University of Virginia Library

5. CHAPTER V.
AN EVENING LECTURE AND A MORNING SCENE.

If there ever was reason to give what is
called a “curtain lecture,” surely the propitious
time had now arrived.

True, Mrs. Harley had nearly fainted with
agitation at Bridget's unlawful proceedings,
but she imagined that she could not be chargeable
with the fault: the Irish were so disposed
to take liberties, no restraint was of any use
to them. Not so reasoned the incensed husband:
it appeared to him that utter ruin was
awaiting him—loss of reputation, at being thus
imposed upon by help; and loss of comfort,
since his home afforded none of it. He expressed
himself firmly and freely.

“Wife, things have come to such a pass that
I must interfere; hitherto I have given you
the charge of the house, thinking the office
of managing belonged to the woman. I have
not requested or wished you to labour, but I
have expected an oversight of the domestic
arrangements, which you have not bestowed.

I have become weary of living; all I provide
is worse than lost. Our family is small enough
to be easily and prudently managed, but how
is it done? The single article of flour has
cost me more than my neighbours, who have
twice the number of persons; and my bill at
the grocer's this year, which only includes small
items, amounts to more than three hundred
dollars. I must turn the tables, and see what
I can do.”

“My dear,” articulated the grieved wife,
“when the housekeeper comes it will not be
so. She will be here to-morrow night.”

“I am not at all certain she will remedy the
case, wife. Every married woman in good
health should keep her own house: it is a sacred
office, from which she has no right to
shrink; it is a part of her marriage covenant
—it gives dignity to her character.”

“And littleness to her mind,” interrupted
Mrs. Harley.

“So long, my dear, as you cherish such a
silly impression, I can predict nothing but evil.
I will submit it to yourself, which is the most
elevating employment, to spend one's time and
ingenuity in decorating a dress for a ball, arranging

a few flowers for the hair, and ransacking
every dry goods store for the particular
shade of a riband, or faithfully to superintend
that domestic economy which gives pleasure
to the kind husband, and by regularity and
becoming dignity creates the fear of doing
wrong in the servants? I must say, had you
discharged these duties, I do not believe we
should have been assailed by an Irish mob; and
farther yet, had you known the worth of a
good domestic, Nancy would not have been
turned away because her principles made it
important she should go out one evening in the
week to a religious lecture: we were never
disgraced by drunken revels when she was
with us.”

“You are forever recounting the good qualities
of Nancy,” said the irritated wife: “I intend,
if my life is spared me till to-morrow, to
get her back, if I can. I will give up my
housekeeper, who possesses every requisite for
the office, and once more see if, by giving
Nancy all her privileges, I can have a little
peace, for between you and the help I have
lived in misery ever since I commenced keeping
house.”

“That you cannot do,” said Mr. Harley,
“for I saw the gentleman with whom Nancy
now lives yesterday, and he says she is worth
everything to him—she is so quiet and methodical.”

“And stupid and overbearing he might have
added,” said Mrs. Harley. “No, I won't go
after her either; for if I send Bridget away and
Mrs. Hopkins comes, she will oversee Dorcas,
and we shall do very well yet: you may say
what you please, husband, I am resolved to try
a housekeeper. You know nothing about my
cares. Is not Johnny enough for one woman
to take care of? and besides, what time could
I get to sew, or read, or prepare for company,
or receive any, if I made myself the slave you
wish? If I have a housekeeper, she will take
charge of all these things, and my mind need
not be disturbed with `what will we have
for dinner?' and `will you see to the pudding
yourself, my dear, and have it punctually
served?' No, thank fortune, you can discuss
such matters with the housekeeper, and I
shall be permitted to superintend my dressmaker,
which is far more congenial to my
mind.”

“And elevating to your character, I suppose,”
said Mr. Harley, rather sarcastically.

“You are too provoking,” answered the indignant
wife: “I wish to hear no more, for I
am sleepy.”

So saying, she betook herself seemingly to
rest. What were the nature of her dreams,
I will not pretend to say. Not so with Mr.
Harley. He was tried beyond measure; mortification,
anxiety, bitter reflections, and dissatisfaction
with his manner of living, banished
completely sweet forgetfulness. He would
fain live rationally; with prudence, his gains
would warrant many luxuries: still, though
every avenue seemed closed that would bring
about his purposes, he tried to think his wife's
prediction might be verified, and that the
housekeeper would restore some degree of
comfort to his dwelling.

Thus he passed a wretched night. Towards
morning the intoxicated Bridget was heard
making her way to the kitchen; but having
risen in the night and partaken of the liquor,
she was illy qualified to procure a comfortable
breakfast. Her eyes were so dimmed that she
hardly knew a frving-pan from a coffee-pot!

She mistook the uses of things, till, growing
more and more bewildered, she seized hold of
the table lest she should fall, and upset it, demolishing
much of the useful crockery, besides
cutting her head with some of the pieces.

Mr. Harley started from his bed and made
for the kitchen in good earnest; seeing the
dreadful havoc occasioned by the use of the
jug which was standing on the mantel shelf
(Bridget having obtained one of her own), he
proceeded to the street, and engaged a man
to convey the senseless domestic to the police
court as soon as it opened. Here she, being
recognised as an old offender, was conveyed,
as usual, to the House of Correction for six
months.

Mrs. Harley awoke, and freshly pondering
upon last night's lecture, resolved to acquit
herself rather better as a good manager, and
accordingly proceeded to the kitchen, where
her eyes told her the scene that had occurred.
The place was truly disgusting. Who would
not rather exert themselves, if need require,
than to intrust the care of the household establishment
to hands so inefficient and irresponsible!

And now there came another eventful day.
Dorcas and her mistress were once more alone,
and they both determined to do as well as they
could, cost them what labour it might. Accordingly,
they went about the difficult process
of preparing dinner. Once more they attempted
to broil a steak and boil some rice—two
very simple things, certainly. With the steak
they were tolerably successful, but with the
rice! Dorcas was untidy in the extreme, and,
without any preparation, she threw the rice in
a dingy pot: it burned upon the sides; and once
more Mrs. Harley was lowered in her husband's
eyes because she despised cooking.