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The most elegant and witty epigrams of Sir Iohn Harrington

... digested into fovre bookes: three whereof neuer before published
Harington, John (1560-1612)

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THE EPISTLE TO ALL Readers, that Epigrams must bee read attentiuely, that Legere & non intellegere, est negligere.
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[dedication]
collapse section1. 
Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the first Booke.
 1. 
1 Against Momvs. That his Poetrie shall be no fictions, but meere truths.
 2. 
2 Against Sextus, a scorner of Writers.
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3 Against Lesbia, both for her patience and impatience.
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4 Of a poynted Diamond giuen by the Author to his wife, at the birth of his eldest sonne.
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5 Against Writers that carpe at other mens bookes.
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6 Of a young Gallant.
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7 To my Lady Rogers, the Authors wiues mother, how Doctor Sherehood commended her house in Bathe
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8 Of Lesbia, a great Lady.
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9 Of one that begd nothing, and had his sute granted.
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10 Another of asking nothing.
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11 Of liberality in giuing nothing.
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12 Of learning nothing at a Lecture, vpon occasion of Dr Reynolds at Oxford, afore my Lord of Essex, and diuers Ladies and Courtiers, at the Queenes last beeing there, on these words: Idolunc nihil est, An Idol is nothing.
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13 A Paradox of Doomes day.
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14 Against a foolish Satyrist called Lynus.
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15 Of a faire woman; translated out of Casaneus his Catalogus gloriæ mundi.
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16 Of a Hous-hold fray friendly ended.
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17 Of Blessing without a crosse.
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18 Of writing with a Double meaning.
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19 Against Cosmus a great Briber.
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20 Of a Precise Tayler.
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21 Of one Paulus a great man that expected to be followed.
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22 Of a terrible Temporall non-resident.
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23 A Tale of a Rosted Horse.
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24 Of Madam Dondrages with her faire brest.
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25 The Author to his wife, of a womans eloquence.
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26 Of Peleus ill-fortune in burying his friends.
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27 To my Lady Rogers, of breaking her bitches legge.
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28 Of Paying.
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29 The Author, of his owne fortune.
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30 Of the cause of dearth.
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31 To Sir Hugh Portman, in supping alone in too much company.
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32 Of Sextus, a bad husband.
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33 Of writing with double pointing.
 34. 
34 To my Lady Rogers.
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35 To her Daughter, vpon the same point, reading the same verse with another point.
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36
 37. 
37 Comparison of the Sonnet, and the Epigram.
 38. 
38 Of an accident of saying grace at the Lady Rogers, who vsed to dine exceeding late. Written to his wife.
 39. 
39 Of Don Pedro and his Poetry.
 40. 
40 A comfort for poore Poets.
 41. 
41 Against a foolish Satyrist.
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42 An Epitaph in commendation of George Turberuill, a learned Gentleman.
 43. 
43 To the Queenes Maiestie, when shee found fault with some particular matters in Misacmos Metamorphosis.
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44 To the Ladies of the Queenes Priuy-chamber, at the making of their perfumed priuy at Richmond
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45 To Master Cooke, the Queenes Atturney, that was incited to call Misacmos into the Starre-chamber, but refused it; saying, he that could giue another a Venue, had a sure ward for himselfe.
 46. 
46 Against Lynus, a Wryter, that found fault with the Metamorphosis.
 47. 
47 Of Garlick to my Lady Rogers.
 48. 
48 A dish of dainties for the Diuell.
 49. 
49 Of Don Pedro his sweet breath.
 50. 
50 Misacmos against his Booke.
 51. 
51. Of Cloacina and Sterquitius.
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52 To the Queene when she was pacified, and had sent Misacmos thankes for the inuention.
 53. 
53 A Poets Priuiledge.
 54. 
54 To Faustus.
 55. 
55 Against Faustus.
 56. 
56 Of mis-conceiuing.
 57. 
57 How the Bathe is like Purgatory.
 58. 
58 Of going to Bathe.
 59. 
59 Of Plaine dealing.
 60. 
60 Against Paulus.
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61 Of Caius hurts in the warre.
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62 Of two Welsh Gentlemen.
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63 To Master Maior of Bathe, that Bathe is like Paradice.
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64 Of Don Pedro's debts.
 65. 
65 Of one that vowd to dis-inherit his sonne, and giue his goods to the poore.
 66. 
66 Of a Precise Cobler, and an ignorant Curat.
 67. 
67 Of Lynus Poetrie.
 68. 
68 Of one that seekes to be stellified being no Pithagorian.
 69. 
69 Against Momus.
 70. 
70 Of Galla, and her Tawny fanne.
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71 To his Wife for striking her Dogge.
 72. 
72 Against a Wittall Broker that set his wife to sale.
 73. 
73 Of his translation of Ariosta.
 74. 
74 Of Cinna's Election.
 75. 
75 The Author to a Daughter of nine yeere olde.
 76. 
76 To the Earle of Essex, of one enuious of Ariosto translated.
 77. 
77 Of a speechlesse woman. To his wife.
 78. 
78 Of a dumbe Horse.
 79. 
79 Of Leda that plaid at Tables with her Husband.
 80. 
80 Of Soothsaying, to the Queene of England.
 81. 
81 How an Asse may proue an Elephant.
 82. 
82 Of a Precise Lawyer.
 83. 
83 A Prophesie when Asses shall grow Elephants.
 84. 
84 To my Lady Rogers of her seruant Paine.
 84. 
84 Of one that is vnwilling to lend money.
 85. 
85 Against Promoters.
 86. 
86 Against too much trust.
 87. 
87 Of dangerous reconciling.
 88. 
88 Of Leda that saies she is sure to be saued.
 89. 
89 To the Lady Rogers, of her vnprofitable sparing.
 90. 
90 Against Church-robbers, vpon a picture that hangs where it is worthy.
 91. 
91 A Tale of a Bayliffe distraining for rent. To my Ladie Rogers.
 92. 
92 Of casting out Spirits with fasting, without Prayer.
 93. 
93 Against It is a Poet.
 94. 
94 Of Wittoll.
expand section2. 
Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the second Booke.
expand section3. 
Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the third Booke.
expand section4. 
Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the fourth Booke.

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82 Of a Precise Lawyer.

A lawyer call'd vnto the Barre but lately,
Yet one that lofty bare his lookes, and stately,
And how so e're his minde was in sinceritie,
His speech and manners shew'd a great austeritie.
This Lawyer hop'd to be a bidden ghest,
With diuers others to a Gossips feast.
Where though that many did by entercourse,
Exchange sometimes from this, to that discourse:
Yet one bent brow, and frowne of him was able,
To gouerne all the talke was at the table.
His manner was, perhaps to helpe digestion,
Still to Diuinitie to draw each question:
In which his tongue extrauagant would range,
And he pronounced Maxims very strange.
First, he affirmd, it was a passing folly,
To thinke one day more then another holy.
If one said Michaelmas, straight he would chide,
And tell them they must call it Michaels tide.
If one had sneezde to say (as is the fashion)
Christ helpe, 'twas witchcraft, & deseru'd damnation.
Now when he talked thus, you must suppose,
The Gossips cup came often from his nose.
And were it the warme spice, or the warme wether,
At least he sneezed twice or thrice together.
A pleasant ghest, that kept his words in minde,
And heard him sneeze, in scorne said, Keepe behinde
At which the Lawyer taking great offence,
Said, Sir, you might haue vsd saue reuerence.

I would quoth th'other, saue I feard you
Would then haue cal'd saue reuerence witchcraft too.
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