University of Virginia Library

1.

I NEVER wuz so elevated, nor never so cast
down, in my life, ez last nite, and the entire
Corners wuz ditto. The circumstances uv the case
wuz ez follows: Me and a party uv friends wuz a
playin draw poker with a Noo York commershel
travler, I believe they call em, a feller with a mustash
and side whiskers, wich comes South a talkin
secesh and a sellin goods. He made some inquiries
about the standin uv the deelers at the Corners, and
wuz, arter sed inquiries, eggstreemly anxious to sell
em goods, for cash. They wanted em on ninety

days' time, and on this they split. He agreed with
em in principle — he drank to Jeff Davis, and
damned Linkin flooently — but on the cash question
he wuz inflexible and unmovable. To while away
the rosy hours, a knot of choice sperits, him inclooded,
gathered in the Post Orifis, to enjoy a game
uv draw poker. There wuz me and Square Gavitt,
and Deekin Pogram, and Elder Slathers, and the
Noo York drummer. We played till past the
witchin hour of 12 M., when graveyards yawn and
gosts troop forth — when the Noo Yorker suckumd.
His innocent, unseasoned bowels hedn't bin eddicated
up to the standard uv Kentucky whiskey,
wich, new ez we drink it, is pizen to foreigners.
The Deekin and Elder grabbed the stakes wich wuz
onto the table, and rifled his pockets on the suspishen
that he wuz a Ablishinist, and rolled him
out, and while in the very act, Pollock, the Illinoy
storekeeper, cum rushin in, askin us ef we'd heerd
the news.

We ansered yoonanimusly that we hedn't.

“I'm jist in from Looisville,” sed he; “I jist rode
over from the stashen. Looisville is in a blaze uv
glory!”

“Wat,” sez I, “hez Sumner killed Thad Stevens
and immejitly committed sooicide?”

“Nary,” sez he, “but Johnson and Congress hev
come together on the basis uv yooniversal Amnesty,
wich wuz proclaimed yesterday, to be follered by
yooniversal suffrage ez soon ez the South kin conveniently
do it. They hev met and embraced on
Horris Greely's plan.”

Deekin Pogram bust into a hysterical laff, and
in his joy handed me the proceeds uv his explorashen
uv the pockets uv the Noo Yorker, and like a
blessed old lunatic broke for the meetin-house. In a
moment or two the bell pealed forth its joyous notes,
and in a minit more the half-dressed villagers wuz
seen emergin from their respective domiciles in all
stiles uv attire. A few minits sufficed to make them
understand wat wuz the occasion uv the uproar,
and a more enthoosiastic population never woke the
ekkoes. Afore five minutes hed rolled off into eternity,
ther wuz a bonfire blazin on the North side uv
the square, the sed bonfire bein a nigger skool-house
wich the Freedmen's Commishn hed erected,
and wich our enthoosiastic citizens hed in their
delirium uv joy set fire to. It was emblematic.
The smoke ez it rolled to the South methawt assoomed
the shape uv a olive branch — the cry uv
the nigger children wich coodent escape, symbolized
their desertid condishn, and the smell uv em ez

they roasted wuz like unto incense, grateful to our
nostrils.

A informal meetin wuz to wunst organized by the
lite of the burnin skool-house, to wich Deekin Pogram
addressed hisself. He remarked that this wuz
a solemn occasion, so solemn indeed that he felt
inadekate to express the feelins wich filled him.
His mouth wuzn't big enough to give vent to his
sole, though ef he didn't he'd bust. “Wat are we
met for to-nite, my friends?” sed he; “wat calls us
together? Wherefore these sounds uv joy — wherefore
this fire, and wherefore is Bascom sellin likker
at half price? Becoz we are rehabilitated — that's
wat we are. Becoz the North hez gone into the
olive branch bizness agin, and we hev wunst more
our rites. We are amnestied. We kin vote — we
kin go to Congress — we are agin citizins uv the
great Republic.”

Pollock, the Illinoy storekeeper, riz and begged
permishn to say a word. He protested agin these
doins. He understood, akkordin to Horris Greely's
plan, that yooniversal suffrage wuz to follow yooniversal
amnesty — why then this makin John Rodgerses
uv the niggers? Wuz the South a goin to
act in good faith?

Deekin Pogram replied: The South never yit

broke plighted faith save when she cood make
suthin by so doin. At this present junkter uv
affairs he presoomed the South wood extend, not
precisely universal suffrage to the niggers, but the
way wood be opened to em. Sich a mass uv ignorance
cood never be trusted with the ballot without
preparashen, and to prepare em wood be a overturnin
the Kentucky theory, that the nigger is a
beast, and the Northern Demokratic idea that the
nigger wuz cust by Noer and doomed forever to be
a slave.

“The gentleman from Illinoy will to-wunst perceive
the fix we are in. They ain't fit for the ballot now,
and ef we make em so, it overturns our theory, wich
we can't do. Still we propose to be just to em. We
shel give sich uv em the ballot ez are suffishently
intellijent, and we shel not put the standard too high
nuther. We shel give every wun uv em the ballot
who is able to reed the Greek testament flooently
and pass a credible examinashen in Lattin, embroidery,
French, German, English Grammar and double-entry
book-keepin. The path to the polls, yoo see,
is open to em. Uv course we can't be expectid to
tolerate skool-houses for em, coz that wood raise em
above their normal condishen. Also, ther must be
proper regulashens controllin em, for, my deer sir,

they are mere infants, and ther totterin steps on the
road to freedom needs directing. Society is a compromise
in wich every one resigns ez much uv his
persnel liberty ez the good uv the hull may demand.
We count ourselves the hull, and the resinin uv persnel
liberty must come from them. That nigger,”
sed he, pintin to wun wich the joyous citizens wuz
stringin up to Bascom's sign-post, “that nigger is a
resinin his persnel freedom for the good of the hull.
No doubt in his heart he murmurs, and ef the cord
wich is chokin him cood be loosened, he wood repine.
It is rough on him; but the sooperiority uv
the Caucashn race must be — My God! it's one
uv my niggers! Stop! Bascom, stop!” ejackilated
the Deekin, but it wuz too late. The nigger wuz
already black in the face and hed ceased to kick,
and the Deekin, heavin a sigh, perceeded.

“We shel scroopulously regard their rites. They
shel hev the rite to buy land, and be in all respecks
like us, ez soon ez they kin be trusted. Till then
they will hev to be restrained. There must be
laws prohibitin em from receivin more than $4 50
per month, that they may not become bloated aristocrats
and pampered sons uv luxury — the proper
development of the country, and likewise the payment
of the Confedrit debt, requires manuel labor,

wich we wuz never edjucated to do, and therefore
the good of the whole requires that they shel resigne
their persnel liberty so fur ez to be confined to the
plantashuns, onto which they hev engaged to laber,
that they may relijusly do it, which is cleerly nessary,
for yoo see ef I hire a nigger in Janooary, I
must not be exposed to the chances uv his quittin
me in July. But wat more kin they want? They
are free to ez great a extent ez the good of sosiety
will permit. We shel give em qualified suffrage,
fixin, uv course, wich is just, the qualifications ourselves,
and bein valyooable members of society, hereafter
we shel care fur em, so long ez they are healthy
— Good Lord, why will them cusses persist in
hangin up able-bodied niggers when there's so many
old ones around, good for nuthin but to celebrate
with?” and to save another wun uv his former servants,
the Deekin closed abruptly.

It is onnecessary to recount the further doins uv
the nite. There wuz a skool-house and church, recently
erected, burnd, with some skore or sich a
matter uv young niggers in em, which wuz too young
to be uv any yoose, save one girl, wich wuz neerly
white and almost fifteen, wich ought to hev bin reskood,
and five, ef I counted correctly, able-bodied
men and wimin wuz hung. Bascom sold out his

stock entirely, and by 3 A. M. the entire inhabitance
uv the Corners wuz a layin around the square,
in festoons.

There wuz a bitter awakenin to this scene uv festivity.
At a little after 7, while the Deckin, the
Elder, and myself, wuz in Bascom's tryin to get an
assuager — and the best we cood do wuz to pour a
quart uv water into a barrel wich hed bin emptied,
and roll it around and thus flavor it — Captain
McPelter, late uv Morgan's cavalry, cum in from
Looisville. Eagerly we asked him the confirmation
uv the tidins, when he informed us that it wuz a
hoax — that no such thing hed been done, nor wuz
Congris in any sich a noshen. Pollock dropped in,
and when I reproached him with his dooplicity, he
ansered that it wuz a hoax, but he hoped we'd
excoose him. He hed a cravin desire to see whether
ef Amnesty and Suffrage shood be adopted, how
fur we'd go in the latter direction. He wuz satisfied,
and honestly hoped we'd forgive him the pleasant
jest. He'd made the Corners lively one nite,
any how. I wuz too profoundly disgusted to reply
to the wretch.