The coronal a collection of miscellaneous pieces, written at various times |
MISERIES OF WEALTH.
SUGGESTED BY HAZLITT'S “MISERIES OF POVERTY.” |
 | The coronal |  |
MISERIES OF WEALTH.
SUGGESTED BY HAZLITT'S “MISERIES OF POVERTY.”
It is to have a subscription-paper handed
you every hour, and to be called a niggard
if you once refuse your name.
It is to eat turkey and drink wine at a
dearer rate than your neighbours.
It is to have every college, infirmary, and
asylum, make a run upon the bank of your
benevolence, and then rail at the smallness
of the dividend.
It is to have sectarians contend for the
keeping of your conscience, and lawyers
struggle for the keeping of your purse.
It is to be taxed for more than you are
worth, and laughed at when you say so.
It is to have addition of dollars, subtraction
of comforts, and multiplication of anxieties,
end in division among spendthrift
heirs.
It is to add interest to principal, until you
have interest without principle.
It is to pay the tailor for all his bad customers,
and compensate the tradesman for
what he loses by knavery or extravagance.
It is never to be allowed to be on easy
terms even with a coat or a shoe.
It is either to be married for money, or to
have a wife always casting up the sum total
of the fortune she brought.
It is to have your son's steps surrounded
by “man-traps,” and your daughter made a
target for the selfish and speculating to aim at.
It is envy gratis, and friendship bought.
It is to have a dyspeptic wife and pale
children.
It is to purchase a debtor's smile and a
knave's flattery.
It is to be invited to drink poor wine, that
you may give better in return.
It is to have your wife wretched because
another wears a higher feather, or a brighter
diamond.
It is to buy green peas for nine shillings,
and dislike them because a neighbour gives
two dollars.
It is to have sons go to College to buy
themes of wiser heads, and your daughters'
brains turned by the flattery of fools.
It is to have your sleep disturbed by
dreams of fire, and your peace of mind dependent
on the blowing of the wind.
It is to have relations wish you a short life
and a long will.
It is to insure your widow's tears by making
her fortune depend upon her widowhood.
It is to contract the heart, and stretch the
conscience.
It is to have greater temptations than
others in this world; and to find the entrance
to a better more difficult than to the rest of
mankind.
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