 | CHAPTER IV. The western merchant |  |
4. CHAPTER IV.
The next morning by the time the sun was up, we had
everything brushed up and displayed to the greatest advantage.
It was a bright morning, and we anticipated a
busy day. When we returned from breakfast, the wife
and daughters of Mr. White accompanied us to the store,
and were our first customers. Joseph desired to see my
first essay as a salesman, and so he put me forward to wait
on the ladies. There was no difficulty as to the prices,
as the stock was fresh and well assorted; but when I came
to the measuring and cutting part of the business, I betrayed
considerable awkwardness and confusion. At that
time six yards of calico made a dress, and I attempted to
cut off two dresses for the two daughters from different
pieces. After measuring off the first dress, I severed it
from the piece by the slow process of cutting it with my
scissors. Joseph then instructed me always to tear off the
calico. The next dress I tore off. I then sold Mrs. White
a gingham dress, and forgetting that gingham was not
calico, I tore it also, but the rent ran lengthwise instead of
across! Upon perceiving my mishap, Joseph interposed
and arrested my career. He should have done it sooner;
for upon examination, it was found that I had cut seven
yards for one of the calico dresses, and only five for the
other. This chagrined my brother, and mortified me exceedingly.
I remarked, however, that the occurrence
would doubtless prove beneficial, in rendering me more
careful in future. And it was ascertained by the ladies,
who sympathized with me, that the split in the gingham
would not injure the dress, and by cutting off, or rather
tearing off, another yard, the second calico dress could be
made; and to make all whole, Miss Mary declared she
would have the seven yards, as she preferred to have her
dresses made full. I now felt relieved of my painful embarrassment,
and wiping the perspiration from my forehead,
displayed renewed activity in showing the goods to the
ladies. I soon attained a degree of familiarity with the
various locations of the goods, and acquired sufficient confidence
in my capacity to relieve my brother of all supervision
over my actions. The ladies merely asked the prices
of the different descriptions of goods they bought, and
everything at the marked prices, and of course made
handsome profits. As I cut off the goods, Joseph noted
them down; but when the party departed, they did not ask
for the bill. We were boarding with them, and it was
the same as cash to us. The amount sold them was thirty
dollars' worth, and the eastern cost of them only about sixteen
dollars. This was a good beginning, and we were
in high spirits.
The Whites had not been long gone, before I espied a
party riding along the narrow road through the bushes,
towards the store. This was Mr. Middletown, his wife,
and Maria, his daughter. Mr. Middletown was one of the
most substantial farmers in that section of the country, and
we had been apprised that he was famous for “screwing”
great bargains with the merchants, and generally paid the
money down. Joseph took out a chair and assisted Mrs.
Middletown to alight from her horse, while I attempted to
follow his example in assisting the daughter. Miss Maria
was exceedingly pretty, a fair, fresh, regular-featured prairie
flower, which confused my vision very considerably when
I first beheld her, and reminded me of Blanche. I was
only twenty, and too susceptible of new impressions. My
hand quivered a little as she placed hers in it, to step
down from her horse. Her horse was a very tall one, and
in making a long step down to the chair we became unsteady,
and she fell upon my shoulder. I prevented her
from falling to the ground, however, and aided her in adjusting
her skirt, which had hung by the pommel of the
saddle. Our embarrassment was mutual, and was much
increased by this remark from her father, who was fond of
a joke:
“See how those young folks are blushing at each other,
in the store, while I turned my face away, and tied the
horse to a bush.
“Well,” said the old man, after the party had been
seated a few minutes, during which time they had surveyed
the well-filled shelves, “I suppose you are going to sell
goods low, now; at least you'll say so.”
“I think you'll say so, too,” replied Joseph, “when I
tell you the prices.”
“Let us see, then,” he continued; “what is the price of
that blue gingham?”
“Fifty cents a yard,” replied Joseph, handing it down.
“You don't call that low, do you?” said he, examining
the goods.
“Yes, I do,” said Mrs. Middletown, who now came to
our relief, and was a judge of the article. “The same
kind of goods out at the mill sells for sixty-two and a half
cents, as you know very well, Mr. Middletown, for you
bought me a dress of it last fall, and could only beat him
down six and a quarter cents.”
“Yes, it is less than M. S. & Co. sell theirs,” remarked
Miss Maria, in a low voice.
The old gentleman still endeavored to maintain his dry
incredulous smile, but the odds were against him. In
truth the credit price of the article was fifty-six and a
quarter cents, it having cost thirty cents; but Joseph knew
his man, and had resolved to make a good impression at
the start.
The dress was sold, measured and cut off by Joseph,
who waited upon the old folks, while I attended to the
daughter. Miss Maria, after inspecting some lace, which
she acknowledged was pretty and cheap, told me to measure
off two or three yards of it. I noticed that when either
sure to be upon Joseph and myself alternately; and so,
when I was measuring the lace very carefully, that no farther
blunder should be committed by me that day, he turned
abruptly towards me, and asked,
“Where are your thumbs?”
“There they are,” said I, after some surprise and hesitation,
looking first at him and then at the members named.
“Don't you throw her in your thumbs?” he continued,
with a grave countenance.
I paused in astonishment, and forgot how many yards I
had measured. Miss Maria smiled at my lack of comprehension,
but seemed to deprecate the interference of her
father. The old man, perceiving my ignorance of his
meaning, determined, “by way of a joke,” to increase my
confusion.
“Oh, you must give her your thumb,” he repeated, with
imperturbable gravity. “You can't refuse that?”
Having somewhat recovered from my embarrassment, I
now mustered an unusual degree of assurance; and resolved
to “carry on the joke,” I laid down the yard-stick, and
stretching my arm over the counter, replied:
“I hope I have too much gallantry to be `bluffed off'
in this manner—and, by your leave, I'll make Miss Maria
a tender of my whole hand.”
This was too much for the timid, modest daughter. She
sank down in a chair and hid her scarlet face, while the
rest gave vent to an irrepressible explosion of laughter.
“Good! good!” exclaimed Mrs. M. “Mr. M. is always
full of his jokes with the young men, and I am glad
he has met with his match, at last.”
Good humor was now completely established, and we
were as familiar and unreserved as old acquaintances.
briefest encounter of wits, although there was no premeditated
wit in my remark, will be sure to make persons
hitherto totally unknown to each other, the most intimate
acquaintances.
They now purchased our goods freely, and the dollars
jingled merrily in the drawer. Other parties came in, and
the store was soon filled to its utmost capacity, while my
brother and myself were kept as busy as bees. But I was
doomed to blush for my ignorance more than once that
day. Miss Maria, after buying sundry descriptions of
goods, and having the advantage of the thumb's breadth
thrown in, after the process had been explained to me, cast
her eyes repeatedly to a shelf where the stockings were
kept in small paper boxes. I waited for her to name the
article she wished to see in that direction, and for a long
time she was reluctant to name it. Finally, in reply to
my interrogatory whether there was anything on that shelf
she was desirous of looking at, she had the resolution to
say, “I will look at your hose, if you please, sir.” That
seemed to me to be a very singular request. It also attracted
the old man's attention, who looked on with a
quizzical smile. After a pause, I sprang over the counter
and took down from the side of the door, where they had
been hung up by a string run through their eyes, a dozen
black garden hoes. I perceived in an instant, from the
girl's manner, that another blunder had been committed
by some body.
“White hose, if you please,” she said quickly, hoping
to correct my mistake before her father should observe it.
But she was too late—he was already laughing heartily at
me. But the old lady came to our relief.
“She wants stockings—why don't you say stockings, at
to ask for flannel, which everybody knows is intended for
a petticoat.”
We succeeded in making good our retreat under cover
of the old lady's battery, and endured no farther molestation
from the old man. But nevertheless, as all these occurrences
were narrated in the neighborhood, I was to be
the mark for many a jocular shaft afterwards.
But if my ignorance was great as a seller of goods, it
fell short of that of some of the buyers. There were two
men in the store dressed in buckskin hunting shirts, who
lived some fifteen miles off, up the river.
“What is the price of this bolt of brown domestic?”
asked one of them.
“That piece,” said my brother, “is only twenty cents.”
“That is cheap,” said the other. And after a little consultation,
the first said he would take it, and as he said so
he placed a twenty-cent piece in my brother's hand, and
placed the goods, containing thirty yards, under his arm.
“I meant it was twenty cents a yard,” said my brother,
beholding him with astonishment.
“But you didn't say so, stranger,” said the man's comrade.
“It was a fair bargain, stranger; and I will make
oath as a witness to it.”
Here was a difficulty. We were informed by Mr. Middletown,
that the men bore bad characters, and were not
too good to take a dishonest advantage of us. The one
who had the goods was obviously intoxicated, and his
thick brogue betrayed the desperate Irishman. Joseph
grew angry, and told him he could not keep the goods
without paying twenty cents for every yard it contained.
He said he would. Joseph, understanding that Mr. Brass,
a constable, was over at Mr. White's house, went thither
money to the man, and told him he had better put down
the goods without having any farther trouble about the
matter. He doggedly refused, saying he had fairly bought
and paid for the whole piece. I said he had not. He
said I lied. Now I was neither very brave nor quarrel-some.
But such a point-blank insult, in the presence of
Miss Maria, and half a dozen other ladies, was more than
my young blood could bear. Without the slightest reflection,
and quicker than thought, I broke the yard stick, with
which I was measuring a dress for Miss Maria, over the
fellow's head. It staggered him considerably. After recovering
from the effects of the blow, he stood for a moment
revengefully scowling at me. He then turned round
without uttering a word and walked out. A moment after,
one of the females standing near the door uttered a cry,
and I saw the man with a fierce eye and black brow returning
with an axe in his hand, which he had picked up
in front of the house. I had no means of retreat, if I had
been disposed to withdraw myself. On he came, in spite
of the screams of the women, and the persuasions of the
men. He entered the door, and deliberately elevated the
fearful instrument in the act of hurling it at me. By an
instinctive effort of self-preservation, I seized a two-pound
iron weight, and threw it at his head. It took effect, striking
the upper part of his forehead, and glancing up through his
hat without knocking it from his head, and passing out of
the door almost with the velocity of a cannon ball. Such
is the astonishing power of which a small arm is capable
in a moment of sudden peril. The man fell as one who
had been shot through the brain. The skull, fortunately,
was not injured; but there was a terrible gash cut on his
head; and when consciousness returned, he bled very profusely.
fearing to meet the constable, who knew him of old, had
slipped out of sight. But the “bloody Irishman” swore
vengeance against me, as he sat upon a stump and tore his
damaged hat to tatters with his teeth. When Joseph returned,
(who did not find the officer he went in quest of,)
and learned that the man had endeavored to take my life
with an axe—I, a mere stripling—it was with difficulty he
could be restrained from administering additional punishment
to that I had given him. I had acted impulsively;
my brother would have gone to work more deliberately.
Joseph was always ready to resent an affront, and with a
perfect recklessness as to the consequences to himself. I
was generally more circumspect, and had a natural repugnance
to personal difficulties. However, I was now a hero
and wit in spite of my nature.
The rather “thrilling incident” above narrated, was
only a matter of five minutes' wonder in the famous town
of Pike Bluff. Even the females dismissed the affair from
their minds in a very short space of time, and re-commenced
business. But my agitation was considerable, and not of
such brief duration, although I strove to conceal it as much
as possible. I was made uneasy by the continued mutterings
of the bloody fellow, who kept up a sort of harsh soliloquy,
as he sat on the stump; and his threats of using the
rifle, and other means of vengeance, occasionally reached my
ears. Such scenes and threats were, perhaps, familiar to
the old inhabitants of the country; but not to me. And,
as a matter of precaution, I bought a rifle, myself, that day,
from an uncle of Miss Maria, who subsequently joined the
party at the store. The Irishman was informed of the fact,
and warned to be careful in his future behavior; and, indeed,
upon receiving this intelligence, after casting several
horse and rode away.
Before the day was over, my hands were actually sore
with cutting goods, weighing sugar, coffee, nails, bar iron,
castings, salt, &c. Here, in this beautiful and proud city,
such employments would no doubt be looked upon as degrading,
even by the most destitute and dependent shop-keeper's
clerk in Second street. But it was and is quite
different in a far-western store. And what was more,
the lily hands of a beautiful girl, the daughter of the richest
inhabitant in that region, did not hesitate to hold the bag
while I poured the groceries into it—nor did she decline
afterwards to have the unseemly burden affixed to her
saddle when she rode home.
At length, when the sun had declined low in the west,
the last of the company departed, and we were enabled, for
the first time during the whole of that day, to sit down and
rest ourselves. We had not even taken the time to eat
our dinners; but soon the tooting horn apprised us that
supper was ready. After returning from our boarding-house,
we sat down to sum up the result of the day's business.
Joseph added up the items charged on the books,
while I counted the cash. The former amounted to fifty
odd, and the latter to a hundred dollars. We were in the
highest spirits. It was true we discovered a few spurious
coins in the drawer, and it might be that one or two of the
small accounts on the books were of a doubtful character;
nevertheless, the whole of the goods sold, had not cost
more than ninety dollars, and a fine profit had been undoubtedly
realized. It was a fine day's work for any
country, and if every day had produced the same result, a
fortune could have been realized in a few years. But it
was not a fair sample. We had dull days there as well as
elsewhere.
Yet we did a good business. Our beginning was propitious
in many respects. My encounter with the desperate
Irishman sufficed to protect us against similar attempts of the
like character in future. It convinced such persons that we
were not the timid effeminate youths they took us for. We
had been bred in the Kentucky school, and were not novices
either in a “frolic or a fight.”
But the thumb incident was the most lucky occurrence
of all. It was rumored over the country, that I, a “tall,
handsome young man,” was in the habit of offering my
hand in marriage to all the girls that came to our store to
deal. I might have been vain in conjecturing the cause—I
was more than once truly annoyed and humiliated with the
fact—nevertheless, it was true, that for weeks there was a
constant succession of new female visitors at the establishment.
I was repeatedly assured that many of them seriously
believed the tale which had been so industriously circulated;
that some earnestly designed to take me at my word,
should I pronounce it: while others merely indulged the
irrepressible curiosity of the sex, to witness the offer which
it was generally believed I was in the habit of making, and
then to act according to circumstances. It is certain that
an immense number of them came; and it is likewise certain
that most of them left a portion, if not all, of their “loose
change” with us. But I was certainly not much flattered
with some of the supposed candidates for my hand, however
cheerfully I might give them my “thumb.” Some
of them were exceedingly fat, broad-shouldered, flat-footed,
rough-handed, yellow-necked, freckle-faced, red-haired
amazonian aspirants! And, in consequence, the gibes and
jokes of my male acquaintances became in time almost insupportable.
Some of the girls were as bold in their speech and manners,
one in particular, who resolved to make herself
merry at my expense. Her features were rather pretty, but
her education had been sadly neglected. She was the
daughter of the proprietor of one of the many salt works in
that region. Her father, Mr. Beckel, was likewise the
representative of the county in the legislature. As he was
a pretty rough specimen of humanity, and moved out of
the country with his family, at an early day, to pursue his
public career in Texas, I think there can be no impropriety
in designating him so distinctly. He will be recognized
at once by my Missouri readers; he was famous for shooting,
wrestling, fighting, gambling, drinking, and all the
other characteristics of too many of the members of the
legislature at that crude time.
Miss Polly, one day, having paid for the goods she had
purchased, sat down right before me, and looking me
steadily in the face, smiled me out of countenance. There
were one or two strangers in the house; but in those wilds
it was seldom that the presence of a third party was permitted
to interfere with the designs of lovers, much less with
the projects of romping females. She had a female companion
with her, who alone had accompanied her to the store.
This companion was a coarse, red-faced giggling Miss of fifteen,
who rarely spoke at all; but when she did speak, her
voice was as harsh and hoarse as that of an over-grown
boy of seventeen. My brother was absent, on a ride into
the country.
“Will you have anything else, Miss Polly?” I inquired,
after a pause, and with an effort to assume some assurance.
“Yes,” said she.
“Then I shall be happy to accommodate you.”
“Very well,” said she. “I have bought your goods,
understanding that you were to be thrown in afterwards.”
This caused the strangers to turn round and adjust themselves
in comfortable hearing positions, that they might
enjoy the fun. Every man, woman and child in the country,
was always ready to enjoy any description of fun. The
young Miss at her side looked on in solemn seriousness,
and perhaps really thought I was to be taken along home
with them like goods tied up in bundles.
“But you won't have me, I know?” I replied, now resolved
to outface her, if possible.
“But I know I will—so you are mistaken,” said she,
firmly.
“Well, I'm willing,” said I, curious to see how far she
would go.
“So am I—there's no back out in me!” she continued,
rising up. The other girl rose up too.
“I'll try you!” said I, leaping over the counter. “Will
you marry us on the spot?” I continued, speaking to one
of the strangers.
“Yes, that I will, if you wish it,” said he, stepping forward.
I now expected Miss Polly to “hang fire,” to use a
hunter's phrase. But I was in error. She was “true as
steel.” She grasped my proffered hand with such vigor
as to make the ends of my fingers tingle.
“Go on, stranger!” said she, with a compressed lip.
“Then I pronounce you man and —”
“Stop a moment!” said I, putting my hand on his mouth.
“Perhaps her father won't consent—perhaps he'd shoot
me. Perhaps we're carrying the joke too far—perhaps
you are a magistrate, sure enough!” I continued, releasing
my hand, and springing back over the counter, trembling
were required in Missouri, all magistrates being
permitted to solemnize marriages, and that no particular
form of solemnization was prescribed.
I now observed, too, that Miss Polly's countenance had
forsaken her. She became quite pale. Mr. Middletown,
the father of Maria, at that moment came in, and declared
that he knew the stranger to be a commissioned justice of
the peace! And so, really, Miss Polly had almost caught
me. It was never ascertained, to a certainty, whether the
whole affair had been devised by her. A majority of the
people believed it to have been so. For some minutes
she hung her head, like one detected in a shameful act,
but finally strove to laugh it off, and joined the laugh at
my expense, when the stranger (who afterwards became
her husband), departed. I felt as if it was no laughing
matter, but at the same time tried to laugh with the rest,
as the glad consciousness of my escape grew upon me.
“Well, Miss Polly, what would you have done with
me, if we had been married, sure enough?” I asked, when
the merriment had subsided.
“I suppose I should have tied you on the horse behind
me, and taken you home,” she promptly replied, amid renewed
shouts of laughter.
“Yes, but you know,” said I, “according to law, the
husband is the lord and master of the wife. I might choose
to command, rather than obey. I might be a tyrant, and
lead you a wretched life.”
“Pshaw! the law is nothing. If the husband is strong
enough to make the wife do as he pleases, I suppose he
will govern her. But you couldn't do it if I had you. I
would be the master. I am the strongest. I can beat
you running, riding, wrestling, or at anything else you can
to the test.
“Don't take a banter—don't take a banter, Luke!” cried
several of the company.
But I did “take a banter,” and from a woman. Yet it
availed me nothing. Miss Polly was determined to make
an exhibition of her prowess. Embracing an opportunity
when I was standing with my face towards the shelves, she
placed her hands under my arms, and absolutely lifted me
over the counter.
“Now!” said she, “I could tie you, like a turkey gobbler,
and take you home with me. But I won't do it. I'll
let you off this time, as I'm bound to have you for my husband,
some of these days.”
“Well,” said I, beginning to grow tired of the scene,
as the laugh was altogether on her side, “if you will let
me go, and wait till I get strong enough to manage you,
I'll marry you, just to have my revenge.”
“If I had you, I'd feed you well, and make a man of
you. But I'll take your promise, before all these witnesses.
Now go; bring our horses. We've had enough fun for one
day.”
I took her at her word; and when I brought her horse
before the door, she pushed aside the chair I had taken
out, and placing her hand on the animal's neck, leaped
from the ground into the saddle. As she rode away, she
turned her impudent face round, and said, “I'll have you
yet!” I remember her strange look to this day. It seemed
to express a mixture of real chagrin and disappointment.
Nor was my disquietude allayed on learning that she
was a kind of Helen M'Gregor, in her neighborhood; that
she was a great reader of novels of that class, and was famous
for her bold eccentricities. For months afterwards,
confront me in my solitary paths, the desperate Irishman,
or that bold girl. Her father sometimes plagued me by
terming me his son-in-law. She was continually sending me
messages. Once she wrote me a note by one of her father's
negroes, who had been sent to the store for some sugar and
tea. It began with “Dear husband,” and ended with,
“you will soon be called for by your true and lawful —.”
It had a P. S., stating that one word more from Mr. —'s
lips, would have made me hers—and that she intended to
bring him soon to pronounce it.
It was now midsummer, and had become excruciatingly
dull. As the mercury rose, my brother Joseph's spirits
fell. His was an active mind, and was rarely occupied
with more than one of two subjects, business and love,
alternately—and indeed he paid his addresses to his lady
like a man of business, rather than a romantic Orlando.
For hours, each day and night, after the expiration of the
first two months, which was in effect the expiration of the
business season, Joseph was employed in laborious mathematical
calculations, endeavoring to solve the problem in
advance, viz., the net profits of the first year's business.
Every loose scrap of foolscap lying about the desk or
counter, was covered with figures. More than once, he
had succeeded in demonstrating a most desirable result,
when, unfortunately, the discovery of an error in his additions
or multiplications, plunged him into a fit of vexation
and despondency. In vain I suggested the futility of all
such mere “abstractions,” and contended that the amount
of gains figured up, whether great or small, must yield to
the tangible inexorable result, to be ascertained at the expiration
of the year. He could not sit with folded hands
and await the time of reckoning. His vigorous and restless
twice, it is true, he made an effort to dismiss his business
anxieties from his teeming head, and sat down to play drafts
with me. I could always beat him. I could concentrate
all my faculties on the game; while his thoughts ever and
anon wandered back to his business. This mortified him
exceedingly, and was a source of fretfulness to his impatient
temper. He was ambitious, and liked to excel in
everything he undertook. At times, he would toss the
board aside, and seize a book from the shelf, (western
merchants always keep a limited assortment of books, as
Messrs. G. E. & Co. can testify,) and for the space of fifteen
minutes, would seem to be perfectly oblivious of
everything around him. One day my idle curiosity led me
to watch the direction of his eyes, as he held a book before
his face. They were perfectly stationary. Thus he
remained several minutes, when he took a pencil from his
pocket and began to cover the margin with his figures.
“Joseph,” said I, interrupting him, “you'll spoil that
book; here's a bit of paper, if you wish to make more calculations.”
“True, Luke—see if you can get these figures out with
a bit of India rubber. I cannot read or do anything else
in these dull times. To pass along agreeably, I must have
employment—business employment, or I am miserable.
Nothing can divert my mind, but matters connected with
the store, or—somebody I left behind, at Franklin.”
“Then, Joseph, why don't you go and pass your leisure
time with her? I can easily manage here, in such dull
times as these. But I hope you won't make a match of it
for some months yet, when your prospects, will, perhaps,
be better defined.”
“No,” said he; “I am resolved not to marry before the
upon the success of this establishment, whether it can take
place even then, you see at once the cause of my anxiety,
and the reason why I am `always figuring,' as you term it.
I am racking my brains for a fortune and a wife at the
same time.”
“I see it all, now,” I replied. “And I presume you
are just as fidgety in Miss C.'s presence, as you are
here. A year is a long time to wait, when both parties
are willing; but it cannot be shortened. It might be as
well to keep out of sight of the ripe grapes, until you have
constructed the ladder which will enable you to reach
them.”
“I am not quite sure of that,” said he, musing. “Somebody
else might be tempted to take advantage of my long
absence, and succeed in robbing me of the prize. I don't
know what misrepresentations might be made. In fact,
some scoundrel has already been wicked enough to report
that I have been smitten with some one here. But I cannot
make up my mind to go, without taking along some
certain information in regard to the amount of profits; and
I have come to the conclusion that all my calculations
amount to nothing more than mere `guess-work.' There
is only one way to get at the true result thus far—”
“You know, Joseph,” said I, interrupting him, for I
anticipated the onerous undertaking he was about to propose,
and wished to avert it—“the amount we have sold—
fifteen hundred dollars on credit, and twelve hundred dollars
cash—twenty-seven hundred dollars altogether.—
Won't it be sufficient to state these facts, at the same time
putting down the average profits at about seventy-five per
cent., which will not be over the mark?”
“We might, in that way, arrive nigh the true result,”
with me a true statement of facts—facts which will be incontrovertible.
I know it will be a laborious undertaking
to take an account of stock. But it is the only proper way
to do business. We have nothing else to do, and that
kind of employment will be much better than sheer idleness.
It will have the effect to make you more familiar
with the qualify and the value of the goods, and you can't
fail to derive advantage from such knowledge.”
I urged one or two more arguments to avoid the threatened
labor—and I must confess I had an aversion to anything
like unnecessary exertion, and was too apt to argue
on the side of my inclinations—but it was useless; the
thing had to be done; and so we set about it at once. Joseph
was now busy again, and his features were once more
animated and cheerful.
At the end of the third day we had finished the job—
and the result showed a profit, so far, of twelve hundred
dollars. This was satisfactory to Joseph. The only thing
wanting to make the result absolutely certain, was a knowledge
of the amount of the debts that would ultimately
prove to be “bad.” This knowledge could not be supplied.
The debts were not due, or Joseph would have sent me
out to demand payment. This he could not do, and so I
defied his restless mind and inventive genius to devise
any more unnecessary labor for me.
There was nothing left for Joseph to do, now, but to
visit his lady-love, which he did. The dull time continued,
the sales averaging not more than one hundred dollars per
week. A steamboat arrived only about once every fort-night,
which served but little to relieve the monotony of
the scene. There were but three boats running on the
and departures.
I amused myself by exploring the primeval wilds of the
vicinity. Early in the morning, before any one came to
town, (it was always called a town,) and in the evening,
when all had departed, I was in the habit of locking the
door, and making solitary rambles with my rifle on my
shoulder. In the immediate vicinity of the river, there
was a succession of hills and valleys. But on going a mile
back in the interior, the country became level. The plain
was beautifully interspersed with groves and small prairies
between; but was occasionally marred by small lakes or
ponds, covered near the margin with the broad-leaved
water-lily, and in the centre, with an ominous “green
scum.” Nevertheless, I loved to linger in the neighborhood
of these bodies of water, and gaze upon the rank
vegetation and rich flowers that fringed them. Unlike Joseph,
it required no painful effort for me to dismiss the
cares of business from my mind. On the other hand, I
was too often absorbed with the visionary creations of the
brain. Instead of merely seeking relief from the dull routine
of the store, by indulging romantic fancies, I too frequently
felt a reluctance and disgust on being called upon
to step aside from my cherished ideal regions, to sell a pair
of coarse shoes to a big negro fellow! But even that was
not repugnant to the eyes of any “fashionable society” in
those regions; and when I reflected, as I was often under
the necessity of doing, that I was utterly destitute of fortune,
and was pursuing an honest means of making a support,
I made a shift to “grin and bear it.” I alone was
to blame for permitting my ideas to make such exalted
flights, and richly merited the mortification I felt on having
them rudely thrust down to earth again.
Joseph protracted his visit several weeks, and in the
meantime I managed to amuse myself during his absence.
The comparative suspension of business had no horrors for
me, aside from the thoughts of ultimate success, which depended
upon the realization of good profits and a liberal
amount of sales. But such thoughts did not trouble my
mind a great deal. On the contrary, without reflecting on
the expense, I consumed nearly a keg of Dupont's best
powder, to say nothing of the lead, during my brother's
absence, in firing my rifle at a target. I became an excellent
marksman, and took pleasure in exhibiting my skill
to the old deer hunters. I also fished in the muddy river,
where nothing could be caught but huge catfish. One,
that I succeeded in bringing to the shore, weighed more
than a hundred pounds. I have related this fact to eastern
men who doubted its correctness. But any western merchant
will be my witness of its truth. I have heard of
some being caught that weighed two hundred pounds.
But I had other enjoyments. Fruits and melons grew
in great abundance, and were delicious. No country produces
them in greater perfection. Of course they were
brought me every day, even without the trouble of asking
for them. As I have said, the merchant in a new country
is a kind of lord, and everything that is good and desirable
is at his service. I did not spare these luxuries—nor did
they spare me. What with my early and late rambles to
the putrescent lakes, in the heavy dews, and the immense
consumption of melons, peaches, plums, &c., in which I
indulged, I soon found myself a victim to the prevailing
disease of the country.
The western merchants are pretty generally conversant
with all the symptoms of the ague and fever; but there
may be others, designing to emigrate, who would like to
know that I am capable of giving an intelligible diagnosis
to the uninitiated reader; but he will doubtless be enabled
fully to recognize my description, when his time shall
come to have a shake or two himself.
It was a cool cloudy morning. I remember that distinctly.
I rose with a dull, languid feeling, lazily opening
the door and window-shutter. I reluctantly swept the floor,
with a feeling of weariness and disgust of life. I ate but
little that morning, and returned gaping, and stretching my
arms, to the store. There was a dull pain in my head,
and along my back-bone. My shoulder-blades every few
minutes seemed inclined to flap together, like a pigeon's
wings. I tried to read; but could not succeed. Presently
Mr. White came in.
“Why, Luke,” said he, “it's coming on sooner than I
thought it would. When you left the breakfast table this
morning, I said to the girls, he's going to have a touch of
the ague, and I'll go over to the store to witness the sport.
But I did not suppose it would come on for an hour or so.”
I described my feelings to him, and he said they were
the invariable precursors of the “shakes.”
“But,” said I, “surely this kind of illness is not regarded
as a matter of sport, in this country!”
“It is, in a measure,” said he. “When I had it, they
laughed at me, instead of sympathizing with me. Almost
every one has it the first season of his abode here; but it
is easily cured. Everybody has a prescription for it.
Mine is calomel, antimonial wine, and Peruvian bark.
Every one that comes to the store will prescribe a remedy,
and no two of them will be alike. Mine, I know, is infallible,
provided you take care of yourself afterwards.
You must discontinue your lonely rambles about the green
must quit eating melons; and you must not indulge your
appetite to the full extent on the intermediate days between
the chills. You must —”
“Ah!” said I, yawning dreadfully, “I am quivering all
over now.” My teeth clapped together somewhat like the
vibrations produced by a dray, running over a rough pavement!
“I am shivering in every limb. Look at my hands!”
My fingers were purple under the nails, and my hands
were as unsteady as those of an octogenarian stricken with
palsy. Mr. White arranged me a pallet of blankets on the
counter, and I laid down. It now seemed to me that I
could feel, and almost hear, my bones grating each other
at the joints.
“Please put more blankets on me, Mr. White!” I exclaimed,
in tones nearly inarticulate from internal agitation.
He continued to heap them on me, until the whole stock
in trade was brought in requisition. There were twenty
odd pairs of heavy Mackinaw blankets piled up on me;
but still my earthquake of an ague made that mountain of
wool shake from one end to the other. I was in great
agony!
“Bear it like a man, Luke,” said Mr. White; “the
first fit is the worst. After one or two shakes you'll get
used to it, and not mind it much.”
“I—I—ll ne—ver ge—t us—ed to any—thing li—ke
th—is!” I replied, with difficulty, my teeth chattering
violently.
“Yes you will,” continued Mr. White. “If I had
known that the ague was coming on so soon, I would
have brought with me the antimonial wine. It should be
taken before the spasm seizes you. Day after to-morrow
you will have another fit of it, and then you will take time
by the forelock. But you must take calomel to-morrow.”
The reader may, perhaps, form some slight idea of my
feelings as I lay there, the victim of that cruel disease,
compelled to listen to such cool remarks, and to behold
the quiet smile on the lips of my benevolent tormentor—
for Mr. White was one of the kindest men in the world.
Mr. White continued: “Nobody thinks of sending for
a doctor in this country, until they fear they are past recovery,
and such being the case, such patients rarely do
recover. Almost always when the doctor is sent for, he is
followed by the carpenter, to make the coffin. But this
does not often occur in simple cases of fever and ague,
like yours. You need not fear any serious consequences,
if you will only follow my advice. Every person will tell
you, you must take calomel, and there is a universal measure
for the dose, which I must guard you against. When
I had my first ague, there being no apothecary's scales
convenient, I was informed that the custom of the country
was to measure the dose, not weigh it. They said one
must dip his pocket-knife in the mineral and swallow as
much as would lie on the end of it, and this they will tell
you—but you must not heed them. The only pocket-knife
I carried at that time was one with a broad blade,
for the purpose of pruning fruit trees. I suppose it would
have held about an ounce and a half, which would have
physicked an elephant. And I have no doubt I have seen
seventy grains administered thus. I have seen hunters in
the woods take calomel from the end of their butcher knives,
which they used in cutting the throats of the deer they had
shot down. But so far from killing those hardy men, after
lying down among the dry leaves a few minutes, while the
ague was on them, they would rise again and continue
the hunt. But your constitution would not bear it, nor
mine. So when I went to the land office to enter the bit
twenty grains of calomel, and when I returned, I purchased
a knife having a blade just of the right size to hold the
proper dose. With this knife, which I will leave with
you, I have measured more than a hundred doses for the
neighbors. No doubt, if you can find any knives in your
stock of the same dimensions, you can sell them for any
price you please. I have been offered five dollars for this
one.”
“Give me a drink of water, if you please, Mr. White!”
I exclaimed, and at the same time began to kick off the
blankets. The fever, which invariably succeeds the ague,
then came on, and I felt as one with hot lava injected into
his veins. In vain Mr. White expostulated with me,
and warned me that the more water I drank, the more
violent would be the fever. I emptied the pitcher into
my stomach, and implored him to fetch me more. This
he would not do; and my fever increasing, I talked incessantly
of cool shades and clear brooks.
“When I get out,” said I, “I'll show you whether or
not I'll have water. I'll strip myself, and plunge into the
pool at the spring. I'll lie for an hour with my mouth
open, and drink the cold fresh water as it gurgles from the
rock.”
“If you do,” said he, “the very next hour the neighbors
will be holding an inquest over your body.”
“Pshaw!” I replied, half conscious of my raging nonsense,
“you know I will do no such foolish thing. But it
is refreshing to think and talk about the cold water at the
spring.”
Mr. White remained with me about three hours. At
the expiration of that time, he made the joyful discovery
of a slight moisture in the palms of my hands. It was not
and very weak, but very cheerful. I had once expressed
a silly desire to have a touch of the ague, and now recollected
having joined the merriment at the expense of
those who were troubled with the disease. Indeed I had
become so much accustomed to hear the ague spoken
of lightly and contemptuously, that I really fancied there
was nothing in it to be seriously dreaded. I had now
found out my mistake; but notwithstanding, as it seemed
to be the custom of the country, I, too, affected to regard
it indifferently.
Towards evening, to show my hardihood, I walked out
as usual with my gun on my shoulder, and killed a young
rabbit for food for a young wolf which had been given
me, and which I foolishly thought could be domesticated,
and taught to follow his master like a dog.
On the day that had been appointed by Mr. W., I felt
the premonitory symptoms, sure enough. The calomel
had been taken on the intermediate day, and the antimonial
wine was in readiness. I had never taken any medicine
before, save, perhaps, oil and paregoric in the nursery;
and as the dreaded calomel had not proved so “bad to
take,” nor so violent in its effects, as I anticipated, I rather
increased than diminished the dose of antimony, as it was
made pleasant to the taste, always excepting the “farewell
twang.” I was wholly ignorant of the mode of its
operation; and Mr. W. had not deemed it proper to inform
me. I had incidentally remarked in his presence that I
could bear any fits but vomiting fits, which always came
nigh killing me. After that information I could not but
wonder why he should insist on administering the antimony.
But he deemed it necessary; and he was present,
and saw me take it. He was silent when I intimated that
awaited the time—and it shortly came. Presently I complained
of a sick stomach, and grew alarmed, as this
was a new symptom. Mr. W. said nothing. At length
his assistance was required, and was promptly given, in
silence.
“Oh!” I exclaimed, during a short “breathing spell,”
“this is what I have always dreaded most! It will kill
me, I fear. Give me any other kind of illness but this!”
“You will be better, presently,” remarked Mr. W., with
great confidence. “This is no new thing. It is always
so with me when I have the ague.”
“I hope I shall not burst a blood-vessel!” said, I during
another brief interval. “I have long ago made up my
mind never to permit a physician to give me an emetic—
and if one ever does, it will be good policy in him not to
let me survive it!”
Mr. White said not a word. I had but a slight chill
that day, and not much fever afterwards. Mr. White informed
me at the tea-table that the charm was broken;
and that I would have no return of the ague, if I followed
his advice. It was true. There was no return of the
malady on the regular day, nor until I disregarded the injunctions
of my friend.
| CHAPTER IV. The western merchant | |