49. CHAPTER XLVIII
Of the day of eternity and of the straitnesses of this life
Oh most blessed mansion of the City which is above! Oh most
clear day of eternity which the night obscureth not, but the
Supreme Truth ever enlighteneth! Day always joyful, always
secure and never changing its state into those which are
contrary. Oh would that this day might shine forth, and that all
these temporal things would come to an end. It shineth indeed
upon the Saints, glowing with unending brightness, but only from
afar and through a glass, upon those who are pilgrims on the
earth.
2. The citizens of heaven know how glorious that
day is; the
exiled sons of Eve groan, because this is bitter and wearisome.
The days of this life are few and evil, full of sorrows and
straits, where man is defiled with many sins, ensnared with many
passions, bound fast with many fears, wearied with many cares,
distracted with many questionings, entangled with many vanities,
compassed about with many errors, worn away with many labours,
weighed down with temptations, enervated by pleasures, tormented
by poverty.
3. Oh when shall there be an end of these evils? When shall I be
delivered from the wretched slavery of my sins? When shall I be
mindful, O Lord, of Thee alone? When shall I rejoice in Thee to
the full? When shall I be in true liberty without any
impediment, without any burden on mind or body? When shall there
be solid peace, peace immovable and secure, peace within and
without, peace firm on every side? Blessed Jesus, when shall I
stand to behold Thee? When shall I gaze upon the glory of Thy
kingdom? When shalt Thou be to me all in all? Oh when shall I
be with Thee in Thy Kingdom which Thou hast prepared from the
foundation of the world for them that love Thee? I am left
destitute, an exile in a hostile land, where are daily wars and
grievous misfortunes.
4. Console my exile, mitigate my sorrow, for towards Thee all my
desire longeth. For all is to me a burden, whatsoever this world
offereth for consolation. I yearn to enjoy Thee intimately, but
I cannot attain unto it. I long to cleave to heavenly things,
but temporal things and unmortified passions press me down. In
my mind I would be above all things, but in my flesh I am
unwillingly compelled to be beneath them. So, wretched man that
I am, I fight with myself, and am made grievous even unto myself,
while the spirit seeketh to be above and the flesh to be beneath.
5. Oh how I suffer inwardly, while with the mind I discourse on
heavenly things, and presently a crowd of carnal things rusheth
upon me whilst I pray. My God, be not Thou far from me[n114], nor
depart in wrath from Thy servant. Cast forth Thy lightning and
scatter them; send out Thine arrows, and let all delusions of
my enemy be confounded. Recall my senses unto Thyself, cause me
to forget all worldly things; grant me quickly to cast away and
despise the imaginations of sin. Succour me, O Eternal Truth,
that no vanity may move me. Come unto me, O Heavenly Sweetness,
and let all impurity flee from before Thy face. Pardon me also,
and of Thy mercy deal gently with me, whensoever in prayer I
think on anything besides Thee; for truly I confess that I am
wont to be continually distracted. For often and often, where in
the body I stand or sit, there I myself am not; but rather am I
there, whither I am borne by my thoughts. Where my thought is,
there am I; and there commonly is my thought where that which I
love is. That readily occurreth to me, which naturally
delighteth, or pleaseth through custom.
6. Wherefore Thou, who art the Truth, hast plainly said, Where
your treasure is, there will your heart be also.[n115]
If I love
heaven, I gladly meditate on heavenly things. If I love the
world, I rejoice in the delights of the world, and am made sorry
by its adversities. If I love the flesh, I am continually
imagining the things which belong to the flesh; if I love the
spirit, I am delighted by meditating on spiritual things. For
whatsoever things I love, on these I readily converse and listen,
and carry home with me the images of them. But blessed is that
man who for Thy sake, O Lord, is willing to part from all
creatures; who doth violence to his fleshly
nature and crucifieth
the lusts of the flesh by the fervour of his spirit, so that with
serene conscience he may offer unto Thee a pure prayer, and be
made worthy to enter into the angelic choirs, having shut out
from himself, both outwardly and inwardly, all worldly things.
