The Poetical Works of Horace Smith :: :: University of Virginia Library

When the eccentric Rabelais was physician
To Cardinal Lorraine, he sat at dinner
Beside that gormandizing sinner;
Not like the medical magician
Who whisk'd from Sancho Panza's fauces
The evanescent meats and sauces,
But to protect his sacred master
Against such diet as obstructs
The action of the epigastre,
O'erloads the biliary ducts,
The peristaltic motion crosses,
And puzzles the digestive process.

The Cardinal, one hungry day,
First having with his eyes consumed
Some lampreys that before him fumed,
Had plunged his fork into the prey,
When Rabelais gravely shook his head,
Tapp'd on his plate three times and said—
“Pah!—hard digestion! hard digestion!”
And his bile-dreading Eminence,
Though sorely tempted, had the sense
To send it off without a question.—

“Hip! Hallo! bring the lampreys here!”
Cried Rabelais, as the dish he snatch'd;
And gobbling up the dainty cheer,
The whole was instantly dispatch'd.

Redden'd with vain attempts at stifling
At once his wrath and appetite,
His patron cried, “Your conduct's rude,
This is no subject, Sir, for trifling;

How dare you designate this food
As indigestible and crude,
Then swallow it before my sight?”

Quoth Rabelais, “It may soon be shown
That I don't merit this rebuff:
I tapp'd the plate, and that you'll own,
Is indigestible enough;
But as to this unlucky fish,
With you so strangely out of favour,
Not only 'tis a wholesome dish,
But one of most delicious flavour!”