University of Virginia Library

A most learned-Lye, and Illiterate Oration, in lame galloping Rime. fustianly pronounced by Nimshag, a Gimnosophicall Phoolosopher, in the presence of Achittophel Smel-smocke, Annani-Asse Aretine, Iscariot-Nabal, Fransiscus Ra-viliaco, Garnetto Iebusito, Guido Salpetro Fauexit Pouderio, and many other graue Senators of Limbo. Translated out of the vulgar Language, of Terra incognita, and is as materiall as any part of the Booke, the meaning whereof a blind man may see without Spectacles as well at midnight, as at noone day.

I seeing each to other were much aduerse,
In mirth and sport set down their minds in sad verse.
Which as my brains with care haue coin'd & minted,
With plenteous want of iudgment here tis printed,
But if Grimalkine take my line in dudgion,
The case is plaine, I pray good Readers iudge ye on,
That Esop that old fabulisticke Phrygian,
From the Nocturnall floud or lake cal'd Stigian,
Came to the Court at Creete, clad like a Legate,
The Porter kindly to him open'd the-Gate,
He past through Plutoes Hall in Hell most horrid,

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Where gnashing cold mixt with combustious torid,
Where all things that are good & goodnes wanted,
Where plants of mans perdition still are planted,
Where Ghosts and Goblings all in sulphure suted,
And all the fiends like Cuckolds were cornuted.
At last he audience got in Plutoes presence,
And of his whole Embassage this was the sence:
To thee Tartarian Monarch now my Rime-is,
And therefore marke my Prologue, or Imprimis,
Thou that in Limbo art as 'twere Rex Regnant,
Beare with my wit, which is not sharp or pregnant,
I come frō Hoūdsditch, Long-laine, & frō Bridewel,
Where all that haue liu'd ill, haue all not dide well,
Where as the Vices shew like Vertues Cardinall,
Where's mony store and conscience very hard in al,
Through thy protection they are mōstrous thriuers,
Not like the Dutchmen in base Doyts and Stiuers,
For there you may see many a greedy grout-head,
Without or wit, or sence, almost without-head,
Held and esteem'd a man whose zeale is feruent,
And makes a shew as he were not your seruant.
To tell this newes I came from many a mile hence,
For we doe know ther's ods twixt talke and silence.
With that the smug-fac'd Pluto shook his vestment,
Deepe ruminating what the weighty Iest ment,
Calling to mind old Dodonæus Hearball,
With Taciturnity and Actions verball,
Quoth he, I care for neither Friend or Kinsman,
Nor doe I value honesty two pinnes man:
But 'tis a Maxime Mortals cannot hinder,
The doughty deeds of Wakefields huffe cap Pinder,
Are not so pleasant as the faire Aurora,
When Nimrod rudely plaid on his Bandora.
For 'tis not fit that any Turke or Persian,
Should in a Cloke-bag hide a feauer Tertian,
Because the Dog-starre in his cold Meridian,
Might arme himselfe in fury most quotidian.
With that, most quick a Pettifoggers tongue went,
(Well oild with Aurum, Argent, or such Vnguent)
Is't fit (quoth he) here should be such innroachment,
By such whose fathers ne'r knew what a Coach ment;
Or shal their Scutchions fairly be indorsed,
Who riding backward iadishly were horsed;
For though in India it be rare and frequent,
Where to the wall most commonly the weak went,
Yet neither can the Soldan or the Sophy,
Shew any Presidents for such a Trophy.
By Rules of Logicke, he's a kind a Catiue,
And makes no reckoning of his Country natiue,
That doth with feeble strength, loue with derision.
And without bloudshed makes a deepe incision,
Why should a man lay either life or lim ny,
To be endangered by a falling Chimney.
For though the prosecution may be quaintly,
Yet may the execution end but faintly,
Let's call to mind the famous acts of Hector,
When aged Ganymede carousing Nectar,
Did leaue the Greekes much matter to repine on;
Vntill the Woodden Horse of trusty Synon,
Foald a whole litter of mad Colts in Harnesse,
As furious as the host of Holophernes.
But to the purpose here's the long and short ont,
All that is said hath not beene much important,
Nor can it be that what is spoke is meant all,
Of any thing that happens accidentall.
We will examine wisely what the Foe sent,
And whether he be innocent or nocent.
In weighty matters let's not be too serious,
Ther's many an Eunuch hath bin thought venerious,
And 'tis a thing which often hath bin heard on,
That he that labours, doth deserue his Guerdon.
Let vs the first precadent time examine,
Youle find that hunger is the cause of famine,
The Birds in Summer that haue sweetly chirped,
Ere winter hath beene done, haue beene extirped.
He may weare Robes, that nere knew what a Rag mēt,
And he that feasts, may fast without a fragmēt,
The end proues all, I care not for the Interim,
Time now that summers him, wil one day winter him.
To outward view, and Senses all exterier,
Amongst all fooles I neuer saw a verier,
Then he that doth his liberty prohibit,
To fall in danger of a fatall Iibbit.
Nor for this purpose here to talke come I,
How siluer may be mock't with Alcamy.
I oft haue heard that many a Hawke hath muted,
Whereby the Faulkners Clothes haue bin polluted.
This may be auoyded if the Knight Sir Reuerence,
Be wary with a negligent perseuerance:
For men of Iudgement neuer thinke it decent,
To loue a stinking Pole-cat well for the sent.
But if a man should seriously consider,
Where Charity is fled or who hath hid her,
He in the end would giue this worthy sentence,
The earth hath beene accursed since she went hence.
The times are biting, and the dayes Caniculer,
And mischiefe girds about the Globes orbiculer,
How from the Countrey all the plaine Rusticity,
Liues by deceit, exiling plaine simplicity.
A face like Rubies mix'd with Alablaster,
Wastes much in Physicke, and her water-caster,
That whosoe'r perceiues which way the stink went
May sent and censure shee's a great delinquent.
Why should a Bawd be furr'd with Budge & Miniuer.
As if she were a Lady, or Queene Guiniuer,
When as perhaps there's many a modest Matron,
Hath scarcely meat, or money, clothes, or patron?
And wherefore should a man be growne so stupid;
To be a slaue to Venus or to Cupid?
Hee's but a foole that hoping for a vaine prize,
Being captiued can haue no baile or maine prize.
For he that hath no shift let him determine,

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He shall be bitten with Fleas, Lice, or vermine.
This being all his speeches, Pia Mater,
He call'd a Sculler, and would goe by water:
When straite the Stygian Ferriman a rare one,
Old amiable currish curteous Caron,
Row'd with a whirl-wind through the Acheron tick,
And thence vnto the Azure Sea proponticke,
There Neptune in a burning blue Pauilion,
In state did entertaine this slow Postillion,
There Proteus in a Robe of twisted Camphire,
With a graue beard of monumentall Samphire,
Quoth he, shall we whose Ancestors were war-like,
Whose rich Perfumes were only Leeks and Garlike,
Whose noble deeds nocturnall and diurnall,
Great Towns and Towers did topsie turuy turne al,
Shall all their valour be in vs extinguish'd?
Great Ioue forbid, there should be such a thing wish'd,
Though Cleopatra was Octauian's riuall.
It is a thing that we may well conniue all,
Amongst the Ancient it is vndisputable,
That women and the winds were euer mutable,
And 'tis approu'd where people are litigious,
There euery Epicure is not religious,
Old Oceamus knowing what they ment all,
Brought Zephirus vnto the Orientall,
And he by Argument would proue that loue is
A thing that makes a wise man oft a Nouice:
For tis approu'd, a Greyhound or a Beagle,
Were not ordain'd or made to hunt the Eagle,
Nor can the nimblest Cat that came from Gottam,
Search the profundity of Neptunes bottom.
Let roaring Cannons with the Welkin parley,
It's known, good liquor may be made with Barley,
And by experience many are assured,
Some grounds are fruitfull, if they be manured.
For in the rudiments of health or sanity,
An arrant Whore is but a price of vanity:
Some men with fury will procrastinate,
And some with leaden speed make haste in at,
But in conclusion many things impurely,
Die in the birth, and neuer end maturely.
The man that seeketh straying minds to weane all,
From veniall vices, or offences penall:
Had he the forces of the Turkish Nauy,
He would ly downe at last and cry peccaui,
Of one thing I haue oftentimes tooke notice,
The foole that's old, and rich, much apt to dote is;
And by the light of Pollux and of Castor,
A Woolfe in Shepheards weeds is no good Pastor.
Those that do liue a Commicke life by Magicke,
Their Sceanes in their Catastrophes are tragick.
And he that ore the world would be chiefe Primat,
May giue occasion for wise men to rime at.
Before men fell to wrangling disagreement,
A Lawyer vnderstood not what a fee ment:
It was a time when Guilt did feare no censure,
But loue, and peace, and charity was then sure.
Now fathers (for their bread) dig and delue it.
The whilst the Satten Sons are lin'd with Veluet.
Thus doe I make a hotch potch messe of Nonsence,
In darke Enigmaes, and strange sence vpon sence:
It is not foolish all, nor is it wise all,
Nor is it true in all, nor is it lies all.
I haue not shew'd my wits acute or fluent,
Nor told which way of late the wādring Iew went:
For mine owne part I neuer cared greatly,
(So I fare well) where those that dresse the meat lie.
A miserable Knaue may be close fisted,
And prodigall expence may be resisted,
I neither care what Tom, or Iacke, or Dicke sed,
I am resolu'd and my mind is fixed,
The case is, not as he, or I, or you sed,
Truth must be found, and witnesses produced,
My care is, that no captious Reader beare hence,
My vnderstanding, wit, or reason here-hence.
On purpose to no purpose I did write all,
And so at noone, I bid you here good night all.

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Some Sence at last to the Learned.