University of Virginia Library

Unfairly Freaked

Frank "Buster" Freakout—
"Freeky," as he is known to his
most intimate friends, acquired his
flair for law enforcement at a tender
age while attending Women's
Temperance Union meetings with his
grandmother. As a youth he was a
member of the Boy's Club, YMCA,
Cub Scouts, Job's Daughters (Men's
Division) and Campfire Girls. After
failing to graduate from Buena
Vista Country Day School, he later
attended Theopholus Q. Waterhouse
Military School in Crozet where he
won distinction as water boy for
the Javelin Catching Squad.

During a brief stint in the Marine
Corps. Mr. Freekout turned in three
buddies for violating the Marine
honor code and two barrack maintenance
men for purloining the
commandant's stationery.

He joined the FBI, narcotics division,
two weeks ago, just after a
temporary but unfruitful job with
the New York Sanitation Department.
His first assignment as a narc
was to bust up the no-doze ring at
Goochland County High School.

After brilliantly executing this
assignment, Mr. Freekout is now
serving in the Charlottesville area.
He is now a temporary boarder at
the home of Miss Mary J. Whitney,
Dean of Women Undergraduate
Students in the College of Arts and
Sciences at the University. With
him are his wife, Matilda, and a
miniature Mexican Chihuahua
called Peyote.

Thaddeus H. Flynby—Thad was
born in a rainstorm on October 29,
1929 on the lower East Side of
New York. He worked for a furrier
for twelve years until his eighteenth
birthday, when the smell of garbage
in the streets woke him up to the
abuses of garbage. Since taking over
as top head of the bureau's "Classroom
Haul" department, he has
busted two high school rings, 173
English majors, 3 rock bands and
his way out of two paper bags.