University of Virginia Library

THE PRETTY FEET
OR,
THE WAY TO CHOOSE A WIFE.

BY PROFESSOR INGRAHAM.

—Joseph Hott.

One afternoon, after dinner, two young
gentleman were seated in a private and luxuriously
furnished apartment, at the Carlton
House. The deep folds of the curtains were
dropped across the windows, and the light of
the western sun passing through them diffused
a rich mellow glow throughout the room.
One of the gentlemen occupied a sofa, lolling
at full length, and the other was comfortably
seated in a softly cushioned arm chair of velvet.
They were both smoking, one a long
slender clay pipe filled with fragrant Scarfalati,
the other a bright brown Regalia! A
decanter of the richest Sherry, such as Mr.
Henry Hodges loves to give his particular
friends, with an unopened bottle of Steinberger,
and a cork-screw stood on a marble table
within their reach.

On the opposite sides of the table, where
they had just replaced them, were wine glasses
half-filled with the amethystine nectar, and
glowing in the warm rich light from the curtains.
Everything around them looked comfortable,
and they appeared like gentlemen
who particularly love to take their ease after
dinner. The individual on the sofa was a
very elegant fellow in a handsome dressing
gown, with soft brown hair waiving to his
collar, and a pair of dark whiskers arranged
with great taste. His complexion was that
dark-pearly hue, mingled with an agreeable
red, so common to New York gentlemen, being
smooth and delicate, yet healthy. His
cheek was now a little flushed, and his dark
hazel eyes brighter, and his lip redder than
their wont. He was about twenty-six years
of age, his name was Lionel Linton, and he
was of good family and had very respectable
connexions. He was unmarried, and having
at his annual disposal an income of three
thousand dollars, he had no profession, but
lived an idle, indolent, fashionable life. He
had every quality, however, calculated to
make any reasonable woman a happy husband,
being domestically inclined, good tempered,
of an easy, amiable disposition, and
frank and generous to a fault. He had good
sense and judgment, and he had just began
to feel that he was wasting life without having
accomplished any adequate end for the
gift of it, either for his own honor or the benefit
of mankind! In fine he felt that he must
get married! He had, therefore, been several
months looking out for a wife, and had already
seen in Broadway a young lady of
great personal attractions, whom half resolved
to make his wife if she would consent to
be his. He had not, however, even spoken
with her nor did he know who she was: that
she was highly respectable, he was aware
from having seen her walking in company
with ladies whom he knew to belong to the
highest condition in society! Such was the
state and crisis of Lionel Linton's matrimonial
prospects at the period of our story: and,
now as he reclined there smoking, he could
not help thinking how much prettier object a
sweet bride would be seated, sewing or reading
opposite to him in the place of his friend
of the pipe, to look at!

The young gentleman on the other side of

the table, who had suggested this sensible
reflection, was named Henry Lee, by the
clergyman who christened him at Grace
Church, but irreverent laymen invariably called
him Harry Lee. He was a short, joyous
looking young gentleman of about twenty-five,
with a jovial round face, a bright twinkling
blue eye, short curly brown hair, beautifully
white teeth and a hand like a lady's
for fairness, though something fat, for his
whole person was inclined to corpulency, his
abdomen already beginning to aspire to aldermanic
dignity. He had his coat off and
was in his shirt sleeves; his head was thrown
back in an attitude of narcotic felicity as he
puffed at his pipe; his short feet were stuck
up, parallel to each other, over the back of a
chair in front of him; his long pipe stem was
supported delicately between a thumb and
finger, and his whole attitude was one of
fleshy luxury! Like his friend Lionel, he was
a bachelor sojourner at the Cariton, and the
recipient of something less than three thousand
dollars per annum from an incumbered
estate left him by his grand-father, who had
been an influential burgher in the olden days
of the city. He was a good natured, `whole
souled fellow,' always smiling and looking
like a happy dog; always mellow after dinner
and very fond of kicking up rows and
knocking down `Charles,' but all in good
nature, for he was, as every one of his friends
whom he lent money to swore, one of `the
best-natured fellows in the world!' He had
remained a bachelor because he could never
find a woman that had a foot to please his
fastidious eye! Harry's notions of female
perfection were peculiar! He always judged
woman by the shape and symmetry of her
foot; it was with him literally ex-pede Herculem.
If he had a passion for anything besides
tipping over `Charlies,' and for a good
glass of brown Sherry, it was for a neat and
faultless foot! His glance as he would promenade
that `walk of beauty,' Broadway, was
always directed to the feet of the pretty women,
their walk and manner of placing the
foot to the pavement. He has been heard to
deliver a lecture by the hour, after dinner, on
a lady's foot! If Harry, therefore, ever chose
a wife he would be sure to select her rather
for a divine foot than a divine face. But,
though, tired of living at hotels and being
alone so much in his rooms, and anxious to
get a wife, he had never yet found any one
to suit him!

`I say, my dear boy,' he said after a long
and reflecting silence, and without removing
the stem of his pipe from his lips, or turning
his head; `I say, Linton, I have been thinking
we are a brace of precious fools.'

`So have I just been thinking the same
thing, Harry,' replied Lionel, emitting from
his mouth a wreath of rich blue tobacco
smoke and sending it curling above his
head. `But what has brought you to this
conclusion.'

`Thinking what a poor devil's life I lead
here when there is some lovely creature, if I
knew where to find her, with a foot like an
angel, stepping on rosy clouds, ready to make
me a happy fellow! Only think how charming
it would be to have a pretty wife setting
beside me to fill my pipe, and two or three
sweet little cherubs of boys and girls to ride
across my legs as I have 'em stretched across
the chair, and call me `Papa!' What led
you, Linton, to say `Amen' to it so readily,
hey?'

`Thinking of pretty much the same thing,
to tell the truth,' said Lionel Linton, coloring
and laughing. `I am half of a mind, Harry,
to turn Benedict, in good earnest;' and the
handsome Lionel Linton smoked his segar
for a few puffs with more animation than before.

`Yes, Linton,' said Harry, taking out his
pipe from his mouth and pricking the bowl,
`that is very easily said; but where in the
deuce is the wife to come from?'

`There are hundreds of beautiful women
in New York, of our acquaintance; we could
soon pick out a good wife, Harry, if we would
only make up our minds to marry!'

`But a beautiful woman is one thing, and
a beautiful woman with a pretty foot is another.
I always find something deficient!'

`But we must not look for physical perfection
in the sex, Harry. I am satisfied with a
lovely face and figure, which is the casket of
a good heart and generous mind; I can forgive
a woman who possesses these, if she
should happen to wear No. 3's.'

`Number threes!' exclaimed Harry, `I

would'nt look at a woman who wore number
threes, in seeking for a wife! Number one
in summer—No. 1 1-2 in winter, is my standard
of perfection! Number threes!'

`But number threes may be in just proportion,
nevertheless, to the lady's figure! if she
be tall and noble sized! I have seen ladies
with too small feet for their size, and it was
a glaring deformity!'

`That may be, too, Linton! What I want
is a wife whose person shall be moulded in
the divinest mould of female symmetry: a
just hand and foot—a just height and proportion
to the charming whole! But I would
not marry a girl with a face like an angel
and with a form like Juno's if she wore number
threes!'

`Then you want a petite wife, that you can
tuck under your arm like an umbrella.'

`No, not that! A woman may be a warm
and living Venus de Medici, aud wear no
larger shoe than a French number one! I
have measured the foot of the Venus, and
found it exactly ones. And would you call
a girl the size and proportions of a Venus
de Medici, a petite to be tucked under my
arm like an umbrella?' Harry in the heat of
his argument had turned round full to Linton
who could not help smiling at his earnest
manner.

`Well, well, Harry, yoo may marry for the
foot and I will marry for the face and its expression!'

`Expression!' repeated Harry; `why, my
dear fellow, there is much expression in a
woman's foot, as in her face!'

`Ha! ha! ha!' laughed Linton; `you are
fairly crazy, upon the subject, my dear fellow!'

`It is true,' repeated Harry, drinking off
his glass; `will you deny there is expression
in forms?'

`How do you mean?'

`An outline and shape. For instance is
there no expression in a profile?'

`To be sure.'

`Is there any in a forehead—in its mere
outline?'

`I think there is.'

`Think! I know there is. Painters and
sculptors will tell you there is. Did you ever
see Daniel Webster's forehead, or Charles
Sprague's?'

`Yes.'

`Well, will you say that there is no individuality
of expression in these features?'

`I think I understand you.'

`How can you help it? Form that has life
in it possesses individual expression—has its
own proprium. Have you seen a hand that
you could say of it, `this is the hand of an
assassin—this of an avaricious man—this of
a benevolent man?'

`This is a strange theory, Harry. Did you
find it in the floating smoke of your Scarfalati,
or discover it in the bottom of your emptied
wine-glass.

`Nature and truth taught it me, and they
teach it to every man who will learn of them,
I contend that there is infinite expression in a
woman's foot! A perfect foot, neat, shapely,
airy, and daintily turned, has an expression to
my mind identical with that which constitutes
our abstract ideas of beauty! The character
of the woman is discovered by it—for the
outline and outward grace of the body is the
index of the being that dwells in it. Now
low, coarse or vulgar woman could never express
to the eye a self-contradiction.'

`Henry's Sherry has mounted you on the
top of metaphysics, Harry,' said Lionel,
laughing, yet half inclined to assent to the
truth of his doctrine on the female `understanding.'

`You may believe what I say or not, Linton,
but I am morally convinced of its truth!
By Heaven, I would be willing to choose a
wife by her foot, without seeing her face!'

`You would, Harry?'

`I would, upon my honor.'

`Well, then, let us both decide this very
moment to marry and look out each for his
wife. I will choose mine for her face,' he
added gaily, if you will chose one for her
foot!'

`Done,' cried Harry, getting up and grasping
Linton's hand, `and I will bet you I will
get the fairest wife.'

`Done be it,' said Linton, returning the
grasp of his hand; `suppose, Harry, we decide
to select one, you by the foot, I by the
face, this very afternoon! Broadway is now,
and will be for the next two hours, tronged

with the beauty of the city! If men who are
to select wives by the eye cannot choose in
such a galaxy of loveliness, they deserve to
go blind.'

`But, suppose, we should find out afterwards
on inquiry, that they were engaged?'
said Harry, a little posed by this extraordinary
proposition from his friend, who very well
knew he should meet the young lady there
whose beauty, as he daily passed her at the
hour of promenade, had made such an impression
upon him.

`In that case, Harry, we will both try
again,' he answered gaily. `Come, let us
sally forth on our matrimonial expedition.'

`Agreed, Linton; I will bring myself to
the agreement,' said Harry, with animation,
pouring out a glass of sherry; `let us toast
our future wives.'

Linton joined him, and the toast was drank
standing. Harry now put on his trock coat,
and the more finical Linton his dress coat,
while both paid more than their usual attention
after dinner, to their toilet.

`Now, Harry, we are to choose a wife this
afternoon, at all events, from some one we see
between this and sun-set—that is decided!'

`De—de—decided,' repeated Harry, who
was just mellow enough to be very happy.—
`But s'pose, Linton, s'pose she won't have us!
That would be a fix, hey?'

`That will of course absolve us from our
mutual pledge, Harry! I am resolved to have
a wife in earnest, if I can get one.'

`And if we don't, Lion', boy, let's ad—advertise
for—for—one—pretty foot, hey?'

`Come, Harry; don't take any more wine!
You have got just enough to make you a
good judge of a pretty foot!'

`Have I, Lion'? Well, I wont! But it's
a pity to leave such a nice bottle of Stein
wine for per—perquisites to that tip—tippling
waiter, Pete. Do I vibrate, Lint?'

`No, Harry; your legs are steady enough,
but your tongue is confoundedly drunk.'

`I will not p—po—pop the question, then,
if I see a p—pr—pretty foot, 'till it gets sober.'

`No; we are to follow, without attracting
particular observation, each our prize 'till we
ascertain where she lives, and then devise
means to be introduced to her family; and
then hey for love and matrimony!' said Linton
with a little excitement in his manner.

`The idea, Linton, between you and I, the
idea of marrying makes me feel weak about
the s—st—stomach!'

`Courage, mon ami! en avant!' and the
two candidates for matrimony sallied forth
from their hotel arm in arm, and fell into the
mingling currents that flowed along the western
and fashionable pave.

Caroline Le Roy stood before her full
length toilet-glass, surveying her lovely person,
which was tastefully arrayed in a rich
walking dress. A fashionable hat was on
her head, the snowy plumes of which as they
depended to her shoulder, were mocked by
the brilliancy of the ermine throat and cheek
it delicately shaded! Her features were of
that lovely and softly rounded outline which
is peculiar to American females in their
teens; and she was but nineteen. Her eyes
were blue, large and full of tenderness, with
a serene, spiritual expression! Her figure
was tall and harmoniously graceful, conveying
in every motion that kind of pleasure to
the eye that harmony of numbers does to the
ear! Her beauty was faultless, save the
hand and foot! the first, though covered by
an unsullied pea-green glove of the softest
kid, was too large for the arm, as if she had
spread it, by the foolish plan in vogue of placing
girls at the piano before they can clasp
an octave, and so compelling them to spread
the fingers 'till the hand looks webbed-like,
like, we were about to say a shark's fin; in
this manner had Caroline Le Roy evidently
disfigured and distorted her hand! It was a
great pity, for it was as white as down, and
veined on the back with the most delicate
pencilling of blue. But she had not the
same apology for her foot! It was too large
to admit of any apology, and cramped in
number threes, though it was a good number
four! Now, a large foot is very bad, but a
large foot cramped into a shoe a number too
small, is worse still! A large foot cannot be
helped, but a pinched foot can! It plumps
it up on the top, destroying the easy outline;
it draws in the instep, spoiling the walk, and
is a source of ceaseless torment and pain to
the owner, Whatever size be the foot, let
its shoe neatly fit it, and then if it be not so

small, it at least will not be deformed!—
These observations are extracted from a
journal lately kept by Harry Lee!

Miss Virginia Le Roy glanced over her
costume and person with a look of satisfaction;
but her eyes did, for one instant, linger
with disapproval on her feet, and she sighed
to think it was not a little smaller, for she
was one of those who look upon a small foot
as a mark of high aristocratic birth. She
took her sun-shade in her hand, and leaving
her door in Eighth street, was, a few moments
afterwards, on Broadway, wishing—
half hoping she should meet that handsome
fellow in brown hair, who had so often passed
her with a respectful look of ardent, yet
modest admiration.

She had not gone far, when a young graceful
little Hebe, dressed half like a woman,
half like a school-girl, about seventeen years
of age, came tripping towards her from
Bleecker street. A smile was on her face, a
light in her bright black eyes, and her beautiful
hand extended to take that of her friend.

`How do you do, Virginia?'

`How do you do, Ellen?'

And their lips met in a warm kiss of girlish
friendship.

`Are you going down Broadway?'

`Yes—to Stewarts', for a mantle.'

`I was going to Madame Canda's, to call
on Julia Carrol; but, as it is early yet, I will
join you,' said the new comer, and the young
ladies proceeded down Broadway side by
side, and in animated conversation. A lovelier
or more spirituelle creature than Ellen
Leigh could not be conceived to exist on this
lower earth. Her form was slight, yet full,
and faultless to the eye of the most fastidious!
Her face was, however, not so beautiful
as it was sensible and intelligent! Her
extraordinary beauty lay in the grace and
expression of her figure. Her ungloved hand,
as she took Virginia Le Roy's, was small,
tapering, and white as the lily and seemingly
as purely soft in texture. Her waist was
enchantment! but her foot! Spirit and shade
of Harry Lee! where wert thou? It was divine—literally
divine! How can such just
perfection be described? They were so
small that you could compass them across
the instep; harmonious in all their fascinat
ing proportions and undulating outline, with
a bewitching movement as she tripped along,
like two sweet birds lighting and alighting
along the pavement! Their expression was
actually joyous, to speak after Harry's theory.
They were encased in a pair of the
prettiest French laced boots, of a delicate
fawn color, that seemed to be a part and parcel
of the graceful feet they covered.

`Where have you been for an age, Ellen?'
asked Caroline, glancing at her feet, with an
envious feeling in her heart.

`To Troy, for three months past. How
delighted I am to get back to the city! It is
so dull out of New-York. Dear delightful
Broadway! how happy I am to be in it once
more. Are you engaged yet to any body
Caro?'

`Engaged, Ellen, why no!'

`I suppose your favorite song, then is—

`What a rattle brain! I shan't think of
marrying till I am twenty.'

`And you are over nineteen now! I mean
to marry soon as I find a good, clever, nice,
handsome, light-hearted, good natured fellow,
who will let me do just as I want to, and
never scold me! There comes two handsome
young fellows! I don't like the tall one
—he looks too grave and morbid! The
shorter one looks like a merry gentleman
`after dining out!' Why how you blush,
Caroline—and how the tall handsome one
stares at you! Did you ever see him before?
And, good Heavens, how the other is watchiug
my feet as he approaches! I wonder if
my boot is untied? Yes, I declare it is, and
the silk cord trailing in the dust!'

By this time our matrimonial speculating
heroes had come up nearly abreast of them.
Lionel had recognized at a distance, one of
them as his unknown beauty, and Harry had
discovered the other to have the most symmetrical
feet his imagination had ever conceived
of. Both gentlemen, therefore insensibly
lessened their pace when they approaehed
them, one with his admiring eyes
the while resting on the embarrassed, yet
pleased Caroline's blushing face, the other
with his rapturous gaze fixed on the feet that
had fascinated it. They forgot to give way

to the young ladies, who fairly turned aside
for them, when they recovered their self-possession,
and looked back! Caroline, also,
at the same instant, glanced back, and Ellen,
stopping, placed her foot on the inner curb-step
of the walk that runs beneath the windows,
to fasten her boot. Harry was just
mellow enough to act from impulse, and hastening
towards her, asked with a smile and
a polite bow, that from him was irresistable,
and which it was impossible to take offence
at.

`Will you allow me, miss, to fasten that
truant chord in the envious position to which
it seems so insensible?' and Harry gracefully
bent on one knee.

Ellen looked at him, at the first instant,
gravely; but seeing how very modest and
civil his address was, and his words so complimentary
withal, she replaced the foot
which she had withdrawn from the stone to
make her retreat from him, and said laughingly,

`You may tie it if you please, sir—it is
very awkward to have one's boot or shoe un-unlaced
in the street.'

`Very,' replied Harry, entwining the silken
chord around the bewitching ancle, his senses,
however, so bewildered by the sight and
touch of so exquisite a foot, that he worked
very bunglingly.

`You must not press my foot, sir,' she said
with a laugh and frown at the same time on
her face. `There, sir, I am extremely obliged
to you,' she said, archly, as Harry rose to
his feet. `You can tie boots very well,' and
rejoining Caroline Le Roy, she tripped on
her way without looking back.

`Irony, there,' said Harry, looking after
her, `but what a foot! Linton, I am in for
it. Did you see that divine foot?—French
number ones!'

`Confound your No. ones. Did you see
that heavenly face?'

`Confound your face! Did you observe
her symmetrical hand?—hands and feet are
always of the same suit.'

`Did you notice her tall and graceful figure?
----face and figure always go together.'

`What a laugh!'

`What an eye!'

`What a fawn-like movement!'

`What a Juno-like tread!'

`You are speaking of the tall one, Linton.'

`Your are speaking of the shorter one, Harry.'

`So I am.'

`And so am I.'

`Are you for the tall one, in earnest, Linton?'

`Yes. And are you for the short one in
truth?'

`Yes. Such a foot never was before!'

`Nor such a face and figure!'

`As mine?'

`As mine!'

`Let us follow them, Linton, and find out
where they are! Oh, my poor heart!'

`It is a gone case with both of us, Harry.'

`I fear so!' and Harry sighed while he
took Linton's arm, and leisurely walked after
the two ladies, who, soon seeing that the two
gentlemen, in relation to whom each had begun
to feel a little curiosity, led them a long
pursuit down Broadway, and back to Bleeker,
when Ellen took leave of her friend, concluding
instead of going to Madame Canda's, to
return home.

`I wish,' she said, as they parted, `I knew
who that gentleman is that I so foolishly let
tie my boot! He has presumed upon it to
follow me 'till now! He has a handsome,
cheerful, good natured face, which I like.'

`I have more curiosity to learn who the
taller one is,' said Caroline. I have often met
him, and he always tries to meet my eyes. He
is evidently a gentleman, and though they
seem to follow us, they do so without positive
rudeness.

`Smitten with you, Caroline, and anxious
to know where you live.'

`And the other is then with you,' retorted
Coroline, blushing.

`We will see when I go down the street.'

`The one you like will follow you home to
see where you reside.'

`And the one you like, will follow you.'

`We will soon see,' said Caroline Le Roy,
laughing.

`And that shall decide which of them we
are to have for husbands,' said Ellen gaily,
having given utterance to more truth than
she was aware of.

The young ladies now separated, each
walking towards her own residence and our
heroes soon afterwards gaining the corner of
Bleecker street, parted from each other—
Harry to lounge down this street, keeping
his intended bride in view, and Linton continuing
along Broadway at an elegant leisurely
gait—the one 'till he saw Ellen Leigh, nor
unseen by her, enter her father's door, and
the other, 'till he had satisfied himself where
the beautiful girl lived, whose charms had
produced such an effect upon his heart.

It was not a very difficult matter now, that
these important discoveries were made by
our heroes, for them to obtain, through acquaintances
an introduction to the houses of
their singularly selected wives! They soon
became intimately acquainted with them, formally
addressed them, and were accepted;
but then the fair betrothed were ignorant of
their mutual pledge to each other over their
glasses, to choose wives as they did, or perhaps
it is very possible they might have said
`no,' when they would have had them say
`yes.' They both, however, had fairly fallen
in love with their intended brides after becoming
acquainted with them, and perhaps
this fact should be accepted in atonement.
At length they were married, and went in
company together to Saratoga, the Falls;
and came home again after a few weeks' absence,
to enter upon the responsible duties of
house-keeping. Harry found his wife's foot
proved indeed the index of her mind, that
her heart was as good and true as her beautiful
foot was unrivalled in symmetry and
grace. Linton's wife was as lovely in temper
as she was in person; and though Harry
said he could never forgive her for having a
foot, yet he could not but frankly confess to
Linton his conviction that a woman might
make a very good wife, though she wore
number threes!