmate,
“was it to be treated thus I condescended to marry you,
when I was well off in the world. Was not my father the
schipper of a hoy that belonged to the great house of
Mynheers Jan Jansen, Alperdam, Lunden, Vanderschroper

& Broders—did not my poor dear first husband that's
dead and gone, Rip Van Schaik, leave me as comfortable
a widow as any in Yorke—was not I far above you,
you low, dirty wretch! when I married, you had scarce a
rag on your back, and not a friend in the world—had I
not a whole houseful of relations—and have I not had a
first rate English education, from the worthy Baalim
Snipe, who kept an academy in Queen-street—did I not
prefer you, you unmindful and forgetful villain, to the precious
pastor Habbakuk Alsermon, who, although he had
but one eye and one leg, would have refreshed me with
the good word and the outpourings of the spirit—doth
not your conscience bespeak my wordly superiority, in
which I take no pride, for pride is an abomination of the
harlot that is throned on the seven hills—yet so I am repaid
for my sacrifices by the rank and bitter waters of
the cup of tribulation. Dear me! dear me! that my poor
dear first man, Rip Van Schaick, was alive this day.”

How much longer the incorrigible dame would have
pursued her advantage, for her invectives seemed a
never-exhausting weapon, and fell on the head of the offender
in an unsparing flood—for she granted, being
fairly set out, little or no quarter to her astounded spouse,
who was deafened by the rapidity of her declamation and
the sharpness of her thrusts—it is impossible to be ascertained;
for words of reproach flew as swift to her
tongue as she could utter them, and rendered no chance
of her being pacified as long as she could speak: and
how long that would be was difficult to conjecture, for
every sentence seemed to come out with stronger emphasis
and shriller voice—however relief came, unlooked
for as sudden—as her attention, at the expression of the
wish above narrated, was called to a loud knocking at the
outer door of the ferry house. No sooner was the sound
repeated, than the dog, who alarmed and affrighted at the
violence of his mistress as she rated Mynheer, had crouched
silently in a corner of the kitchen, and fearfully eyed
the parties askance, sprang on his feet, and answered with
loud and determined barkings the halloos of the disturbers.

“Tish dey alrede—mien Got! zo zoon as vone weineg
minnit!” cried the Dutchman starting up, “mien hondred
bieces—ja—mien geldt—God tam, Snoocher, hond sdil
dien blaffen,” and as he added the last words he gave
the noisy animal a heavy blow with his foot in the ribs,
that sent him across the floor, yelping, howling, and
moaning piteously with pain.

“Mercies on us! the man's mad, stark mad—you've
killed the poor beast—here Snoocher, here,” said the
wife, motioning the bruised creature to her; but the oft
ill treated quadruped, cautious of her protection, and unaccustomed
to the call of friendship from so questionable
a quarter, only raised his head heavily at the sound, and
crawled limping to the feet of Yonne, who at the moment
returned from an inner chamber, where he had been preparing
for the reception of the goodly Mass Tribulation
Wholesome. The black soon soothed his dumb companion,
who crouched in a heap, answered his caresses by
whining affectionately as it looked in his face, and by
licking gratefully the hand that patted his back.

“Let the dog be, Yonne, and see who seeks entrance
—I trow both the brute and thou art alike,” said dame
Yokupminshie petulantly; “dear me, it must be the precious
brother come at length. To him, Sporus, I will
tell thy conduct, and put you to shame—mercies on us!
if I mistake not there are more voices than one; God
willing, the pious Hezekiah Holdfast, or some other of
the brethren accompanies his righteous mission—therefore
hasten and unclose the door; and Stoffel, put wood
on the fire, that the good men may have cheer.”

“Leib it staan, slaaf—zo as dou obensh it, op myn
zeil, ik mill preak dien kop mit mien knokkles,” ejaculated
Vanderspeigl, interposing with vehement action the
motion of the negro, and thrusting his unwieldy form between
Yonne and the door with an alertness of movement
that his huge bulk scarce appeared capable of attaining,
ja, dis is nien blace vor dem inkoomen—mien
Got—ik ish verleizer vone hondred bieces alrede—ja.”

“Who hath ever hearkened the like,” exclaimed the
enraged matron, regarding him as though she could, in

the common phrase, eat him, “thou babel of iniquity—
that beareth visible marks of the serpent, thy heart is like
the Levites of old. What, wouldst thou detain the gifted
Tribulation, and the reverend Hezekiah on the outside
of the house in this storm? thou sinner—but thou
shalt be stricken with a mighty mourning and repentance
for these black indulgences of thy carnal mind against the
faithful and elect; and manifold wailings and gnashings
of teeth shall give testimony thereof Mind not the
wordings of the Philistine, Yonne, but I bid thee unbar
the door to the chosen of Israel.”

“Dirty—fordy dousand duyvil—dis is vone verdamnt
ding—ja, ik ish nien zo mush mashder in dis mien huis, zo
as is mien negur, Got tam!”

“A murrain on the black! why lingerest thou slave,”
cried the vrouw, her eyes flashing with wrath and venom,
and her natural shrillness of note increased almost to a
scream, “will you not mind me? Negro, an in a minute
thou dost not do my bid, I'll break every bone in thy
black skin; and for him, let him stop you an he dares;”
and she regarded Sporus with an Amazonian grin of ineffable
contempt, and placed her arms a-kimbo. “Have I
not made him a man, the ugly, dunghill born cur—but it
is ever so in matching beneath one. Nevertheless, do
you mind to do as I tell thee, or we'll see who's
mistress.”

Vanderspeigl gave no answer to this tirade that could
reach the virago's hearing; but slowly and reluctantly
withdrawing himself from before Yonne, he regarded his
gentle helpmate with a grim visage, expressive of rage
and stifled hate—and from the bottom of his lungs he
sent forth a deep growl, or rather a revengeful grunt of
displeasure and gall; and at the same time giving way to
the abusive violence of the termagant, he sheepishly hung
his head with an awkward air of submission, and thrusting
his hand into his breeches, he drew forth a large clumsy
iron tobacco pouch, curiously figured and decorated, and
taking from its interior a considerable portion of its contents,
he filled one side of his mouth with an enormous
piece of the spleen dispelling herb; and on which, from

the earnestness with which he seemed to attack it, he
appeared to vent all his disappointment and venom—for
his countenance quickly expelling its rueful elongation,
looked as clear, stolid and unmoveable, as though nothing
whatever had intervened to disturb his quietude. In the
meanwhile poor Yonne, perplexed and awe struck, and
scarce knowing which party to obey or which way to
turn, for he had his Scylla and Charybdis on either side,
cast fearful, hesitating, and doubtful glances from one to
the other: however, perceiving the dame's cheek flushed
and her eye lighten towards him like a fiery meteor, as she
addressed her rhapsody to his alarmed ears, and aroused
by his master's equanimity lest she should be tempted
to turn the irresistible torrent of her expostulations and
wrath altogether on his head, and being also well satisfied
as to the general issue of such matrimonial conflicts, he
opined and proceeded as best for his own security, though
with a cunning appearance of reluctance, to unclose the
entrance; but here a serious disappointment awaited the
eager and expectant matron—two persons indeed presented
themselves for admittance, but they were neither the
precious Tribulation, nor his co-mate Hezekiah, nor, by
their garb and appearance, followers of the word: dame
Yokupminshie, whose hospitality and charity was of a
careful kind, and seldom or ever without good reasons or
weighty inducements, extended farther than towards her
own immediate sect, as it was her firm belief that all the
rest of the world were a set of graceless sinners, for
whom there was no redemption—that is literally, they
all deserved to be damned to all eternity; and as the
quality of the strangers was not easily to be perceived,
for both were enveloped from head to foot in large mantles,
which were loaded with snow and dripping with
water from every fold, and which entirely concealed
their figures—she therefore fell back several steps, while
her countenance underwent an instantaneous change
from every expression of welcome that had for a time
taken possession of her sharp and skinny features, to
that of the utmost forbidding ill will and morose selfishness—and
it was extremely probable, from the glances
which she cast on them, whether, if already they had
not entered the door, they would have been able to have
made a shelter in the house at all.

“We are loth and sorry to disturb or incommode you,
honest friends,” quoth the foremost, shaking the damp
from his cloak, and addressing both the Dutchman and
his wife, as with surprise, he perceived neither advanced
to greet him—for while Vanderspeigl stood aloof in
sullen silence, his spouse, who had at first sprang so eagerly
forward to receive her expected co-religionists, had
now petulantly retreated towards her spinning-wheel,
and almost turned her back on the persons whose presence
had so grievously disappointed her wishes—“we
are strangers,” continued he, “just landed from the
ocean; our vessel lying in the sound, and unable to make
a safe anchorage till light—but being desirous of reaching
the city, if possible, we have sought your hostel, that
we may obtain warmth for our almost frozen limbs, and
guidance on our way.”

“And what may your name be, and what is your business?”
demanded mevrouw, turning suddenly round,
and viewing him strictly with the pert gaze of impudent
curiosity.

“I deem that, good woman, entirely foreign to my
request, and unnecessary for your satisfaction,” returned
the intruder haughtily—and then moving from
her, he beckoned particularly to Vanderspeigl, who appeared
solely and assiduously occupied in rolling the tobacco
from one side of his mouth to the other, in such a
manner, that two liquid streams of juice voided themselves
over his lips, and coursed down at each side of
his chin; “probably from you, master,” pursued he, “I
may obtain more to the purpose—speak out! can we
have that which we seek—a guide and temporary refreshment
from the fierceness of the tempest?” Vanderspeigl,
however, gave no reply, but continued his
amusement, only raising his eyes with a vacant, dull look
to the speaker's face, and then casting them referringly
to his wife, who, with every muscle of visage contracted
to a more disagreeable aspect, prepared to vent her

spleen and anger at the rebuff she had received—“Good
woman, forsooth! mercies on us! good woman!” broke
from her lips—“I'd have you to know”—here,
however, the threatening storm was prevented from
bursting, by the interference of the companion of him
who had offended, and who appeared considerably the
elder of the two.”

“Now, by my halidome, thou art wrong Hal, to bear thee
thus: leave them to me—an I do not correct the outline,
call me the botch of a dauber,” cried he to the
first, as he pushed forward a jolly, red, round, good humoured
and staring countenance, smirking with smiles,
which an endeavour at gravity, could not disguise to seriousness,
and speaking quickly, as impatient at having
been so long in the back ground—“I beseech thee listen
to our modest asking, honest gentle folks—kind, good
people—by the by, the woman has a most admirable
head, a study for a Rembrandt—I'll have a sketch of it,
by Saint Paul! You see we want nothing but what we
can pay for; and gad, if you say it, I'll draw your lovely
likeness in the bargain—and Hal, you know that
would'nt be aught beneath the art, either; for Caravagio,
an you recollect, painted a tavern sign for his breakfast.”

And at the same time, he advanced boldly towards the
matron with a formal obeisance, and drew forth a purse
apparently well lined—in the performance of which
action, he threw back the outer garment in which he had
been wrapt, and discovered a large, thick-set, broad
shouldered, clumsy shaped personage, considerably inclined
to corpulency—whose appearance was not a little
displayed by the splendour of his equipments,
which were not lost on the attentive Vanderspeigl, and
the now admiring and observant eye of mevrouw: his
dress was a light coloured embroidered loose coat, made
low in the neck, with immense tails and cuffs, of such
a size that they hung at least a half a yard below the
hand, which last was encircled by a treble row of the finest
Flanders lace—his waistcoat was superbly barred, and
worked and ornamented with large and glittering buttons,

with wide flaps in front, that extended nearly down to
the knee, in the style of the true court gallant of the
day: he also wore a small gold laced, three squared, or
cocked hat, that sat perched like a yellow bird on the
top of a large flaxen periwig—whose fine and graceful
flowing curls, rolled in profusion below the shoulders,
but divided most carefully in front, that the full rotundity
of the wearer's visage might have sufficient space to
show itself; a thin walking rapier hugged his side, and
although a huge pair of travelling jack-boots of the greatest
dimensions, whose very tops hung loose from their
magnitude round the calf, that they appeared like an
open umbrella reversed and standing on the ferule, cased
his legs—yet the silk stockings, and the garters, deep
fringed with silver, were plainly to be perceived. There is
probably, nothing that can command more respect, than a
fine dress and a show of means, well seasoned with assurance:
a ragged, slovenly, out at the elbow sort of a
chap, or one of your modest, gentlemanly, unassuming
gentry, will pass unnoticed; yet they may be able and
willing to call for and discharge all debts incurred—while
a grass-hopping mushroom, just freed from his master's
counter, who flings his purse and oath at the same time in
your face, may with impunity insult every woman he
meets, run over the children, damn the waiters, and
cheat their masters, and still have every attention paid
him even in the places where he is most known—for a
dashing, roaring blade, meets always an excuse, when an
honest man would have utterly lost his character:
whether convinced of the certainty of this conclusion, or
transfixed by the rapidity of speech, pomp of attire, and
the rattle and glitter of the shining ore held in view, or
whether the strong argument of the stranger's address,
was the inducement, for it seemed likely from the curtsey
dropped on a sudden by the relenting dame, that she
understood it as an entire compliment to herself; yet it
was equally apparent, that no sooner was the broad piece
presented by the thumb and forefinger of the speaker,
than Sporus, as if at that very instant he had awakened
from a lethargy, or shook the binding and dreamy cobwebs
of sleep from his eyes, started from his apathy and
pushed himself forward, with an outstretched hand that
seemed envious of the sordid bait, that he might grasp
it into instant possession; while athwart his heavy countenance
there flitted a grin of pleasure and selfish delight,
as he eyed the gold, which doubtless he intended
for a smile of open hearted hospitality, and gracious repayment
for the money: indeed it was of that species,—a
glance which might have been given in return to the
maker of a feast, for all his fine dishes—and which expressed
in language stronger than utterance frames, the
grateful maxim, `fools make feasts, but wise men eat
them;' or rather, that the reader may more forcibly
comprehend the sagacity of Vanderspeigl's look, if he
hath a wife who attends those springes to catch idiots,
termed ladies auctions, only let him recall to mind the
ineffable leer of satisfaction with which the auctioneer repays
him, when he lays down the amount of a long list
of cheap articles `almost as good as new, and worth as
much again as has been bid for them,' and which speaks
to the utmost, that `the ass and his money hath soon
parted,' and he will have the whole expression of the
sturdy Hollander's countenance before him; but the
proverb, though somewhat musty, carries considerable
truth, `there is many a slip between the cup and the lip,'
and here it was verified—for unfortunately at this momentous
period, by some unaccountable caprice of fate,
the ferrymaster's evil star reigned in the ascendant, for
ere he was able to take due distance towards the object
of his longing desires,—even in the very instant it appeared
within his gripe, he had all but clutched it, when his
wife (and indeed such women will interfere in every
thing) hastily stepped forward—(for it is above observed,
the brave garb and clinking purse of the stranger had
made an impression, and had an effect at once ludicrous
and singular on mevrouw, and proved that the mammon
of lucre found an equal savour in her sight, as in that of
Mienheer's, and therefore to her first courtesies, she
added a second lowly inclination of body,) taking, however,
a due precaution in the enaction, to receive the
magnet of attraction in her own hand, which she was
careful should be opened for that express purpose: this no
sooner done, than with the greatest precision, and the
nicest accuracy, this worthy better half of the prudent
Nederlander, deposited it in her pocket,—while alas, the
misadventures of that unlucky wight, Sporus Vanderspeigl,
ended not here—for in his over anxiety to attain
his point, and in the procedure abandoning his used and
wonted caution, by an unguarded movement, he unfortunately
struck his foot against the end of his wife's spinning
wheel—and before he was well able to recover
from the shock of such an encounter, and hold his accustomed
equilibrium, (as from the velocity of his motion,
his head and feet would have given an apt explanation
of the extreme points of an angle;) and in order to regain
his proper balance by way of an assistance, though
probably without ill intention, for a falling and drowning
man, alike will catch at a straw for safety, he struck his
broad palm forcibly against the head of little Stoffel,
who, by the by, was the very image of his father in bib
and tucker, and who, poor varlet, was gazing with distended
eyes, stretched like saucers by curiosity on the
new comers, entirely unconscious, and by no means
dreaming of so rough a salute. The boy flew screaming
in one direction—the wheel, the cause of all the disturbance,
took another—while the ferrymaster, partaking in
his own body somewhat of the properties of a Dutch
herring buss, (which are shaped considerably like a basin,
and are therefore proof against sinking,) regained his
footing after a clumsy struggle, which he closed with a
hearty oath, that with an irresistible force sprang from
his throat as if urged by circumstance, to follow in the
immediate train of the words of welcome that had just
preceded his direful mishap: still there is much doubt,
whether the alertness of his rib had not in part the power
of mingling more than common bitterness with the
rising phlegm that produced the exclamation, “Mien
Got—dis dam ding is altyd in der weg—op myn zeil!
Ik hash proke mien scheenbien wid der tam sbiening
weil—ja—mien Got!” For indubitably, it is a very
mistaken idea, that supposes man and wife are one—
and that all which belong to them are in unison—
and that the notion is unfounded, no one was more
thoroughly convinced of than Vanderspeigl, for though
he and his cara sposa rested on one couch, and
dwelt under one roof, they had two very separate
customs as to many other material matters—and they
were divided like most married couples, particularly in
their money affairs; for although they both held to the
plan of hoarding it, yet it was in different portions:—
that of mevrouw's, to the grievous dissatisfaction of mynheer,
being most sacred, and seldom gratifying his view.
Still, nevertheless, ill nature reported, and what will not
ill nature report, that it oftentimes gladdened the sight
of the precious brother Wholesome. However, if this
affirmance hath any truth in it, all evil suggestions shall
be disappointed; for there can be no hesitation in asserting
that it must have been exhibited for pious and righteous
purposes alone, judging by the extraordinary value
set on it by the matron.

“Mercies on us, how awkward to throw down the
wheel,” said the dame peevishly; “and you brat, still
your noise—I'll warrant no bones broken. Sweet master,
he always bawls thus when least injured,” continued
the mother, as the younger stranger lifted the child from
the floor; “the heedless goose is ever thrusting his nose
where it should not be. Why dost not stir about,” added
she, moving smartly on Yonne, who like his young master
had been lost in admiration at the splendour and
fashion of the stranger's garments, “see you not that the
gentry stand while you dangle your fingers idly before
you. Dear me! Koby get from the fire, hast no more
manners than the prophet's ass. Alack, my good cavaliers,
excuse these creatures—why Sporus man, beast!
must I do all, as did Gideon of old in the Scripture—
prithee move thy stumps a bit.”

And thus did mevrouw show off her hospitality, buzzing
about like a fly round a candle light; eager, teasing,
and pressing; endeavouring by her present activity to
erase the remembrance of her first lack of courtesy. A

sudden change seemed to have come to her nature, and
she was now a true semblance of Dutch virtue, generous
and disinterested—though it may be that at times against
her very will, her wandering thoughts (for such it is impossible
to control) ran sadly in divers abstruse calculations
in how great a degree the stranger's purse could
bear diminishing; and as one idea is often apt to keep
pace with another, as naturally as a bird follows its flock,
and we are accustomed to look to the very extent of a
pleasant prospect, so did the goede joffrouw's mind (for
in spite of the battlings with the spirit, she had her carnal
periods of human weakness and visitation and of which,
at task meetings she bitterly complained;) pursue the subject
to its farthest source, and she even believed it probable,
if events turned out as she expected, that she could
afford to appear abroad in a new fardel or vandyke, or at
least with a handsome tasbeetel, that would make the
envious Vrouw Clopper sick with coveting. Therefore it
may be well supposed that her guests were scarcely seated,
ere thus urged she made the top of the slaubonk groan
with the enticing contents of her larder—while her thrifty
husband gazed in wonder and affright at her prodigality;
—for indeed she did nothing by halves, when the whim
once actuated her. There was the last made crulershie
shining again with the fat in which they had been
cooked, and towering like an Egyptian pyramid from
the wide earthen dish—there was the milk-white hominy
and the speckled sackatas, cookery peculiar to
the new world, and unknown to the kokwinkles and estaminets
of Vaderland, loading and overflowing the clean
wooden bowls that held them, and flanked by huge flagons
of molasses—and again, there was the shattered remains
of the last meal, thick and greasy slices of smoked
ham fried brown, with the gelid gravy clinging to them
like the snowy foam of the wave frozen upon an ocean
rock—there was the partly demolished dough nuts, the
delight of children,—and also the small round Holland
saucers of preserved peaches and cold baked pears, filled
to the very brims with their delicious liquors—and then,
to wash down this feast, came the mighty family porringers
of Delft make, chased proudly with broad, laughing
bacchantes, and short pug-nosed satyrs and clumsy fauns,
sporting without, and mantling brightly with sweet flavoured
cider within—while the whole was crowned with
long necked, squat, green glass pottles, bursting with the
rich juice of the gooseberry and the golden genever, and
supported by tall, thin, thimble cupped Flemish glasses;
a parade of viands fit for the banquet of a burgomaster.

“Gezondheid,” exclaimed Mynheer as he filled a cup,
and in one draught swallowed the greater portion of its
contents and held the residue before the light, at the
same time smacking his lips loudly, “op myn zeil, Mynheers,
dats der drue stduff—mien God! it flikkers more
zo as vone weineg ligt der zon—blesh mien hertz—tish
goede, tish der regt ding vor zoopje;—gezonheid.”

Although the ferry master thus graciously began to do
the honours of his table, and appeared cheerfully to assent
to the designs of his wife from the very bottom of
his soul, yet every mouthful that disappeared before the
hungry lips of his sharp set guests, seemed in his eyes
like drawing blood from his vitals; but he was forced to
take the part he was acting—for there is no disputing,
that which cannot be mended should be endured with as
good a grace as can be mustered from necessity—yet it
went exceedingly against the grain, as he was truly, (as
the reader must remember,) one of those sparing and
economical creatures who are enabled by dint of a discreet
careful, and somewhat ingenious management, to prevent
every thing like waste or profuseness, and who can show
the worth of a little by making it serve for a great deal—
and it therefore grieved him mightily, and he waxed
wroth within himself at the uncommon, unnatural, and unfeeling
want of reflection of the huismoeder's at one time
placing such a bountiful and sumptuous entertainment
before such a couple of unmerciful and unsparing stomachs,
(as in his own mind, before they fell to work,) he
had determined were possessed by the strangers—and
from this, as of course his idea was strengthened that
every mouthful they devoured was more than sufficient
to have served any moderate and reasonable man with

satisfaction and support for the animal frame, for at least
a month. Indeed it is necessary to mention that no one
could have been more surprised, and even struck aghast
with amazement, than he was at the very production of
the banquet—for like the water that sprung at the stroke
of the lawgiver's rod, it was as though it had flowed from
the barren rock; he could not recall, though he was
conscious he never burthened his memory too much, that
his helpmate had told him of there being such a various
and great quantity of provisions laid by in the house. It is
true he recognised numerous scraps which had in their
time formed parts of his meals, yet it strangely ran in his recollection,
that mevrouw had assured him that they had all
been devoured; and so to see them start in being direfully
puzzled him—but all was the fault of his narrow mind—
he did not for a moment dream that the matron had generously
from each particular service set apart a choice bit,
culled out by her own delicate hand, for the taste and
approbation of the gifted man Hezekiah, for the pouring
forth of the word was attended with much bodily labour
and mighty sweatings and strainings of the jaws, and help
and refreshment of strength necessarily was obtained
from the good fare which was always provided for him
when his coming was known; and which he enjoyed while
the Dutchman snored, little believing his high prized and
precious stores where gliding down the throat of the
worthy brother. However the presence of the travellers
had for a while entirely obliterated from Vrouw Vanderspeigl's
thoughts, the expected visit for this night, and the
share of the neglected Tribulation was marshalled out for
the attack of the voracious mouths of those who seemed
to threaten to leave but little for his temporal comfort.—
This is an ungrateful world—sacrifices, benefits, favours
and friendship can at will be shifted off and forgotten—
there are but few who are not of that light and fickle kind
who will call to memory an absent acquaintance if they
find it serve a minute's interest to do otherwise: unconscious
Wholesome, little did he suppose the ill that was
done him as he trudged heartily towards the mansion, his
hollow bowels yearning with expectation. But as to Sporus,
who having carefully considered the matter, came to a mental
determination, that there ought to be enough left from
the feast for the support of his family for a week, after his
guests were satisfied—yet for the dame's conduct he felt
some anxiety; and it was only the awe in which he held
her expostulations, that prevented him from making up his
mind to act a prudent part: as a due reflection on her profusion
seemed to absolutely demand his speaking to the croyer
of the neighbourhood, that he might, after the example
of an honest Dutchman of the vicinity called Yokup
Van Solingen, who for a doit got clear of many destructive
contracts, by hiring Gottlieb Klokspolenswartz, the little
Schieldterberg croyer (at least a half year after the goods
which had been got were safe housed, though a few days
before the bills came in,) to proclaim three times before
the whipping-post which stood in Duke-street, the following
lawful notice: “O yez, O yez! dis is dat givesh notish
do all manners von bersons dat sdands do hear dis
broklomashin—and dose dat never hears him at all—dat
whozoeversh has drushd zo ash a vool, der vrauw von
Yokup Van Solingen, der dater ob Hauns Swagger, widout
her mensche's bermission,—u must zee how u kits u
monies. O yez, O yez!”—words which were brought out
with sundry guttural flourishes, from the harmonious and
clear throat of the strong lunged Gottleib, who, at the
beginning and conclusion, rang manfully a bell, which he
had in his hand, and which had a very moving effect—
particularly on the faces and pockets of the creditors,
who were forced, like all persons in such a predicament,
to philosophize, and content themselves that they had no
business to trust, and therefore their loss was of their
own seeking, and it behoved them to make up for it by
cheating the first persons that next dealt with them; for,
after all, Yokup was an extraordinary honest character;
but, poor fellow, he had a wife that, with all his care,
would certainly ruin him. Violently stirred by these
disturbing cogitations, the gray, envious eyes of Vanderspeigl,
shot continually eager, greedy, and begrudging
glances, as with silent celerity mighty portions of the
victuals disappeared; with close investigation, he seemed
to strive to measure the very quantity of each separate
piece that was swallowed, and which almost fearfully
dilated in magnitude as he watched its progress to
the lips—for he believed that every scrap that was
spared was an addition to his wealth; and truly, few
could practice as well as Sporus the difficult custom of
frugality, which however despised, is one of the surest
means of prosperity; for hath it not been, that the saving
of the most insignificant articles, the very preserving of the
blank parts of his correspondents' epistles, have been an
accumulation of profit to many an honest Dutch trader?
and on a like principle Vanderspeigl considered that he was
equally entitled to a handsome return from the persons
entertained as on the present, had his wife set before
them the common fare which supported his family—a
broad dish of mush, rendered palatable on extra days,
(such as the anniversary of Binke's Conquest of the
Colony, or the Stadtholder's birthday,) with the juice of
the maple tree, together with a few hard coarse cakes,
known by the name of journey cakes. Although to this inviting
feast in this instance, he deemed it possible, in consequence
of the appearance of the company, he might
have ventured without much loss, to add a taste from
one of the long slender flemish goblets that is above
mentioned—and which he never allowed to be brought
out except on extraordinary occasion, such as the festival
of St. Nicholas—of his best Hollandts, a liquor, which
on the great day just cited, he was first accustomed himself
to take down in one gulp, nearly three quarters of the
contents of the glass which he filled, and then after sundry
expressive smacks of his lips, he would pass it to his wife,
who having also done it justice, directed its course, (if
any remained in the vial) alternately through the family,
till its career was ended in Yonne's pouring a certain
sufficiency of water to the rinsing and drops, that cleaving
to the bottom, had escaped the thirsty tongues of
his superiors—the procedure of the black being followed
by a shower of charges from his provident owner,
advising him not to take the liquor strong, lest it should
get in his head, or rather noddle, as Vrouw Yokupminshie
familiarly named it. All these ceremonies having been
fully concluded, and the form and quality of the glass itself
thoroughly examined and admired, for it had been imported
from Flushing, and was known to be of the real
Scheiverland blowing,—with great precaution in the fingering,
it was cleansed, wiped dry, and safely deposited
in the cupboard, until it should again be brought forward
to the light by some other extraordinary event. From
what has been stated, no doubt it has been foreseen that
it was with more than an ordinary degree of satisfaction,
that our Nederlander perceived his guests finish their
repast without suffering their hunger totally to demolish
as much as his views, which were singularly distended
on the occasion, had first comprehended; for in this case
he had looked on the darkest side, and at times, so
hopeless had appeared the prospect, that he had already
deemed it fortunate, were the clingings of the dishes
spared.

“Wel moet het u bekoomen Mienheers,” quoth the
Hollander at length in a joyous tone, as the strangers
turned from the table, though somewhat damped in his
pleasure, by the movements of the elder guest, whose
eyes still strayed towards the half destroyed meal, as
though doubtful whether he had eaten sufficient while
so much was left still to be devoured, “wel moet het u
bekoomen Mienheers,” repeated he with a clumsy courtesy,
to which the persons addressed made suitable return.

“It is a miserable storm to encounter, and without
doubt a dreary road we have to traverse,” said the
younger traveller, “and comrade, the time wears apace;
but I trow an we linger, day will surprise us ere our journey
be finished—sooth, the wind seems to my ear to
have lost half its rage—what say you—belike it were as
well we do resume our way?”

“Now by the skill of Claude, thou art out of keeping,
cavalier,” replied his companion, “at an hour like this
to fly the free quarters of ease and safety, to madly
breast the tempest—and here is a scene that Teniers
might envy and Ostade seek to paint, cast as it were by

design itself in my way—by the fame of Durer, I'll not
budge one jot until I've taken down the group—troth,
who knows but the interior of a Dutch cottage, by your
humble servant Jost Stoll, of Kakiat, may one day rank
with the masterpieces of him of Nuremburg?”

“Thou art ever too uncurbed for caution,” returned
the other seriously, “for rashly, in spite of situation, by
want of guard thou temptest danger; you do forget your
place and duty, sir, thus idly to run out upon a theme
more fit for leisure hours—bethink, this is a time that
doth demand a secret lip and sterner action.”

“On my troth this might have been spared,” answered
the second, “wherein have I disposed me wrong?
you should know I am no awkward boy at the crayon—
had I been so, I had never had the honour of kissing the
hand of his sacred Majesty William, at—”

“What boots the reflection now,” said the first hastily,
and in a sharp tone, interrupting him, “does this uncalled
disclosure serve the king, or perfect the service
on which we are dispatched? let me beg at least, if not
command you, to restrain this feeling that urges you so
simply to betray those things, which for every cause at
present, should be hid—my report of a repetition, sir,
might not forward your favour at home.”

The person rebuked hesitated a moment, but checked
the reply that hung on his tongue, and drawing his seat
close to the light, he drew his tablets from his pocket,
and glancing minutely round the apartment, he appeared
busied in transferring the form of its contents on the
vellum.

“We must further trespass on your kidness, host,”
continued the first stranger, addressing Vanderspeigl,
“it behooves us to reach the city as soon as we can perform
the task—and if by the procurement of horses to
bear us thither, and an accompanying guide, you will
contribute to the speedy effecting of our intention of
travel—thy beasts shall neither lack provender, nor their
owner reward—how say you, master?”

“Blesh mien zeil! dis nagt do der Stadt,” said Sporus,
amazed, and shaking his head with a rueful gesture, at

what seemed to him the madness of proposal, “mien Got
—dis ish more dan zo mush as vone ding op den myl—bresarve
mien kop! Ik dakes callen tyden dree—ja—mores
as dree dag reizen—den Ik sdops zo littles as dwice at
Notchie Vermilyea—dat is do light myn byp, and dake
enen zoopje, dat Ik may drive myn paard mit sbirit—
mien Got—dis is drue as mien hertz is in mien bodies—
mien Got!”

“Three days to go ten miles—by the classic brush of
Van Tulden, a great stretch of canvass,” exclaimed the
elder guest, pausing and looking up from his employment,
“master, hold thy head a little a one side, that
the strong shadow may rest on thy nose—the other way—
there, the broad light suits the expression—admirable—
admirable!—a beautiful mezzotint, by the freedom of
Adrian Brouwer.” The Hollander gazed at the speaker
in astonishment.

“Whatever difficulties are to be met, they must be
overcome; to us danger will be no detention,” pursued
the first—“come, to the point—can we obtain the horses
required? I repeat again, you shall not repent our payment
for any alacrity you exert to oblige us.”

“Horsh—paard! goot Got—dat u zay,” said the
Nederlander twisting his countenance to its most lugubrious
aspect, “u dinks Ik hab dwo—dree paard—op
mien zeil, dere is no mores dan vone boor ding von
merrie—ja—geschoeid on no mores dan dree op his
voet—bresarve mien bodies—he'sh losht al der wind dat's
in him, zo as he bulls mit der ploeg—mien Got! hersh
de vrouw mit her tam nonzensh—Got tam!”

“Dear me, dear me! what a creature you are,” said
vrouw Yockupminshie, interposing after an uncommon
length of silence on her part, which can only be accounted
for by her having been busied in superintending
Yonne's removal of the remnants of the meal
that had been set before the travellers; but having
caught a portion of what was passing, and finding her
spouse seem strangely backward, inattentive probably,
from fears of his precious person, which alone he valued
above his gain, she pushed forward determined to use her

authority in perfecting the seeking of the guests—
“mercies on us,” said she, “thy heart, Sporus, is like
unto a cage which is filled with unclean birds, as the goodly
master Trebletext says of the heathen—Yonne, take
care you do not crack that jar—thou art as blind to all
things, as were the deluded men of Babylon unto the
words of the prophet—was there ever such a lazy black
serpent—how he moves—believest thou not if you try,
these gallants can be accommodated? they may ride thy
nag at least, unto the man Vermilyea's drinking house,
where they can get others—see there, Yonne, how you
drop the grease—the bricks were scrubbed and sanded
this morning—dear me!—an they can do no better, they
can ride and tie, as did the worthy brethren Nehemiah
Adams, and Zachariah Canter, who rode unto this wilderness
in the glory of the Lord, on one steed, from
Waterford—having nothing in their saddlebags whereon
to subsist, but a dozen onions and some butter milk
cream—ah me, the trials of the faithful—and thou,
dumb dog, hearkenest thou not that you will have a fair
return for the usage of the animal?”

“Don't make such wry and woeful faces man, I shall
never be able to catch your likeness—by my halidome I
shall make you as mean a figure as that in the hundred
guilders print of Rembrandt: hold still, by the cartoons,
that's the very position—what noble shadows; the hand
of a Pietro Longo is wanting, it is beyond Jost Stoll,” said
the elder, enwrapt with the drawing at which he was evidently
employed.

The children had slowly, as their awe of the stranger
decreased, by perceiving him engaged at something which
they were unable to comprehend, but which aroused their
curiosity, crowded round him, and now being unrepulsed,
with eager sight glanced over his shoulders.

“What do you think of that my little man—what does
it look like? You have the eye of a painter, you rogue; I
see you like it—what a pity it is you know nothing about
tints, composition, rules, manner, effect, air, and freedom;
but you are an amateur, you young dog, I see it by your
look,” and with all the self delight, and satisfied admiration

imaginable, he held up his tablet to the gaze of one
of the little urchins, first close, and then further and further,
and at last at arms length.

“There's correctness of outline—there's picturesque
grace—there's a group—don't talk of Vosterman, of
Hemskirk, of Hollar, or Bloemart, while—who the
devil's this? something for the back ground; all it wanted,
by the slovenliness of Vander-Kabel”—

“Mercies on me! here comes likewise one,” said the
matron, “who will lend his mite to those in need, even
his beast of burthen, doubtless, for a proper and reasonable
recompense. Thou art truly welcome unto my tabernacle,
brother Tribulation Wholesome!”

As she spoke, the door which had been left unbarred
since the travellers' arrival, was gently opened with one
of those conscious timid pushes, which bespeaks the character
of the mover, and the vacancy that was left, was
immediately filled, and the sight of all present greeted by
the remarkable person of the righteous young man yclept
Tribulation Wholesome, who meekly entered. This
worthy was a thin, gaunt, lank, spare, raw-boned anatomy
of a man, so tall that his head, as if from a secret feeling of
awkwardness in height, projected forward several inches
before his body, like the upper beam or arm in the ancient
erection of a gallows; but so low was the Dutch
ceiling of the ferry house, or rather the bare rafters of
the Nederlander's kitchen, that in spite of this unnatural
inclination, his skull came at intervals incautiously in contact
with them. He possessed a long hollow-cheeked
visage, through the dry parchment hued covering of
which, every motion of his wide and alligator-like jaw
was plainly perceptible; the colour of his skin was pale,
and nearly approached to the dye of the mahogany, his
nose excepted, which, probably by way of ornament,
hung out in shape of a pot hook, and was tastefully studded
by sundry precious purple and blood red carbuncles
to the utmost end, that outvied the eminent lustre of the
claret tint which pervaded the rest of this excellent appendage
of the human features; in brief, it must be admitted,
there was not much novelty in the object, for our

paths are full of vessels of the like kind, and which is
more commonly known to the spectator by the designation
of a brandy nose, or one blooming with rum blossoms;
yet be not reader inclined by this evidence, for the pious
and abstemious Tribulation never drank aught stronger
than water, at least so his own lips bore testimony. Now
be that as it may, all assent to the truth of the maxim,
`a good nose is worth a kingdom,' as is here proved,
for being weak of eye, the said primary portion of the
countenance served to support and uplift unto the assistance
of the secondary planets a huge pair of leather bound
green goggles, through which his red and ferret orbs
twinkled in all the pomp of certain wisdom;—and indeed
the custom of wearing glasses looks wonderfully learned
and studious, and in these times is much followed, particularly
by ladies, who wish to be supposed extensive
readers, and therefore mount them whenever they can be
seen, and also by youngsters, who believe they give them
a scientific appearance, and shows at any rate that they
have read all the late novels, in which the whole literature
of the present day consists; indeed, when one has
read the wretched scraps of nonsense collected in the
pages of a journal, and skimmed over the watery and
fulsome leaves of the last new tale, in his own opinion
his education as a critic and a man of letters is completed;
and every ruffled fopling and hollow blockhead thus armed,
sets himself up as an oracle, whose judgment is definitive
and not to be disputed—but to proceed in the description,
in which wrong will be done if a due chance is
not given to the amiable person of Master Wholesome, a
superiority to whom few could boast, as even his mouth
was a model for a statuary, for when opened it presented
to the inquiring view, a species of forest, where trees,
trunks, bramble bushes and rocks, flourish in rich luxuriance,
for it was laid out, or rather irregularly lined with
a row of large black stumps and putrid broken teeth,
which, from their relative situation with each other, appeared
somewhat like a scattered and unarranged crowd
in earnest conversation, and over which at times floated
a zephyr, not sweet as musk above the bulbul's nest, but
somewhat like a breeze of garlic over a bed of assafœtida.
His stilt-like legs were half-enveloped in a rusty, greasy,
leathern doublet, which was so tight to the body that the
slightest stirring of the muscles was visible, and the remainder
was cased in a covering of blue yarn hose, thickly
spotted, to the exclusion of its original hue, with divers
party coloured darns, and withal, worn in mighty holes
in sundry places—but the flesh of the wearer, although
seen through these unlucky gaps, probably from the
pinching severity of the cold, could scarcely be recognized
rom the garment in colour. His outer dress was
a large loose cloth jerkin, worn extremely threadbare,
and seeming, from its shortness of length and
width of body, remarkably adapted for a small, squabby,
hogshead built character, and in no wise fitting for the
gainly and comely form of Tribulation—who, had he
condescended to wear a linen garment, but in which article
of comfort, it was reported that his wardrobe was
singularly deficient and scant, it is likely from the numerous
ruptures in the jerkin just mentioned, some stray perspectives
might have perchance been visible—and further,
the sleeves of this gaberdine, either on account of their
original want, or from a sudden growth of the wearer,
merely served, by kindly and with great consideration stopping
above the wrist, to set off both the huge bones of that
joint, and a hand that exeedingly resembled a warming
pan, and which by exposure to the bleak blasts of the
stormy weather, was interchangeably of a delicate brown,
blue, red, and indeed of every tinge except its natural
white, being also of a wondrous horny substance.
This delectable personage, in consideration of his special
attainments, and marvellous proper personal appearance,
was like most men, in his own conceit, a worthy of extraordinary
and profound qualifications—and moreover, in
high favour with most of the matrons and maidens of
the neighbourhood, at whose dwellings he was always a
welcome visitor—for joined to his private capacity and
calling, that of a travelling preacher and tinker, he was
the public leader of psalms—being tune setter at the
meetings of the faithful; and from the pursuance of
this profession, to a natural snuffing note, he now had
obtained a canting, nasal, guttural, quavering method of
enunciation in common parlance, so that when he began
a sentence, however short, in a low key, it gradually
rose to the highest stretch of voice ere conclusion—
and when started high, the tones diverged, slowly
dropping down; until the last note was almost unintelligible
to the hearing: all this was melody to the musical
ears of Vrouw Vanderspeigl and other admiring gossips ;
and it was often discoursed among them, on what a
blessed gift of utterance had been granted unto the precious
and chosen youth Wholesome—and that young
man, be assured, was not a little vain and gratified by
such just eulogiums—for natheless, he was thus affectionately
termed a youth, it was only in the word, for
Tribulation was no chicken, as was signified by sundry
marks of the years of discretion in his person—such as
certain deep indentions or wrinkles on the forehead, and
divers stray hairs among his close cropped and carrotty
locks, that seemed fast changing their original fiery cast,
and plainly announced this discreet boy to have sometime
cut his teeth, and past the age of infancy—or in
other words, to have seen at least a half a century:
however, this did not allay his assiduity in any manner—
and so frequent and so long was the time spent by him in
pious pilgrimages to the warm homesteads of the honest
Dutch landsmen—but where by his own accurate relation,
his whole solicitude was engaged in the righteous
employment of holding forth for the prosperity of the
temporal sojourns of his misguided fellow creatures in
this world, with the godly given females whom he visited,
that from his preference by the sex, either through
envy, or for the sake of truly describing his predilections,
he commonly was known, and passed currently in the way
of derision, among the males, (but this slur he scarce noticed,)
by the expressive appellation of sister Wholesome."
Ye're well in the body, I take it, dame," out spoke
in salutation, or rather, sonorously chanted the man of
psalmody, as with two or three prodigious strides his
shovel shaped feet cleared the intervening space between
the door and fire-place, while his long arms swung out
as he stalked forward, like the sails of a windmill in a
gale, “on my salvation, it hath been as smart a storm as
that wherein Jonah, the elected of the Lord, was cast
from overboard a ship wherein he had embarked, fleeing
from Tyre unto the land of Gershon, and whereon being
swallowed by a hugeous fish, he did remain within the
bowels thereof, for three days and three nights before
he was released therefrom and cast unto dry land,—as I
take it, there will, dame, be a clever snow before daylight
doubtless, if so please the Lord.”

Having uttered these words without taking cognizance
of any other person than the favoured matron
whom he addressed, he placed his form, or as he himself
in his own clear manner would have explained,
squatted the body down in the nearest vacant seat, which
he dragged close into the fire without regard to the
situation or disturbance of the company—and crossing
his legs, he rested his elbows on his knees, and spread
out his broad hands before the blaze that sparkled warmly
from the hearth.

“Dear me, thy coming has been mightily longed for,
brother Wholesome, how hast thou tarried thus?” anxiously
inquired Vrouw Yokupminshie.

“I felt weakened in spirit,” quoth he in return, “and
stopped even in my path, to put up in secret a prayer,
and vow, as did Jeptha, the holy Judge of Israel, that
I might in communing, renovate my inward man—so I
wended unto the tents of sisters Charity and Patience
Praise-the-Lord, who, I take it, are monstrous clever
women—for under their hands I became restored, yea I
was made whole through the means of the word and a
mouthful of peach brandy, which on my salvation, did
much to warm my stomach, and give peace unto the
yearning of my bowels.”

“Mercies on me! but thou hast come in good time—
yet I grieve me for thy mishap, Tribulation Wholesome,”
rejoined the matron, “however, here are two men that
seeketh for beasts of labour, that they may pursue their
journey—also, they lack a guide, for their going is of

moment as they state—cannot you, brother, assist them
on their way, which lieth, albeit, in despite of the night
and the storm, as they represent, unto the city?”

“Ye're not in a mistake, on my salvation, sister Yokupminshie
Vanderspeigl,” drawled out Tribulation, having
first rolled his eyes askance in his goggles on the
travellers, and feeling wondrous satisfied with the survey,
“You know, I take it, that little resteth in my
power, but please the Lord, what I can do, that will I—
although my nag wants a sure foot, and the creatur, I
take it, is ailing with an attaint that may approach unto
a spavin, and so labouring, it would be an abomination to
work him: yet, as I take it, there is balm in Gilead,
therefore I will venture his strength for a moderate
surety.”

“I trow, friend, if we can use your horse, and take
your services, you shall not feel dissatisfied at the repayment,”
said the younger stranger.

“Eh!—why—I take it we shan't quarrel,” answered
the righteous Wholesome, now for the first time, pretending
to notice that others were present besides himself and
the dame, by giving a certain bob or jerk of the head,
which he meant for an obeisance, “on my salvation I
do not think, howsoever, that the creatur is worse than
Baalam's ass, after all, though he does balk at times—
but you are clever men, I take it—and as Abraham said
when he purchased of Ephron the Hittite, the cave of
Machpelah, that was the burial place of his family, what
matters a few shekels betwixt me and thee? I have hitched
him just by the door, and if you will scan him, I doubt not
you will find him a beast suitable for thy purposes; for on
my salvation, it was but last week I rode him unto praver
meeting, with sister Remarkable Hobbs, and brothers Ezra
and Gulian Perschieghts, all mounted on his back, and
he went as gentle as a lamb led unto sacrifice, yet he
was guided alone by a manger halter.”

After thus delivering himself, with the same unceremonious
manner that marked his first action and movement's,
but with a more gracious expression of visage,
he arose, and having first with a social bend of his neck,
lifted the black jack, which stood on the slaubonk as yet

unremoved, to his mouth, he took a long and deep
draught from its contents, and then beckoning the company
to follow, he led the way, assisted by Yonne, who
had hastily provided himself with a lanthorn, towards
the schouw huis, at the entrance of which, his steed was
fastened.

“A finer whole never was conceived—by my halidome!
though I wish the fellow would sit a little longer,
that I might throw his spirit in the piece,—by the pencil
of Angelo! a nobler study never was; a Vandenvelde
might envy me—don't walk so fast—let me catch that
light—just move your chin, the shadows fall too thick on
the throat,” broke from the lips of the elder stranger, as
with a pencil in one hand, and his tablets in the other,
he pursued the party to the door.

The storm still continued, though now much of its
violence was spent; for it was but at intervals that the
snow rose at its breath, like a wavering and curling celumn—and
swept bare and naked in its course, the hard
and frozen earth, while deep mounds of drifted fleece,
were heaped up against the trees, hillocks, rocks and
hedges: it was one of those fearful lapses of the tempest,
that bespeaks that its fury is gathering afresh, and
that its coming will be like the last and forceful charge of
a desperate army, the most blasting and destructive; and
yet at times, there came from the clear sparkling drops, a
warmth that was grateful to the blood; the drifting particles
were as tears of the heavens, renovating amidst
desolation.

Through wet puddles of dissolved ice, which impeded
the way along the hollow and uneven ground that lay between
the ferry house and the waters of the creek,
stalked undaunted the ungainly figure of the guiding
Tribulation, tramping and plashing the water and melting
sleet at each step in every direction: close after him,
moved the travellers, and the slow and heavy footed
Nederlander dragged behind all—while leaning, or rather
stretching over the half opened doorway of the dwelling,
was the long bust and carefully wrapt up head of
mevrouw, as she with one hand held out a flaring lamp,
which she endeavoured to shield from extinguishment,

with a defence of the open palm and fingers of the
other—but in spite of her precaution, it seemed as if
the angry elements momently threatened the existence
of the light—and sparks of fire driven from the wick
flew wildly around, rendering with their faint, uncertain,
and sudden dying brilliance, the darkness and dreariness
of the night more apparent. Indeed the good dame was
shewing a singular and uncommon anxiety in this exposure
to the weather—for she was urging her helpmate to
return, but without success, to get his night-cap—for she
said in bitter, shrill, and tender accents, “he will, the obstinate
mule, surely catch a cold—and then let's see who
will nurse him—as to her, the lord knew—she had her
hands full enough already—without having more trouble
with him.” While the matron was thus exhausting herself
to no purpose, the anxious Wholesome turned out his
charger, which underwent a curious and minute inspection,
and truly it was worthy of the time spent therein, for
it was a bald-faced, wall-eyed, bare-boned, half-starved
animal, with a back that looked as sharp as a razor—a thin,
lean body that shewed its whole skeleton—each rib as plain
as a whip cord—with shoulders galled and raw at every
point, while a coarse untrimmed mane, stuck full with
burs, thorns and furze, dried and tangled in the neglected
locks which had been probably untended to ever since
the beast was in summer pasture, covered the neck—
and this last, without pride and unassuming, hung drooping
half down to his hoofs, which were grown with huge uncut
fet locks and added to his other perfections, the lower
joints of the creature's legs were bound with pasterns
and bandages, to guard the sharp iron shoes of which
there were but two to the four hoofs, from striking and interfering—to
complete his appearance, this thin-gutted,
and broken-down shadow was without saddle or bridle, being
nowise vicious, for when mounted he was easily
guided at the option of his rider by a half twisted rope,
the flax of which parted as it passed through the hand,
and this halter was merely fastened about the neck of
the gallant steed, without troubling the animal's mouth
or head.

“You will not hap on a cleverer beast I take it,” remarked
the precious Mass Wholesome, as confidently he
unbound the animal from the beam round which the halter
had been tied, and cautiously led the reluctant quadruped
a few paces—“on my salvation I might have
swopped and traded him three weeks past with Garry Von
Enghen, or Mony Van Slyck that keeps the public at
Bloomaendael, and is an exceeding good judge of horse-flesh,
(seeing moreover he belongs to our meeting) for a
copper bowl and three pounds of tobacco, booting his old
Flanders mare, which had no fault except being a little
close sighted—but I give me not unto the carnal and
abominable transactions of the men of mammon, for the
Lord be praised, I am blessed with a charitable and religious
disposition, I seek to divide my mite with those who
have need thereof—therefore I object not unto lending
thee this beast of carriage, merely asking at thy paying
sufficient whereby I may satisfy my conscience—as thou art
in haste I take it, and by thy hurry it behoveth me to lose
not if the Lord please—four marks in my reflection will
not be beyond the value of the service.”

“Oh, for the taste and brush of Wouvermans”—said the
elder—“that master could never have had a better subject—his
very white horse—perfect, perfect—what a
lucky dog am I—that chance should give me such opportunities—who
knows but the name of Jost Stoll and Paul
Potter, or some other great artists of animal life, will go
hand in hand surprising the lover of the ancients with the
skill of the moderns.”

“The sum is not out the way I take it,” pursued Tribulation,
after a scrutinizing pause to give the travellers
an opportunity of accepting his offer, for which however,
they appeared by no means eager. “The creature looketh
not in his accustomed trim; howbeit he hath come some
distance, and show is but vanity, yet on my salvation his
condition exceeds most”—

Here the steed, which seemed not at all satisfied at
this unusual disturbance of his rest and comfort, for he had
counted no doubt on the long inaction, with which he was
wonted to be solaced whenever his possessor paid his holy
visits to his sisters in the spirit—slipped and stumbled

woefully along the icy ground—being either off guard
and unprepared to display his points, or owing probably
to a certain uselessness of the vision, one of his optics of
intelligence being in a total eclipse, and the other scarce
superior in guidance. This miscarriage of the charger was
followed by a loud and undissembled roar of glee from the
expressive lips of Yonne, that made all ring again, while
the fallen countenance of the devout Wholesome elongated
to a doleful and dire length at the flat contradiction
given to his immaculate affirmance by his faultless courser,
and being truly confused he failed in his endeavours
to explain, that the only cause of the quadruped, or rather
triped's misfortune arose from his tail getting between
his hind legs, where being of unmanageable dimensions
it impeded the use of all those after limbs. In spite of
this position which he strongly enforced by reasons incontrovertible—the
strangers seemed unwilling to risk themselves
on the animal's back, and to the discontent of the
precious brother it was arranged that they should proceed
on foot under the guidance of Sporus, whose assent after
considerable persuasion together with the powerful argument
of several pieces of silver, was obtained to the
agreement. However, the goodly Tribulation was not to
be so thrown out, as his mind for some idea best known to
himself was fixed on accompanying the party—and it is
just to suppose, his eye was engaged in measuring out a
share of the purse, which was so carelessly lavished by
the strangers, or otherwise he could not have been induced
to forego the recreation and pious amusement of
holding forth the word with the righteous damsel Yokupminshie
Vanderspeigl. So, under pretence of his interference
being of some weight in procuring horses from
the farm houses on the route, he volunteered himself and
nag—shunning, with singular disinterestedness, the very
profitable discussion carefully preserved by the vrouw
for him in the enticing and inviting shape of cold venison,
pasty, and the divers remnants of the good fare set before
the travellers. The matron however, unconscionable woman,
looked on the departure of the pslam-setter in a
very different light from that which he desired, and as a
dereliction from his whilome duty stuck deeply in her
breast; and, if the reports of the period state rightly,
it was no small space of time ere the incautious Mass
Wholesome regained her favour. His mare being adjusted
for the journey by the dexterous hands of Yonne, under
the peculiar care of his wife—who seemed from the
conduct of the brother to have suddenly awakened to bestow
peculiar attention on Mienheer—Vanderspeigl was
straightway accoutred in a huge and warm overcoat
which was fastened by a leathern belt about his waist,
and this also accommodated the neck of a stone bottle
well filled with brandtwyn; a thick red flannel night-cap
shielded his ears from the cold, being snugly covered
by his hat, the broad brim of which was brought down by a
large cotton muffler tied in a vast and voluminous knot
under his chin, while his hands were confined in a pair
of thick knitted mittens, with but a thumb and forefinger
separate, which grasped a short copper mounted whip,
with a head figured of brass—the broad heels also of
his jack boots, were ornamented with monstrous iron
spurs, weighing at least a pound: thus gallantly and
safely equipped, he marched forth as warm a little Dutchman
as ever rode on a stormy night. Nevertheless though
attired, his difficulties were not ended—for he encountered
considerable trouble in mounting his mare—yet after numerous
failures and slippings off on one side as he was
uplifted on the other, he was at last securely seated in
the high peaked saddle, with his feet dangling in and out
of the wide wooden stirrups, somewhat to a danger of
his keeping an equilibrium. Indeed the ferrymaster was
not a great horseman, although the animal that bore him
was equally as gentle as the one on which the Records of
Nieuw Nederlandts inform us, that Pieter Van Doever,
the honest hangman of Nieuw Amsterdam rode (when
before a public execution, he exhibited the halter to the
good burghers) and which he borrowed from Kouse Van
Ranst, who let him have it for a skipple of wheat, being
the most foundered beast he had—and astride of which,
Pieter looked like a mounted meal bag, for he always wore a
cocked hat and a white wig. In the guise above set out,
the Nederlander led the way, closely followed by the
two travellers, one of whom was obliged, until the party
had got without hearing, to turn back to the calls of the
Vrouw every minute to receive some new charge and
command, which Vanderspeigl was to fulfil on his way—
for she enjoined him to recollect that he should inquire
the prices of certain articles of wear at the city, and
that he should not neglect certain calls, and that he
should take care of himself, and not get in difficulty, and
lastly, that he should not forget to buy a long list of
things, which she separately and minutely tried to impress
on his memory—while she scarce noticed Tribulation
who brought up the rear of the cavalcade, perched
on the back of his meagre spectre-looking nag, with his
long lank legs stretched stiffly and stoutly out at least a
yard from the sides of the horse like the fins of a fish,
while his red lean neck, peering forward to the utmost,
brought the curved point of his nose at every jolt and
concussion nearly in contact with the half raised ear of
the short winded and hard trotting creature that carried
him. Indeed a natural risibility at the singular appearance
of their attendants moved the travellers until
they had progressed on their journey a considerable distance—the
further events of which, are more largely detailed
in the succeeding section.