 | Vulgar Verses |  |
1
The Heroine.
Ah, we all know very well that a heroine ought to be charming;
She whom the hero loves ought to be dainty and fair:
Never robust, if tall; nor in anywise strong or alarming,
Save in her powers of mind: yes, she may startle him there!
She whom the hero loves ought to be dainty and fair:
Never robust, if tall; nor in anywise strong or alarming,
Save in her powers of mind: yes, she may startle him there!
Nay, she must vie with him there; or else the devices of Cupid,
Leading him on to his fate, surely would all be in vain:
If she were silent and glum, or ignorant haply and stupid,
He would be off in a trice—never come near her again!
Leading him on to his fate, surely would all be in vain:
If she were silent and glum, or ignorant haply and stupid,
He would be off in a trice—never come near her again!
As for her person, of course she must always be graceful and slender,
Form'd in a delicate mould, hued like the lily and rose;
Features and figure and limbs all soft and supple and tender;
Yes, from the soles of her feet up to the tip of her nose.
Form'd in a delicate mould, hued like the lily and rose;
Features and figure and limbs all soft and supple and tender;
Yes, from the soles of her feet up to the tip of her nose.
Chiefly, whoever she be, she is bound to have beautiful shoulders,
Beautiful hands and arms, white as the virginal snow;
Fingers of roseate tint, that dazzle the ravish'd beholders
Watching them over the keys moving adroitly a-row.
Beautiful hands and arms, white as the virginal snow;
Fingers of roseate tint, that dazzle the ravish'd beholders
Watching them over the keys moving adroitly a-row.
Then too, her dress; dear me, how the maids and the milliners love it!
Marvels of fancy and taste, obvious to all but the blind:
Simplex munditiis might do—but Fashion must prove it
True to her standard of right, newest and best of its kind.
Marvels of fancy and taste, obvious to all but the blind:
Simplex munditiis might do—but Fashion must prove it
True to her standard of right, newest and best of its kind.
2
Such then, so splendid and fair, is the Heroine; seen in a novel,
Seen in a poem or play, known at a dinner, a ball:
Were she unhappily born but a peasant, and rear'd in a hovel,
She must come out of all that, ere we can know her at all.
Seen in a poem or play, known at a dinner, a ball:
Were she unhappily born but a peasant, and rear'd in a hovel,
She must come out of all that, ere we can know her at all.
Though she have lien among pots, she must rise in your very first chapter
Clad in her silver wings, dight with her feathers of gold;
Flinging for ever away the servile garb that had wrapt her;
Soaring with infinite grace out of her labours of old.
Clad in her silver wings, dight with her feathers of gold;
Flinging for ever away the servile garb that had wrapt her;
Soaring with infinite grace out of her labours of old.
Ah, we can see at a glance, though she be but a rustical maiden,
When at the cottage-door waiting her hero she stands,
She will not bide there long, with household drudgery laden,
Sweeping the homely floors, soiling her exquisite hands!
When at the cottage-door waiting her hero she stands,
She will not bide there long, with household drudgery laden,
Sweeping the homely floors, soiling her exquisite hands!
Soon shall the hero come, and call her “away from her slaving,”
Make her a lady at once, give her his dignified name:
And in the shops ere long her portrait, a lovely engraving,
Shows she has won for herself freedom, and fortune, and fame.
Make her a lady at once, give her his dignified name:
And in the shops ere long her portrait, a lovely engraving,
Shows she has won for herself freedom, and fortune, and fame.
| Vulgar Verses | |