University of Virginia Library

Act III

Philomusus. Studioso. Stupido.
Philomusus
I faithe Studioso, I was almoste wonne
To cleaue vnto yonde wett phantasticke crewe.
I see the pinte pott is an oratoure,
The burnt sacke made a sweet oration
Againste Appollo and his followers:
Discourste howe schollers vnregarded walke
Like threed bare impecunious animals,
Whiles seruinge men doe swagger it in silks,
And each earth creepinge peasant russet coate
Is in requeste for his well lined pouche:
Tolde vs howe this laborious pilgrimage
Is wonte to eate mens marrowes, drye there bloude,
And make them seeme leane shadowes and pale ghostes.
This counsell made mee haue a staggeringe minde,
Vntill I sawe there beastlie bezolinge,
There drowned souls, there idle meriment,
Voyde of sounde solace and true hartes content.
And nowe I loue my pilgrimage the more,
I loue the Muses better than before.
But tell mee, what lande do wee trauell in?
Mee thinks it is a pleasante fertile soile.

Studioso
Let idle tongues talke of our tedious waye,
I neuer sawe a more delicious earth,
A smoother pathwaye, or a sweeter ayre
Then here is in this lande of Rhetorique.
Hearke howe the birds delight the mouing ayre
With prettie tunefull notes and artless lays.
Harke shrill Don Cicero how sweete he sings,
See how the groues wonder at his sweet note
And listen vnto theire sweet nightingale.
Harken how Muretus, Bembus, Sadolet,
Haddon and Ascham chirpe theire prettie notes
And too good ears make tune full melodie:
Theire chirping doth delight each mounte, each dale,
Thoughe not so sweet as Tullies nightingale.

Philomusus
Indeede I like theire sugred harmonie,
I like this grassie diapred greene earth:
Heare tender feete maie trauell a whole daye
And heare with ioy the aerye peoples laye.
Enter Stupido.
But who is yonder? Stupido I see.
The earth hath ten times bine disrobbed quite
Of her greene gowne and flowrie coueringe
Since Stupido began his pilgrimage
Vnto the place where those nine Muses dwell,
And now our swifter feet haue ouertooke him.

Studioso
It is not our swifte feet but his slowe pace
That makes vs ouertake him in this race.
Ile interrupt his grauer meditations,
Kindlie salutinge my frende Stupido.—
Well ouertaken, Mr Stupido,
I hope wee shall haue youre good companie
To trauell, and directe vs in the waye
That leads vs to that laureat twoo topt mounte.

Stupido

Welcome my welbeloued brethren, trulie (I thanke
god for it) I haue spent this day to my great comfort; I haue
(I pray god prosper my labours) analised a peece of an
hom̄elie according to Ramus, and surelie in my minde and
simple opinion Mr Peter maketh all things verie plaine and
easie. As for Setons Logique, trulie I neuer looke on it but
it makes my head ache. And now not hauing anie serious
business to goe aboute, leaste the bad disposed people
should corrupte and contaminate my pure thoughtes by
there vngodlie conversations, I am goinge abroad to take

the benefite of the aire, and contemplate, whiles they play
the reprobates at home, some persecutinge poore creaturs
cattes: others spendinge there moste precious time in card
plaie. But whither are you going, to Parnassus?

Studioso

Eye, and wee hope to haue youre companie.

Stupido

You speake like a yonge man indeede: I haue beene to
vaine and forwarde this way, but now that I am come into
this Rhetorique, and see the follie of theise vaine artes, I
will not trauell a foot further. I haue a good man to my
vncle, that neuer wore capp nor surples in his life, nor anie
suche popishe ornament, who sent mee yesterday a letter,
and this mandilion, and a frize coate for a token, and the
same counsell that he gaue mee, I, as I am bounde in
charitie, will giue you: studie not these vaine artes of
Rhetorique, Poetrie, and Philosophie: there is noe sounde
edifying knowledg in them; why, the[y] are more vaine than
a paire of organs, or a morrice daunce. If you will be good
men indeede, goe no further in this way, follow noe longer
these profane artes, that are the raggs and parings of learning,
sell all these bookes, and buye a good Martin, and twoo

or three hundreth of chatechismes of Ieneuas printe, and I
warrant you will haue learning enoughe. Mr Martin and
other good men tooke this course.

Philomusus
Are then the artes foolish, prophane, and vaine
That gotten are with studie, toile, and paine?

Studioso
Artistes, belike then, are phantastique fools
That learne these artes in the laborious schools.

Stupido

Artistes fools, and that you may knowe by there
vndecent apparell. Why, you shall not see a Rhetorician, a
rimer, a poet (as you call it) but he wears such diabolicall

ruffs, and wicked great breeches full of sin, that it would
make a zelous professors harte bleed for grife. Well, Mr
Wigginton and Mr Penorie neuer wore such prophane hose,
but such plaine apparell as I doe. Goe with mee, and you
shall heare a good man exercise; I will get him to handle for
youre better direction this pointe by the way, I would
gladlie doe some good of you, if I coulde.

Philomusus
I faith &c.

Stupido
O sweare not, sweare not.

Studioso
With thee, my louing Stupido, weele wende
And to thy counsell listning ears will lende.

Stupido
Folowe mee, Ile bringe youe into a sober companie.