University of Virginia Library

Yes!—yes!—I laughed and scoffed, and many a jest
Seemed to spring lightly from a careless breast,
Great Heaven! could'st thou have guessed, or dreamed, or known
How utterly that heart was all thine own,
Which prompted—no! not prompted—but endured
The burst of mirth it from its depths abjured;
Could'st thou have guessed or dreamed how while I smiled,
My Soul one gurge of madding passion boiled,
Thou would'st have pitied her thou could'st upbraid,
Because to thee it seemed she mocking played,
And laughed and trifled in capricious mood!—
Our human heart is little understood
Even by each other—and from thence doth spring
Unnumbered woes, unuttered suffering!
But it is well—I would not have thee know
The depth or of my feeling or my woe,
I would not have thee read my secret soul,
Still let the folding clouds about it roll;
The love too richly precious to be known
Even by its object, must be all mine own.
Fold after fold is wrapped that idol round,
The adored, the shrined, the throned, the enwreathed and crowned,
Within the deepest chambers of my heart
Doth it remain—ungazed on, and apart!
The priceless treasure of my solitude—
The charm of my most self-concentered mood,
The crown of mine existence—and the cure
Of every ill that I on earth endure,
Excepting those that from itself do spring,
And something heavenly stamps that suffering;
I bear its bane, and bless it while I bear—
And call it a most choice and costly care!
I should be fearful of my very joy
Were it not mixed with measure of alloy;
An anxious thing on Earth 'tis to possess
An all supreme and single happiness—
By doubts uncurbed, unclouded, and uncrossed,
What if that treasure of our trust be lost?
What if the Soul which doth that transport own
Be from the heights of such a Heaven dashed down?
But Storm and Star commingle and consent
In my Love's wild and wond'rous Firmament—
'Tis not so full of Light that I need fear
The hour of change and waning must be near!
Mine own and dear One—thou could'st see me smile
And deem my heart was free and light the while—
Deem that the laugh, the taunt, the gibe bespoke
A bosom spared the burthen and the yoke—
It was not so—it is not so!—believe
With boundless passion doth that bosom heave!
Oh! oftentimes do they most deeply feel
Who least display—who ever least reveal—
The mask of careless laughter oft is made
The screen of feelings, that if once betrayed,
Would carry all before them, and o'erpower
With strange surprise in their Revealment's hour!

The flowery surface of the Earth may hide
The mines that teem with gems of burning pride,
The fleecy clouds that swift through Skyland sail,
Curled into countless shapes by the eager gale,
May hold within their silent beauteous breast
The Lightnings—waiting in upfolded rest.
Must you not cut through thousand laughing waves,
Sparkling and glittering—such the Diver braves
To find the pearl—which doth embosomed sleep
Cloistered and cradled up within the deep?
Mine own and dear One!—my great love for thee
Surpasseth show, and must unspoken be,
That Love in its intense unknown excess—
(Throned between Agony and Happiness!)—
In its unutterable richness lies
So perfect—priceless and so proud a prize,
So unapproached by utterance—so unreached
By language, though divinely pleading, preached
The Voice of Eloquence with might supreme
On that exhaustless and unbounded theme—
So placed beyond Expression's loftiest powers—
In fervid Inspiration's happiest hours,
That the light laugh which from my lips rang out,
And woke Mirth's echoes buoyantly about,
As well expressed it and revealed as well,
As deeply could impart—as dearly tell
As all the strength that in Earth's language lies,
As tears, or sighs, or groans, or agonies,
None could come near it—'tis beyond all thought,
Above all understanding—mystery-fraught.
Then pardon me a laugh that told as much
As wildest words or actions could avouch,
Since these too striving to proclaim that truth,
Could but as weakly waste their strength in sooth—
Since these too struggling to unfold such tale,
Could but as wholly and as wildly fail!