University of Virginia Library

When to the antipodes the sun,
With expeditious haste, had run,
And left our horizon to borrow
Light by reflection till to-morrow;
The lab'ring hinds from toil retire,
To rest and tattle by the fire,
And with the lasses interween
Their rustic sangs and jests between;
While burghers and rich farmers chuse
In taverns to tipple and carouse.

Our gentleman of whom we spake,
Another better course did take:
Rather than tipple at ale or wine,
He'd meditate on things divine;
How happy man was at the first,
And by what means he was accurs'd;
What mischiefs mankind had invented,
Since Eve their happiness prevented;
How mankind, worse than tygers, would
Devour each other if they could,
And for greed of this vain world's good,
Would shed each other's precious blood;
Like savage brutes of the male kind,
When they a lustful female find,
The strongest would destroy the rest,
To share alone the brutal feast.
While other gentlemen were plotting,
How oppression might get footing,
He, like a grave and sound divine,
To rules his conduct did confine:
From morning till it was near ten,
He gave himself to thinking; then
From that time, till it was near two,
His public matters did pursue:
From two to six the fields he walk'd,
And oft with honest Caution talk'd:
Then, chagrin humours to suppress,
He with his wife would play at chess;
And all the pledges that they laid,
Were easy won, and easy paid,
A bottle of good ale or beer,
With which the winner made good cheer;
A cheaper purchase drowth to quench,
Than rich Canary wines or punch.

But, as good men oft evil see
Before it come, e'en so did he:
He saw his son, with sad reflection,
So prodigal set on distraction,
That made him think 'twould be his fate
To waste and ruin his estate,
That he had scrap'd and kept together,
Like a discreet and prudent father.

Then to his virtuous spouse he said,
“My dear, when we in dust are laid,
That worthless wretched son of ours
So high above our income tow'rs,
He'll shortly make, for ought I think,
Our name and honour both extinct.”

Said she, “Good husband, there's no hope;
He must get leave to take his scope.
E'en let him drink as he is brewing;
He'll think on't when he comes to ruin.
Our frail and tott'ring bodies must
Within a little turn to dust;
Let worldly pomp and honours go,
Since Providence will have it so;
It will not break our hearts when we
The desolation shall not see.”

Thus were the ancient pair resign'd,
Because they could not change the mind
Of their untoward rakish son,
Who out of course so far had run.

Then the wise lady sent for Caution,
And told him that she had a motion
How to relieve her graceless son,
When he his outmost course had run:
But, “Honest friend, I know you must,
By course of nature, turn to dust:
You have a servant, as I hear,
Whose name is Secret, bring him here;
I will commit to him a letter,
Containing all the secret matter;
I'll take his oath that he'll conceal it,
And to no mortal e'er reveal it,
Until he see his extreme need,
Then may he break the same and read.

Then Secret came, to whom she gave
The letter seal'd, and bade him have
A special care to keep it close,
And unto none the same expose,
Until the time my son you see
In extreme need and misery.

“Madam, (said he), I shall obey
Whate'er your Ladyship shall say,
As I shall answer at the last
To heaven's Judge for what is past.”

Now Death approach'd the ancient pair;
They died, and left their rambling heir,
Who quickly wasted his estate,
And so involv'd himself in debt,
That night nor day he could not rest,
Pursu'd with captions, and oppress'd
To such a desperate degree,
He knew not how nor where to flee:
Two creditors, nam'd Trust and Outly,
Chas'd and assaulted him so stoutly,
That made him to appoint a day,
To give his whole estate away.

But, in the time of that respite,
He thought to put on them a bite;
And bargain'd with one Burgher, who
Inclin'd he should outwit them: so
Having agreed, he gave him all,
His rights and titles, great and small;
And so to make a full conclusion,
He gave him a sole disposition.

But, wicked chance! just in the nick,
As Burgher counted out his tick,
Trust and Outly came in view,
And forthwith to the table drew.
“Better (said they) to be a guest
At ending of a plenteous feast,
Than the beginning of a fray,
As we have been by chance this day.”

Then said rich Burgher, “All is one
To me, however way 'tis gone,
Th'estate is mine,—let Waste-all now
His nearest and best course pursue.”

Then Waste-all said, “Good Sirs be kind;
Since you to ruin me design'd,
You've got my 'state, now let me have
My bonds return'd, is all I crave.”

Said Trust and Outly courteously,
“That, Sir, is what we should deny,
Because we are not yet paid out:
But we will get no more we doubt;
Therefore we frankly here return them,
And if you please, Sir, you may burn them:
Besides, to shew a disposition
Generous to your low condition,
So far your credit to enlarge,
We grant an ample free discharge.”

Then Waste-all said, “I must conclued,
Your proffers are both kind and good:
But nothing now can me avail;
I'm fit for nothing but a jail;
Nay, not for that, but rather live
As an abandon'd fugitive,
Be the reproach of all mankind,
Unstable both in place and mind.”

Then Jenny said, all bath'd in tears,
“Long since, alas! these were my fears,
If you were e'er involv'd in care,
You would be driven to despair.
To reason sure it is contrary:
Dear brother, join the military;
Though there you serve in lowest station,
You are a man of education;
Behave yourself, and you will be
Advanc'd to a more high degree.
Howe'er, you ought to be content;
'Tis your past pride's just punishment.
Why should a living man complain?
Wealth may depart and come again:
For my part, I'm content to serve
In meanest station, e'er I starve;
Let's make the best o't that we can:
I'll play the woman, you the man.
Good Caution was our father's friend,
And counsellor unto the end;
Apply to him; he'll not despise you,
Tho' you are poor, but will advise you:
He's not so partial, to respect
The rich and great, and poor neglect.”

Then Waste-all said, “My sister dear,
I to your counsel shall give ear.”

To Caution's house they went full wo,
Where was Laborious come, also
His wife, and Burgher, Trust and Outly,
All came to hear poor Waste-all's outcry,
Who tore his hair and clothes so fine,
And cry'd, “I've forfeit all for wine,
For wantonness and frolic game,
For which I now must live in shame.
My pious parents I despis'd,
Was by lewd company entic'd,
While there was ought into my pocket:
But by all these I now am mocked.”

Some said, he's mad; some said, he'll mend:
Among them he had scarce a friend:
Some bade to get for him a whore,
And some bade kick him to the door:
Some bade give him a glass of wine;
Some bade him come, sit down and dine.
Ne'er was a man more far forlorn,
Sustaining so much loss and scorn.
Poor miserable prodigal,
I'll leave him that he may bewail
His own misfortune and miscarriage,
And treat of fair Miss Jenny's marriage.