A LETTER FROM THE OTHER WORLD, TO A LADY, FROM HER FORMER HUSBAND.
This letter will surprise you less than it would any other of your sex,
and therefore I think I need no apology in breaking through a rule of good-breeding, which has been observed so strictly by all husbands for so many
ages; who, however troublesome while they lived, have never frightened
their wives by the least notice of them after their deaths: but your
reverend doctor will inform you, that there is nothing supernatural in this
correspondence; and that the existence of immortal spirits includes a
tender concern for the poor militant mortals of your world. I own I was a
little puzzled how to convey this epistle, and thought it best to assume a
material form some moments, and put it myself into the penny-post. In my
hurry (being very impatient to let you hear from me) I unluckily forgot my
little finger, which produced an odd accident; for the wench at the post-office would have taken me up for one of the incendiaries. Already had the
mob assembled round the door, and nothing but dissolving into air could
have saved me from Newgate[17]. Several ran down the alleys in pursuit of
me; and particular care was taken of my letter, in hopes of reading it in
the newspaper. You may imagine I would not have exposed myself to this
adventure, but out of the sincerest regard to the happiness of the dear
partner of my worldly cares. Without the least uneasiness I have seen you
dispose of yourself into the arms of another; and I would never disturb you
while you were seeking pleasure in forgetting me; but I cannot bear that
you should constrain yourself out of respect to me. I see every motion of
your mind now much clearer than I did in
my life (though then I guessed
pretty shrewdly sometimes). I know the real content that you find in
coloured riband, and am sensible how much you sacrifice to imaginary
decency every time you put on that odious rusty black, which is half worn
out. Alas! my dear Eliza, in these seats of perfect love and beauty, the
veriest scrub of a cherubim (some of which have raked cinders behind
Montagu House,
[18] as they often tell me) is more charming than you were on
your first wedding-day. Judge, then, whether I can have any satisfaction in
looking at your crape hood when I am in this bright company. You know that,
in my terrestrial state, three bottles would sometimes raise me to that
pitch of philosophy, I utterly forgot you, when you were but some few
inches from me. Do not fancy me grown so impertinent here, as to observe so
nicely whether you obey the forms of widowhood; and do not think to cajole
me with such instances of your affection, when you are giving the most
substantial proofs of it to another man. I have already assured you I am
exalted above jealousy, if I could have been sensible of it. You have
provoked me by a second choice, so absolutely opposite to your first. He is
often talking of certain fellows he calls Classic Authors, who I never
trouble my head with: and I know this letter will meet with more regard
from him than from you; for he is better skilled in the language of the
dead than the living.
