University of Virginia Library

Search this document 
The most elegant and witty epigrams of Sir Iohn Harrington

... digested into fovre bookes: three whereof neuer before published
Harington, John (1560-1612)

collapse section 
[section]
  
THE EPISTLE TO ALL Readers, that Epigrams must bee read attentiuely, that Legere & non intellegere, est negligere.
collapse section 
[subsection]
  
[dedication]
collapse section1. 
Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the first Booke.
 1. 
1 Against Momvs. That his Poetrie shall be no fictions, but meere truths.
 2. 
2 Against Sextus, a scorner of Writers.
 3. 
3 Against Lesbia, both for her patience and impatience.
 4. 
4 Of a poynted Diamond giuen by the Author to his wife, at the birth of his eldest sonne.
 5. 
5 Against Writers that carpe at other mens bookes.
 6. 
6 Of a young Gallant.
 7. 
7 To my Lady Rogers, the Authors wiues mother, how Doctor Sherehood commended her house in Bathe
 8. 
8 Of Lesbia, a great Lady.
 9. 
9 Of one that begd nothing, and had his sute granted.
 10. 
10 Another of asking nothing.
 11. 
11 Of liberality in giuing nothing.
 12. 
12 Of learning nothing at a Lecture, vpon occasion of Dr Reynolds at Oxford, afore my Lord of Essex, and diuers Ladies and Courtiers, at the Queenes last beeing there, on these words: Idolunc nihil est, An Idol is nothing.
 13. 
13 A Paradox of Doomes day.
 14. 
14 Against a foolish Satyrist called Lynus.
 15. 
15 Of a faire woman; translated out of Casaneus his Catalogus gloriæ mundi.
 16. 
16 Of a Hous-hold fray friendly ended.
 17. 
17 Of Blessing without a crosse.
 18. 
18 Of writing with a Double meaning.
 19. 
19 Against Cosmus a great Briber.
 20. 
20 Of a Precise Tayler.
 21. 
21 Of one Paulus a great man that expected to be followed.
 22. 
22 Of a terrible Temporall non-resident.
 23. 
23 A Tale of a Rosted Horse.
 24. 
24 Of Madam Dondrages with her faire brest.
 25. 
25 The Author to his wife, of a womans eloquence.
 26. 
26 Of Peleus ill-fortune in burying his friends.
 27. 
27 To my Lady Rogers, of breaking her bitches legge.
 28. 
28 Of Paying.
 29. 
29 The Author, of his owne fortune.
 30. 
30 Of the cause of dearth.
 31. 
31 To Sir Hugh Portman, in supping alone in too much company.
 32. 
32 Of Sextus, a bad husband.
 33. 
33 Of writing with double pointing.
 34. 
34 To my Lady Rogers.
 35. 
35 To her Daughter, vpon the same point, reading the same verse with another point.
 36. 
36
 37. 
37 Comparison of the Sonnet, and the Epigram.
 38. 
38 Of an accident of saying grace at the Lady Rogers, who vsed to dine exceeding late. Written to his wife.
 39. 
39 Of Don Pedro and his Poetry.
 40. 
40 A comfort for poore Poets.
 41. 
41 Against a foolish Satyrist.
 42. 
42 An Epitaph in commendation of George Turberuill, a learned Gentleman.
 43. 
43 To the Queenes Maiestie, when shee found fault with some particular matters in Misacmos Metamorphosis.
 44. 
44 To the Ladies of the Queenes Priuy-chamber, at the making of their perfumed priuy at Richmond
 45. 
45 To Master Cooke, the Queenes Atturney, that was incited to call Misacmos into the Starre-chamber, but refused it; saying, he that could giue another a Venue, had a sure ward for himselfe.
 46. 
46 Against Lynus, a Wryter, that found fault with the Metamorphosis.
 47. 
47 Of Garlick to my Lady Rogers.
 48. 
48 A dish of dainties for the Diuell.
 49. 
49 Of Don Pedro his sweet breath.
 50. 
50 Misacmos against his Booke.
 51. 
51. Of Cloacina and Sterquitius.
 52. 
52 To the Queene when she was pacified, and had sent Misacmos thankes for the inuention.
 53. 
53 A Poets Priuiledge.
 54. 
54 To Faustus.
 55. 
55 Against Faustus.
 56. 
56 Of mis-conceiuing.
 57. 
57 How the Bathe is like Purgatory.
 58. 
58 Of going to Bathe.
 59. 
59 Of Plaine dealing.
 60. 
60 Against Paulus.
 61. 
61 Of Caius hurts in the warre.
 62. 
62 Of two Welsh Gentlemen.
 63. 
63 To Master Maior of Bathe, that Bathe is like Paradice.
 64. 
64 Of Don Pedro's debts.
 65. 
65 Of one that vowd to dis-inherit his sonne, and giue his goods to the poore.
 66. 
66 Of a Precise Cobler, and an ignorant Curat.
 67. 
67 Of Lynus Poetrie.
 68. 
68 Of one that seekes to be stellified being no Pithagorian.
 69. 
69 Against Momus.
 70. 
70 Of Galla, and her Tawny fanne.
 71. 
71 To his Wife for striking her Dogge.
 72. 
72 Against a Wittall Broker that set his wife to sale.
 73. 
73 Of his translation of Ariosta.
 74. 
74 Of Cinna's Election.
 75. 
75 The Author to a Daughter of nine yeere olde.
 76. 
76 To the Earle of Essex, of one enuious of Ariosto translated.
 77. 
77 Of a speechlesse woman. To his wife.
 78. 
78 Of a dumbe Horse.
 79. 
79 Of Leda that plaid at Tables with her Husband.
 80. 
80 Of Soothsaying, to the Queene of England.
 81. 
81 How an Asse may proue an Elephant.
 82. 
82 Of a Precise Lawyer.
 83. 
83 A Prophesie when Asses shall grow Elephants.
 84. 
84 To my Lady Rogers of her seruant Paine.
 84. 
84 Of one that is vnwilling to lend money.
 85. 
85 Against Promoters.
 86. 
86 Against too much trust.
 87. 
87 Of dangerous reconciling.
 88. 
88 Of Leda that saies she is sure to be saued.
 89. 
89 To the Lady Rogers, of her vnprofitable sparing.
 90. 
90 Against Church-robbers, vpon a picture that hangs where it is worthy.
 91. 
91 A Tale of a Bayliffe distraining for rent. To my Ladie Rogers.
 92. 
92 Of casting out Spirits with fasting, without Prayer.
 93. 
93 Against It is a Poet.
 94. 
94 Of Wittoll.
expand section2. 
Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the second Booke.
expand section3. 
Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the third Booke.
expand section4. 
Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the fourth Booke.

collapse section Collapse All | Expand All expand section
previous section The most elegant and witty epigrams of Sir Iohn Harrington
next section

91 A Tale of a Bayliffe distraining for rent. To my Ladie Rogers.

I heard a pleasant tale at Cammington,
There where my Lady dwelt, cald The faire Nun,
How one that by his office was Deceiuer,
(My tongue oft trips) I should haue said Receiuer,
Or to speake plaine and true, an arrant Baylie,
Such as about the Country trauell daily,
That when the quarter day was two daies past,
Went presently to gather rents in hast.

And if, as oft it hapt, he brake good manner,
He straight would plead the custome of the Mannor,
Swearing he might distraine all goods and chattell,
Were it in moueables, or else quick cattell.
This Bayliffe, comming to a tenement,
In the Tenants absence, straynd his wife for rent;
In which the beast so pliable he found,
He neuer needes to driue her to the pound.
The Tenant, by intelligence, did ghesse,
The Bayliffe taken had a wrong distresse:
And to the Bayliffes wife he went complaining,
Of this her husbands vsage in distraining;
Requesting her like curtesies to render,
And to accept such rent as he would tender.
She, whether moued with some strange compassion,
Or that his tale did put her in new passion,
Accepts his payment like a gentle wench;
All coyne was currant, English, Spanish, French:
And when she taken had his sorrie pittance,
I thinke, that with a kisse she seal'd the quittance.
Whē next these husbands met, they chaft, they curst,
Happy was he that could cry Cuckold furst.
From spightfull words, they fell to daggers drawing,
And after, each to other threatned lawing.
Each party seekes to make him strong by faction,
In seuerall Courts they enter seuerall action,
Actions of Battery, actions in the Case,
With riots, routes, disturbed all the place.
Much bloud, much money had been spilt and spent,

About this foolish straining for the rent;
Saue that a gentle Iustice of the Peace,
Willing to cause such foolish quarrels cease,
Preuail'd so with the parties by entreatie,
Of concord both agreed to haue a treatie:
And both refer'd the matter to the Iustice,
Who hauing well obseru'd what a iest is:
To thinke two Cuckolds were so fairely parted,
Each hauing tane the blow, that neuer smarted,
He charged each of them shake hands together,
And when they meet, to say, Good morrow, brother.
Thus each quit other all old debts and dribblets,
And set the Hares head, 'gainst the Gooses giblets.
previous section The most elegant and witty epigrams of Sir Iohn Harrington
next section