University of Virginia Library

Unlearn Nonsense

Modern marriages require educated partners
and open, non-defensive, communication to
survive and grow in depth of meaning. Modern
families need intelligent, sensitive husband/fathers
who are secure in their sense of masculinity
(not threatened by women or intimacy) and
who can act as authentic models for their
children. Yes, a U.Va. man can adequately learn
to accept and accurately assess himself after his
college days: it just means he often has to
unlearn gobs of nonsense he acquired while
living in a heterosexual vacuum.

This vacuum also produces immediate problems
as well as those of the future. Some recent
discussions with fraternity men and residence
hall counselors lead me to think that much
frustration expressed directly via physical damage

to furniture and living quarters and/or
indirectly via drinking and depressed withdrawal
is related to the feeling that a girl isn't
available to date and talk to during the week.

These men have asked me point blank,
"Don't you think a man can more successfully
respond to his academic work when his love/sex
life has adequate expression?" As a matter of
fact, a young man can tolerate dull courses,
uninspired teaching, and lousy counseling if he
feels secure in his relationship with a girl
although I'm not sure we would want to
encourage such indifference!

In general, I think our students are saying,
"We're busy but we get bored with ourselves.
That's why we blast on weekends and join Eli
Banana. More coeds on the grounds will liven
things considerably on a day to day basis."
Despite the fact that over 1200 women are now
enrolled, the mass of male students are still
looking "off grounds." I have a hunch that
U.Va. coeds will remain "invisible" until the
first year class in integrated sexually.