University of Virginia Library

Tableau (or Act) Second.

—The Stage represents the summit of Olympus, but covered with clouds, in which Jupiter and other Deities are discovered asleep— Morpheus is pacing the stage and scattering poppies over them—a tripod, with fire.
Chorus of Deities in their sleep.

Enter Cupid—Solo.
Cupid.
I'm Cupid, you see, God of Love,
Adored in every clime and nation;
I've flown back to the realms above
To 'scape from Psyche's observation.
Soundly here they slumber,
All Olympus through!
Why should not Love
Sometimes sleep too?

(lies down and sleeps)
Enter Venus—Solo.
Ven.
I, Venus am—Beauty's Queen!
To Paphos, where my earthly throne is,
Upon an errand I have been,
Which veiled in mystery, I own, is.
Soundly here they slumber,
All Olympus through!
Some beauty sleep,
Let me take too.

(lies down and sleeps—hunting horns heard in the distance —Jupiter awakes, rises, and advances)
Solo.
Jup.
What is all that noise that I hear?
Who is making that uproar below?
'Tis Diana, my daughter dear,
With her horns in very full blow.
Up deities!—arise!—what ho!
(all the Gods and Goddesses awake, arise, and come forward, stretching and yawning)
And don't stand idly gaping there!
With cheerful voice prepare
To bid the huntress queen good morrow,
The goddess of the silver bow!

(throne descends—clouds clear off and shew the peak of the mountain by sunrise)
Enter Diana, attended by Nymphs.
Chorus.
All hail, Diana! chaste as charming,
Goddess of the silver bow!
But what mean these looks of sorrow?
What mean these symptoms alarming?

Di.
Oh, nothing can exceed my woe!

Air.


Di.

Di.
My poor Actæon! I can't sleep a wink!
What has become of him I cannot think!
He who each day behind the bushes hid.
He thought I didn't see him—but I did.

Jup.
What has become of him d'ye wish to know?
His conduct was by no means comme il faut!
And would have compromised you soon, Diana.
So I've relieved you of him.

Di.
In what manner?

Jup.
Into a stag transformed him—nothing more.
He was, you know, a smart young buck before.
And to preserve on earth your reputation,
I've said 'twas done at your solicitation.

Di.
At mine!

Jup.
At yours. The whole world has been told
You thought his curiousity too bold.

Di.
Why?

Jup.
For the honour of Mythology.
Mortals begin into our acts to pry
If we would put a check on their impiety,
We must pay some attention to propriety.

Di.
You pay it great attention—don't you?

Juno.
Eh?
Has he again been gallivanting?

Jup.
Nay!
Juno, my dear! indeed, mere circulations
Of the old stories in cheap publications.
It's those vile poets! rot 'em! 'Pon my word it is.
Who sing about me all sorts of absurdities!

Juno.
No, no! I'm sure there must be something new.
If you know, tell me, dear Diana, do?

Jup.
Madam, no scenes in public I desire.
And silence all! I now have to inquire
Into a matter delicate to mention.
But justice must be done. Mars!

Mars.
(saluting)
Here!

Jup.
Attention!
You're charged by Vulcan with—

Ven.
It isn't true!

Jup.
Hah! then you know you're inculpated too?
But true or not, henceforward I expect
Your conduct, Venus, will be more correct.
Nor yours alone—as the sky's censor morum,
I charge you all to observe more decorum.

Ven.
Tyrant!

(general murmurs)
Jup.
Where's Cupid? him this much concerns.

Juno.
There, kissing Hebe.

(at the fire-tripod)
Jup.
While the ambrosia burns!
(brings Cupid forward by the ear)
You graceless scamp! if here you play your tricks,
I'll beat you black and blue! I will by Styx!

Cupid.
Let go my ear! See if I don't tell mother!

Jup.
There's six of one, and half a dozen of t'other!
Arn't you content with driving mortals mad,
That you must try to make the gods as bad?

Cupid.
(to Venus)
Mamma, I won't put up with this much longer;
I'll let him know which of the two is stronger.

Mars.
That's right! let's all rebel! Sound Love's alarms,
And every deity will fly to arms.

Di.
'Pa 'Piter's really getting too despotic!

Ven.
To talk of beating Love is idiotic.

Jup.
Murmurs! Begone! And see you're all more steady.
Ganymede, tell me when my nectar's ready.
(all the Deities exeunt, grumbling)
Now, by myself! They're actually grumbling!
I must begin to set my thunder rumbling.
I've been too easy with these brats of mine—
They'll be disputing soon my right divine.
And in addition I have got to bear
That jealous termagant's—
Re-enter Juno.
Ahem, she's there!
Sticks to me like a leech! (aloud)
Ah, dearest wife!
Anything new?

Juno.
I'm tired of my life!

Jup.
That is a pity, as you cannot end it.
But what's amiss, my dear? and can I mend it?

Juno.
“A miss, my dear!” There always is a miss,
Or else a mistress—as, I hear, is this.

Jup.
This what? I swear that causeless are your fears.

Juno.
From earth a fresh report has reached my ears;
By some licentious god, a female—married,
Off from her husband yesterday was carried.
Beautiful—

Jup.
“As a butterfly, and proud
“As—

Juno.
Silence! My wrongs for justice cry aloud.
I've all the facts—I know the woman's name!

Jup.
Polly?

Juno.
Ah, try to hide your little game
By this indifference; but it won't do.
Her name's Eurydice—the god was you!

Jup.
I? Come, that's capital!

Juno.
Who else would dare?

Jup.
Of this abduction I was quite aware.

Juno.
Of course!

Jup.
And have sent Mercury to learn
The truth, and am expecting his return.
For your suspicions there is no foundation,
But mine, I think, will meet with confirmation.
He comes! I hear the rustle of his wings;
Now we shall know the real state of things.

Enter Mercury.
Mer.
Hail to the mighty king of gods and—

Jup.
Use
No ceremony. Briefly, what's your news?

Mer.
Back at full speed from Tartarus I come.

Jup.
Where you found Pluto?

Mer.
He was not at home!

Jup.
Out for the day?

Mer.
For fourteen days—

Juno.
And nights?

Jup.
You didn't see him then?

Mer.
Between the lights
An hour ago he came back to his throne.

Jup.
From whence?

Mer.
The earth.

Jup.
Alone?
No, not alone.
He brought a lady with him, a fair dame
He'd taken from her husband.

Jup.
And her name?

Mer.
Eurydice.

Jup.
(to Juno)
I hope you're satisfied?

Juno.
I am; this time it cannot be denied.
But what says Pluto's wife to this affair?
Will Proserpine this insult tamely bear?

Mer.
She's with her mother, Ceres, gone to stay
Six months as usual.

Jup.
(aside)
What a holiday
For Pluto! would my wife would do the same.

Juno.
What are you saying?

Jup.
I say what a shame
That Pluto should advantage take so base
Of his wife's absence.

Juno.
Say it to his face!

Jup.
I will! (to Mercury)
You called the lady fair—d'ye mean
Really—she's handsome?

Mer.
Sire, as beauty's queen.

Jup.
(aside)
Lucky dog, Pluto!

Juno.
What d'ye say, my dear?

Jup.
I say 'tis lucky Pluto is not here.
Just at this moment my wrath so intense is
I wouldn't answer for the consequences!

Mer.
I told him you required his presence.

Jup.
Good.

Juno.
And will he come?

Mer.
He promised that he would.
I think I hear the wheels now of his carriage!

Jup.
I'll teach him to respect the bonds of marriage!

Juno.
By setting him a good example, Jove?

Jup.
Of course; but go and get your breakfast, love—
I'll punish him, if you'll to me just leave him.
He comes! Fly, Mercury—do you receive him.
(Exeunt Juno and Mercury)
And so this woman really is a beauty!
Then, as a judge, 'twill be my painful duty
To see her.

Enter Mercury, preceeding Pluto, who is followed by two Demons bearing a large hamper.
Mer.
(announcing)
His Infernal Majesty!
(Exit Mercury)

Plu.
Hail, Jupiter, great king of earth and sky;
Father of gods and men—

Jup.
That's quite enough!
We'll spare you more preamble.

Plu.
(aside)
Rather gruff;
And looks at me askance. Does he suspect?
To find his palace splendid I'll affect.
(aloud)
Oh, happy Jove! Upon Olympus fair
To live amongst the clouds, in the pure air!
While I am doom'd my dark abode to fix
Upon the gloomy banks of stagnant Styx.
Here all is light, and melody, and bloom.
Of everlasting flowers the perfume
Each zephyr bears. Nor not alone of flowers,
The perfume of the Graces, and the Hours,
The perfume of the—

Jup.
Cease this flowery flummery!
Talk sense, if possible, and not perfumery!

Plu.
Why that is scents!

Jup.
Pluto! Don't incense me!
I've sent for you, and if I chance to be
Upon the right scent, such is your offence,
You'll have hard work to prove your innocence!
But first one question, if I'm free to ask it,
Who are those ugly beggars with a basket?

Plu.
My cook and butler, with my usual fare.
I cannot live on food so light and rare
As nectar and ambrosia; I require
Something that has more strength in it and fire.
(to 1st Demon)
Hand the “menu.” (to Jupiter)
There, tell me what you think.

Jup.
(looking at bill of fare)
Think! that you well know what to eat and drink.

Plu.
And what to avoid, most potent grandpapa!

Jup.
Why, zooks! you live like a three-tailed bashaw!
If thus you banquet in the realms below,
It's almost an inducement there to go.
This is exactly what the earth complains of:
That rogues, when sent a jail to feel the pains of,
Lead jolly idle lives, and cut their jokes,
And fare much better than poor honest folks.

Plu.
But I'm the governor, and in my station
Are you surprised I seek some consolation?

Jup.
Seek consolation! yes, and find it too
In fruit forbidden, worse than this I view.
Where have you been this fortnight?

Plu.
Frying on
The sulph'rous shores of fiery Phlegethon.

Jup.
Not so! By the report of my police,
You have been frying other fish—in Greece!
Not far from Thebes—in a suburban cottage.

Plu.
Sire, I—

Jup.
Oh, spare your breath to cool your pottage!
You with a fiddler's wife have run away,
And swingeing damages will have to pay.

Plu.
'Tis false! the scandal soon can be refuted.

Jup.
Silence! my word is not to be disputed.
When Jove speaks, heaven and earth obedient bow!
(uproar within)
Holloa! what mean those shouts?

Plu.
They mean a row.

Enter Juno, alarmed, followed by all the Deities, tumultuously.
Chorus
of the Revolt.

Jup.
(on throne)
A revolution—an insurrection!
Olympus, Jove defies!

Plu.
An insurrection in the skies!
Out of Jove this is taking a rise!

Cupid.
No more nectar, no more ambrosia!

Chorus.
Nectar we hate!

Di.
It is a liquor makes me sick!

Chorus.
Yes, makes us sick!

Ven.
Ambrosia, too, I abominate!

Chorus.
No more ambrosia!

Plu.
You're right enough;
'Tis mawkish stuff.
Ambrosia
Is not for gods the fare.
Come and share
My symposia!

Chorus.
To arms! each god and demi-god, &c.

Jup.
What do I hear! This is downright sedition!
To my commands do you refuse submission?

All.
We do!

Ven.
We mean to act just as we choose!

Min.
This everlasting sky gives me the blues!

All.
We're starved!

Jup.
On nectar and ambrosia?

Mars.
Oh!
We're sick of them!

Plu.
You're right! Bravo! Bravo!
Here—share my prog—there's plenty of it—see!
A boar's head!

(Demons open basket and take out provisions and wine)
Ven.
Oh! give some of that to me!

Cupid.
In memory of Adonis?

Ven.
Hold your tongue!
How dare you twit your ma! you saucy—young—

Plu.
A venison pasty!

Di.
Oh, Actæon, dear!
If you have been cut up, and put in here,
I couldn't touch a bit—and yet I must;
Give me a small piece of the kissing crust!

Plu.
Wine and liqueurs! To help yourselves you're free!

Ven.
Champagne!

Cupid.
Parfait amour!

Mars.
And eau de vie!

Jup.
Revolt!—rebellion! And to be your chief
You do not blush to take that sensual thief!

All.
Thief!

Plu.
I am not a thief!

Jup.
You are—you stole
The wife of Orpheus—poor pretty soul!

Ven.
Is that all?

Jup.
All! Is it not verbum sat?

Plu.
And what have you done, if you come to that?

Juno.
There—there! I was too sure—

Plu.
Before you tax
Others with being in their morals lax,
Just look at home. I know a thing or two,
Good Master Jove, that I could tell of you.

Di.
And I.

Ven.
And I.

All.
And all!

Cupid.
We've made a song
About you. You shall hear it; it's not long.

Jup.
I've an appointment with my lawyer.

(going)
Juno.
(turning him back)
Nay;
You stir not till I've heard all they've to say.

Couplets.
Min.

Chorus.

Di.

Cupid.

Ven.

Plu.
(goes up)

Chorus.

Juno.
Then 'twas all true. O traitor—O, deceiver!
I've been by far too easy a believer.
Somebody catch me; I am going to faint!

(falls in Pluto arms)
Jup.
Don't be alarmed! it is her old complaint.
She'll come to presently.

Plu.
Take your wife, do!

Juno.
Oh!

Jup.
This was all before I married you.

Juno.
Oh!

Plu.
Take your wife.

Jup.
A little if I've roved,
You are the only one I ever loved.
These scandalmongers—

Plu.
Will you take your wife?

Jup.
These arch disturbers of connubial—

Ven.
Strife!

Plu.
If you don't take your wife, I'll drop her!

Enter Mercury.
Mer.
Sire!

Jup.
What now?

Mer.
Two strangers for great Jove inquire.

Jup.
Their names!

Mer.
One—Orpheus.

(Juno jumps up and arranges her hair and drapery)
Plu.
(aside)
Orpheus! It grows hotter.
(aloud)
Will you take— (missing Juno)
Holloa! Why I haven't got her!

Jup.
(to Pluto)
Now, infidel, I have thee on the hip!

Mer.
The other's a young fellow with a whip,
He calls himself Public Opinion.

Jup.
Zounds!
Public Opinion seems to set no bounds
To his audacity. My friends, (to Deities)
you know
Of this I warned you not an hour ago.
Public Opinion is progressing fast,
And as you see has reached our doors at last.

Plu.
Don't let him in—the prying, meddling scout!

Jup.
Don't let him in? Who is to shut him out?
Our policy's to pay him all attention
And sink before him family dissension.
Hither he comes on public grounds alone,
Bring my best thunder and set out my throne.
When mortals plead, Jove justice out must deal 'em.
Ahem! Fiat justitia! Ruat Cælum!

Plu.
Admit him! Who's afraid?

Jup.
Ha, so defiant!
Go! (to Mercury)
Introduce Opinion and his client.
(Exit Mercury—throne and seats brought on)
Now let him nothing see about our Court
Which may discredit us in his report
To men below. Take all your godlike stand
About my throne—Wisdom on my right hand.

(to Minerva)
Juno.
And I?

Jup.
My wife—my queen! Beside me seated.
(leads Juno to throne)
(aside)
Public Opinion has been oft so cheated.
You, Venus, on my left, in smiles arrayed;
Opinion by good looks is vastly swayed.

Plu.
And where am I to stand?

Jup.
Why, where you are!
To take your trial; prisoner at the bar!
You others, where you please; but for effect,
In attitudes most classic and correct.
They come!
(Ganymede hands Jupiter a thunderbolt)
What's this I see?—a dingy every day bolt!
Quick! my best thunder, didn't you hear me say, dolt?
(Ganymede gives him another)
Ha! so! (looking round him)
Well grouped! To mortal eyes disclosing
Nothing beyond a tableau, most—imposing!

Finale to Second Tableau.
Enter Mercury, introducing Public Opinion and Orpheus.
Plu.
He approaches—he advances!
Yes no doubt 'tis he! 'tis he!
Plague upon him! Now the chances
May be turning against me.

Di. Venus. and Chorus.
He approaches—he advances!
Yes, no doubt 'tis he! 'tis he!
Pluto looks as though the chances
Were against him very like to be.

Jup.
He approaches—he advances!
Yes, no doubt 'tis he! 'tis he!
Much against him were the chances,
But a friend he now shall find in me!

Pub. O.
With reluctance he advances,
But obedient he must be;
(to Orpheus)
Jove awaits you; all the chance is
In your favour I can plainly see!

Orph.
(aside)
'Gainst my will each foot advances;
But my fate I cannot flee!
To escape there now no chance is.
I'm in for it, I can plainly see!

Chorus.
Let us hear! let us see!

Pub. O.
(to Oprheus)
Go on—go on! your course pursue.
I will see justice done to you.

Orph.
Ah! this is too!—
Too kind of you!

Pub. O.
Obedient be. These scourges view.
My anger dread; my vengeance fear.
Remember who
Has eyes on you!

Jup.
(to Orpheus)
Mortal, what is to Jove thy prayer?

Pub. O.
(to Orpheus)
The moment is come for you now,
In tones would melt the hardest hearted,
To implore great Jove will allow
You down to the Shades to repair,
And recover your dear departed!

Orph.
What must be, must—heigho!
(to Jupiter)
My Eurydice is stolen from me.

(plays on his violin)
Di., Ven., and Cupid.
Well that charming air I know!
Oh, how touching is his woe!

Orph.
And the robber's name?

Jup.
Is—

Orph.
Is Pluto!

Chorus.
'Tis Pluto!

Jup.
To punish I am bound,
Whoe'er be the offender.
Pluto guilty if found
Shall Eurydice surrender.

Orph.
(aside)
Alas! alas! he grants my prayer!

Plu.
(aside)
Alas! alas! I lose my fair!

Jup.
And to see my decree
Is obeyed as it should be
To the regions below,
Pluto, with thee I go.

Chorus.
Oh, Jupiter, pray do
Let us all go with you.
Oh do! pray do!
Good Ju! dear Ju!

Jup.
Agreed! It will be something new
For us to do.

Chorus.
All hail to mighty Jove!
To the monarch kind and gay!
Who all petty revenge above,
Gives us this glorious holiday.
Away! away! Hurrah! hurrah!
Awhile adieu, dull vaults of blue,
Fresh spirit vault, with spirits new,
We seek with you, most jovial Ju!
La! la! la! la! la! la! &c.