University of Virginia Library

A FEMALE CAUCUS.

THEY were going to get up a Lady Washington tea-party for the benefit of their society. It was to come off on the night of the 22d; and, of an afternoon a few days before, several ladies met at the house of one of the number to perfect the arrangements. It was determined to give a grand affair,—something especially designed to transcend the tea-party by a rival organization last year. To this purpose it became necessary to devote the most careful thought to all the details; and this was done. In fact, it would be difficult to find a more conscientious committee in a hamlet the size of Danbury. When all the particulars were arranged, and the various stands and minor offices assigned to the ordinary members of the society,—who were not present,—the important question as to who should take the leading character was brought up. With a view to doing without the delay and feeling of balloting, the president kindly offered to do Lady Washington herself. She said that she felt it was not a favorable selection; but she was willing to take it, so that there need be no discussion or ill-feeling. If she thought she had not placed a sufficiently modest estimate upon her qualification for the post, she was presently set at rest on that head. Her offer was received with silence.

"What do you think?" she asked. "I'm willing to do it."

"Lady Washington never weighed two hundred and fifty pounds," ominously hinted a thin lady with very light eyes.

"She had fat enough on her to grease a griddle, which is more'n some folks can claim," retorted the president, with any thing but a dreamy expression to her face. The tall lady's eyes grew a shade darker, and her lips shaped themselves as if they were saying "Hussy!" but it is probable they were not.

"As our two friends are so little likely to agree," observed a lady whose face showed that she was about to metamorphose herself into a barrel of prime oil, and precipitate herself on to the troubled waters, "I would suggest that I take the character."

"Humph!" ejaculated the president.

"Is there any objection to my being Lady Washington?" said the new party, facing abruptly the president, and emptying out the oil, and filling up the barrel immediately with a superior grade of vinegar.

"I don't know of any, if some one will demonstrate that Lady Washington had a wart on her nose," replied the president with unblemished serenity.

"Am I to be insulted?" hotly demanded the proprietor of the wart.

"The truth ought not to be insulting," replied the president.

"I s'pose our president thinks she would be a perfect Lady Washington," ironically suggested a weak-faced woman, who saw her chances for taking the character dejectedly emerge from the small end of the horn.

"I don't know as I would be perfect in that role," replied the president; "but, as there will be strangers present at the party, I shouldn't want them to think that the nearest approach Danbury could make to the dignity of '76 was a toothless woman down with the jaundice." And the head officer smiled serenely at the ceiling,

"What do you mean, you insinuating thing?" hoarsely demanded the victim of the jaundice.

"Keep your mouth shut until you are spoken to, then," severely advised the president.

"I'm not to be dictated to by a mountain of tallow," hissed the chromatic delegate, flouncing out of the room.

"I think we'd better get another president before we go any farther," said a sharp-faced woman, very much depressed by the outlook for herself.

"It isn't hardly time for you yet," observed the president, with a significant look at the sharp-faced woman, "We have to arrange for Lady Washington and George Washington before we need the hatchet."

The sharp-faced lady snatched up her muff without the faintest hesitation, and rushed out doors

to get her breath. She was immediately followed by the proprietor of the wart, the thin lady disastrously connected with a griddle, and the toothless case of jaundice. This left but the president and a little woman who had yet said nothing.

"Has it occurred to you that you would like to be Lady Washington?" asked the president, concentrating both of her eyes on a wen just under the small woman's left ear.

"Oh, no!" gasped the small woman, impulsively covering up the excrescence with her hand.

"Then I guess we'll adjourn sine die," said the president; and, pulling on her gloves; she composedly took her departure.

And the tea-party became the fragment of a gloomy memory.