The most elegant and witty epigrams of Sir Iohn Harrington ... digested into fovre bookes: three whereof neuer before published |
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![]() | The most elegant and witty epigrams of Sir Iohn Harrington | ![]() |
91 A Tale of a Bayliffe distraining for rent. To my Ladie Rogers.
I heard a pleasant tale at Cammington,
There where my Lady dwelt, cald The faire Nun,
How one that by his office was Deceiuer,
(My tongue oft trips) I should haue said Receiuer,
Or to speake plaine and true, an arrant Baylie,
Such as about the Country trauell daily,
That when the quarter day was two daies past,
Went presently to gather rents in hast.
And if, as oft it hapt, he brake good manner,
He straight would plead the custome of the Mannor,
Swearing he might distraine all goods and chattell,
Were it in moueables, or else quick cattell.
There where my Lady dwelt, cald The faire Nun,
How one that by his office was Deceiuer,
(My tongue oft trips) I should haue said Receiuer,
Or to speake plaine and true, an arrant Baylie,
Such as about the Country trauell daily,
That when the quarter day was two daies past,
Went presently to gather rents in hast.
He straight would plead the custome of the Mannor,
Swearing he might distraine all goods and chattell,
Were it in moueables, or else quick cattell.
This Bayliffe, comming to a tenement,
In the Tenants absence, straynd his wife for rent;
In which the beast so pliable he found,
He neuer needes to driue her to the pound.
The Tenant, by intelligence, did ghesse,
The Bayliffe taken had a wrong distresse:
And to the Bayliffes wife he went complaining,
Of this her husbands vsage in distraining;
Requesting her like curtesies to render,
And to accept such rent as he would tender.
She, whether moued with some strange compassion,
Or that his tale did put her in new passion,
Accepts his payment like a gentle wench;
All coyne was currant, English, Spanish, French:
And when she taken had his sorrie pittance,
I thinke, that with a kisse she seal'd the quittance.
Whē next these husbands met, they chaft, they curst,
Happy was he that could cry Cuckold furst.
From spightfull words, they fell to daggers drawing,
And after, each to other threatned lawing.
Each party seekes to make him strong by faction,
In seuerall Courts they enter seuerall action,
Actions of Battery, actions in the Case,
With riots, routes, disturbed all the place.
Much bloud, much money had been spilt and spent,
About this foolish straining for the rent;
Saue that a gentle Iustice of the Peace,
Willing to cause such foolish quarrels cease,
Preuail'd so with the parties by entreatie,
Of concord both agreed to haue a treatie:
And both refer'd the matter to the Iustice,
Who hauing well obseru'd what a iest is:
To thinke two Cuckolds were so fairely parted,
Each hauing tane the blow, that neuer smarted,
He charged each of them shake hands together,
And when they meet, to say, Good morrow, brother.
Thus each quit other all old debts and dribblets,
And set the Hares head, 'gainst the Gooses giblets.
In the Tenants absence, straynd his wife for rent;
In which the beast so pliable he found,
He neuer needes to driue her to the pound.
The Tenant, by intelligence, did ghesse,
The Bayliffe taken had a wrong distresse:
And to the Bayliffes wife he went complaining,
Of this her husbands vsage in distraining;
Requesting her like curtesies to render,
And to accept such rent as he would tender.
She, whether moued with some strange compassion,
Or that his tale did put her in new passion,
Accepts his payment like a gentle wench;
All coyne was currant, English, Spanish, French:
And when she taken had his sorrie pittance,
I thinke, that with a kisse she seal'd the quittance.
Whē next these husbands met, they chaft, they curst,
Happy was he that could cry Cuckold furst.
From spightfull words, they fell to daggers drawing,
And after, each to other threatned lawing.
Each party seekes to make him strong by faction,
In seuerall Courts they enter seuerall action,
Actions of Battery, actions in the Case,
With riots, routes, disturbed all the place.
Much bloud, much money had been spilt and spent,
Saue that a gentle Iustice of the Peace,
Willing to cause such foolish quarrels cease,
Preuail'd so with the parties by entreatie,
Of concord both agreed to haue a treatie:
And both refer'd the matter to the Iustice,
Who hauing well obseru'd what a iest is:
To thinke two Cuckolds were so fairely parted,
Each hauing tane the blow, that neuer smarted,
He charged each of them shake hands together,
And when they meet, to say, Good morrow, brother.
Thus each quit other all old debts and dribblets,
And set the Hares head, 'gainst the Gooses giblets.
![]() | The most elegant and witty epigrams of Sir Iohn Harrington | ![]() |